Shannon's OF 5.75G Experience

[Shannon]

GF just realized that she overcame another fear. She came out while we were taking a 15 minute break from work and said, "Wow, I can't believe I did that!" Which amuses me, because she typically is so afraid to do it that I have to do it for her. I understand, because I once had that paralyzing fear of doing that also, but I overcame it years ago through a combination of being forced to and various influences that caused me to grow enough. Now, in under 3 usage cycles, she is noticeably overcoming that fear on her own. I am thrilled with how well this program is working! Especially given the reports I am getting from even my most resistant testers so far.

[ncbeareatingman]

GF just realized that she overcame another fear.  She came out while we were taking a 15 minute break from work and said, "Wow, I can't believe I did that!" Which amuses me, because she typically is so afraid to do it that I have to do it for her.  I understand, because I once had that paralyzing fear of doing that also, but I overcame it years ago through a combination of being forced to and various influences that caused me to grow enough.  Now, in under 3 usage cycles, she is noticeably overcoming that fear on her own.  I am thrilled with how well this program is working!  Especially given the reports I am getting from even my most resistant testers so far.

Man this is wonderful and as I've said,landmark & Historic.  Feels good doesnt it???
"Been a long time since I rock n' rolled"- Led Zep!!

[SaltyMeatballs]

Great journal! Now, I am wondering if consciously writing down your fears and voluntarily chipping away at them through exposure or other means would accelerate progress? Surely it would go hand in hand with the sub and make the process easier since you are consciosuly setting a goal. What's your take on that?

[Shannon]

GF just realized that she overcame another fear.  She came out while we were taking a 15 minute break from work and said, "Wow, I can't believe I did that!" Which amuses me, because she typically is so afraid to do it that I have to do it for her.  I understand, because I once had that paralyzing fear of doing that also, but I overcame it years ago through a combination of being forced to and various influences that caused me to grow enough.  Now, in under 3 usage cycles, she is noticeably overcoming that fear on her own.  I am thrilled with how well this program is working!  Especially given the reports I am getting from even my most resistant testers so far.

Man this is wonderful and as I've said,landmark & Historic.  Feels good doesnt it???
"Been a long time since I rock n' rolled"- Led Zep!!

I had gotten to the point with previous versions of OF/FRM/clearing and healing that I was beginning to expect failure no matter what I did.  I'm still cautiously optimistic, but this is a nice change of pace.

[Shannon]

Great journal! Now, I am wondering if consciously writing down your fears and voluntarily chipping away at them through exposure or other means would accelerate progress? Surely it would go hand in hand with the sub and make the process easier since you are consciosuly setting a goal. What's your take on that?

My research didn't get into conscious resolution of fears.  The goal is to allow your subconscious to do the job for you.  But I can tell you, based on what I know, that there are only two possible outcomes:

1. It works.  In this case, it will accelerate and enhance your achievement of overcoming fear.
2. It doesn't work.  In this case, it may degrade your OF experience, and make it take longer to achieve its goals.

I don't know for sure which would be better, but if you want to try it, I'm all ears. (Eyes?)

[Shannon]

On the 3rd day of the 3rd cycle. I woke up deeply tired. I just had a medium DD coffee, and I'm still deeply tired.

One thing I notice is that since cleaning off my desk, I have made zero effort to re-clutter it. Usually that would start happening within 6 to 24 hours.

[Shannon]

I can tell OF is very stressful for GF. It's working now with a lot of things in her past that are painful for her, and which intertwine heavily and represent a thick layer of tangled webs. She's not having an easy time of it, and her stress and anxiety is high right now. At the same time, I have never seen her handle this sort of thing as well as she is handling it right now.

In dealing with her and her responses, my stress levels have been up too. But I also have not seen myself deal with her this way before. I'm a lot calmer, less affected by her stress, more prone to keeping my mouth shut when opening it might be misunderstood. Also a lot more patient and accepting of "what is" and what will happen if she responds in any particular manner.

Still very tired. So is she.

