Ampers&'s Alpha Male Journal [COMPLETE]

[Ampersnd]

I'm having big mental conflicts about "pursuing" vs. "indifference".
I'm into the Law of Attraction and allowing things to happen, BUT, there's also that desire to drive projects to completion.

Here's the story behind my conflict.

I chat with a girl in the gym, we hit it off well. She goes and does something across the gym. I was going to chat with her again to say bye, and she's already gone to the change room. I finish up and go change as well. As I'm putting on my coat in the vestibule, there she is! I call her out, and we walk and talk across campus (going to a similar place).

In that last 20%, some guy friends of her's chat with her, and I'm already gotten 10 meters ahead. I had the hunch to keep walking, so I slow down, check my phone, and slowly walk away. tl;dr, I ditched her.

My conflict was that I was wondering if going back would make me 'reactive' or 'needy', and the fact that I left could've meant that I am also 'reactive' or 'needy'.

This is due to conflicting information by Real Social Dynamic and Brent Smith; chase vs. be chased.

Funny enough, I meet this awesome guy at the tutoring centre who's also into Law of Attraction, and he's invited me to this event on campus in the early evening. So I never would've met this guy if I stuck around her.

So that's the rub; LOA will probably give me the answer.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 3, Day 16

This is the s*!t storm. Was feeling good until around 9am in class. I felt extremely insecure and uneasy; I wouldn't really be able to hold eye contact with anyone without crying. I quietly EFT tapped and that was gone at 10.

I felt normal even when I went to the gym, as I started chatting up that one girl. I think that my walking away was a refusal of whatever BS was going down inside of me.

Turns out, that Law of Attraction guy had roped me into going to a MLM pitch on campus. I've been there before; the people are very psyched, the details are vague and the person who invited you starts becoming like a used car salesman, giving too much information, start talking more and is mildly creepy.

The worst is that I had planned to meet with a friend after; she comes to that building (cause I had no idea why he wanted me to meet). I brought my guitar as well. She comes up with me to the conference room.

When I walk into the room, I felt the vibe, and I said to myself "Ohh, shiiiiit". Needless to say, we're gone within 10 minutes. The guy who invited me texted me, being all apologetic. I will keep away from this guy.

I go to an open mic on campus with the girl. We had practiced a song together, and I messed up my part many times. Today is not my day. I felt like my abilities as a musician, one of many years of practice, has been shortcutted.

Now, I feel pretty terrible. This is the s*!t storm, and I will be so awesome when I'm done with this. I am going to play AM exclusively tonight.

[LionMonkey]

I chat with a girl in the gym, we hit it off well. She goes and does something across the gym. I was going to chat with her again to say bye, and she's already gone to the change room. I finish up and go change as well. As I'm putting on my coat in the vestibule, there she is! I call her out, and we walk and talk across campus (going to a similar place).

In that last 20%, some guy friends of her's chat with her, and I'm already gotten 10 meters ahead. I had the hunch to keep walking, so I slow down, check my phone, and slowly walk away. tl;dr, I ditched her.

My conflict was that I was wondering if going back would make me 'reactive' or 'needy', and the fact that I left could've meant that I am also 'reactive' or 'needy'.

This is due to conflicting information by Real Social Dynamic and Brent Smith; chase vs. be chased.

Hey man. Here's my take:
Try next time: as soon as you begin to think "am I reactive or needy" to direct your attention to something positive/happy. Because it will get u back into the moment, which is a big factor for what attracted the girl in the first place.

What u write actually says this to me, "I'm not abundant. The girl & her friend have that big influence on me where I get into my head and think if I am reactive or not (which is reactive)"

Hope it helps!

PS. good bettering with the shitstorm

[Ampersnd]

Stage 3, Day 17

Felt very weak at work; not emotionally nor psychologically, but in a physical sense, as if my blood sugar was way low. I had to take a couple of breaks and eat my pre-made food so that I wouldn't pass out.

Thank god that I can add more carbs this following Monday.

