Darwin 2014 - The Alpha Year

[Darwinn]

No no I was just thinking about whether it's worth doing stage 6 when I'm gonna start again anyway I.e should I just not do stage 6 which is the polisher stage and just start from stage one again - conclusion is that I shouldn't.

Got some sleep headphones - hopefully this'll make things much better

[swisston]

You should definitely do stage 6. The advice is always to finish what you started.

[JackOfHearts]

Yeah you would be in the "giving up loop" so it's bad idea just for that. I say enjoy each stage till the end like you would never do it again. Ain't you excited about what each stage can reveal?
Stage 6 is supposed to be the best so enjoy the ride and then you will think about what you do next.
I heard some people saw better results after taking a rest for a month after the 6 stage.

[SargeMaximus]

No no I was just thinking about whether it's worth doing stage 6 when I'm gonna start again anyway I.e should I just not do stage 6 which is the polisher stage and just start from stage one again - conclusion is that I shouldn't.

Got some sleep headphones - hopefully this'll make things much better

Oh, you definitely SHOULD do stage 6. I'm still learning and bringing up new stuff while on it, it'll definitely help. Besides, you gotta get the "surprise".

I heard some people saw better results after taking a rest for a month after the 6 stage.

Hmm, yeah I'm actually wondering this. How long should I take off before starting AM 6 again? Shannon?

[Spiritman]

Hmm, yeah I'm actually wondering this. How long should I take off before starting AM 6 again? Shannon?

I remember Shannon saying when someone asked how long of break they should take before starting SM/WM. He stated one week should be fine, so I would assume that you can take a week off and then start AM again. But Shannon can correct me if I am wrong.

[JackOfHearts]

Yea he said that but remember that some rest might be what is most needed for you. I read some thread where some guys say they saw the result when they stop for a month. But I know it's hard to stop for that long and I might not even do it myself because I'll do WM2.

[Darwinn]

I think I'll give it a week max before restarting am6, ultimately it's not moving on to a new sub so giving it a month after my second run makes more sense.

More conflicts seem to happen, the other night I was at a friends apartment and his flat mate got angry at me and aggressive because I was playing with a football, and asked me to stop or he'd throw me out. I was immediately angry but calm some how and stayed polite - and just said I'll stop if it means that much to him since it's his apartment ordered him to chill the f out (it was unnecessary aggression on his part)

He was extra nice the rest of the evening but i had decided by then a that he was a pr1ck so I was non responsive just because I don't like him - before I would have behaved passive aggressively so it's a step up, set the boundary, respected where my fault was but didn't supplicate.

Dreams I'm having are strange - I had a dream about a guy last week at work who I've been having problems with. He's better than me at the work were doing but Ive done more so he's been looking to make sure he gets enough credit and it's been unpleasant, I was all insecure before because I'm not the best socially and everyone seems to like him where as I'm an outsider - and I wanted him to like me.

Anyway the dream was that I kept offending him in one way or another and he hated me. Last night I had a dream that it was him who was scared of doing the wrong thing while I was just chill and indifferent and even helpful to him because I could see he was insecure.

[Darwinn]

I think I'm going to give up fighting my inclination to be alone. I've been worried if I let go completely and stop giving a shit I'll just become some kind of freak - well I don't think that's the case really. I'm working to keep my friends but I don't really have the desire, I'd quite happily carry on alone.

There are a few things which keep me from making an effort. First the thought that any relationship requires effort, and the second is that some of my aversion is that the guys i avoid are all in better places than me - and the truth is they look down on me. I don't like it, but on the other hand being around them is a challenge to stay out of my comfort zone.

[Darwinn]

Had the strangest dream last night - I fell into a lion enclosure at the zoo - and I was trying to hide from the lions until I could get rescued - eventually a lioness found me and rather than eat me seemed to lie down and stretch - flexing it's claws out as it did - I was shitting myself thinking about how sharp those claws were and how it could even just kill me by accident.

Then I sat down with it it was motioning for me to stroke it and it went to sleep - I was like cuddling it

Seriously wtf, where are my killer zombie dreams.

Anyway the lesson I guess is - 'don be scurred - it's only pussy'

[SargeMaximus]

Had the strangest dream last night - I fell into a lion enclosure at the zoo - and I was trying to hide from the lions until I could get rescued - eventually a lioness found me and rather than eat me seemed to lie down and stretch - flexing it's claws out as it did - I was shitting myself thinking about how sharp those claws were and how it could even just kill me by accident.

Then I sat down with it it was motioning for me to stroke it and it went to sleep - I was like cuddling it

Seriously wtf, where are my killer zombie dreams.

Anyway the lesson I guess is - 'don be scurred - it's only pussy'

It depends on how you see lions.

You were afraid of them, and then it turned out not to be so bad, am I right?

