Path to Greatness - Journal

[Benjamin]

Awesome post. I was saying to a friend the other night that if he is comfortable with not drinking when somebody tries to criticize and sticks to it that people will eventually accept it.

But it is annoying these idiots trying to bring you down by saying that stuff when you are confident. Getting to the point where you just don't care sounds amazing. I have had times of that but it unfortunately isn't yet a consistent thing.

[Shannon]

Awesome post. I was saying to a friend the other night that if he is comfortable with not drinking when somebody tries to criticize and sticks to it that people will eventually accept it.

But it is annoying these idiots trying to bring you down by saying that stuff when you are confident. Getting to the point where you just don't care sounds amazing. I have had times of that but it unfortunately isn't yet a consistent thing.

You'll get there. I started off being so afraid of everything in life and so pathetic and beta that I am now dumbfounded at how that person could be me. My tactic back in the day was to be too pathetic for anyone to feel was worth picking on. (Didn't work.)

Now I find myself doing things on a routine basis that I could not have hoped to do just a year ago. And I am actually living my life a lot more than I used to.

[Benjamin]

You'll get there. I started off being so afraid of everything in life and so pathetic and beta that I am now dumbfounded at how that person could be me. My tactic back in the day was to be too pathetic for anyone to feel was worth picking on. (Didn't work.)

Now I find myself doing things on a routine basis that I could not have hoped to do just a year ago. And I am actually living my life a lot more than I used to.

Wow.. posts like that get me excited (not in that way hahah) and help motivate me to continue when it gets a bit difficult.

Actually when I look back i've definately made alot of great improvements. The shift i've had in the last week socially i'm loving. I will write a bit more about it in my journal with a few other smaller but important things i've noticed this week too.

-Ben

[Shannon]

All things in their time.

[Javier Gerardo]

When I walk into a bar, I order a coke (or a coke and lime, if I want people to think I am drinking alcohol) or more frequently, I order an iced tea.

I also walk in alone 99% of the time, and I sit down at the bar and drink my iced tea and usually eat dinner. Alone.

And while I am doing so, I talk with the people around me and flirt with the bartenders and have a wonderful time.

Because I truly, genuinely don't give a flying **** what anyone else thinks of me.

In fact, I would say that the perception that someone doing this is a loser actually stems from their own insecurities being pointed out by the confidence of the person doing it. Think about it. If I can walk into a bar and drink iced tea while everyone else is drinking beer and liquor, and I can eat dinner by myself and STILL have a great time talking to everyone around me and flirting... and you have to drink alcohol and be in a group to feel confident enough to go do something similar... isn't my confidence going to irk you, since you don't have enough to do the same?

And what's an average person in those shoes going to do? Not try to become more confident... oh, no. They try to tear down the more confident guy!

But here's the thing. Since I don't care what they think, I don't care what they say. Or do. I'm there to have a good time, talk with people and enjoy a nice dinner, not impress people or kiss butt. And as long as I enjoy myself talking to people and having a nice dinner, I have achieved my goal and nobody else's opinion warrants consideration or value.

So you can stop worrying about whether people will think you're a loser, because the Golden Rule of socializing states:

No matter what you look like, someone will think you're a 1, and someone will think you're a 10 and a whole bunch of people will think you're a 5. And the same goes for any other aspect of what other people think of you - some will think highly of you, some will think lowly of you, and most will not care.

The key to success is ironically to not care what they think, because caring what they think puts the cart before the horse. The vast majority of people are actually sheep. They want to be told what to think. So they look to YOU to see what they should think of you, and if you say, "Well what should I think of myself, based on your opinion?" in return, they're going to think you're a loser (because who asks a sheep to lead the shepherd?) or they're going to manipulate you into being their thrall ("Only losers do XYZ, so if you want me to hang with you, you'll do what I say is cool.")

Instead, what you need to do is think for yourself, pick what you want to think of yourself, and then stick to that, regardless of what other people think, and when you do that you'll see a very different response. Most people will take your cue and think of you what you think of yourself! And the rest will usually either just not care, or be jealous and try to (that's right!) tear you down.

