OF4 - Frosted

[ncbeareatingman]

I’m not sure if I’m experiencing OGSF TID or not because some shame has been coming up. But then again shame seems to be coming up along with the fear lately. I would say fear is my biggest problem followed closely by shame. I’m sure I have problems with guilt, it’s just way lower than fear and shame. I seem to have dealt with it better over the years of subs, cause I use to have a lot of guilting due to my mom’s toxic parenting.

It wouldn’t make sense for me to be experiencing TID yet since I don’t plan to run OGSF till I finish my 7 months of OF and I still have about 2 months (1.5 without a two week break) till I’ll be running it. Unless TID can suddenly hit 2 months in advance it’s likely just shame entangled with the fear, which seems to be the case for a lot of the fear I’ve been dealing with lately.

For example in school a lot I would disrupt class with jokes and some of the time my classmates would ridicule me or the teacher would punish me. This would result in a mixture of shame and fear.

I’m excited as hell for my OGSF run. I’ve already made so much progress on OF4, but it’s not enough. I want more. I can’t live like I’ve been living, I need to get to the root of my problems.

Frosted, Me too Man, I know exactly what you mean!
I've come A long way with OF,as well ,and I ,too, want to get to some even deeper root causes,as such , I must. I can't continue as it has been, it's just too friggin much !!

Gawd, can I relate!! For Me, by the time I actually start out on the OGSF Journey , it will have been 7 months in total. OGSF , I'm READY for it, too! Great post man and much furthered progress!!

[Frosted]

@ncbeareatingman Thanks Keith. It becomes more true the longer I run OF4.


I’ve been really irritable lately so much that at times I find it hard for me to de-escalate myself like I normally do when I feel any kind of irritation. The dreams lately have been really intense and on the nose and I’ve been going through some heavy fear lately. I’ve recently been using 20 minutes of ASR at the start of my OF4 cycles and it has helped so much. I find the journey so much more enjoyable with ASR.

[Frosted]

This will likely be my last post in this journal. I came short of 6 months on OF4 by 1 cycle. I’m moving on to OGSF after a week break.

Edit: I may or may not update one more time to give a gist of my progress on OF4. But for now the TLDR version is: it went really deep and I overcame a lot of fear, but I’m hungry for more. I still have major core issues and OF4 has only revealed how flawed I am and how much work I need to put in.