12-10-2021, 03:51 PM
Been thinking about using DMSI. As I am doing night game and more socialising than I used to, I'm becoming very curious how that sub may affect me.
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Posts: 296
Threads: 8 Joined: Dec 2018
Posts: 296
Threads: 8 Joined: Dec 2018
12-11-2021, 03:23 PM
(This post was last modified: 12-11-2021, 03:27 PM by SaltyMeatballs.)
Day 73 / 180
Went on a Tinder date. This is my first in a veeeeerry long time. I was nervous as f*ck. As we had more drinks, things slowly improved. We connected on a number of topics. I will be seeing her again that's for sure. I felt alot of fear and insecurities about myself bubble up. I think that deep down, some part of me believes that "I do not deserve love" and that I am defienct in some way. I have a fear of intimacy and it's something I've avoided for far too long.
Posts: 296
Threads: 8 Joined: Dec 2018
12-12-2021, 11:38 AM
Going to vent a bit...
I feel very a afraid of never being able to find my true calling in life and that I will die having never lived up to my true potential. I am trying to find it but I am not even sure if it's possible for me. I feel like a boat just drifting in the middle of the ocean without a captain to steer it anywhere, indecisive and confused about where to go, paralyzed by inner demons, limiting beliefs and insecurities. I don't care about girls, having lots of friends or money. But living a life where I'm just grinding through the day, trying to make some ends meet frightens me. Currently I am travelling and tryjng to immerse myself into foreign cultures and meet new people. I don't even want to go home because routine makes me sick and especially during the pandemic, the last thing I want is to be stuck in a room punching the computer keys. "Live with your lips pressed against your fears, kissing your fears, neither pulling back nor aggressively violating them." I want to just let go, flow and immerse myself into something creative where I can play god and enjoy the process of making something for its own sake similar to how I was a kid in a sandbox. I think I am just too damn serious. I think dancing or playing a music instrument would really help to put me into that sate. "Practice love instead of trying to bring an end to the quality that bothers you" I have long struggled with love. Ever since I was a teenager I hated myself. Meditation and spirituality have helped me to love myself more and now I have realised just how important love is of oneself. If I don't love myself then how can I love others and enjoy people? If I stop trying to manipulate reality and simply let go and love myself for who I am, alot of baggage would be dropped instantly!! But I am afraid, fear keeps me from my true potential. "Own your fear, and lean just beyond it. In every aspect of your life. Starting now." I want to deepen my relationship to fear.. to face it head on and learn to love it, to own it.
Posts: 296
Threads: 8 Joined: Dec 2018
12-14-2021, 10:35 AM
Day 75/180
I think it is day 75, I have lost track. Im going to run sleep tranquilizer tonight because for the past week my sleep has been terrible including the last 2-3 days. I couldn't run any OF because it was keeping me awake.
Posts: 296
Threads: 8 Joined: Dec 2018
12-15-2021, 08:08 AM
Day 76/180
So I played Tranquilizer for 2 loops and I must say, I am impressed with how effective it is at putting me to sleep. I got a decent 8-9 hrs of sleep in. I hope this won't conflict with OF, its only a one off. Although I had good sleep, I woke up feeling terrible which is paradoxical. I had butterflies in my stomach and felt a tremendous amount of depression. I felt like crying and this was very unusual especially in the morning. I went out to work in a cafe, I could barely look into people's eyes because I was so scared. I was extremely self conscious and felt insecure about the way I looked. The meditation helped me let go and ground myself, but the emotions have been overwhelming. I know this won't last very long so I'm not too worried... But man it fucking sucks. The past few days have been terrible. Back to playing OF tonight. I'm not looking forward to it. This resistance could be a sign. Maybe I am overdoing it with Hybrid and should go back to silent.
Posts: 296
Threads: 8 Joined: Dec 2018
12-16-2021, 01:19 PM
Day 77/180
I couldn't fall asleep again yesterday. I went to bed at 11pm and was up until 3am lol. I didn't play any loops because I think my mind convinced me out of it somehow, I am going to swtich back to OF ultrasonic and play 2 loops today
Posts: 296
Threads: 8 Joined: Dec 2018
12-19-2021, 03:22 AM
Day 79/180
I've been quite high for the last few days and now I am back to my lows. I met an amazing girl at the club and I ended up sleeping at her place. I just happened to be at the right place and time... She was attracted to me from the very start and began flirting with me. We smoked quite a lot of pot and laughed at stupid shit. On the surface, this might seem like I have had an amazing time but to be honest, the experience left me feeling more confused and lost within myself. I just cannot relate to most people and my conversations with them are usually shallow. I understand that it's my responsibility to take action on this and work on my social skills etc. But the process is very daunting and uninteresting to me. I REALLY REALLY want to become better at dating and attracting women and I wish to find something that I enjoy about the pursuit of it. Perhaps if I tackled the limiting beliefs many doors will start to open.