Went grocery shopping and I bought tortillas! I can ration myself to one per workout day with whatever on top (peanut butter). I also got some coconut oil, so I can easily add a couple extra calories to my diet; at the moment, I've had trouble in getting enough fat and therefore calories. One tablespoon (15mL) has 14g of fat; the healthy kind that kick start your metabolism.

I assembled and completed one test-cycle of my 'Singers Ritual' and of my 'Acoustic Guitar Ritual', and practiced a whole bunch on acoustic guitar. So much fun, I got carried away.

During work, I had gathered up a bunch of negativity, and it wouldn't really budge. But went away near the end of my shift.

This video by Brent Smith has shifted my opinion on pursuing vs. being pursued, especially what the frame is:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snW8gtuTLZI

This signifies one of the final piece of this puzzle; now, it's application.
We'll see how I feel tomorrow.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 3, Day 18

I'm feeling generally better; I think that whatever negative thinking that I was engaging in was a habit; a build up of a few days of already doing it.

The day flew by quickly. My new mantra: "Chicks just wanna bang!"

After work, I had the hunch to go to the book store, so I followed my instinct. I stumble upon a single book that I had my eye on for a while, by Esther and Jerry Hicks. It was just sitting on the top of that particular book shelf. "No way" I think to myself; that book isn't really the type that would be printed all that much. I buy that, and another book on habits. Under 30$. Sweet!

I catch up on my readings, and now I'm writing this after I played some acoustic guitar. No musician ritual today unfortunately.

I'm really beginning to understand the whole appeal behind being chased by women, and I don't really feel like pursuing anymore. I should review my story and visualise before bed.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 3, Day 19

Woke up feeling great. I truly wonder if it's the new diet, my body getting used to the sleeping habit, that I had some carbs the night before, the melatonin pill, or that I read about the LOA right before going to bed.

Went to class; I still feel great. This one girl avoids eye contact until I say 'hi', and then she gives an enthusiastic 'hi!' and bites her lip. She always seems interested, yet distant.

My mind has flipped on the idea of women; I read into Zan Perrion, who is much more direct that his image makes it appear. Since I realise that women crave sex and are horny all the time, women will know that I know, and will act differently around me. I'll develop the vibe that broadcasts that I'm offering sex to these lucky women.

In class, I was even glowing a little bit, throwing around some energy (sexual, maybe?).

Gym went well; I've been cutting time. I have my meal with some more carbs, and then I'm really to do something. Having extra glucose in my brain is what I suspect as the culprit.

I do two musician rituals; the first for vocalizing, the second for electric guitar.

I still manage to read from the LOA book before work. When you're "in the vortex" of feeling good, time seems to slow to allow you to do things. I got ready for work, and out of the door, in under 10 minutes (normally takes longer). The walk to work was fast as well.

My feelings went downhill a little bit; I got a bit righteous and angry over things. My productivity went down a bit, but I'm glad to work on it.

I'm not caring too much about "picking up" women, but I'm happy to let them seduce me if they try. Somehow, that sentence makes sense to me, but it didn't less than 2 days ago.

[Dee]

Since I realise that women crave sex and are horny all the time, women will know that I know, and will act differently around me.

WHAT!!!!!!!!!!, is that true? or is that a mind set thing? I have never heard that before. horny all the time?

[stratos]

That's my experience too (women being horny all the time). The only question is who they're horny for. Be the alpha and you'll never wonder or worry about that. Once I built some confidence it was like "Wow, are all the women in the world suddenly getting hornier or what?"
p.s. for literal guys: obviously excepts certain occasions such as illness and so n. more a general principle.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 3, Day 20

Neediness.. GONE!
Pursuing.. Doesn't make sense!
"Needing" to have sex: Dissapeared
Next level? I think so

Today marks exactly three years since the first time I had sex. Since that day, I've not put my dick in any pussy, but I've been naked with a naked woman. The sex part didn't happen.

Do I really care that I'm not getting laid? Not really.
Would I let a woman take advantage of me if she offered? Sure

Today was one of the best days I've had in a while. The best part is that this day will happen every single week. I have Tuesdays completely off. When you wake up at 5:45 and start the day the right way with a clear mind, you can do A LOT of stuff.

