Ampers&'s Alpha Male Journal [COMPLETE]

[Ampersnd]

@swisston,

High fat and protein diet, 8 hour eating windows, density training, cheat days once a week, fast days once a week

[Ampersnd]

Stage 4, Day 1

Wake up feeling tired; I didn't even realize that I turned off my first alarm. My failsafe alarm kitchen timer wakes me up. This means that I finish my entire morning ritual a little later than usual.

The addendum to my then-current morning ritual is allowing me to check off a couple of the things that I wanted to accomplish in February. And boy, it sure feels good to do them right away.

Right afterwards, I hit the gym hard. My new routines involve me running around like a crazy person, trying to get as many reps as possible in a set amount of time.

I'm now counting calories as I should, and I was successful in hitting the 2400 calories that I am supposed to eat on workout days. It's lower carbs on non-workout days, so funny enough, I had to buy a protein shake for non-workout days (with virtually no carbs), as my current one has nearly 40g per serving.

Anyways, I came back from the gym, cranked out roughly 5 hours of school work, and then went to the grocery store, dropped over 100$ on groceries, and went home.

I modified my acoustic guitar ritual to be much more, as the french say, "convivial"; there are many more small elements that take fewer minutes to perform, so that I'm really not allowed to veer off course. Longer time = more chance at distraction. All these smaller elements will group together and be useful for the time that I alot for practice songs, at the end of my ritual. I'm learning a Chet Atkins' rendition of "Mr. Sandman".

For the first time in a while, I watched porn. I've also been more horny than usual. This means that I've been, well, you know the rest. This may hit me hard in the morning; I can usually tell the difference.

Afterwards, I went through an abbreviated version of my vocalist ritual, cleaned up my appartment, and played some more guitar.

I'm noticing that my voice has been able to hit a very relaxed and pleasant tone on certain songs. My whistle voice (yeah, seriously) has been a bit more versatile these past few days, so I look forward to seeing where that will go. It's at a very beginner stage.

As per women and dating, I watched a video from RSD, and I suddenly got this anxiety inside of me. That I now have to figure out women and dating. I wonder if Stage 4 is programming me.

When I went out, I had some strong eye contact for a few seconds with one women, than my emotions came out of nowhere near the end of it. Very strange.

It's definitely having some effect!

[Ampersnd]

Stage 4, Day 2,

Strange day; I had a lab today, with the one girl, who was my lab partner last week. I had the only guy in my program change time slots and join along because he respects women or something and wants to avoid taking their measurements. Funny enough, right in front of both myself and the guy, the girl comes running along to tag me as her partner. We go as a group of three.

My goodness; there was so much chemistry between myself and that girl. Since he had to take measurements, she wore tight clothes, and I had to keep getting close to take measurements. Geez, I could fuck her right then and there. There was only one measurement that she wouldn't do, and it's understandable, cause it would involve taking off her shirt. So the prof (a female) did it.

A machine told me I had 4.5% body fat; impossible lol.

I had lunch with a couple of people at their home; hard to explain, but they're super kind and have me over on occasion. One of them is part of a religious church that goes around, spreading the word. She isn't in any of the major religions, trust me. Mere thousands.

After that, I went to a computer lab for RefWorks. I learned so much that I'm actually excited to begin the bulk of the project. My extra morning ritual is serving me well.

I've reconsiled the "have to get girls now" thing. Firstly, that pushes way too much pressure on me to perform. Secondly, we'll have to see what this sub will do to me passively, and what it will have me do actively. Third, this particular subliminal is an internal thing. Once I run LTU3.0, refresh AM5.0, and then run SM3.0, I can absolutely focus on being social and women. I can do this from day one of LTU3.0, since I plan on busking out in the streets of my city for massive practice.

After the Refworks thing, I practiced guitar, and then got to work. Work was slow; fortunately, I brought my Anki flashcards and practiced my three languages. The woman manager working there, usually very quiet with me (not out of shyness, just doesn't talk to me), began chatting me up, and asking more questions. I felt more centered, grounded, and more chatty, so I kept it going.

This stage has made me more centered, less needy, though more unsure of myself, as though "is this really possible?". I'm going to run AM continuously tonight instead of mixing it.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 4, Day 3

Good day. I'm realizing that I connect very easily, but I don't have that much chemistry with girls, even though I've approached them.

Then I read Shannon's thing about Natural Grounding, and that I shouldn't use it. Thankfully, I only used it a lot during the third stage, so I'll stop as of now. Modified my morning ritual, and it now gives me 5 minutes more time for each of the three languages I'm learning. Sweet! I'll learn a 1/3 faster (over 15 minutes original time).

Btw, this whole stage sounds like it's secretly called "meet more women and get them interested in you", cause I am getting some more attention in general.

That whole thing got me thinking about the "rules" of dating. I actually think it's the Brent Smith camp that is fucking me up right now. It's almost as though you have to hide that you're interested, and if you show interest, then you lose, so to speak. At least, you can't act upon interest, which means that I would have to be incongruent to not act out of it.