This is where the rubber meets the road. This is going to be the point where I see just how well I scripted the part where the program figures out the way to achieve its goals in difficult cases. So far I'm seeing a lot of progress from her, so that's good.

[Shannon]

Just for my notes: last night was day 5 of cycle 3.

[Shannon]

GF revealed to me today that she's been getting headaches for a number of days now. She never said anything because she was using GPR to kill them. Unfortunately, she never told me any of this, which explains why I have been drop dead exhausted lately. Apparently we need to lower the volume.

But shocker of shockers, when I suggested that she said she wanted to stick with this volume because she knows it must be making progress if there are headaches, and she wants to go as fast as possible. That's not like her... very interesting result.

To date I have only experienced one headache and it only lasted about 10 minutes. It wasn't very painful, maybe a 3-4 out of 10. She's reporting that ibuprofen does nothing for these headaches about half the time, but GPR always kills it in 10 to 60 minutes. Apparently, the 60 minutes time is 20-30 minutes of waiting for the pills to kick in and then playing GPR, so really it's more like 10-40 minutes for GPR.

I'm having a hard time putting how this program is making me feel into words... aside from exhausted. I don't know how much of that exhaustion is GF playing GPR and not telling me, and then playing it for hours without turning it off because she's afraid the headache will come back.

[Shannon]

Last night was the last night of use for Cycle 3. When I went to bed I was so exhausted I couldn't stand myself. I slept for about 12 hours.

During my sleep, I had a dream that I remember pieces of. The dream was very interesting. In the beginning of the dream, I was walking through a corridor in which there were a variety of wooden poles hewn from trees, and on the top of each one at head height was a zombie head, alive and very much wanting to eat me. I wandered through this area, sometimes talking to someone with me (I don't remember who), and they were unable to harm me but I was still really nervous. I wasn't running or hurrying or anything, that I remember, but I did want to leave the area and get away from them. And I did.

The middle part of the dream, all I remember is finding a camper that was stowed for the season. It was also a restaurant, somehow. I was again with someone else, and they went in first. I was looking around, not sure we should be there, and the lights were off. They went behind the counter for something, and I had to go behind the counter too, to flush something down the drain. I wasn't really comfortable being in this camper/restaurant while the owners were away for the off season, but I figured it couldn't hurt to just flush whatever it was down the drain. I think it might have been bad chocolate syrup or something like that.

I began pouring it down the drain and went to turn on the water, but there was none; it was turned off, like the electricity, while the owner was away. Then I started worrying that they would come back to roaches because I had done this.

There was more to the middle of the dream but I don't remember it. The next thing I remember is being back in the area with the zombie heads. instead of leaving, this time I was arriving, and going back to where I started. Now, the zombie heads were different. Most of them were no longer "alive". They were un-moving on their wooden pedestals, now just dead flesh that was of no more importance.

At the half way point of going back to the beginning, I pulled out of my pocket a peanut shell that had a deformed raw peanut in it. I put a small, normal raw peanut on top of it, and asked the peanut if it would do something... I think it was to lend me energy or protect me or something like that. In response, it started to grow a root, but the root only grew out of it about a millimeter. I knew it was alive, and was helping me because of that, but I also knew that root was extremely delicate, so I kept the newly rooted peanut in that partially opened shell from the strange deformed peanut, and put it in my pocket. Then I moved on.

The hall had three sections. This with the peanut sprouting happened in the second section. In the first section, all the zombie heads had died. In the second section, some had died and some were so close to death that they couldn't even open their eyes, but I could sense their livingness. And when I then went to the third section, about half were dead and they other half were alive and trying to eat me still. The very last/first one had transformed, though.

I walked through this section without fear, knowing they could not harm me because they were without bodies. I was still with that someone else, and as I reached the end, which was also the beginning, I saw the very first head had transformed from simply being a zombie head to being half zombie and half really alive. Now it wasn't a zombie head, it was a woman's head who was dark skinned and about in her 20's, and she was trying to follow her zombie instincts occasionally to eat me, but also starting to try to figure out what was going on, why she was trying to eat me, and basically her zombie and alive selves were in conflict as she seemed to slowly gain awareness as an alive head, not a zombie head.

