Natious's AM6 (finished)

[Inconceivablezen]

That's fucking crazy, all the shame and guilt from the past. The thing is, your parents probably drink and empty their credit cards out of shame and guilt. And so the endless cycle continues. In some ways religion kills self esteem because it associates sex with shame.

My parents tried to raise me as a Christian but it didn't work. Went through the motions when I was younger, and never went to church again when I became an adult. Because of shaming sex and praising poverty, Jesus is just an evil little boy for me.

[Natious]

That's ***** crazy, all the shame and guilt from the past. The thing is, your parents probably drink and empty their credit cards out of shame and guilt. And so the endless cycle continues. In some ways religion kills self esteem because it associates sex with shame.

My parents tried to raise me as a Christian but it didn't work. Went through the motions when I was younger, and never went to church again when I became an adult. Because of shaming sex and praising poverty, Jesus is just an evil little boy for me.

True, now I don't even want to consider any religion because I feel like it has taken a big part of me and I will have to put in so much effort to erase the wrong beliefs that I have installed since childhood.
I think the religion really becomes an issue only if it hasn't been properly explained and haven't been given the chance to question it, just have to blindly believe it or you go to hell (my understanding as a kid). If it's taught properly you have a choice to either believe or not believe, but don't have all the guilt and shame.

[Darwinn]

thanks for the link - that's quite useful i'm gonna use that!

On suppressed memories i found that focussing on the feeling and tapping brought up a lot of buried memories. frankly I question whether having brought these up has done me much good since it's been incredibly emotionally draining - i hold on the thought that facing these will yield the benefits i seek. Just be prepared if you've been through bullying and a lot of disempowerment it's quite a journey - but hopefully worth it.

[adam225]

Any of you guys either read or listened to (audiobook) "The Power of Now" ? If not then do so. I'm listening to it for the fourth time now. It's worth its weight in gold....

[Natious]

I think that digging those memories up is useful because even if you don't remember them and feel like they are gone, they still affect your reactions to situations that are similar to the original event. Like if you were bullied and never really stood up for yourself then today you might not be able to express yourself when someone makes fun of you and you feel that it has gone too far. Apparently what helps is letting these memories come to the surface and then releasing them with PSTEC, that will remove most of the bricks from the wall of negative beliefs which then crumbles and can affect your life in not only that little direction, but every way. Who knows how many beliefs your subconscious has branched out from that single negative event.

I highly recommend that you listen through the whole http://www.pstec.org/clicktracksmadesimple.php too, it was quite clarifying for me. Now it's just how I can locate the things that I should use pstec on?

I have read The power of now, I even have it downstairs. It's just that when I read it, I wasn't able to apply any of it. Sometimes we can read a book at a wrong time. When the time is right I might read it again, after all the book seemed good.

[adam225]

The audiobook is also good - what I mean is that it is read out by Eckhalt Tolle himself, so a lot more depth is added to the book. You feel the presents in his speaking. I find that mind clears just from listening to him speak.

[Darwinn]

I have listened to power of now, it's been a really long time and I agree - I remember feeling very present while listening and applying it more and more in my life at the time.

Somehow though now i feel a lot of resistance to it. My mind keeps saying, 'well we tried this before'...of course i realise the irony in that, given that the instruction is to observe the mind in it's resistance mode

hmm perhaps going back to it would be useful. thanks for the reminder.

[jonathan4all]

Practicing the Power of Now is a handy companion to Eckhart's wildly popular The Power of Now. Essentially, Practicing the Power of Now contains the same information as in the first book. Practicing the Power of Now is written in formalized chapters summarizing much of the material written that first book such as being and enlightenment; the origin of fear, entering the now, dissolving consciousness, etc. The best quotations, meditations, and exercises first previously presented are also included. I recommend that book too along with the original book.

[Natious]

Being in the present is good, but I don't understand how it helps me deal with my past. If I'm correct I don't have PTSD but C-PTSD and I need to address that. Every time I think of a situation where I couldn't stand up for myself I feel so angry, but also so ashamed to tell anybody. That child hood bullying can really fuck you over for a long time. I'm just not sure where to begin now.