In the end, nobody else's opinion of you matters, because you are your own man, and you decide what and who you are. Let the rest eat cake.

P.S. - Hunting in packs doesn't wok very well. I have found that it is always most effective to hunt alone.

Come to think of it I've already come a long way from where I started. In college I was so ashamed of eating alone and having no friends. That happened because all my friends were of a different major and we have different class time. I shifted to a new major. Throughout my entire college years I was always constantly seeking a companion when I am on the campus. I walk fast when alone because I don't want others to see me. When I eat I usually go to the places with few people. One time a group of my friends saw me eating alone and I was so ashamed of it. It was probably during or before this period when I was even shy enough to order my food at McDonalds. Like I might do something weird and the cashier might laugh at me.

Now I can eat alone and at times even try to go to the middle of the restaurant for everyone to see me. But when going to bars, it is different still and I've got a long way to go. As such, I wonder if I will even get there since my journey have already been taking me so long and every day that passes without improvement on my part seems like a heavy thorn on my self.

Yes I am very much guilty of accusing others as losers when I see them alone. I have noticed this before a long time ago but still sticks to me. The thing is I can easily get confidence when I have a company with me. I can even wing my bros if they need me. I can just as talk to women and even talk to random strangers if I had a companion. I know this shows weak confidence.

Your post is very informative and inspiring for me man. As such, I will go out alone more especially at bars and places I am not used to going alone. Would going out more and putting myself in situations I don't feel comfortable make me comfortable in those places?

By the way Shannon, I agree with hunting with packs versus alone. When I go out with my friends it seems that we just end up having fun with women like laughing, flirting etc. but rarely beyond that.

[Shannon]

Hunting alone accomplishes a few different goals all at once.

First, it shows indisputably that you are self confident. A man alone is always going to be more socially vulnerable, and when he can do that and still be relaxed and have a good time, she will know he has his shit together at a deep level. He's not faking it.

Second, it makes it much easier for any woman so inclined to approach YOU. Nobody really enjoys approaching groups with the intent of targeting one person in the group, even if they know how and can successfully do so. With women being so unlikely to approach a man to begin with, why would you throw away the majority of the precious few opportunities you do have by scaring her away with a group of people?

Third, it increases your freedom to do as you please. You don't have to worry about "Oh, Sarah has to leave at midnight because she has work in the morning," if you happen to have the day off tomorrow, and you're the driver.

Fourth, it reduces competition. If you go hunting, even with a wing you know and trust, your wing may end up the target of your target's interest, instead of you. If you're alone, there's less chance for that to happen. And if you happen to have someone who is actively trying to compete or block you in your pack... well, all the worse still.

And fifth, it makes you more agile. You can adjust to a situation more quickly, readily and easily, going places and doing things more fluidly and effectively.

[Javier Gerardo]

My dream was to become an entrepreneur but a lot of things internally and externally have hindered me from becoming one.

Well, that's another one of our similarities, lol!

All the best to you too.

Thanks.

Awesome post. I was saying to a friend the other night that if he is comfortable with not drinking when somebody tries to criticize and sticks to it that people will eventually accept it.

But it is annoying these idiots trying to bring you down by saying that stuff when you are confident. Getting to the point where you just don't care sounds amazing. I have had times of that but it unfortunately isn't yet a consistent thing.

Yeah Shannon always give me great words of wisdom.
I can relate with the problem of consistency. It looks like every now and then I go back to my social awkward self.

I've gone out wherein I also don't drink. But all of those days are wherein I have a friend or companion with me. I'm comfortable with all my friends drinking while I'm drinking iced tea.
I haven't given up alcohol though. I still drink on some days and during special occasions. I know my limits and can easily say no if I know I'll get wasted. This is probably due to the fact that I've been wasted many times before and even done ridiculous but awesome stuff when drunk. Fun times so I don't regret them.