Just like I decided for New Years not to cover up emotions, I will now show the interest that I have to women that I'm attracted to, either verbally or not verbally, and I will do something to push the interaction forward. I'd like some advice on this

Thoughts?

[Ampersnd]

Stage 4, Day 5

I thought that this stage has been the least eventful of the four. And then I realized that my thinking has been completely different since stage 4 started. Plus, the naturalizer must be kicking in as well.

My motivation, consistency, and sex drive has been increasing; 2 of the 3 are from AM, the other is from my diet and exercise plan (it even says in the book that it's intended).

I knocked away 8-9 hours of school work, then I played/practiced guitar for another 2-3. I did some stuff in between.

I also had the opportunity to play Maximum Learning Speed for 8-9 hours, which I might reduce the number to make more room for AM. I'm still getting plenty of time for Alpha Male.

Also, the ideas that pop into my head are different. For example: I'm reading up on HOW to start performing in my city's market instead of 'thinking about it'.

Tomorrow is my first cheat day after 5 weeks of rather strict diet and exercise. I'm very excited, so I will hop right into bed and dream of candy canes and sugar drops, since I could eat those. If I don't succumb to a sugar-induced coma, I will post what I did.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 4, Day 6

Cheat. day. was... AWESOME*!
I woke up as thought it was Christmas, and made myself a Nutella, honey and marshmellow sandwich. Ate that and then went to the gym. Had an intense workout. I went home and ate whatever junk I had around the house.

Then I went for sushi. Firstly, my favorite sushi place got shut down, and the people I've invited for sushi didn't show up. So I go to another place in the market; it's packed, though I can get a table for two, alone.

I think what I was experiencing was social anxiety, but in the form of wanting to cry. It's very weird. I was able to FasterEFT tap it away with enough time, and then I felt pretty cool, doing my Korean flashcards and shit. I got full on sushi and Coca-cola (OMG that was so good).

Then, I meditate and study some flashcards. Then, I get dressed and get going to a gala that I had planned to attend for a while. The person who invites me decides not to go, so I'm left alone to chat up anyone and everyone. I get into several conversations before dinner (Indian food; dots not feathers) begins. I feel that I'm in the zone. I go to the bathroom, my reflection shows a James Bond like character. I'm James. Fucking. Bond.

Because of a speaker, I was particularly touched so I had the emotion of grief in my energy. After dinner, dancing started, and I was able to let loose.

Women wise, I was able to approach women with whom I had an interest, and some seemed to have an interest. But I'm not feeling it. Every single encounter I have with women makes me want to have some massive game. But it comes with the air of "I want to win by fucking them" which isn't what I really want. I want win-win for both of us. I want fun for both of us. I want it to be hot for both of us. I'm sure that this comes down to vibe and beliefs, as well as practice.

Part of this was that there was an 8 acting like an 11 and God's gift to mankind. Oh well.

This day wraps up nicely. I'm going to fill my "Book of Positive Aspects" with nice things about women and then go to bed. It's a Law of Attraction things; note the things you like and praise them, and you'll have them come to yourself.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 4, Day 7

Fast day means that I'm able to do more things; saved time since I don't have to cook today.
I feel more badass. Kept thinking about food. Napped with "Sleep Magic" to make up for my small amount of sleep. Worked for a few hours.
Nothing major to report. I have the urge to watch porn. I think it's from an increased sex drive.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 4, Day 8

Slept right past my usual 5:15am routine, woke up at 7am precisely. Didn't hold it against myself; I did fast the entire day before (total of roughly 30 hours) and jerk it right before bed. I had breakfast and did my 2nd morning ritual, as it was practically perfect timing. Little by little, my feeling of "blah" went away. I didn't feel like going to the gym, but went anyways.

Damn, my endurance went up big time. I'm doing density training involving circuit training, and both the total number of wrecks AND the weight has gone up. I felt like an absolute badass. Surely enough, I see a pretty woman that I wanted to chat her up. She's on the treadmill. I walk right up and introduce myself directly. I came directly from an intense 12 minute lifing spree, so my mind isn't on the topic of women. I'm blank on conversation, so is she, I have to get back to my workout. But we held some good eye contact.

I finish my workout and go back to her and say: "I thought I'd come back and see if you could come up with more to say". She smiles and we keep talking. She drops the "I got a boyfriend, by the way", and I didn't really care. It's strange how I don't really feel anything when talking to women, which is both good and bad.

I knock away a few hours on schoolwork, but my mind eventually became saturated, and then I went to the library to figure out how to place holds on books, and took a step to become a busker. I still need to call somebody to figure out some details.

My sex drive has gone up. It's much more than before. It's also my second day in a row watching porn. Don't know what to think about that.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 4, Day 9

I'm noticing a pattern; I listen to a heck of a lot of subliminals, and when I'm out in public, I have an emotional reaction. Today, it was insecurity as to where I couldn't look people in the eye without tearing up. The emotional reaction eventually goes away and I start feeling pretty good.

After class, I bus to a job fair across town. It went pretty well, and I submitted a half dozen resumes, and a couple of places where I should follow up.

Went home and studied. Went to work. Now I had to finish some things for school, and now it's late.

