About's WM2.0 Journal

[About]

No worries, too much stuff there. If you have the time to read on any of my progress I'd be very happy, although I'm not really sure what I'm actually reporting with the massive conversation going on.

One thing I have learned about myself though is that a female friend of mine had said that I seem to be a very spontaneous type of person, in terms to attracting females. In regards to the lady that I have posted that text conversation above, I have expressed that I am interested in her, but currently my interest has died down quite a bit. We had texted some yesterday but it seems like to me if I don't get any face time (not the apple app) then I lose interest. I think in my mind I'm telling myself, sure even she seems interested but I'm not getting any places or times to hang out or meet up, so I'm not going to wait for her. If she messages me, so be it, if not, no difference to me.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I hate waiting for women to get back to me. My brother has told me about this woman who plays the game. She texted him one day, and he texted back immediately afterwards only to have to wait nearly 2 hours for a reply. He said he knew it was obvious she was playing the game where you only reply the message after a certain amount of time. I feel like any type of games that happen like this is just not worth my time and is beyond annoying.

[SargeMaximus]

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I hate waiting for women to get back to me. My brother has told me about this woman who plays the game. She texted him one day, and he texted back immediately afterwards only to have to wait nearly 2 hours for a reply. He said he knew it was obvious she was playing the game where you only reply the message after a certain amount of time. I feel like any type of games that happen like this is just not worth my time and is beyond annoying.

True, but if you are genuinely busy, you're not going to have time to reply yourself. Anyone who has to make it seem like they are busy will eventually get found out (like that girl), but people who really are, are already interesting because they have a life.

So yeah, I like your mind set. Don't wait on the girl. Keep the door open, but move on.

I've heard it said that he who pursues one girl gets no girl, while he who pursues 10 girls gets 10 girls. Something I hope to incorporate to my mind one day, and it's a great defense against the "waiting" game. Competition, that is.

Look forward to more progress from you About!

[About]

Here's what I've learned about myself.

I'm a procrastinator. I don't like it, but I can't help and tell myself I'll change that about myself tomorrow, or later in the day. See my issue there?

Recently I started talking to my ex again. I don't know, she's engaged already but nothing in her concerns me. I've had a few chances to sleep with her yesterday but I think i'm over her in that way, but hanging out with her definitely made me remember more why I liked her in the first place (and now I remind myself why we split up in the first place).

Anyway, the procrastination, I can't help it. Here's what I want to have:

I want to be able to put myself out there more, socially, and meet more people, but I find myself making excuses as to why I don't make more friends, and they usually go along the lines of I don't really like them. That and maybe this is an excuse too, but I don't make friends easily because I don't really like them.

I want to market myself. I am a clinical - orthopedic massage therapist and I want to work for myself or as an independent contractor, I do not want to work for someone else much longer despite currently working in one of the best places I could possibly be.

And of course this goes along with the first one, I ideally want to meet that "one" person that I would like to just end up with forever and I think it can happen, but then aren't I really setting myself up for failure because I'm not looking to enjoy the journey with whoever else falls on my path? I don't know. My brain is a mess and I'm trying to figure it out.

[SargeMaximus]

I want to be able to put myself out there more, socially, and meet more people, but I find myself making excuses as to why I don't make more friends, and they usually go along the lines of I don't really like them. That and maybe this is an excuse too, but I don't make friends easily because I don't really like them.

You don't have to like people to become friends with them. Just like a woman doesn't have to like you to want you sexually.

For me, it's becoming painfully obvious that I don't like people, but to let that stop me from conversing with them or hanging out with them or sleeping with them is too high a price to pay.

No one will ever meet your expectations fully, but it doesn't mean you can't have meaningful relationships.

Heck, my best friend and I are honestly completely opposites when it comes to everything from body type to tastes in video games, movies, women, ideal job, you name it. But it's the journey we are both on that connects us stronger than anything superficial could.

So I guess I'm saying that perhaps your going about it the wrong way. Connect with people, not the ego stuff. Hope I made sense.

And of course this goes along with the first one, I ideally want to meet that "one" person that I would like to just end up with forever and I think it can happen, but then aren't I really setting myself up for failure because I'm not looking to enjoy the journey with whoever else falls on my path? I don't know. My brain is a mess and I'm trying to figure it out.

Forever is a long time my friend. You may well meet someone who you click with entirely, but what if your paths diverge eventually? Do you stay together even when your no longer connected?

[About]

Sarge we know you like polyamory, and though I dont practice it i respect your decision to believe in it.

Some of us are built to want monogamy more so than others like yourself.

But I appreciate your comments, especially no one will ever meet my expectations.

[SargeMaximus]

Sarge we know you like polyamory, and though I dont practice it i respect your decision to believe in it.

Some of us are built to want monogamy more so than others like yourself.

But I appreciate your comments, especially no one will ever meet my expectations.

Respect man, seriously, you show some real potential. If anything I believe a second perspective can help clarify one's own.

As for your dilemma, I would say you gotta find out what's most important to you. Go for that, and whatever else she's got that doesn't jive can slide, providing it's not disrespectful to you or harmful/damaging to body, spirit, or mind. Best of luck.

[LionMonkey]

Here's what I've learned about myself.

I'm a procrastinator. I don't like it, but I can't help and tell myself I'll change that about myself tomorrow, or later in the day. See my issue there?

Recently I started talking to my ex again. I don't know, she's engaged already but nothing in her concerns me. I've had a few chances to sleep with her yesterday but I think i'm over her in that way, but hanging out with her definitely made me remember more why I liked her in the first place (and now I remind myself why we split up in the first place).

