Ampers&d Finds His Mojo [SM3.0]

[Ampersnd]

Stage 5, Day 10,

Nothing overly eventful (I already mentioned the instant coffee date); I am becoming more social in my class; it's like this 6 person conversation instantly formed itself after someone with whom I've spoken with very little opened me in conversation.

I found a surge of motivation today after 9pm for some reason; Lots of homework, some studying, and guitar progress. I'm making progress in the technical area, and yet I want to open my horizons to what could be playing. I'm learning the 5 forms of major and minor, and intend to burn them into my skull so that will provide me a very solid framework in any key. After that, I'll perhaps purchase a digital lesson from Tom Quayle, the fusion jazz guy.

[Ampersnd]

I realized today that I haven't watched porn in well over a month. Swell! It hasn't really a problem, though I know that too much of it twists a brain the wrong way.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 5, Day 11

So far: 159 plays/hours

Almost late for, well, let's be honest, I woke up late for class. Got there, did my other classes, then I met with a girl I met two weeks ago (at the lockdown). Since I learned a valuable lesson from last time (even if a girl is interested and pursuing me, it won't be to my advantage if I turn the tables and start trying to kiss her).

She offered to go places, and I played along with a solid frame. It came to a point where we were perched up at the top of a lookout point, no one around, but she didn't seem all that comfortable. I find out she's a bit younger than I expected (18), and more shy than I expected. She's one of those girls that has all these fascinating fringe interests, but would have to let me in to know more about them.

At the top, I asked: "Are you feeling nervous?", she replies "I guess, I'm not used to hanging around dudes". I go "You don't have any guy friends?", and she answers: "Well, I do, but they're all friend-zoned so it's different". I got confused for a second, and then I got the hint.

I wound up holding her hand a couple of times, and I hugged her goodbye; I really didn't feel like doing anything beyond that (if that makes any sense). I trust my instinct when it comes to going for the kiss, and whenever I've gone for it without the instinct being there, it goes wrong.

At the end, I brought up the previous conversation to ask: "Did you consider this a date?", where she answers: "I dunno, do you?", and I said: "I'll consider it a date if you do". Her: "Okay. Just so you know that this is my second date ever, so you should feel lucky!" Me: "Sure thing" *smirk

Tl;dr Had a date, didn't kiss because I wasn't in the mood.

She's cute, and I don't want to corrupt her nor her views on relationships, especially if she's very new to the dating scene. I keep seeming to gravitate towards inexperienced/"innocent" young women. Plus, I'll have to let all the women I'm seeing that I'm seeing other people, to keep it fair. These are new problems, and they're higher quality problems than before (e.g. "I can't get a date")

After that, I studied for 4 hours for a midterm, met with a friend at a coffee shop (we studied at some point during that span of 4 hours), then I practiced voice and then guitar for probably 2 hours.

[SargeMaximus]

My ignorant opinion is that she wanted to be corrupted and was hoping you'd do that for her.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 5, Day 12,

Got lots done today regarding my major (running errands that allow me to work in vulnerable sectors). I was texting the girl from yesterday, and when I hint that we should make plans again, she texts back that she doesn't think we have that much in common (which isn't true), and that she's generally very busy. So she's off the hook.

The girl I've seen the most has had a high fever, and now a cough. I actually care about her well-being too, which might be selfish, as I want to enjoy her most when she feels good.

I went through the day feeling great; I even got a new outfit for work (looks sharp). I studied the rest of the day, and now I feel irritated. Let me explain.

Just based on what's going on with the sub, I'm getting sort of 'anti-results'; girls I approach seem momentarily interested and then disinterested, I've gotten a seemingly enthusiastic phone number that leads nowhere, I've gone on first dates that stall out where there's no chance of a second date, girls don't look at me, they don't really flirt. Women get logical with me. I've even gotten in a flow with sexual intent on a date, and she didn't seem to respond. Now, I don't really want to try anything, nor do I really have any desire or motivation to do so. Even to go out.

It's VERY frustrating; I want to connect with women, and they don't seem to want anything to do with me. Based off of what's happening right now, it would appear that women just don't like me. It's clear that it's on me to fix such a "universal" problem.

Although, it may lead me to do the unthinkable...

That's right...

ENTER A LOVELESS RELATIONSHIP WITH A WOMAN I'LL QUIETLY RESENT FOR MANY YEARS!!

I'm not joking, I'll do it! Don't test me..