[RainbowAbyss]

Happy solo hunting,
I made that transition during SM
and it has been invaluable,
now I can't help but go off solo even when I'm with friends.
Once you get in the swing of it, its infinitely more fun and versatile then sticking with
a group or wing.

[Javier Gerardo]

Hunting alone accomplishes a few different goals all at once.

First, it shows indisputably that you are self confident. A man alone is always going to be more socially vulnerable, and when he can do that and still be relaxed and have a good time, she will know he has his shit together at a deep level. He's not faking it.

In my case I'm kind of like fake it until I become it. (I got that here: http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_...u_are.html) I know this works.
This is the only time in all my years of improvement that I tried to go beyond. Before I'm just not that serious in becoming who I want to be.
Back then I do my affirmations and listened to Alpha Male 3G. But I still rarely go out. I spend my weekends still at home and I rarely go to any situation that goes beyond my comfort zone.

Second, it makes it much easier for any woman so inclined to approach YOU. Nobody really enjoys approaching groups with the intent of targeting one person in the group, even if they know how and can successfully do so. With women being so unlikely to approach a man to begin with, why would you throw away the majority of the precious few opportunities you do have by scaring her away with a group of people?

There have been situations before when girls have approached me when I am alone whether in the dance floor or the bar area. In fact I'm kind of thinking now that the only time women have approached me is when I went out alone or when I get separated from my friends at a place.

Third, it increases your freedom to do as you please. You don't have to worry about "Oh, Sarah has to leave at midnight because she has work in the morning," if you happen to have the day off tomorrow, and you're the driver.

I always wanted to be a man with a big social circle. It is still a goal of mine. But before I wanted to have a big social circle so that my acquaintances and friends are the ones introducing girls to me and I don't have to approach or do the first action to meet them. Then I heard from pickup podcast that until I meet random women just by myself, I shouldn't be going for women on my social circle, which are like women from my work etc.
Relating this to your post man, I can see that when I go out alone I usually let my friends do the hardwork and just wait for them to introduce girls to me. I have been using them as a crutch and it made me lose confidence when I go out alone because I've been only getting to know women when I am with friends.

Fourth, it reduces competition. If you go hunting, even with a wing you know and trust, your wing may end up the target of your target's interest, instead of you. If you're alone, there's less chance for that to happen. And if you happen to have someone who is actively trying to compete or block you in your pack... well, all the worse still.

And fifth, it makes you more agile. You can adjust to a situation more quickly, readily and easily, going places and doing things more fluidly and effectively.

I personally know guys within my group of friends who got into a fight with each other due to a girl. Also I get that what you are also saying dude that if I happen to get in a competition with a guy that I don't know, that is much better than getting into a competition with a friend.
Lastly, yes going out alone makes me my own man who can make decisions independently on where I should go, where I should eat and so forth. Ever since I was young I have entirely relied on my parents and others for the decisions I could have made on my own.

Th..Thanks a lot Shannon. That's a lot of reasons for me to finally get out there by myself. No more excuses from now on.

[Shannon]

AM 3G? AM hasn't been built in 3G since... 2009 I think? 2010 and 2011 were 4G, just as 5.0 is. It sounds like you would benefit from running OF and then doing AM again, or possibly WM.

Just to clarify, I'm not saying that if you're going to get into a competition, it's better to get into one with a friend. I'm saying it's better not to get into a competition at all, friend or otherwise. Here's why.

When you are competing with someone else for a woman, you are making two mistakes. The first mistake is that you are putting her value above your own. The second mistake is that you are competing for her.

A man who has high value has options. Always. A man who has high value never needs to compete. In fact a truly high value man will not compete for the attention or affection of a woman. His point of view is, "If I am interested, and she wants to be with me, she'll act like it." For this man, a woman is with him because SHE wants to be... not because he needs her to be.

