EP's UH (Universal Healing) Journal

[EvolvingPhoenix]

So I just was taking a leak. I had placed my phone against something on the shelf above my toilet so I could listen to a Youtube video. It fell into the toilette bowl while I was peeing.

This has been a concern of mine every time I've had my phone in hand in the restroom since I've started using subs. I used to always wonder if my subconscious was going to try to pull something sneaky. I've gotten to where I just put in on the bathroom counter until I'm done.

Well in this case, it wasn't my subconscious pulling something sneaky, it was just me being a dumbass. I still managed to listen to subs for the night while keeping the phone in rice overnight (despite it working again already) by just playing the subs on a playlist on my PC. So it's all good in the hood. Next time, I will keep UV sanitizer on hand so I don't make that stupid mistake twice with the sanitizer. 

As for the water, I'll just have to be more careful next time and not do that again.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

UPDATE:

I am noticing that the UH subliminal's E5 module is DEFINITELY helping me to forgive and move on from the past. Hard feelings over the friendship breakup, as well as other things from my past, are now going away increasingly day by day. Forgiving and moving on has never been easier for me! That alone makes this subliminal worth every penny I spent! Thank you Shannon!

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Oof. I must have spoken too soon. I am having some REAL issues today. Anger and resentment rising up. I am trying to figure out what it is that I truly want, so I can manifest it by placing myself in the emotional state of having it, instead of focusing more upon what it is that I don't want, and am tired of having. I have a lot of resentment over unfair ways I've been treated and a strong desire to change things. I know I'm in my own way, and want to get out of it. To change my vibrational output to one which attracts that which I want, but I'm so stuck on resentments over the past. Deep resentment and grudge holding. I think my refusal to forgive is out of a stubborn need to hold onto whatever it is I think I will lose by forgiving. I am sure of my own internal resistance being the true thing that is in the way of my desired manifestations. So how do I change what I choose to believe in and what feelings and thoughts I choose to focus my attention on so I can get what I want? I'm looking to change my energy from resenting what I don't want to that which is in alignment with getting what I DO want. So how do I figure out what that truly is, so I can focus on that?

I resent being mistreated and then my mistreatment being justified, rationalized, nicewashed and then any acknowledgments of it being handwaved with fake positivity and pseudo-optimism, and then being disappointed when hoping for change. So how do I change that. How do I manifest what I DO want? What is the opposite of all that, that I DO want? I want it all acknowledged for what it truly is. So I must do that myself. So what's stopping me? that's what needs to heal.

I don't believe myself. I need to heal whatever is stopping me from believing myself when I say "I deserve better" IT seems there's a mountain of preprogrammed bullshit I need to get rid of to do that.

[Shannon]

Either you don't understand what forgiveness is, or you have forgotten.

You do not forgive for the other person. You forgive for yourself. It is letting go of those things so that you can move on with your life, and stop poisoning yourself and your life with the negative emotions and responses.

Most people erroneously believe that forgiving means "dropping the charges" and allowing someone to get away with something in the past and do it to you again. That's why people resist forgiveness. But that's not forgiveness at all. It's stupid.

Forgiveness is letting go of the past, because you cannot change it. What is, is, and what has been is also. But getting stuck on it hen you cannot change it is only wasting your energy, focusing you into negativity and poisoning you as a result. It doesn't hurt them; it hurts you and holds you back and wastes your time.

Forgiveness is allowing yourself to let go of holding on to those things, generating that poisonous negativity and focusing on things you cannot change instead of making changes in the now that you can make. It does not mean "forget and allow it to happen again", it means learn what you can, let it go and then live your life.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

That makes sense Shannon.

I cannot change the past, that's true.

I think I need to take all that kindness, compassion, fairness in judgement and commitment and loyalty I always wanted from others and apply it to having it for myself.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

The more I work through things and look into what's stopping me from doing the things I have always wanted to do, the more it just comes down to fear. I need this subliminal, but once I'm done with it, I need OF. I really underestimated how much fear there is to clear. There is A LOT. I look forward to the benefits of both UH and OFv3. I should be doing A LOT better in life once I've done 6 months of each.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Shit. I think I missed my first night of playthroughs for the cycle last night. Well I'm remembering tonight. I hope this doesn't throw things off too much.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

So I had my phone next to me, on the charger when I was sleeping last night. Turns out it wasn't charging though. Must not have been positioned right. I need to get a new battery for this phone. It is becoming increasingly difficult to charge correctly. I dunno if that ruined the loop or not. I can tell though that UH IS working very well. I am just... in a very different place emotionally than I was when I started. This is exactly what I needed. I just need to be able to hold a charge better and keep better track of days on and off.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

I still have much healing left to do. I keep vacillating between feeling like I'm finally moving on from past incidents that caused immense pain and feeling like I'm still stuck in the energy of them and in pain. or more like depression.