At one point when she was trying to eat me as a zombie for a moment, I walked close and around her and said, "Uh uh uh, you can't eat me. No body, remember? You can't even turn your head." This seemed to create confusion, because the alive part of her understood it, where the zombies would not have understood speech. She tried to move around but couldn't and the struggle between alive and dead within her continued. Before I could tell which was gaining strength, I was awakened by my dogs.

The symbolism in this dream is amazing, and makes me very happy. I am also very thankful for a three day break from this point, because yesterday's exhaustion was just nuts.

[Shannon]

Yesterday started off looking like GF was going to be in a bad mood, but I found a way to short circuit that. She needs to get out of the house and have variety to experience. Lately, that's not easy to do because of the pandemic, but at ;least she has thrifting as an option, which gets her out of the house, gives her entertainment and allows her to find inventory for her business. So I suggested she go thrifting, and it made all the difference. She had hours of fun, found some good stuff, and was in a good mood the rest of the day. I got hours of "all alone" time to work, distracted only by my dogs once in a while, and I was productive, which put me in a good mood too. By the end of the day I was totally exhausted, even though I only got to work for about half of a normal work day. That exhaustion is why I couldn't work after we had dinner, as I usually do.

Today I was also exhausted while waking up, and I actually got up to let the dogs out and came back to bed, fell asleep, was awakened by them whining, went out to get them to stop, went back to bed and back to sleep, and then had my cat lay on my face no less than three separate times trying to wake me up, which I promptly fell back asleep from each time. I only woke up when GF started trying to wake me up. I just had breakfast, including a medium iced coffee from Dunkin Donuts, and I am still feeling like I just ran a marathon, but I am also determined to be productive today. It feels good to be able to work on LTU6, and I am gung-ho to get on with it.

The question is, how well can I work with this level of exhaustion? I'm already caffeinated, and still ready to drop. Normally by the time I get back from having breakfast in the park, I'm wide awake, so this can't be me being tired because my belly is full. I must need more rest.

This is the first day off in Cycle 3. Usually I am feeling like I'm almost back to normal by the 3rd day off in a cycle, and then we start again. I guess that makes sense if the pressure has to be kept on the fear to prevent it from simply regenerating itself before it's removed.

I had dreams again last night that I faintly remember, but not well enough to write down.

Emotionally, I feel good. Running Ultrasonic at v13/15 on my cell phone when I go to bed.

[ncbeareatingman]

Yesterday started off looking like GF was going to be in a bad mood, but I found a way to short circuit that.  She needs to get out of the house and have variety to experience.  Lately, that's not easy to do because of the pandemic, but at ;least she has thrifting as an option, which gets her out of the house, gives her entertainment and allows her to find inventory for her business.  So I suggested she go thrifting, and it made all the difference.  She had hours of fun, found some good stuff, and was in a good mood the rest of the day.  I got hours of "all alone" time to work, distracted only by my dogs once in a while, and I was productive, which put me in a good mood too.  By the end of the day I was totally exhausted, even though I only got to work for about half of a normal work day.  That exhaustion is why I couldn't work after we had dinner, as I usually do.

Today I was also exhausted while waking up, and I actually got up to let the dogs out and came back to bed, fell asleep, was awakened by them whining, went out to get them to stop, went back to bed and back to sleep, and then had my cat lay on my face no less than three separate times trying to wake me up, which I promptly fell back asleep from each time.  I only woke up when GF started trying to wake me up. I just had breakfast, including a medium iced coffee from Dunkin Donuts, and I am still feeling like I just ran a marathon, but I am also determined to be productive today.  It feels good to be able to work on LTU6, and I am gung-ho to get on with it.

