AM 5.0 Journal

[SargeMaximus]

no, I'll buy AM 6 for half price discount cause it'll be my birthday a few days after I finish so I'd have enough for that. Then after Am 6 I'll hopefully have a job and enough money to buy SM3

how's stage 6 going btw?

Smoothly, though I seem to be losing momentum.

I feel like I've plateaued, but we'll see tomorrow.

I have a list of things I was supposed to do today, but I am still getting over a nasty cold that surprises me with nose-bleeds, and I had one just before I was going to go to the gym, so decided to take the day off.

It made me realize how much I just stay removed from everything. I mean it's great to be self-sufficient, but being a recluse is something else.

Anyhow, I'll look forward to your results with AM 6.0 for sure, it's still a toss up for me but unless I make some major changes in the next month, SM 3 is where I'm headed.

Oh by the way, how old will you be?

[AlphaScorpio]

no, I'll buy AM 6 for half price discount cause it'll be my birthday a few days after I finish so I'd have enough for that. Then after Am 6 I'll hopefully have a job and enough money to buy SM3

how's stage 6 going btw?

Smoothly, though I seem to be losing momentum.

I feel like I've plateaued, but we'll see tomorrow.

I have a list of things I was supposed to do today, but I am still getting over a nasty cold that surprises me with nose-bleeds, and I had one just before I was going to go to the gym, so decided to take the day off.

It made me realize how much I just stay removed from everything. I mean it's great to be self-sufficient, but being a recluse is something else.

Anyhow, I'll look forward to your results with AM 6.0 for sure, it's still a toss up for me but unless I make some major changes in the next month, SM 3 is where I'm headed.

Oh by the way, how old will you be?

I'm gonna be 18 !

[AlphaScorpio]

Stage 5 day 16, Felt a bit tired and irritable/detatched today at college this one girl who always flirts with me and other boys is starting to annoy me, always looking at me and asking me questions (she's hot) but I wasn't in the mood and her voice irritates me.

In class I sat next to her and she asks me what the answer for one of the questions is I was quite confused and indecisive and just said "Uh, dunno this one or something" then she rudely goes "No it ain't you div" (div = idiot) and I was like mmhm nobody is talking to me like that. Then when the lesson finished I thought shall I stick around and wait for her to walk her outside but I thought well I'm not hanging round for disrespectful people it's a waste of my energy and time and just walked right out and back to my motorbike, felt good cause a few months ago I would've probably hung round just because I felt like I had to wait for her, but now no matter how hot a girl is I'm not hanging round if they are gonna be rude even if it's a joke, I was offended at first but didn't give it too much thought, felt liberating.

In other news My friend said how It seems like I've stopped caring about being at the top of the hierarchy in my group and that I seem to not give much of a fuck. I talked about why he thought this etc. then he says you pretty much are the top/near top of the group most of the time these days. I found that interesting.

I've noticed it myself that I don't really care if I'm not the center of attention all the time I don't mind just sitting and listening but if someone has a go at me or criticizes me unfairly I will definitely step up to put my point across (which is quite rare someone has a go at me now anyway).

My friend tried to make me get some money changed for him (he's a bit of a control freak) and I just flat out said no it's your money so you can go get it changed, he got annoyed but eventually just went and got it changed, I'm not running around for people, get it yourself mate.

I sometimes feel a little insecure or irritable/detached or in a bad mood but I do feel much better in general compared to what I used to be like, I'm less caring about what other people think.

Learning a lot on this journey, sometimes it feels like I'm prompted into situations where I am given a choice of how to react, like before I would just act beta or too aggressively/irrationally, but now it's like I actually have the power to step back and evaluate then make a decision based on my values and then follow through with it, I'm liking this style. It really feels like training not just the sub making me automatically alpha with no effort.

I can't wait to get a hold of AM6 and go through all those super rough first stages, It's gonna be tough but I love challenge!

Bring it on!

[K-Train]

First off, bravo on walking away from that girl. That's literally a step in the right direction. Granted, there's nothing wrong with waiting on a girl especially if she does so for you on occasion however if she's going to be disrespectful, then you're certainly entitled to walk off from her. It took a while for me to be able to do that because as guys we sometimes get a high off being seen with a hot chick and thus we sometimes do the dumbest shit just to get that "high".

Now, the detachment, that is one of the greatest feelings of the Alpha Set. What essentially happens is that your desire for outside validation has decreased to the point where small, mundane things no longer bother you. You don't care whether people think you're "top dog" and thus you appear detached and aloof. I felt like that during stage 5 as well but stage 6 is where it cemented because I was able to crack jokes at my expense without a care in the world whereas previously i was very sensitive.