Shannon is right though. I investigate the part of me that doesn't want to forgive and I think that part of me doesn't want to forgive because the act of forgiveness ITSELF feels like letting someone mistreat me. Like validating that what they did was okay and acceptable, when I know it's not. I think we hold onto grudges because forgiving feels like validating that we don't deserve better.

It's hard to get around that.

And on the other hand, there's just this immense feeling of push/pull in so many different directions. I feel like I can't enjoy anything because anything I desire I also desire the opposite of and I can't get any pleasure out of anything now.

I hate it.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

I am realizing that even though I know the harsh and unfair judgements and treatment of others to have been hypocritical, unfair and based on self projected bullshit, I still hold onto it because I still have a part of me that at the very least fears it may be valid. This part of me that is deeply ashamed and resentful. This part of me stands in the way of forgiveness and healing and self love, and I'm having a hard time changing it. It is very beautiful and sunny out today, but I am in a very painful emotional place and as such, am in a bad mood, to put things mildly.

I'm sure UH is working, but I feel as though I've hit some sort of snag that I really want to get past, and don't know what to do. Hopefully, the UH will keep doing it's thing and I'll make it past this hurtle. I am trying to meditate in order to facilitate the process. Hard time with that as well.

[User_000]

I am realizing that even though I know the harsh and unfair judgements and treatment of others to have been hypocritical, unfair and based on self projected bullshit, I still hold onto it because I still have a part of me that at the very least fears it may be valid. This part of me that is deeply ashamed and resentful. This part of me stands in the way of forgiveness and healing and self love, and I'm having a hard time changing it. It is very beautiful and sunny out today, but I am in a very painful emotional place and as such, am in a bad mood, to put things mildly.

I'm sure UH is working, but I feel as though I've hit some sort of snag that I really want to get past, and don't know what to do. Hopefully, the UH will keep doing it's thing and I'll make it past this hurtle. I am trying to meditate in order to facilitate the process. Hard time with that as well.

Yeah this kind of situations at first seems hopeless and impossible, eventually with enough use and time you can overcome them until the emotions holding you back wears off and even after that it may not be the end, at least you will have more freedom to decide how to deal with it, I'll suggest to let your emotions go wild of course without identifying with them and you will feel better after doing so, in my experience at least is possible to do it with fear or you can just accept it, not believing it that's different, probably will be a living hell but not impossible (says someone who thought was hopeless), but anyway you will know how to deal with it.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

I'm trying. Thanks for the advice man. I appreciate your input.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

UPDATE:

So...

First thing's first: I just re-read the UH description page and learned that I'm supposed to go 9 days on, 5 days off. I've been going 9 days on, 6 days off. I remembered it wrong. D'oh!

I might stick with that anyway though, as it makes it A LOT easier to keep track of days than if I were doing it the other way. After all, it still seems to have been working.

Secondly, I just noticed that by the end of this month, I will have effectively reached the end of my first run through. Hmm...

I didn't realize I was already almost 6 months in! I was wondering what to do next? If I have the money, I'm considering buying OF.

I just checked, and it looks like I have ~$180 in my checking and ~600 in my savings.

I COULD buy OF, which would be useful for moving forward in my goals. I have a lot of things I've been meaning to do, but I wrestle heavily with procrastination, and I'm thinking OF might help me a lot with that issue.

On the other hand, I have MLS (the latest version) and it could be used to help me learn guitar and other stuff. Of course it didn't help me as much last time as I thought it would.

I COULD keep using UH, as it has helped me come A LONG WAY in my healing (although I still haven't reached a place of forgiveness, so I still have much healing to do)

I'm honestly not quite certain what to do?

Should I just go another 6 months with UH and get a full year's worth of healing in? Should I buy OF and see if 6 months of that helps me overcome my procrastination? I don't think I'll opt to go with MLS again just yet...

What should I do? I'm not certain. I got roughly a month to figure out how to proceed next.

I have majour goals though that I need to stop procrastinating on in order to move forward in life, and I DO get a sense that fear is standing in the way. Still that fear is most likely fear of not being good enough, which UH might be able to heal.

@Shannon
Which program do you think is more likely to help better with my procrastination problem? UH or OF? I'm asking because if OF helps, I might just get that and save a second run-through of UH for another time.

[User_000]

Dude, if I'm not mistaken UH was released on february, so at the end of this month will be 5 months (using UH) since release.

In your place I will check how was the process with UH, if it wasn't that hard to heal then OFv3 should be fine, on the other hand maybe wait for the next update, is just my logic.