Anyway, the procrastination, I can't help it. Here's what I want to have:

I want to be able to put myself out there more, socially, and meet more people, but I find myself making excuses as to why I don't make more friends, and they usually go along the lines of I don't really like them. That and maybe this is an excuse too, but I don't make friends easily because I don't really like them.

I want to market myself. I am a clinical - orthopedic massage therapist and I want to work for myself or as an independent contractor, I do not want to work for someone else much longer despite currently working in one of the best places I could possibly be.

And of course this goes along with the first one, I ideally want to meet that "one" person that I would like to just end up with forever and I think it can happen, but then aren't I really setting myself up for failure because I'm not looking to enjoy the journey with whoever else falls on my path? I don't know. My brain is a mess and I'm trying to figure it out.

Change is a decision and sticking with it.

I don't have many friends either. Most of them were from childhood and the new ones are the ones on the same path as me. I find them strange and crazy but I know they are good guys after having spent time with them.

I think it's more about experiencing around with getting different friends and make some effort to build a friendship. Then you'll be more sure of what kind of qualities you like in a friend and you'll have a much easier time to go after establishing a new friendship.
Much the same with women.. just without the sex ;-P

[Shannon]

"I can't help it" is an excuse. Nothing more.

[About]

Today I was talking to someone at my newest job. She said that I didn't know how to talk to women and her main point was that it's like I don't have a filter, and i need to be more sensitive to women in terms of what I say. Her example was something I said today when we were talking about food and eating. She said something along the lines of "i could not stop eating" and i jokingly said to her "I know this is mean so i really don't mean it, but i would say 'maybe it's time you stopped". She definitely knows I was joking guys, because she's actually my boss and I'm still employed

This isn't the first time someone has told me that I don't filter what goes through my mouth. My ex has told me this too, sometimes I'm just really mean and douchey (her words). I am finding a trend here. My good male friend has also told me that i am sometimes rude but he knows that I do not mean it.

I attribute this to when I was younger, I found that people were very nasty to me, so it's something of a defensive mechanism where I believe that if people were so mean to me before why would it matter what I say? I find it hard to really draw the line on where something is joking and funny or joking and really mean.

I'm not sure what I'm doing, but I guess i'm posting this because I want some help? I have accepted this as something that is a part of me (i think this is something i came to terms with through AM?), but I would like to be less nasty.

[Fonzy3]

Sounds like that defense mechanism is actually helping you being seductive in some ways becasue you are not giving validation to your boss or ex girlfriend which any successful person wants to work towards. You keep them on the edge and your words/ attitude portray that lifestyle which is attractive. I saw keep up with being yourself, keep joking about your obvious view of certain situations but also stay focused on things you appreciate about the female. You are being the man that most women want, honest, funny/ and someone with a good heart.

Over time when you grow with these traits you can be the ultimate ladies man. Appreciate the update.

Thanks

Fonzy

[About]

That's interesting, thanks for saying that. I find it funny because I know I am mean, sometimes I do not think about it and it comes out and I dont realize what I say is mean until I see their reaction. I usually don't apologize unless it was something I literally did not mean to say and came out completely wrong.

It's funny because I know I am attractive, and even the big boss lady said so herself too indirectly in a conversation that went a little something like this:

her: "all attractive people are crazy"
guy: "yeah you think so?"
me: "i think i'm pretty crazy"
her: "yeah I think you're pretty crazy too"
guy: "did you hear that? were you paying attention because she just called you attractive"
*cue group laugh*

[Spiral]

I think over time you'll learn to calibrate if you choose. Your interactions will go more smoothly and you'll be more aware of how other people perceive you and what you say.

I wonder how you felt when those people in the past had been nasty to you.. did you appreciate it or was it something that made you feel disrespected?

I haven't been reading your journal entries but I wish you all the best in becoming a woman magnet. I'm insanely jealous right now haha!

[About]

Hey spiral, dont be jealous! I've read somewhere that shannon said something like 3 passes through AM and it will really really solidify. It really is impressive what has changed in the past 2 years as I've been using these subs.

When in the past, I always felt bad because I was just being myself. How could people hate me for being myself? Especially because I don't do anything to them. One of my strangest memories, or worst whatever, is back in my high school cross country team, i was just being myself during the practices, and then one day my brother comes up to me and tells me that someone that's a junior wants to kill me. I was a freshman at the time so i was really taken back that someone wanted to physically harm me. Kids are really nasty.

I always felt taken back when people are nasty to me, unless I know i've done something to deserve it. Then there are people who just straight up don't like me because I exist, which i understand because sometimes you see a person on the street and you think to yourself, "i dont like your face and I don't want to see you ever again". That's how I categorize those types of people, but people on my own school team? wanting to kill me? That was something that was just plain stupid.

Anyway, i think i've learned the response of if people have been mean to me, then that level of meanness is socially acceptable since it happens all the time. Can't say if i appreciate that or not.

[Spiral]

I remember back in the day people thought I was generally annoying. Even my group of friends. I was the sensitive always serious yet ridiculously annoying kid. When I was annoying I was just having fun.. and it was the only way I knew how to have fun. AND I knew I was annoying other people. I just never cared to correct my behavior. All of my "friends" picked on me in a way to put me in my place I guess and I had never really picked up on it. I got all egocentric and thought that they were the problem when I was provoking them. And just because I was the person I was I had attracted them into my life. Not all times were bad. They are all people with good intentions. I'm just relating back to you. At the time I never really understood why I was treated the way I was and why I did the things I did. Over time though I got rid of the things that didn't work and started replacing them with new behaviors I appreciated having and others respected me for it. But as you know there's always going to be someone out there hating on you.

BTW glad that kid didn't kill you