Natious's AM6 (finished)

[adam225]

Stage 2 Day 26: This stage is almost over and the last week has been quite good, although there has been some deep depression and strong anger, I have noticed some amazing shifts.

So I tried doing 16h for 4 days which resulted the 3rd day with a headache, but the rest went rather good. First of all I want to point out that I have been starting to face my problems/emotions when they rise. I have hidden so much in the past when a negative emotion comes up, but I feel like now it's different. I do constant checks of how am I feeling and if the response isn't positive then I will compassionately listen to myself and try to tune in to what's going on, this is a HUGE step for me. Yesterday night and this morning were quite difficult in this sense, I had to spend around an hour and a half yesterday focusing on the pain for it to somewhat dissolve and this morning about half an hour which was followed by some upbringing thoughts that got me going.

I have had a few dreams of some girls that all seem perfect, this combine with some reflection about my past has made me realize something. I feel a bit lonely and I think that might be the cause why I "fall in love" too easily with women I see for the first time and then get too attached to them. This is not good for me on any level, getting too deep too fast isn't a good, especially for a sensitive person like me. There's a lot of issues related to the opposite sex which is why I might have to postpone BASE and maybe run AM again followed by WM, depending how this run goes.

I recommend a book called "The Miracle Morning" by Hal Elrod to everyone, this book is simply amazing. A few of my favorite ideas from the book "Never sleep in a negative state or wake up in a negative state, before we wake up and fall asleep our brain is in Alpha/Theta state which is highly suggestible and will affect a lot on how we feel the next day." and "You don't have to figure out your life purpose, you get to make it up and change it over time".

I also had a strong argument with my dad after he screamed at my sister while having been really drunk. Basically I told him to stop being such a baby and start making changes or one day he will just wonder what happened and question how he pushed everyone away.

This stage has still been very rough and I kind of wish I had done LTU for a long period to get myself into a more positive state before taking on the challenge of AM. The big problem is that I am constantly looking at a lot of negativity in myself and it's so hard to take any kind of action at the moment. I feel like I am pretty much standing still in the sense of "taking action and making things happen".

I have been feeling very insecure again from time to time, so it's a very unstable road for now. Hoping stage 3 will be easier (joking, I know it won't).

EDIT: There's loads of negative self talk popping up now and then, I think it's somehow embedded in my subconscious and that's one of the most challenging parts. Not even without thinking much on the negativity, sometimes sentences like "I hate myself", "I just want to die" or "What use is there for me to live the same stupid life of work, earn, family, die" appear.

You keep on going bro you're doing well. You're self awareness is increasing by the sounds of things.

[Natious]

Thanks for the encouragement, AM really is a beast!

[adam225]

Try not to form ideas about stage 3, you never know, you may have a really positive experience with it.

[Natious]

Stage 3 Day 1:
First 12h on this stage, feels powerful. For the first time, I am starting to see my own potential and power. I see situations and events so much differently, it's like I can observe the pattern of things and figure out the core issue without trying to do so. Everything has some sort of mechanic to it and what it takes to have the perfect outcome seems to appeal its self to me. This is something new that I am feeling for the first time, so I don't know if it will get strengthened or if it's even permanent.

Saw a few dreams related to the deep past that I have pretty much forgotten consciously. Very excited to see what happens next. I know there's something big going to happen soon, don't know what, but it will.

A realization: I have never really been confident and secure in myself. This feels quite new and awesome so far. There's definitely been quite a few changes now, just quite difficult to observe all of them. This is day one of stage 3 and I have to say that it's the first time I feel the power and confidence from this sub, the first 2 have been too much of a struggle so it's good to have this day. Lets see what happens next.

EDIT: My spreadsheet to keep track of my hours: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1...edit#gid=0

Since I did quite a few days of 16h in stage 2, I decided to start off with 16h a day on stage 3 too.

[Ricardo]

Hey Natious how's stage 3 going for you???

[Leo1990]

May i suggest something:

Those negative feelings/self talk happen to me alot. I tend to instigate them. I have had a relationship, but it ended badly, she was semi-attractive and well... married. (supposedly her husband beat her or was abusive)

I broke it off because I didnt want karma coming back at me, when I someday would have a wife.

