How I Believe that with SD 5.11 My Life Will Change

[MrGnome]

Chapter:  1,

The beginning..

Why am I trying to make it look like a book?, Because I decided to do multiple runs of SD.., So it will become easier to know wich run you are reading and I will also add shotcut's to future runs later on..

anyway lets begin with the firs SD run:


Welp, Tonight is the time guys : D

Finally SD time! 

what is the biggest reason for me to use it? Other than fix my self esteem issues? 

This: 

1: Helpfull For Dealing With Autism!:

Since my seizure attack, When I was only 3 years old the doctors found my Autism, The PDD-NOS version

I revert back to not being able to talk untill I was 5 years old and I started to talk like normal again..

I was also guilible and always believed what people told me and I always did what people asked of me. 

As a result I have been on: the one being bullied part,being the bullie (unknowingly).. and the bystander part... 

I used to hate hugs,Untill I became a teenage pervert and liked the idea of having boobs touch my chest hehe... untill I got older again and now I love hugs because of the affection it represents . 

I also learned to look people in the eyes thanks to my old jackass job coach who criticised my hobby.. 

However I still get easily stressed out.. I'm still not 100% perfect at reading body language, I'm also scared and uncomfortable to make small talk with others, thinking I might be a creep or something.. 

Wich is weird when you think about it with logic... Because despite being fat I still mostly came across as cute and people always came to me to start making conversations first, Making me think that maby I was born with some part of Aura of Love..

I had 5 girls being attracted to me in my first 21 years (not at the same time lol), I mainly rejected most of them because I didn't had said attraction.. except for one and I was curious what dating was all about and wanted to know what love was to figure it out.. 

I guess I somehow did fell in love because I was very hurt when I got dumped by her later on.. in retrospect I couldn't blame her since we lived far appart and my mother was more restrictive back then, So I couldn't really visit het often to begin with... 

Thank god, My mother is more easy on me when it comes to meetings (mainly thanks to google maps..) 

I also had the believe to better do nothing then screw something up wich results in that I dont do anything at work untill I know what I excatly need to do first.. (luckly my past subs/exp have lessend this but it's still present..) 

2: Overcomming Addictions:

I know it's mainly talking about drugs but mayby it's also helpfull for: 

Gaming: I know it's my hobby but still..

Porn: I mean I'm hopeless with seducing woman, Since I have no idea how I did it in the past to begin with : s.. 

Eating: I eat alot to get rid of feelings like: Stress, Boredom, Fear, Insecureties. (I also gained alot of weight again over the past month's...)

Needless Money spending: I mainly buy stuff I believe I need (wich turns out to now always be the case..) I'm also highly effected by limited deals or how I'm feeling.. I also do it to get rid of boredom and make a day "speciale"

[MrGnome]

Day 3:

Welp Despite Slow improvements, I'm back to being tired again.., I guess this means the resistance is back.. but as always I will keep on fighting! (even if I have to start taking cafaine pills... I never was a fan of neither coffee or thee..)

[Shannon]

Day 3:

Welp Despite Slow improvements, I'm back to being tired again.., I guess this means the resistance is back.. but as always I will keep on fighting! (even if I have to start taking cafaine pills... I never was a fan of neither coffee or thee..)

Tired doesn't always mean resistance.  It can also mean the program is intense to input-unpack-decipher-execute, and it can also mean there are intense amounts of physical change going on.  

When was the last time you took a break from subliminals, and how long was your break?

[MrGnome]

Day 3:

Welp Despite Slow improvements, I'm back to being tired again.., I guess this means the resistance is back.. but as always I will keep on fighting! (even if I have to start taking cafaine pills... I never was a fan of neither coffee or thee..)

Tired doesn't always mean resistance.  It can also mean the program is intense to input-unpack-decipher-execute, and it can also mean there are intense amounts of physical change going on.  

When was the last time you took a break from subliminals, and how long was your break?

Let's see.. 16 aug was the last OGSF2 day and I started this one on 24 aug..

Meaning I should have completed the one week rest suggestion..

Edit: I should have added those 6 days off with it, shouldn't I?

[Shannon]

Tired doesn't always mean resistance.  It can also mean the program is intense to input-unpack-decipher-execute, and it can also mean there are intense amounts of physical change going on.  

When was the last time you took a break from subliminals, and how long was your break?

Let's see.. 16 aug was the last OGSF2 day and I started this one on 24 aug..

Meaning I should have completed the one week rest suggestion..