Posts: 296
Threads: 8 Joined: Dec 2018
12-20-2021, 01:27 PM
(This post was last modified: 12-20-2021, 01:31 PM by SaltyMeatballs.)
Day 80/180 - 2 loops ultrasonic
Woke up feeling like shit, didn't want to do anything. Forced myself to get out of the house and work elsewhere. I met a girl at a coffee shop today and we ended up talking for hours. It was effortless talking to her because we had many things in common. Unfortunately, I wasn't really attracted to her so it has become a friend zone thing (atleast in my mind). Anyway, I invited her to dinner since I don't really cook and there was a restaurant 5 min away from my house I enjoyed her company. Topics of conversation ranged from deep spiritual stuff to business and entrepreneurship. She was a bit shy and I didn't sense any indicators of interest (nor do I care) I suggested we grab drinks later this week and she agreed. I am curious to know how things may unfold.. I am actually enjoying spending time with her but maaan.... If only she was more attractive haha!
Posts: 296
Threads: 8 Joined: Dec 2018
12-21-2021, 01:36 PM
Day 81/180 - 2 loops ultrasonic
Today I experienced an awful lot of negative and low self worth thoughts about myself.
Posts: 296
Threads: 8 Joined: Dec 2018
12-22-2021, 01:36 PM
Day 82/180 - Rest 1/2
I woke up again feeling like total crap, all emotional... I cried as I saw myself in the mirror, thinking to myself how unsatisfied I am with my current self and the amount of effort it will take to get to where I want to be. Despite all that, I was informed that I got a raise and a bonus for at my current job as a software dev, the money is pretty good especially now that I'm travelling.. there really is no reason to be unsatisfied but too be honest being unsatisfied and unhappy is was leeds me to seek new experiences and learn new things until eventually something clicks or I find an activity that I enjoy. There's always hope, even in the toughest of times. Its still early days but I am trying to decide between an LTU6 re-run or the new DMSI. If anyone is reading this I would warmly welcome your suggestions (especially if you follow this thread). Instinctually, I would love to try DMSI to see how it may change my inner psychology with regards to women and the many limiting beliefs around that. On the other hand, LTU6, while a dissapointing initial run, I think it could help me create a new direction in life and reignite the fire and passion I am looking for.
Posts: 296
Threads: 8 Joined: Dec 2018
12-23-2021, 03:29 PM
Day 83/180 - Rest 2/2
I think that I cracked the code for having more engaging conversations with people. It involves becoming more curious about the persons values and personality traits, observing their body language and reactions. I met a cool girl from Jordan, she is very pretty. We ended up walking and chatting for hours. Had coffee and tea in various places, did some sightseeing and took selfies.
Posts: 461
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12-24-2021, 10:23 AM
(12-22-2021, 01:36 PM)SaltyMeatballs Wrote: Day 82/180 - Rest 1/2 That's a tough one. I've read a few of the journals on DMSI, and I don't think I see anyone getting results other than noticing IOIs. I don't see anyone getting approached by a girl and that leading to sex. With LTU6, I had an initial run of it at the beginning of this year. It was harder for me to notice changes on that one. My brother said I was making improvements, but it was hard to know how much of that was the subliminal and how much that was me. I am going to run MLS to improve my learning but after that, I plan to run LTU6 again. Hope this helps. I still want a relationship subliminal to meet a girl I like good for a long term relationship, but Shannon hasn't made that.
Posts: 296
Threads: 8 Joined: Dec 2018
12-25-2021, 01:20 PM
(12-24-2021, 10:23 AM)Sky Wrote:(12-22-2021, 01:36 PM)SaltyMeatballs Wrote: Day 82/180 - Rest 1/2 With LTU6 I didn't notice much either. LTU5 on the other hand, was a GAME CHANGER! I experienced sooo much growth on LTU5.. no joke. So I feel kinda let down by LTU6... I ran that thing for an entire year but nothing really tangible was made of it. I was even thinking of asking for a refund. However, I think that it deserves a second run and this time I will do it in hybrid.
Posts: 296
Threads: 8 Joined: Dec 2018
12-25-2021, 01:28 PM
Day 84/180 - 2 loops silent
I remember having a few bad trips on various psychedelics and that gave me a form of PTSD because everytime I thought about taking them again, it gave me the shivers. However, I don't feel like that anymore. I don't intend to take it again anytime soon but I don't feel any fear towards it either. I think that this is OF doing it's work. |
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