It's the only way out of this deep dish ice-cream bowl of despair and loneliness, I tellz ya! Women aren't quite beating down my door to beat me off, so I've frankly become a bit of a cry-baby this evening (i.e Tear Magnet 5G)

But I'll tell you one thing; this MUST mean that transformation is right around the corner. Why else would I be experiencing the complete opposite of what I've paid money for (i.e. Anti-Sex Magnet)?? Let's crank up the volume as I go to sleep!

Btw, I tried out a bunch of Shreem Brzee chants; it's fun and puts me in an interesting zone. Will continue doing.

[SargeMaximus]

Ever tried focusing on what YOU'RE doing to achieve such results?

[gelimang]

Stage 5, Day 12,

Got lots done today regarding my major (running errands that allow me to work in vulnerable sectors). I was texting the girl from yesterday, and when I hint that we should make plans again, she texts back that she doesn't think we have that much in common (which isn't true), and that she's generally very busy. So she's off the hook.

The girl I've seen the most has had a high fever, and now a cough. I actually care about her well-being too, which might be selfish, as I want to enjoy her most when she feels good.

I went through the day feeling great; I even got a new outfit for work (looks sharp). I studied the rest of the day, and now I feel irritated. Let me explain.

Just based on what's going on with the sub, I'm getting sort of 'anti-results'; girls I approach seem momentarily interested and then disinterested, I've gotten a seemingly enthusiastic phone number that leads nowhere, I've gone on first dates that stall out where there's no chance of a second date, girls don't look at me, they don't really flirt. Women get logical with me. I've even gotten in a flow with sexual intent on a date, and she didn't seem to respond. Now, I don't really want to try anything, nor do I really have any desire or motivation to do so. Even to go out.

It's VERY frustrating; I want to connect with women, and they don't seem to want anything to do with me. Based off of what's happening right now, it would appear that women just don't like me. It's clear that it's on me to fix such a "universal" problem.

Although, it may lead me to do the unthinkable...

That's right...

ENTER A LOVELESS RELATIONSHIP WITH A WOMAN I'LL QUIETLY RESENT FOR MANY YEARS!!

I'm not joking, I'll do it! Don't test me..

It's the only way out of this deep dish ice-cream bowl of despair and loneliness, I tellz ya! Women aren't quite beating down my door to beat me off, so I've frankly become a bit of a cry-baby this evening (i.e Tear Magnet 5G)

But I'll tell you one thing; this MUST mean that transformation is right around the corner. Why else would I be experiencing the complete opposite of what I've paid money for (i.e. Anti-Sex Magnet)?? Let's crank up the volume as I go to sleep!

Btw, I tried out a bunch of Shreem Brzee chants; it's fun and puts me in an interesting zone. Will continue doing.

Cmon dude, don't be like that...
Face your resistance..
Don't stop tapping...
Keep the progress up bro...
Can't wait for your amazing result..

[Ampersnd]

It's hard to convey over text, but the first half was my legitimate whining about it, the second half was my making light of it and finding ways to joke about it.

"You would have to fight this program tooth and nail for it to fail. I held nothing back. The lengths to which I went to make it as powerful and effective as possible are ridiculous. And here it is. The father of all sexual alpha training programs."

I'll trust the words on the sales copy to accurately describe the program. Maybe my new goatee (for Movember) will draw them in.

I forgot to mention that yesterday, I went on a 2 hour cleaning spree of my apartment. Not to polish off whatever is there, but to remove any unnecessary pieces of clothing, books, food, gadgets, etc. My apartment, for once, feels much more spacious and less cluttered.

To facilitate this process, I asked myself these two simple questions:
1) Have I used this item in the last month?
2) Will I use this item in the next month?

If the answers were no, I would usually get rid of them (save for my book collection). Then it got split in to two categories:

a) Things that were of little value to me and none to others (oversized used underwear, shaving cream bottle with 1/8 left), I would toss it.
b) Things in which I had duplicates, in which others could make use of (oversized shirts, extra shaving cream bottles), I put in boxes and will ship back to my parents. Most of this extra crap comes from my mom either way.

I'll have to tell my mom to stop giving me things, as all it does now is clutter my apartment. If I need something, I'll go get more of it. But she'll bring a whole bunch of stuff when my parents visit, which is why I had enough shaving cream for 4 whole years.

Lots of my clothes will make great donations, as I simply haven't worn some of them for over a year, and had no intention of wearing. On the other hand, I grew into some of the clothes, and they NOW look VERY nice on me.

