Level Up: An AM6 Journal

[thectexperience1]

Here to keep myself accountable, be able to look back on the changes, and give back to the space.

I started on 28 June. Day 9 was a Monday. I went in to the busy city to work and noticed a few more turned heads, or eyes caught looking and quickly turning away when I looked over. I don't take it for granted enough yet though. I look for it, and that ruins the effect.

Haven't had the struggles some have described, but I have noted old behaviours. Why do I waste mental energy on anticipating others' movements so I can get out of their way or give them more space? There is a difference between being considerate and being unable to relax in public places. The gym I go to has  narrow S bend as you enter the changeroom. Do I walk in naturally and make room to squeeze past someone if necessary, or do I make myself smaller and use only half the space even when nobody is there? In general, I've realised my sense of ethics and live-and-let-live attitude is bound up with issues about asserting myself.

These aren't wholly new insights. The issues are bound up with being an overthinker, and they dissipate with a good party, sexual experience or workout. But man it would be good to move past them in a more permanent way.

[thectexperience1]

So I'm approaching the 1 month mark. Last post I meant to say 28 May was the start date, not June obviously.
At this point I've stopped caring about the things I mentioned last time. When I'm out, the focus is on the goal of what's getting done, so those sort of niceties are not an issue. I'm in my own thing.
Obviously that kind of attitude makes people notice you, but the attention feels like a distraction now, or even an annoyance. I don't want to get caught up in it.
As far as resistance, I wouldn't call it that exactly. There were times around the 2-week mark where I felt like I couldn't think when the audio was playing, like it was already too much and there was no room left in my brain for intellectual creativity. That lasted a few days. It does make me question how the super learning/brain-power type subs could be worthwhile given the sub itself is taking up mental energy.
I also had a dream where I was talking to this nice old man. Tricking stream was playing and he was friendly but also trying to leave in order to distance himself from the sound. Sorry, old man, this ain't for you.

[thectexperience1]

Day 32 is done and dusted. Lately I've been feeling as sure of myself as I have during some very good periods in my life. Some opportunities have come up recently to lock myself in to present and promote my work in major fora in a couple of months' time, and I haven't blinked. The challenges other described haven't arisen for me so far. Looking forward to pushing things further in the next stage.

[thectexperience1]

It's early days, but while Stage 1 put me in a good place it feels like Stage 2 is the real juice. I've already noticed myself answering people more directly. This morning, I was sitting outside in the sun replying to some emails when this young girl pulled a "girl opener" by stopping and letting her dog run around near my feet. A confident energy is a calm energy.
And this is only the 3rd night on Stage 2...

[thectexperience1]

There is a line on the AM page about doing what needs to be done. So maybe this is related or maybe it isn't...
But in the past week I filed 3 years of tax returns
Then went to a skin cancer clinic. Being a white Aussie and a beach kid, this had been on my to-do list for a long time. The doctor spent an hour cutting something suspicious-looking out of my torso and left me nursing several stitches
Paying off debts in more ways than one

[thectexperience1]

Onto the final week of Stage 2

I've been in my bubble for 2 weeks healing from the surgery. Solitude is bliss for me, but surprisingly coming out of the bubble on Saturday was completely chill also. I was telling friends I haven't seen in a long time about this big opportunity coming up for me that motivated me to start this program. I noticed I wasn't hyping it or trying to impress anyone. If anything, I was playing it down and being humble.

Also noticed myself being more verbally assertive, often shorter and to the point. Having a neurotic/socially anxious adolescence, I'd since associated talking a lot with confidence. How wrong is that!

It caused me to reflect on being the oldest sibling and having a semi-absent father. It's become a habit to seek out the consensus position where everyone's needs are met. This sounds laudable. The issue is confusing your own needs/wants with the consensus position you are needing/wanting to find. You can lose yourself and even confuse other people, because you are trying to discover what they want when they don't even know themselves.

(This tendency actually merges with some astrological positions in my chart - if anyone is interested in this)

The changes are rippling into my relationship. One example - my partner's kink is me being attractive to and potentially hooking up with other girls. I've skirted around this for a long while and just let her tell me about it on the occasion when she's had a dream about it or got herself off to the fantasy.

The other day, I took her to bed, got her phone and brought up a hot story based on this fantasy. I kissed her neck while she read the story, and over about 15min she started grinding on me, then I told her to touch herself with her free hand, and eventually she told me to fuck her like one of the "other girls" in the bar in the story. This level of full role play, we've only done twice before in the two years since this fantasy came out.

It's funny that I'm such a stud in her brain. Today on my lunch break, I went for coffee and the barista was this young girl who was obviously joking around with her two work friends when I walked in. So I "caught her" being goofy. She made the coffee while I stood by the door, and when she brought it over she was such smiles and eyes and open body language and positivity that I literally flinched away. So I actually have a way to go before I'm that guy who is holding space and enjoying himself in any situation.

[thectexperience1]

2 more nights on Stage 2 to go

Continuing to cruise. If anything, my life is easier now, because I'm not concerned about how what I want to do is going to fit into the social landscape of my life. 

I feel my mind must be embracing what the program is telling me. Perhaps Stage 3 will kick my ass, who knows.

I've been having vivid dreams and higher than usual REM sleep according to my tracker. Two nights in a row now I've woken up from a dream in the middle of the night and felt inexplicable melancholy. Both times the player next to my bed had stopped. I reset it to play for the rest of the night and woke up feeling buoyant again. Strange, but good.

[thectexperience1]

Night of 31 July, first night on Stage 3

[thectexperience1]

We need to update the outcomes list...
#121 Get the nod of recognition from dudes you don't even know
???

[thectexperience1]

Stage 3, 12 nights in. I can't remember if there is a bit on the product page about manifesting beautiful women, but I am experiencing more female beauty. Instead of looking "at" women, so to speak, my gaze is more relaxed, and when I see an attractive woman I'm more attentive to her movement, facial expressions, behaviour and "energy" than to her body as an object. So I am appreciating women much more. I find myself smiling at women sometimes for no reason with no agenda, and I notice people smiling at me for no reason too, I assume because my presence is more calm and peaceful than it was until recently. It's not what you might be expecting from an "alpha" program but it's been great so far.

[thectexperience1]

Sex drive and sexual energy and presence have shot way up over the past few days. I've got such a strong gaze/look going on too. Where before I was more the charming/flirtatious guy, I am finding myself just laying it on people in a more dominant way. Guys I don't know continuing to say "hey man" or nod to me. Good times

[thectexperience1]

Fell asleep out of nowhere this afternoon listening to Stage 3. Sudden, deep sleep and I awoke with a series of memories tracing my sexual history. I tried my best to make peace with myself for accepting the limiting beliefs I was surrounded by as a younger person. Being present with sexual drive and desire, instead of compensating for the past or rationalising how I think I should express sex drive in the context of my life.
Stage 4 starts Friday

[thectexperience1]

First night of Stage 4 was 1 September
I'm mindful of talking too much about things still unfolding, but to reflect on Stage 3, the new element was attentiveness. Men and women, especially women, became attentive, well-behaved even. I didn't need rapport or charm. It could happen, but it wasn't necesassry to be able to deal with people.

[thectexperience1]

Quick note that I am kicking off Stage 5 this evening, 3 October.
A career shift that was set up in May came into effect in September during Stage 4. With life suddenly so different, I can't say what Stage 4 did for me. All I can say is I have mostly been cruising through what some might see as challenging circumstances.
There were a lot of new things to process and so there were 3 or 4 nights in the first week of Stage 4 where processing all the subliminal messaging felt overwhelming. Luckily that passed by the end of the first week.