When a man competes for a woman, he is saying with his actions that she has greater value than he does, because it is he who must compete for her. If he was of higher value, she would be competing for him. What woman wants a man of lower value? I'll tell you two kinds. Broken women, and sexist women. And they are frequently one and the same. She wants a man of lower value so she can dominate and control him. If that's what you want, also, by all means. But if you want to have a woman's respect, you will never allow her to dominate or control you.

Competing for a woman is what betas and lower value males do, because they don't have (or don't think they have) options. Without options, every woman becomes much more valuable than his self assessment of value, and he assumes the submissive low value role.

Competing for a woman isn't just a sign of low value and low self esteem, it's a sign of insecurity. If you must compete for her, she does not really value you, and you as a strong man should have the attitude that - again - if she wants to be with you, she'll act like it. If she doesn't... walk away. You are better than that. You have more value than that. And you have options, which are obviously better than she is at that point.

So competing for a woman is a waste of your time and energy, time and energy that could be spent locating and enjoying the company of a woman who genuinely wants to be with you.

Never compete for a woman. Doing so only devalues you and tells her she can play around, and favorites. It says to her that you are weak and insecure, so she can play around and instead of walking away because you don't put up with crap like that, you'll compete for her out of desperation. And that desperation is probably why she's looking at other guys in the first place. She sees you're weak and desperate and wants a man who isn't.

[Javier Gerardo]

AM 3G? AM hasn't been built in 3G since... 2009 I think? 2010 and 2011 were 4G, just as 5.0 is. It sounds like you would benefit from running OF and then doing AM again, or possibly WM.

The one I have is the Alpha Male 2010 man. It was the version before the Alpha Male 2011. It's the one you cannot run when there are females around. I thought that was on 3G. Sorry about that.
I don't want to play it again because I'm staying at my parent's house and me and my sister is sleeping on the same room.
Anyway, yeah as soon as I have the money for AM Version 5.0 I will get it. This is why I'm still on ASC 5G because I still don't have enough money for it.
I'm currently on the look for a job and trying my best to get one that suits me well. So I have high hopes that I can finally afford it.

Just to clarify, I'm not saying that if you're going to get into a competition, it's better to get into one with a friend. I'm saying it's better not to get into a competition at all, friend or otherwise. Here's why.

When you are competing with someone else for a woman, you are making two mistakes. The first mistake is that you are putting her value above your own. The second mistake is that you are competing for her.

A man who has high value has options. Always. A man who has high value never needs to compete. In fact a truly high value man will not compete for the attention or affection of a woman. His point of view is, "If I am interested, and she wants to be with me, she'll act like it." For this man, a woman is with him because SHE wants to be... not because he needs her to be.

When a man competes for a woman, he is saying with his actions that she has greater value than he does, because it is he who must compete for her. If he was of higher value, she would be competing for him. What woman wants a man of lower value? I'll tell you two kinds. Broken women, and sexist women. And they are frequently one and the same. She wants a man of lower value so she can dominate and control him. If that's what you want, also, by all means. But if you want to have a woman's respect, you will never allow her to dominate or control you.

Competing for a woman is what betas and lower value males do, because they don't have (or don't think they have) options. Without options, every woman becomes much more valuable than his self assessment of value, and he assumes the submissive low value role.

Competing for a woman isn't just a sign of low value and low self esteem, it's a sign of insecurity. If you must compete for her, she does not really value you, and you as a strong man should have the attitude that - again - if she wants to be with you, she'll act like it. If she doesn't... walk away. You are better than that. You have more value than that. And you have options, which are obviously better than she is at that point.

So competing for a woman is a waste of your time and energy, time and energy that could be spent locating and enjoying the company of a woman who genuinely wants to be with you.

Never compete for a woman. Doing so only devalues you and tells her she can play around, and favorites. It says to her that you are weak and insecure, so she can play around and instead of walking away because you don't put up with crap like that, you'll compete for her out of desperation. And that desperation is probably why she's looking at other guys in the first place. She sees you're weak and desperate and wants a man who isn't.