Note to self: do not jerk two days in a row; it puts me out of it the morning after.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 4, Day 10

In my morning ritual, subtituted language learning with school learning, given a mid-term the next day. Kept the radios going though.
Felt weaker during my workout today, but I was using heavier weights.

My friend calls and wants to come over to nap. Note that I wanted to nap in the first place. She stays over and we nap together for about an hour. We then study.

I totally found another aspect to follow-up on studying to make sure that you cover all the information that's on the exam, cause I made the mistake of not doing that step too far in advance. Oh well.

I met with a friend, and I fell upon a hilarious trick to getting into the feeling of opulence; we simply pretended that we were rich assholes, in a funny way. We changed the pronunciations of the roads we were walking through to make it sound more wealthy, adding "château" in front of the title. We considered getting beers "roughing it", and when we mentioned a song we liked, I would say something like "m'yes, I shall get my quartet to play that in my study upon my return, m'yes".

So I now have a few hours to put towards sleep and ace that midterm! I'll do some last minute studying in the morning.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 4, Day 12

That midterm that I did went relatively well; I'm unsure of the final grade. Though I do feel like I've learned from the content and the midterm itself.

Today, I intended to take the train back to my hometown. They didn't have enough room, and offered/forced me and others to take a bus. They'll give me half off my next ticket and I got there faster, so there.

I intend to start using the gym tomorrow and keep good eating habits.

Man, I am improving socially; at least at breaking the ice and starting the conversation. I must've chatted with 10 people during the trek home. You just have to say anything and not try to take any value. As a matter of fact, you should have the focus of giving value (adding positive emotions).

I talked with a beautiful woman while waiting for the coach bus. Sadly, she was smoking (me no rikey), and she has a boyfriend; that's who she was visiting. But she was very pretty and friendly. Is it my habit of finding and meeting women who are beautiful, yet taken?

On the coach bus, a few minutes and one conversation later, I repeatedly overhead a woman behind me mention the italian language.. This is Amerson-bait, heheh. I chat with them; one's from Italy (oh baby) and the other from Tunesia. The Italian one was very friendly and chatty. We had to speak in French since that's the language in which we all could understand and speak.

But man, my speaking abilities today were shoddy; just couldn't express myself in a completely coherent way. Must be too much porn (I'm using it more than usual).

[JackOfHearts]

I don't know if you know this but you should stop porn because it's preventing AM5 to work 100% (I think). I didn't know that porn was a bad thing when I started AM5 so I did it thinking it was a good thing.
It's been 1 month since I watched porn for the last time. I was doing natural grounding though Shannon doesn't recommend using with AM5. If you can stop watch porn then stop it. It's not that difficult to masturbate without it and I think it's even more joyful because your mind has much more power than a video. Personally now I masturbate once a week, the Monday, that way I keep all my powers for the weekend. When I masturbate I visualize a girls/womens who is addicted to me and then I fu* her/them. I watched a kamasutra video too, it was helpful for visualization and completely different from porn who put you in a needy state.

I hope my post is helpful maybe someone already told you that. (Shannon correct me if something is not recommend like NG, thanks)

[Ampersnd]

Stage 4, Day 13

@Maniac I'll probably cut it out as much as possible.

I'm able to find the ability to blend my current habits, and mix it with my parent's way of life.
For example, I got a 2 week pass at the gym closest to my house, for free somehow. I'm sure it got charged to my parent's credit card, as they used to make those payments when I used that gym non-stop. I used the gym today and had little problem.

Tomorrow is my 2nd cheat day since starting the diet plan, so I can cut loose. It'll be weird explaining why I'm fasting the next day.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 4, Day 14

Don't really have much to post about, so I simply don't feel like it. (EDIT: maybe not)

One big thing; I'm strongly considering taking on the 100 Day Challenge, starting April 1st. The challenge is about pushing yourself, while being accountable to the group. It's not like I could start today; I have to enroll and follow the sequence as would 100s of others be doing as well. That would be incredible. I'll run it by my dad a few weeks before enrollment, as my finances are tied to him, AND it costs 149$ for the full 100 days.
http://www.100daychallenge.com/

I hit the gym today, and I enjoyed a mighty cheat day. I mean a VERY mighty cheat day. I ate until I felt mild reflux. I'm good for junk until next week.

Today was also family day, and some birthdays in the family. Unfortunately, I didn't talk as much with everyone in my family as I now feel I should. I plan on revisiting my cousin and aunt later this week.

I'm doing a bunch of ear training while I have access to the piano. My intention is to develop and perfect "perfect pitch". I'm noticing a huge difference today as opposed to yesterday. Yesterday, I had a problem with hearing the "middle note" out of any cluster of 3 notes. Now, I can hear it when I focus on it. The biggest barrier to getting over it is thinking of the highest piano note on the right, the lowest on the left. Or, the highest note as up, and the lowest as down.

You simply listen for it, and you're able to discover it in the blend of notes.

On my first video (Stage 0), someone said that "I'm hot". I don't know how they got in there. And little do they know that I'm 3.5 stages in.