By the time I did my morning ritual, hit the gym and came back, it was only 10am!
I managed 2.5-3 hours of school related things, I practiced 3 -3.5 hours on my rituals, I ate all my meals on time, and I have an event lined up for Saturday night.

I watched a couple of Brent's videos; one was about achieving your goals in 2014 (which I'm really on track for), and the others were about social life.

I'm very keen on attracting high quality people into my life and developping lasting friendships. These are the types of people that help me get to the next level, and vice versa. We keep each other accountable and positive. We trade tips and exchange ideas.

I've re-written my story, and only focused on the social aspect and women. I'm able to feel the energies behind that.

Great day; I want that tomorrow.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 3, Day 21

Had a good morning - got my ass out of bed right away - reading out my new story, and finished the ritual about 20 minutes earlier than I usually do. But damn, my apartment was cold. My city is -25 Centigrade today.

I went to a lab; I was the social butterfly - no attachments to outcomes. I'm really starting to understand indifference and still having what you want.

I love how I'm now able to get home from a class/lab, crank out some readings and do some homework, and still get an hour or more of music practice before work. Today was short for free time, which means that I'll be able to do much more on the days where I don't have evening plans.

It wasn't mentionned yesterday, but I will make it my intention on surrounding myself with some upwardly-mobile people of my age, highly disciplined people in my life so that we can raise each other up by buoyancy.

I'm making some progress, that is very obvious. I'm working to keep my mind occupied with positivity, and that is going well.

I'm going to finish this stage, and on Stage 4, I'll be taking on Maximum Learning Speed 3.0 for for the remaining 3 stages. A bit conflicted on what to take on after AM, but fuck, that's three months away!

[Ampersnd]

Stage 3, Day 22

I had the major opportunity to skip the gym today; I didn't take it. I'm really speeding up my circuits; what used to take me 70 minutes now takes me 50. I was exhausted though.

I even pulled off 3 hours of music practice; crazy! I just follow my pre-made rituals, and I'm golden. I drifted a little bit and got distracted just a little bit, but overall it went well.

I think that I'm resisting the big things that I can accomplish, and the big things in my life. In tackling the idea of a huge social network and giving tons of value to people, my brain is asking "BUT HOW?!". The truth is that the "HOW" doesn't mean diddly squat; it's really about how I'm resonating and relating with people, but I've felt my default in taking value from others; talking too much about myself, asking value-draining questions. The awareness will be enough to change things.

I became motivated to tackle a series of sub-goals that addressed other areas in my life that my new resolutions haven't quite yet tackled. Those are Research abilities, my social life, and my job. I've made a mini-plan to handle those.

I'm truly excited for what's to come.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 3, Day 23

I'm writing this relatively early as I'm having a friend stay over later.

Pretty good day. I feel much more in my skin, comfortable, etc.

I bought a ticket for another gala; I've got a bit of a social life lined up, and I didn't really do any work to find them.

My day was class (3 hours), gym (1.5 hours), meals and studying (3-4 hours), and then some music practice; not too intense, as I followed the vocalist schedule, and have just been practicing songs on guitar.

I'm accepting that it's much more feasible to accomplish these big things, and hopefully using the concepts of LOA, I can remove the need for certain subliminals (I'm looking at you, Maximum Sales Success).

If you look at my User Journal for Deep Sleep, I'm quite pleased with the results. Unfortunately, I'm using it much less than this subliminal, and it's only been a month, AND it's 3G; no doubt powerful, but pales in comparison to the quick results to AM5.0.
http://subliminal-talk.com/Thread-Deep-R...3G-Journal

I'm going to use Maximum Learning Speed 3.0 for three months. That can improve my life in so many ways, and using it for 3 months makes sense in order to make the effects more permanent. But damn, so many good subliminals that are tempting me!

[smoothsam]

Stage 3, Day 21

Had a good morning - got my ass out of bed right away - reading out my new story, and finished the ritual about 20 minutes earlier than I usually do. But damn, my apartment was cold. My city is -25 Centigrade today.

I went to a lab; I was the social butterfly - no attachments to outcomes. I'm really starting to understand indifference and still having what you want.