Edit: I should have added those 6 days off with it, shouldn't I?

The proper way to rest your brain between long runs is to finish the on and off days, and then take a while off. 

How many days off did you take?  Just the normal off cycle days?

[MrGnome]

Let's see.. 16 aug was the last OGSF2 day and I started this one on 24 aug..

Meaning I should have completed the one week rest suggestion..

Edit: I should have added those 6 days off with it, shouldn't I?

The proper way to rest your brain between long runs is to finish the on and off days, and then take a while off. 

How many days off did you take?  Just the normal off cycle days?

Autoconfig make me use OGSFV2 with 7 days on and 4 days off, After I did my last day on, I took a 7 days rest before I started using SD 5.11..

[Shannon]

The proper way to rest your brain between long runs is to finish the on and off days, and then take a while off. 

How many days off did you take?  Just the normal off cycle days?

Autoconfig make me use OGSFV2 with 7 days on and 4 days off, After I did my last day on, I took a 7 days rest before I started using SD 5.11..

Okay.  Did you feel like you were rested by the end of that 7 days off?

[MrGnome]

Autoconfig make me use OGSFV2 with 7 days on and 4 days off, After I did my last day on, I took a 7 days rest before I started using SD 5.11..

Okay.  Did you feel like you were rested by the end of that 7 days off?

Not fully but still pretty rested, Yes.

[Shannon]

Okay.  Did you feel like you were rested by the end of that 7 days off?

Not fully but still pretty rested, Yes.

That should be sufficient then.

[MrGnome]

Day 7:

I feel inspired and getting more idea's for youtube video's to make, Also I noticed I'm checking woman out more often and feel way less guilty about then in the past.

[MrGnome]

Day 20:

it's been up and down lately.. at some points I feel awesome like I can do everything..

and at other moments I feel way to tired to do anything, Wich might have something to do porn usage....

I also found out why I'm desperate for an relationship with a woman.. (other then the want for sex ofcourse...)

It's because despite every sub/exp I still have the biggest fear left.. the fear to lose my friends and become lonely again..

For a long time I was part of a big friend group despite my fears,Negativity and insecurities.. but over time it broke down to my D&D group.. + 1 extra

However since the day the couple that was part of the D&D group broke up things got awkward..

at first things went like always with even a meeting, After that meeting things went downhill with a cancelled meeting and D&D being officially dead..

My friend kept the hope to get back with the girl that left him and I kept the hope things would be okay and we would get back together to play D&D and have fun together again..

I even visited my friend during , vacation to cheer him up and have fun together and things are still good between us thank god..

Still today I heard from him that his ex got someone else now.. meaning our hopes are officialy dead..

I felt sad for him but that's how live goes.. It also made me realise that relationship aren't a guarantee you wont get ditched and never be lonely again..

I of course tried to help him as best as I can and hope things will get better for him..

I also dont know if I can still be friends with her.. considering the fact she's a voice actor and I always had the fear of disturbing her during her job.. and now even more awkward because my buddy is hurt now..

What I do now, Is that I need to learn to take inniative and plan more meetings with the friends I can hang out with for now...

Hopefully I will never lose them though.. Or I'm Alpha enough to deal with it and easly make new friends and getting a girlfriend on my own who wont ditch me hehe..

It also shows me how important it is to finally become dependent on my own love, Instead of always leaching on others..

although there are some improvements with SD now: Like trying things out more, being more calm in bad situations (when it's not depended on social relations with people or my porn usage..)

the bright view on the future is in it's up and down state now.. but it's okay I'm still not done with the first month after all... and I know I made the right choice to use SD for 4 runs, AM6 for 1 run, and AM7 for 4 runs as well..

Because once I'm done with this plan, I'm not only will I be able to not only help myself out better but my friends as well..

(also for a few more context:

1- I had a female friend in my old friend group who ditched me simply because I was part of the group..

2- My ex ditched me, Only to replace me with another guy, Back when I was 19 years old..)

So I'm sure these things might also still play a part in my subconcious..

SD-AM6-AM7-SD-AM7-SD-AM7-SD-AM7..

