The Self Actualized - OF V3 5.75G

[SaltyMeatballs]

Day 13/180 - 2 loops

I had a dream that I was in the military and given a task to modify our fighting gear so that it glowed in the dark whenever someone was injured or killed. Since most of the men were also vapers, I had to make the smoke glow as well. Since I didn't have any knowledge or understanding of this, I felt both excited and afraid of taking such responsibility. The next thing I did was go to the shops, bought some food coloring, vegetable glycerin, and some other substances to experiment with.

I woke up feeling very tired and I think that I might not be getting enough sleep. On average, I get about 7-30 - 8hrs per night. Today, I got around 7-30. I think it would be helpful to get a sleep tracker. My mate used to have an Oura ring but decided to sell it because it wasn't accurate. Based on that, I've been hesitant towards buying one because I think that the tech isn't evolved enough to accurately track the various stages of a sleep cycle. Perhaps things have changed now so I'll need to do some research.

[SaltyMeatballs]

Day 14/180 - 1 loop | 13-15 clicks Ultrasonic | Smartphone speaker

Despite a shortage of sleep, I woke up today with more energy than I have in the last week. I supplemented on some modafinil and l-theanine just to keep me awake and calm through the day. I suspect that the sub is causing these sleep disruptions but It could also be the amount of caffeine I consumed that day from Yerba Mate tea. I'll probably switch to daytime listening from now on just to make sure.

I will be seeing my therapist today so hopefully, she can help me integrate the shadow elements of my psyche and also provide sensemaking on my childhood experiences. I've regained the motivation to start working on my business again. I have spent so much time on it, it would be a shame to just give up.

[SaltyMeatballs]

Day 15/180 | rest day 1 of 3

I just realized that all along, I've been following the instructions incorrectly. For some reason, I assumed that I need to take only 2 days off instead of three. Also, yesterday I decided to listen to an extra loop during the daytime. Is this my subconscious telling me that I need to do more loops and have fewer rest days? Right now my gut feeling is that I need to take my foot off the gas. I want to take 3 days off and follow the instructions as they are. Moreover, yesterday, I went to see my therapist for the first time and it was quite difficult and overwhelming. I have a lot of processing to do. Needless to say, I am extremely grateful that we have something in common. She is very warm and welcoming and definitely the right fit for what I need.

Also, I had a dream last night that I did something wrong in school and someone I knew had created a movie that showed my flaws and insecurities. It was a school assembly and he put the movie on so that everyone in my year would see it.

[Benjamin]

That's fine if you're guided to that. The autoconfig module works to give you urges to shift your listening to the ideal for you.

So if you feel like one less day off, or to listen more, change volume and such it's good to follow it. I've noticed that eventually i'll just know when to take a few nights off.

[SaltyMeatballs]

Day 16/180 | Rest day 2/3

Had a good nights sleep. Before falling asleep last night, I noticed a sense of relief from the things that used to worry me.

I had a dream that I went to the public toilet and was able to relax and pee freely without a care in the world. I have paruresis so this is actually a big deal.

[SaltyMeatballs]

Day 17/180 | Rest day 3/3

I felt a wave of mild depression hit me yesterday. It lasted for an entire day and I broke down in tears when I went to sleep. I was contemplating my existential predicament and what I ought to do here. I found nothing that seemed obvious for me to take action on. Maybe I'm not looking hard enough. I just really crave a vision. A hero's journey. I already know that ultimately it's to figure out this maze but something is still missing. It's too abstract.

[SaltyMeatballs]

Day 18/180 | 2 loops

I decided to do 2 loops instead of 1. It was a pure gut feeling. I played ultrasonic FLAC on my smarrphone with 15/25 clicks vol.

[SaltyMeatballs]

Day 19/180 | 2 loops

Lately, I have been feeling a high level of worry and anxiety about the future. There is a profound level of dissatisfaction with my current situation. I can't keep living like a sheep, following the herd. It feels meaningless and empty. I want to be doing something I love. I want my love for my work to impact people positively. What is the work I am meant to be doing? Despite feeling this way, I recognize that it's increasing my open-mindedness and I am willing to go out and experience new possibilities. I just need to practice being more vulnerable. To stop lying to myself and others. Allow myself to be imperfect and make mistakes.