I also agree on that the best way to a competition with women is to never get into competition at all. I just pointed out competition in cases wherein its inevitable. Like there were cases when a girl at a club flirts and goes for you even in front of her boyfriend. There were also a time when a girlfriend or FWB (either way I don't care) of one of my friends wanted to go with me because they had a fight with each other. In cases like these I give respect to her boyfriend and ignore her advances.

My friends have applauded me for being a guy who avoids competition in regards to women. For instance when at a venue me and my friend both like a certain girl, I tend to give in and look for other girls instead that I also want. Now when I think of about this, I also know that as an Alpha Male I should be able to decide what I want and go for it. So I think that when I like a girl I should go for it and not think whether my friends like her also or not. But what do you think dude? Do I misinterpret what you mean?

In the end, I really want to get the "abundance mentality" in my head. I don't want to be a needy guy.

Of course my current thinking is way opposite of what I used to. Where I live the culture of courting girls is still very much active. So when I was young I quickly adapted the idea that if you want a girl you need to win her either through giving her flowers, doing deeds for her or slaying the dragon protecting her castle (yeah I played a lot of video games when I was a kid) .

[Shannon]

There is never a time when competing for a woman is inevitable. You either choose to compete or not.

Even if she's someone you have never met, competing is unnecessary. You simply make her aware of you and enjoy her company, and if she is interested, she will signal that fact and you can move forward. Without having competed.

If I was married, and another man came onto my wife, I would not have to worry, because it takes two to tango. She will either reject said advances and show that she wants to be my wife, or she will accept them and get kicked to the curb. It's not a competition. She's taken. He is in the wrong for trying to go after a married woman. She is in the wrong, if she entices or responds. But there is nothing competing is going to do about it. I either have a woman who chooses to be with me, or she doesn't. If she does, I have nothing to worry about. If she doesn't, she's gone, and I move on.

Competition is never necessary. Even in a culture where kissing a woman's ass to get her to notice you is standard practice. Why? Because if everyone else is kissing her ass and you nonchalantly don't, but simply enjoy talking to her, guess what? You're showing yourself to not be beta, you're showing yourself to be different, and you're showing yourself to be interested in something other than tits and ass. And women will always take notice of that and usually appreciate it as well.

And if they don't, guess what? They're not mature enough to be worth going after regardless.

Present yourself, enjoy her company, and let go of need or expectation. It will polarize the women in response. The ones worth your time will make that fact very obvious for you... and the rest will fall away.

[Javier Gerardo]

Okay I get your point man. Thanks.
Now a bit of an update.

I went out again last weekend by myself. The good thing is that I was able now to go inside bar and get myself a drink. While on my way there I saw some guys I know before. They are part of the local PUA community and they are wondering why I am alone. I told them I'm going solo sarging. They got my number and I got theirs as well.

While I'm at the bar I still keep on thinking about how others are perceiving me. I'm trying not to but it's hard man. I also felt that the waiter who gave my drink is kind of looking at me like shit because I went there alone. To ease my stress I chatted him up a bit and I noticed that he's kind of hitting on some girls. Aside from that I saw a really beautiful woman with two gay guys. Then I wonder if anyone would approach her because it seems that a lot of guys are eyeing her out. I then positioned myself near her even though our eyes never made any eye contact. My head is thinking "she's out of your league blah blah." Yeah I lost it again. Every time I meet or saw a girl who is beautiful I seem to think of self-defeating thoughts like "If only I was a bit taller, If only I have a much bigger body, If only I have a great job blah blah." These are killing me dude. I know I should change this habit but I keep on doing them.

Not much happened aside from me just hanging around and drinking. I saw a group of guys and one of them approached the girls on the dance floor. I could have approached her too but I feel the girls are below my standards (too much thinking again).

[Sean]

Javier,

I think you should take on a challenge. Something like a 100-approach challenge or get 10 rejections in the next 30 days. Fear tells us where to lean: if you're afraid of being rejected, you need to start going out there to get rejected as many times as it takes until you learn that it's not nearly as bad as you thought.

Courage is doing something even though it causes you fear.