Once my air conditioner is out of the apartment, I'll still have to get more Swiffer brooms to dust up, thden my apartment will look pretty neat. This is a big deal, as my apartment is no more than a 240 square foot bachelor apartment; 50-60 of those dedicated to the bathroom.

I'll have to tap on whatever negativity is left at the end of the day

[SargeMaximus]

Ah, cleaning like that is a good sign. Had that a few weeks ago. My house is now a clean and comfortable place to be. Also, have you noticed any cats always around you? My neighborhood has always had cats, but recently I've been seeing them a lot more and they seem to hang around me. Wondering if any other SM users experienced such a thing.

[Ampersnd]

No cats for me

But you totally set this up...
Pussy Magnet 5G

- Attract an abundance of cute cats to pet;
- Switches the script half-way through, from you look for cats to pet, to having cats come to you to pet;
- Keeps your black clothes looking neat and cat-hair-free, which attracts cats to notice and try to mess that up for you;
- Creates different 'auras';
- The "I love cats" aura, which communicates your love for cats;
- Approachability; they'll be running up to you like you're made of liver!
- Indifference; Cats love people who are disinterested in them; use this to your advantage!
- Type C aspect allows you to grow new limbs to pet more cats at one time!

BUY NOW --> Paypal

[Benjamin]

I'm pretty sure a few people would buy that hahaha.

-Ben

[Ampersnd]

Stage 5, Day 13,

Total Plays: 190

I think the sub is moving an iceberg; most of the stuff being cleared would be behind the scenes and rather invisible to me. The resistance I felt today was rather strange, because very little was felt, but I know that there's much more than I could see/feel.

The general feeling I was feeling at work was almost too neutral, with a small dash of frustration at the way things are, with some detached indifference on the side. Contradictory, I realize, but especially in a studying phase of the semester, I feel like I'm in this weird limbo where every day is similar to the other, where nothing changes, and I'm sitting back and letting the 'nothing' happen.

I've let go on the idea that I have to get with hot girls; after all, they don't owe me anything. I'm the one going for the rather attractive ones, and they're probably screening me out for 1-2 qualities that I'm unaware of.Though it was a bit unsettling when some less-than-hot-stuff (in simple terms, a '7') cuts contact right after being the one initiating.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong, so for right now, I've decided to make peace with that, and let things run their course for a couple of days, or perhaps until my midterm on Tuesday night, then I'll give hooking up a bit more thought.

BTW, I studied for probably 3 hours today, and practiced guitar another 1-2. My lead guitar playing is picking up (lol, get it?), and my speed and fluidity has improved. I need to put equal emphasis on vocals, as I want to be an even keeled musician. At my best, I would have been able to start flirting with some Matt Andersen covers, and eventually succeeding. What's maintaining my voice now is that I've been playing Dio's "Holy Diver" CD on loop for the past week, and I often sing some of the lines.

[Geodude]

"YOU'RE TEARING ME APART LISA!"

[Ampersnd]

@Geodude,

"YOU'RE LYING TO ME, I NEVER HIT YOU!"

Stage 5, Day 14

Making some progress; I notice that whenever I do the Shreem Brzee (financial abundance) mantra, I can slow down any sort of negative mental rampage that I find myself in. VERY helpful. I got caught up in some bs about race and sex that I saw in the morning before work. Running on 5 hours sleep didn't help. So anyways, I did the mantra in 5 minute chunks, and was effectively able to do active meditation and stay present.

Then, my manager tells me to help carry some stuff for one of the out-of-town sales people (shows new merch to our stores). After a rather easy carry, he gives me a 10$ Starbucks gift card. I don't drink coffee, so I give to my friend/coworker for nothing at all. Later, I felt like drinking, and I have rum but no coke, in which case I ask him to buy me a Dr.Pepper bottle.

That detour sent me on a different way home, and on this busy road (at night, having rained), I find what looked like an iPod case and some paper. It was a iPhone with 2 theater tickets! Holy, how do I find the owner? I go into the nearest area (sports bar). Fortunately, the phone was unlocked, so I could text the person that appeared when I logged in. They were at that pub; I was texting his wife. The guy was very grateful, and bought me a beer. On an empty stomach, one pint was enough to have me feeling good.

Have been studying since that, and during BrainEv, I tapped on "I don't deserve...women-related stuff":
- I don't deserve women;
- I don't deserve to look at a woman;
- I don't deserve to speak to a woman;
- I don't deserve to be sexual with a woman;
- And so on and so forth;

That dug something up, and even after I stopped taping, more came up. So I unwedged something there. Nothing to report in terms of women lol.