[tolgaocal80]

Day 19/180 | 2 loops

Lately, I have been feeling a high level of worry and anxiety about the future. There is a profound level of dissatisfaction with my current situation. I can't keep living like a sheep, following the herd. It feels meaningless and empty. I want to be doing something I love. I want my love for my work to impact people positively. What is the work I am meant to be doing? Despite feeling this way, I recognize that it's increasing my open-mindedness and I am willing to go out and experience new possibilities. I just need to practice being more vulnerable. To stop lying to myself and others. Allow myself to be imperfect and make mistakes.

I feel similar to this, for years I waited for someone to take me out all this pessimism and stagnation, there is no fucking one to do this but only oneself. Fear paralyzes us soo much we even can't figure it out what is going on? what we had missed? but I believe, every damn thing is rooted fear, and it must be gone to achieve more than our current life

How is OF is affecting you in regarding actions and results? not feeling but actions and results, is there anything changed to better?

[SaltyMeatballs]

Day 20/180 | Rest 1/3

The last 3 days have been rough as far as my mental state goes. Yesterday I struggled to do very basic things but pushed through them anyway. Today I can barely meditate due to monkey mind. I feel fatigue and tiredness. I want to slack off but I choose not to. This too shall pass.

Despite all that, I do feel something different in the way I perceive challenges. They seem less threatening to me. I feel like taking some risks (I never really do).

I've also been less frugal with my money. Usually I would hesitate to buy the things I actually need. That doesn't mean I will now go out and buy useless shit. I hate shopping and I only buy the essential things. However, there are things I could buy which may improve my productivity and health.

I've decided that I'm going to travel as much as I can for the remainder of this year and the next. Since I have leverage in my current company, I can continue staying remote and work as a digital nomad. I just booked a ticket to Georgia and plan to do a monthly stay there. I'm planning to get real estate shortly so it's worth checking out Batumi.

[SaltyMeatballs]

Day 19/180 | 2 loops

Lately, I have been feeling a high level of worry and anxiety about the future. There is a profound level of dissatisfaction with my current situation. I can't keep living like a sheep, following the herd. It feels meaningless and empty. I want to be doing something I love. I want my love for my work to impact people positively. What is the work I am meant to be doing? Despite feeling this way, I recognize that it's increasing my open-mindedness and I am willing to go out and experience new possibilities. I just need to practice being more vulnerable. To stop lying to myself and others. Allow myself to be imperfect and make mistakes.

I feel similar to this, for years I waited for someone to take me out all this pessimism and stagnation, there is no fucking one to do this but only oneself. Fear paralyzes us soo much we even can't figure it out what is going on? what we had missed? but I believe, every damn thing is rooted fear, and it must be gone to achieve more than our current life

How is OF is affecting you in regarding actions and results? not feeling but actions and results, is there anything changed to better?

Great question, thank you for asking. There isn't anything obvious I can pinpoint. So far I am mostly noticing changes at the mental level, which as I have described, is mostly positive. As far as the tangible stuff, I can only bring to mind a few occurrences:

- I have asked for a pay raise.
- I've made a commitment to travel and meet new people. My first journey will begin next week.
- I started seeing a therapist even though it's not necessary that I do. It's just another tool to help me progress faster.

I can't be 100% certain that the above is even related to OFv3. My mind can't yet make definitive distinctions. Sometimes it feels like I'm lying to myself when I say that this sub has changed me. But at the same time, I would be a fool to say that it hasn't.

[tolgaocal80]

I always look for results if I want to know if a particular sub is working or not, because most of the time, we are reading other journals, product description etc, and all of these are effecting us to think that the sub is have to work, or working even nothing changes in our life,

your statements seems like OF is effecting you (for good), and it is only been 20 days.
this new improvements might seem unimportant but I believe even a little thing counts for improving, it causes a momentum for bigger changes.

[SaltyMeatballs]

Day 21/180 | Rest 2/3

Felt like shit all day. Cant even think straight. i have feelings of doubt, disappointment, fear, anxiety.

[ncbeareatingman]

SB,Man...Hye.... 6 months in now,I my sensing tells me you're on the verge of a major break through Man, Major
Remember Anikan Skywalker when He was in that Pod race with Zee bulba, Mr.Nasty...... in spite of the shit route, Anikan Made it.,through and you will too.
I feel the same for you man. 6 month's in with OFV3 is only for a strong hearted Man. Hang in there Dude WITH BOTH Hands,too.... this stuff will break loose and flow from you.... hang on... your Joy and relief are coming!!