I love how I'm now able to get home from a class/lab, crank out some readings and do some homework, and still get an hour or more of music practice before work. Today was short for free time, which means that I'll be able to do much more on the days where I don't have evening plans.

It wasn't mentionned yesterday, but I will make it my intention on surrounding myself with some upwardly-mobile people of my age, highly disciplined people in my life so that we can raise each other up by buoyancy.

I'm making some progress, that is very obvious. I'm working to keep my mind occupied with positivity, and that is going well.

I'm going to finish this stage, and on Stage 4, I'll be taking on Maximum Learning Speed 3.0 for for the remaining 3 stages. A bit conflicted on what to take on after AM, but ****, that's three months away!

Awesome progress so far. Once you finish AM5, there are so many choices(a very good thing). AM5 again, AM6, LTU3, SM3, and WM2. I personally after reflecting on life will be doing AM5 refresher for 6 months followed by SM3 for 12 months. Evaluate your life, set goals, take action toward your goals. Building a strong foundation now will ensure living life to your fullest potential. I've seen so many changes take place over the months. I'm taking Shannon's advice about building a solid foundation. I've learned many things from reading your posts/journal and others as well. Thank you for sharing your experiences.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 3, Day 23(24),

This might get a bit confusing, but since my female friend slept over, so I didn't play it. The whole day, I was at work and then at a gala.

By the way, I've had a FWB relationship with this woman, and she's newly single. We've never had intercourse, but we've done oral. She had to go to campus early the next day (I live near our campus)
So... my female friend comes over, we watch a movie, we cuddle, I get friendly, she says with her back to me (we were cuddling) "Dan... I know what you're doing..".

I say: "And what's that?"
She says: "You're trying to kiss me/hook up (I forget)"
I say plainly: "What do you think about that?"
She turns her head and says softly and reluctantly: "This is a bad idea.."
I reply: "I know"; I know that she gave me token resistance, and I move in.

And we kiss. And we make out. And this time, the kissing is so much more sweet and filled with sexual chemistry from the last time.
We ultimately got naked from the waist up and stopped after 20 minutes or so of playing around.
Her logic to not go any further was: "Friends don't give friends blowjobs, but maybe later" (?).

We had several moments of simply staring in each others eyes (much less cheezy than that sounds), and there were a couple of pretty hot moments. I didn't cum, so I'm a bit riled up.

We get ready for bed, and sleep through the night. The cool thing is that we both slept topless, so I had my feel of bare skin and C-cup breasts when I felt like it. We were lazing it up in the morning, and we start right back up again.

I accomodate her until she's out of my house, and I relax until work.

Work went relatively well; I practiced moving up the emotional scale. I should explain; I spent some time reading Esther and Jerry Hick's book before my female friend came over.

Now.. here's the interesting part. I attended a gala right after work. I was dressed for the occasion, and I got to the event at the exact time, so it was nearly empty.

I open up a conversation with the first few people, and I start to get the ball rolling and introduce people with other people.

I open up sitting groups of 3-4 girls, mixed groups, couples. I'm good enough to that I have people offering to have me sit at their table for supper. I keep doing this until supper is about to start; the friends in my program (4 of them) show up, and I sit with them, giving up the seat I had chosen to let others sit together as a group.

I felt like the fucking man. People were being friendly, and always providing some conversation. I had some girls giving me eye contact.

This changes when the supper ends and the loud club music and dark lights go on, and the girls are dancing. I danced a bit, and actually grabbed a couple of girls and danced with them briefly. But I wasn't feeling like the man; I was hesitant and not fully acting, and I reckon that women were picking that up. You pay dearly for being a pussy with women. I was still getting positive eye contact, but when I'd say "hi", they would say "hi", and not do much else.

I walked home, and left early. I only gave my information to two women; one asked me, the other I said that she should add me on Facebook.

This is both a learning experience, and a current cap on my social abilities. They are MUCH better than what I would've had before Stage 1. Tonight, I play AM exclusively.

The moral of the day: It's easy to feel confident and have a good day when you have titties for breakfast.