[AlphaScorpio]

First off, bravo on walking away from that girl. That's literally a step in the right direction. Granted, there's nothing wrong with waiting on a girl especially if she does so for you on occasion however if she's going to be disrespectful, then you're certainly entitled to walk off from her. It took a while for me to be able to do that because as guys we sometimes get a high off being seen with a hot chick and thus we sometimes do the dumbest shit just to get that "high".

Now, the detachment, that is one of the greatest feelings of the Alpha Set. What essentially happens is that your desire for outside validation has decreased to the point where small, mundane things no longer bother you. You don't care whether people think you're "top dog" and thus you appear detached and aloof. I felt like that during stage 5 as well but stage 6 is where it cemented because I was able to crack jokes at my expense without a care in the world whereas previously i was very sensitive.

Sure I'd wait around for a girl if she was treating me with respect, and I'd return the favor if she hung around for me of course, but yeh I got no patience nor time to spend on wasters.

I appreciate the feedback K-train I like your posts they are honest but supportive at the same time, it's also good to hear similar things from people who have been through it and have more experience.

[K-Train]

No problem man. When I offer people advice I prefer somewhat blunt truth but I try to do it in a way so that they know and understand that I actually do care about them and that I'm not doing it with malicious intent. I never really had a brother who could give me the low down on shit so I had/have to rely on friends and occasionally family but mostly on trial and error. So when I see people like you who are willing to learn and listen, I try to do what I can.

[AlphaScorpio]

Stage 5 Day 21 - This last week I've been very ill and had to stay off college for 4 days in a row during this time I felt very irritable, pissed off and moody. I went out for the first time last night and wow I felt very beta and had some of the old social anxiety pop back in, I went to my mate's sister's 21st birthday and all her mates were there, I just felt quite uncomfortable and it felt like I was trapped in beta mentality, this girl apparently liked the look of me and came sat next to me but I just didnt have the balls to start talking to her til like 10 minutes later when I turned around and made a shit joke then asked her really boring questions lol. wasn't good man :/

Been frustrated I was thinking that by stage 5 that I'd be over all of this crap maybe it's just my behaviors are relapsing into old patterns until I hit some new level of change.

[SargeMaximus]

Been frustrated I was thinking that by stage 5 that I'd be over all of this crap maybe it's just my behaviors are relapsing into old patterns until I hit some new level of change.

Lol, been there. It may continue to re-surface even in Stage 6 as it has for me, try to stick with it.

[Geodude]

AlphaScorpio, don't be hard on yourself. In fact, give yourself praise. YOU ARE ONLY 18! Imagine where you'll be in 5 years! I would've killed to have AM 5.0 at that age.

[AlphaScorpio]

Yeah I keep reminding myself not to make judgments based on temporary feelings, and looking back over the 5months I realize I have changed, still a lot of crap I need to deal with though.

BTW geodude I've been doing some fairly frequent tapping these past few weeks and while I feel it changes my state a little the problems seem to remain, how do I work on this? when did you start noticing real change?

[AlphaScorpio]

Feeling quite low atm, not been having the optimum exposure time for AM5 either, I usually notice a pattern, I start feeling crap/loose hope at a certain part of a stage and stop listening to it as much and also notice that my headphones seem be off my head when I wake up in the mornings, I think it's resistance. I usually respond to the stage really well in the first week or two then I start getting resistance, like I noticed alot of results at the beginning of stage 3, 4 and 5 then noticed I felt crapper as time went on...weird.

I'm just thinking at the moment how I feel like my confidence and "Go get em" drive has hit a real low point right now. This girl that I kind of like is apparently being hit on by my mate and a friend told me they are pretty much getting together, even though I said I wasn't bothered about getting this girl I still feel kind of jealous and annoyed that I didn't go for it when I had the chance, always too late I am :/.

[SargeMaximus]

I'm just thinking at the moment how I feel like my confidence and "Go get em" drive has hit a real low point right now. This girl that I kind of like is apparently being hit on by my mate and a friend told me they are pretty much getting together, even though I said I wasn't bothered about getting this girl I still feel kind of jealous and annoyed that I didn't go for it when I had the chance, always too late I am :/.

I have that too. I'm pretty much "done" as far as progress is concerned. I feel like I gotta start SM soon because the finishing touches of AM is just a dull slip into apathy.

As for your situation, it's NEVER too late my friend! You could still get together with her. She could break up with the guy, cheat on him with you, any number of things. There is no "set in stone" mode, ESPECIALLY with women. They are very flippant lol. Anyhow, hope things work out.

[stratos]

if the sub is stirring up apathy or low feelings, it's a chance for you to root 'em out of your psyche. is it possible you're fighting the feelings? if I do usually it results in muscle tension and they're still lurking to bug me in the future. can breathe & welcome the feelings so they come all the way to the surface

[AlphaScorpio]

Yeh I do feel the muscle tension when I just to bottle up the feelings, no matter how hard I try to cover them up they always appear in my body or general mood. I don't really know what you mena by welcoming the feelings by breathing ?