[Shannon]

First, focus on understanding WHY you're seeking for others to make you not feel lonely. Everyone gets lonely, but you always have yourself to turn to. I was once in shoes similar to yours. I was always too afraid to try to make myself the focus of my own happiness. When my mother died I was finally forced to turn to myself for attention, love and entertainment. Circumstances beyond my control forced this on me for 2 years straight until I developed the changes I needed. And I learned that I can always turn to myself for approval, kindness, consideration, care, love, entertainment and happiness. I hope you manage to do that without having it forced on you like it was forced on me. But I found that I can enjoy quiet and solitude. There is always something interesting I can think about. I turned cooking for myself into an adventure and a learning experience and it was lots of fun to learn what cuts of meat were what, how to butcher them, and how to cook them and make them incredibly delicious. I would go to Wal Mart and buy movie discs from the $3-4-5 bin and watch a movie while I ate each night. Or I would go out and hike in the woods, or spend time at the beach enjoying the breeze and the sounds of the ocean while I contemplated interesting questions. Or I would go out and do photography, or go metal detecting. Or teach myself programming. I learned how to smoke foods. And gardening. I also learned how to build interesting things. And I played D&D during the rare times when I had people worth trying to game with, and everyone was free and able and willing to get together for a game.

But ultimately, I had myself 99% of the time. And when I came out of that 2 years of solitude, I was perfectly fine with that. I could make myself my company and be perfectly happy. And when I did that successfully, you know what happened? I stopped looking for companionship. And the moment I genuinely didn't need it and stopped looking... my life came alive with it. Because I wasn't needing it, and focusing on that need, which is really a focus on the lack of something, which the universe understands to mean that you want more of that lack of whatever, and it provides it to you happily until you get it and change.

It's not about alpha-ness, although a genuine alpha is self reliant and sufficient when life calls for it. It's about being self reliant and self sufficient, which doesn't require all of what being an alpha requires.

[MrGnome]

Day 34:

I still dont fully know why I'm seeking others but I'm going through my Inferiority complex right now..

It's not fun but it did come with a improvement where before I just gave up, Now I'm trying to compete.. but still feel like I lack skill in singing and acting and not as good as others but atleast I will try now on Youtube..

I also have random moments where I feel sad, I dont know if it's only my inferiority complex or more but I guess I wil find out later.

[Shannon]

Feeling like you're not as good is different than being not as good. One is an emotional response, and one is a fact. The emotional subconscious can create all sorts of lenses through which to color your conscious view of the physical world, but these lenses are often based on beliefs that lack any factuality. One can me made to "feel" just about anything, which is why the mainstream news media has become such a load of propagandist BS in the last 10 years. They're trying hard to get you to feel fear, uncertainty and doubt, and thus control what you choose, think, believe and do.

Facts don't care about your feelings, as they saying goes. Feeling like you're not as good doesn't mean you're not as good, and even if you're actually not as good, it doesn't mean you cannot develop the skill. Those feelings are based on beliefs that your emotional subconscious holds which are counter to what SD is attempting to accomplish, and when they conflict with it, the established beliefs try to push themselves forward to maintain status quo. But like fear, those beliefs are typically based on anything but facts. And you are a dynamic human, who can and does change.

If, in fact, you're not as good as others, ask yourself this: Is comparing myself to others necessary? Useful? Helpful? And if so, what do I do about it? If not, why am I doing it?

In this case, if it is useful, then consider the situation logically. Logically, if you are trying to compete for something, and you're not as good, then you have the following choices:
1. You can determine where you're factually not as good as those you're competing with, and develop those skills and areas until you are better than they are. This is what the winner does.
2.You can conclude that for whatever reason, competing in this direction is not going to produce the desired result, and focus your efforts in a different direction. This route can be what the realist does (if they are thinking clearly and logically) or what the quitter does (if the "logical analysis" is really just a fear response and cop-out).
3. You can give up and do nothing, and just stagnate. This is the path of the person who would rather just breathe and sit around than accomplish anything in life.

The key takeaway here is that sometimes competition is possible and worth the cost, and sometimes it is not. Only you can determine what is "worth the cost". But outside of something like competing for a hand modeling job, when you have no hands... pretty much everything else is possible, as long as you put in the effort and energy and time and focus. So the question becomes... is the end goal worth what it will cost me to develop?

The first thing you'll "hear" is the emotional response, answering in the way that it always has, which is likely in the negative. Ignore that. Think about it logically. Do a cost/benefit analysis. Figure out what the costs and benefits are and then determine how much you really want the benefit, and compare that to the cost. And try not to let those emotional beliefs and responses influence this logical analysis. Allowing yourself to be too emotional in your thinking and responses is just as bad as being too logical. You want to achieve a balance.

By the way, have you ever used BROP or Balance Your Brain Hemispheres? I think I recall you used BROP.