[adam225]

If you're present you have no past. If you're not thinking about something it cannot bother you. The Power Of Now teaches you all this and the importance of being totally present. Believe me, I know all about a bad past - I'm an ex crack and heroin addict. This book (audiobook) has been a big help along my journey to freedom (along with the weekly meditation class I attend). I've been at the very bottom of destructive thinking so I know what it's like to want a way out (suicidal thoughts, wanting to escape reality, endless confusion, always feeling lost, ect...).

I don't care what anyone says, no matter how bad you think you are there's always a way out. I'm living proof of it...

You need to keep reading (or listening) to the book until you "get it". You'll know exactly what I mean by "get it" when you do....

[Natious]

If you're present you have no past. If you're not thinking about something it cannot bother you. The Power Of Now teaches you all this and the importance of being totally present. Believe me, I know all about a bad past - I'm an ex crack and heroin addict. This book (audiobook) has been a big help along my journey to freedom (along with the weekly meditation class I attend). I've been at the very bottom of destructive thinking so I know what it's like to want a way out (suicidal thoughts, wanting to escape reality, endless confusion, always feeling lost, ect...).

I don't care what anyone says, no matter how bad you think you are there's always a way out. I'm living proof of it...

You need to keep reading (or listening) to the book until you "get it". You'll know exactly what I mean by "get it" when you do....

I have been there once, where I meditate every morning, have a routine with affirmations etc. I felt the best of my life, but as soon as I stopped these, everything fell down pretty fast.
Starting these routines again would be the same as taking an anti depressant for life, I would be dependent on it. I want to reach a place of freedom and peace, but not like I previously did, the risk of failure seems too high for the benefit.
Not to mention if all those problems have been detached from an emotional response, being present should come naturally. There wouldn't be the constant "tripping" on the hidden subconscious emotional triggers. Using the "power of now" techniques requires so much discipline to detach from the ego and you have to be on guard 24/7 so nothing can trigger an emotional response followed by a negative spiral.
I do want to return to that peaceful present moment, but now it just takes soo much effort to stay in the present even for a minute.

[adam225]

What other choice do you have if you want to become free ? The more you practice it the easier it gets, and the more it naturally becomes your natural state. Yeah it does take commitment, but what is the other option ? Suffer ? I think you'll realise sooner or later that there's no other option (like myself). I spent years suffering. Now I'm spending a very high percentage of my time free and enjoying life.

[Natious]

First of all, thanks adam225.
Slept on it and thought of it over the morning, you might be right. The thing that's stopping me is, how will I deal with those emotions and emotion related videos that sometimes pop into the head? Should I just watch them and let them pass with no judgement? I have this feeling that I need to deal with them right away after reading about pstec/eft and so on. If I just let them pass with no judgement, doesn't that mean they still stay there with the same emotion attached and will never change? Or can I completely let AM6 worry about that specific area and do the aforementioned thing where I just let them pass by accepting them and the feelings?

As I mentioned I had these things quite well understood (now forgotten most of it), but the thing that tripped me was that an unsolved issue kept showing up. The bullying related events, so whenever someone said or did something where I couldn't instantly answer, the same reaction with emotion would show up. Sometimes I could let it go and ego didn't get involved, but others ego took over and I went down in a negative spiral that could last a while. Eventually I just couldn't get back up and I guess gave up.

So the big question is, can I completely trust AM6 to take care of the past and just observe it happen or is there something I need to do?

[adam225]

You need to reread (or even better, listen) it over and over again. It's got all the answers you're after. Are you singed up to audible ? I'm on a £7 a month deal which gets me one audio book per month. It's something I'd recommend looking into.

Let AM6 do what it's suppose to. Trust it and forget about it. In the mean while you need to edit those mental movies to something positive. Try looking at them from the angle how you've benefited from them (because you have, believe me - A LOT). Sooner or later you'll realise all this, and all the frustration and negativity will disappear.