I look back and feel that I was taking the scraps of other men. Pretty shi*** if you ask me.

I would put myself through depression and pain on purpose. For example:

My co-worker has a smoking-hot girlfriend. I got jealous and on that friday, I came home and beat myself up about it- how I was useless, and no woman would want me unless I was dead or something to that affect.

Its funny when I think about it. Negative emotions, just like positive ones reinforce behaviors. When you hear a kid screaming and you want to slap him and say "shut up" you are reinforcing that behavior with a negative emotion.

The most powerful thing you can do is walk away.

What I find now to help me kill those negative habits of wishing about women and such (for an example) is to go to the gym, or better yet (if I had one)- beat the crap out of a punching bag.

It is my opinion you should release those emotions thoughts of yours by doing something (not entertainment) and not to let them just well up inside of you.

2cents

-Leo

[Natious]

It's been a while since I last posted, I should be 27 days into stage 3 now. The main reason why I haven't posted is because I don't quite understand what exactly is happening right now.

I have been reflecting a lot on my life, but it just doesn't click. There has been some serious anxiety on a few occasions where I feel like getting punctured by a thousand needles which feels horrible, at least I think it's the anxiety which is causing it. I wouldn't say there's much external change to notice (another reason why I didn't post), seems to be more internal and on the unconscious level which is difficult to notice.

I am more in my own space and I try not to interact with others (escaping into activities like games or movies). At the same time I wouldn't say that I'm completely unhappy, I have this period of freedom until the next year when I was hoping to try again for a high school diploma (just a thought) and meanwhile I have no obligations. Maybe it's not great preparation wise, but challenging all those years of shit that I've gone through, I certainly could use the last bit of time without any responsibilities. The last 2 times that I tried moving out on my own I failed and had to move back.

I also lack the motivation to post in my journal, doesn't seem to give me anything at the moment, might just be how stage 3 has been working and it might change, but for now I don't have much to write. Writing about some of the things that I do feel being like some new changes is so difficult, words just don't describe most of the things as accurately as I'd want them to. This stage is so confusing, we'll see what happens in stage 4.

[ffaux]

Thanks for coming back to post Natious. Your journal is one of the ones that I am subscribed to here

[Natious]

I am glad to hear that ffaux, I'll try to update at least once per stage and if I see some sort of a big breakthrough, be ready to read about it.
However the pace at which things are going now, I don't expect to have changed completely by the end of the first run. I'm quite certain that a second run is needed. That might not be true since I am only about to finish the first 3 stages, 3 more stages to go.

[Ricardo]

Reflection was a big part of stage 3 for me as well. Another thing is that sometimes you feel there's no progress or worse that you are reverting back to old ways, but for me then I would have a breakthrough and see that there are indeed great changes. Keep going

[Natious]

What I actually found helpful was not posting in the journal, I'm not trying to demotivate anyone nor am I telling you to stop posting however when I didn't post every day or so, the analysing about weather there's any progress to see kept controlling my day. If there was some progress I'd feel good, if there wasn't I'd feel inpatient which made time go by slower and slower. The best thing to do with subliminals is not make it the main thing of the day. Whether it works or not, you'll know by the end of the sub. If it seems working now, I'll finish all the 6 stages, if it doesn't seem to work I'm still going to finish the sub. So there's no point really making this another frustration of the day and just make it something you do everyday, nothing more until the 6th stages is nearing its end.

[Natious]

I've run into a bit of an issue, I developed an ear infection so I can only use one earphone while I'm sleeping. Due to this, I am using more during the daytime when I don't need to use the earphones and can use my headphones instead. I'm curious if it's still effective with one earphone though.

[ffaux]

I've run into a bit of an issue, I developed an ear infection so I can only use one earphone while I'm sleeping. Due to this, I am using more during the daytime when I don't need to use the earphones and can use my headphones instead. I'm curious if it's still effective with one earphone though.

From memory, mono sound doesn't work. Shannon has different things playing from each of the right and left channel to create the whole aural experience.

[Ace]

I remember from some post of Shannon about effectiveness:
headphones=100%
stereo speakers=80%
mono speakers=40%

don't know about one earphone