If that's the case, they represent an element of your personality (probably being Alpha) that you associate with the lions, and are afraid of exhibiting. The dream signifies that you're warming to the idea and incorporating it into your personality.

[Darwinn]

You might be right in this one sarge, I've had a few 'coming to terms with' - if that's what they are - dreams, one where I embraced this scared little guy who was injured and nervous, I think that was coming to terms with all of my anxieties about work.

Ive had a few arguments recently and they've surprised me. My uncle always comes over and starts getting angry about something I've done wrong,
I've never been able to argue without losing it. This time I was just firm - he started having pop at me for losing something of his and I couldn't even remember using it - I firmly told him to calm down, and that he could start crying and moaning if I don't find it and it totally shut him up - I then found it and gave it to him without saying a word or gloating or anything and he was visibly stunned to silence.


Everyone is fixing their finances and getting organised - I seem to be rowing the same. Organised a trainer to put me on a strict regime at the gym. Ordering ingredients to my house so I can make lunch for the whole week - actually did that, made this protein greens concoction which I just put into Tupperware in the morning and take for lunch.

I get hit with depression still when I go to work meetings and I look stupid, I find it hard to contribute because I'm dyslexic and slow on the uptake but I tapped it and don't care now. Just have to try again. Everything else I do good.

My business is moving slowly but surely. But because it's on the side I don't make enough time - I'm gonna have to just slog it every day after work for a set time until I get my momentum up.

I don really care about socialising and I fear, stil, becoming the quiet wierd guy with no social skills but guess that's just another target for tapping.

[SargeMaximus]

Wow man, for once I recognize ME in a lot of someone else's post! Seriously:

- I too work for my uncle
- I get depressed at work too, mostly because of my "slowness" as well
- Sociallizing is a MAJOR sticking point for me, and I fear the same

As for your dreams, I'd bet you money that Jung's method is the way to go. It hasn't failed to make sense AND move me forward when interpreting my dreams.

I had one today at work, for an example. As I snoozed at lunch, I dreamed I was killing all kinds of people. I theorize these are elements of my personality that are useless to my progress and are holding me back. Normally I say it's a "bad" thing to have killing in your dream, BUT, now that I've experienced it myself, I can see how it might be useful. What you DON'T want is to kill what you fear. For example: if you fear being alpha, you don't want to kill the "alpha" part of your mind, otherwise it'll take longer for it to emerge in your behavior.

However, if you're killing things that keep you from the path to where you want to go, I can, actually, see the value in it.

It's crazy how you have to experience things before you really "get" them, you know?

[Darwinn]

I'm experimenting with the jungian principle as it extends to life as well, my dislike and distaste for others really being a projection of myself,, my resistance and aversion to others the same. I've had a few run ins with people where I've let go and allowed their insecurities and bull shit to just pass over me and go by - and my relationships, at least professionally and at home when I need people to do things and cooperate are much better (when I really take the few minutes to feel where they're coming from)

That doesn't mean I'm not firm when I have to be, just like I need to be firm with myself.

I've begun lifting at the gym, I've never done it properly so I'm still pushing light weights compared to all the beasts who live at the damn place. But I got a trainer and he keeps telling me he's seriously impressed with my determination and progress - I don't care but still good to hear, might just be down to him trying to motivate me but who gives a shit.

Mentally I'm really slow right now. Maybe because of a lack of sleep
Or because there's so much going on or maybe resistance who knows. At work they want me to apply for a promotion but I don't feel I'm ready, again because some how I'm just taking too long to process and link
Information - I'm close to accepting that I'm a little dumb, but then I think of all the times I've done really intelligent things. Just don't have the infrastructure for healthy brain function, diet exercise will help that hopefully

[Darwinn]

Began tapping last night again. I'm thinking alot more long term now, mainly about how to focus my energies. I realised I'm blocked somehow on deciding what to do, going one way means i can't go another so I started tapping on that - I didn't get to the end but it was crazy none the less - got to many memories of being chastised and blocked, was yawning and tearing up the whole time so i assume it was productive.

Woke up this morning to Napoleon hill on my alarm talking about the first step is desire, and I decided that i have to give all my desire to my monetary goal and tap out all the limiting beliefs that stop me taking the right actions, whether its in doing the admin necessary, responding properly to people or just being disciplined in the actions I have to take in order to get there.

Spent much of my time this weekend finishing Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged on audio book while cleaning out my room and living space. so much Junk and clutter just has to go! I threw away anything that wasn't useful, there is still more to do and I'll go to get shelves for my stacks of books in order to put them neatly and a new desk to work on.

At the Gym I'm finally doing a real structured weight lifting program. It's so much more enjoyable than doing cardio - and I feel great for days. Reading about it more suggests that if done right you can get sufficient cardio just doing weights - especially the way my trainer is doing it with me.

I'm gonna take this to the end of the month then i'll have a little week long break where i'll dally with NSFM for a week while i'm socialising more and then I'll start again with AM6.