The question is, how well can I work with this level of exhaustion?  I'm already caffeinated, and still ready to drop.  Normally by the time I get back from having breakfast in the park, I'm wide awake, so this can't be me being tired because my belly is full.  I must need more rest.  

This is the first day off in Cycle 3.  Usually I am feeling like I'm almost back to normal by the 3rd day off in a cycle, and then we start again.  I guess that makes sense if the pressure has to be kept on the fear to prevent it from simply regenerating itself before it's removed.

I had dreams again last night that I faintly remember, but not well enough to write down.

Emotionally, I feel good.  Running Ultrasonic at v13/15 on my cell phone when I go to bed.

 Hye Shannon, while you're working on LTU and such,re-scripting,new scripting,ect.... have you thought about ways you can 'ease the pain' of fear removal 4.9,as in creating something  a,model, so that folks arent so exhausted in the long run,including you? 
 
  I'm shure you have,or at least tried to figure a way to 'soften the blow' the impact of said program? your thoughts thus far,but ONLY if its not gonna pull you away from work,too long to answer it. respecting your time and energy. Keith.

[RTBoss]

Yesterday started off looking like GF was going to be in a bad mood, but I found a way to short circuit that.  She needs to get out of the house and have variety to experience.  Lately, that's not easy to do because of the pandemic, but at ;least she has thrifting as an option, which gets her out of the house, gives her entertainment and allows her to find inventory for her business.  So I suggested she go thrifting, and it made all the difference.  She had hours of fun, found some good stuff, and was in a good mood the rest of the day.  I got hours of "all alone" time to work, distracted only by my dogs once in a while, and I was productive, which put me in a good mood too.  By the end of the day I was totally exhausted, even though I only got to work for about half of a normal work day.  That exhaustion is why I couldn't work after we had dinner, as I usually do.

Today I was also exhausted while waking up, and I actually got up to let the dogs out and came back to bed, fell asleep, was awakened by them whining, went out to get them to stop, went back to bed and back to sleep, and then had my cat lay on my face no less than three separate times trying to wake me up, which I promptly fell back asleep from each time.  I only woke up when GF started trying to wake me up. I just had breakfast, including a medium iced coffee from Dunkin Donuts, and I am still feeling like I just ran a marathon, but I am also determined to be productive today.  It feels good to be able to work on LTU6, and I am gung-ho to get on with it.

The question is, how well can I work with this level of exhaustion?  I'm already caffeinated, and still ready to drop.  Normally by the time I get back from having breakfast in the park, I'm wide awake, so this can't be me being tired because my belly is full.  I must need more rest.  

This is the first day off in Cycle 3.  Usually I am feeling like I'm almost back to normal by the 3rd day off in a cycle, and then we start again.  I guess that makes sense if the pressure has to be kept on the fear to prevent it from simply regenerating itself before it's removed.

I had dreams again last night that I faintly remember, but not well enough to write down.

Emotionally, I feel good.  Running Ultrasonic at v13/15 on my cell phone when I go to bed.

 Hye Shannon, while you're working on LTU and such,re-scripting,new scripting,ect.... have you thought about ways you can 'ease the pain' of fear removal 4.9,as in creating something  a,model, so that folks arent so exhausted in the long run,including you? 
 
  I'm shure you have,or at least tried to figure a way to 'soften the blow' the impact of said program? your thoughts thus far,but ONLY if its not gonna pull you away from work,too long to answer it. respecting your time and energy. Keith.

I'll tell you, Keith - FRM has indeed come a long way.  I'll take exhaustion any day, but if he can also get past that to pure execution...wow.

I've used every iteration of FRM (I think), and there were a few iterations (like in DMSI 3.3.1, for instance) that were absolutely brutal (for me, anyway).  FRM 4.8 was smooth, but 4.9 is even better.

[Shannon]

I am just in awe of the exhaustion I have felt for the last 3 days. This is day 2 of my "off" time. I had a very hard time falling asleep last night because I was apparently exposed to something yesterday that irritated my lungs, which caused them to produce enough excess mucus that I couldn't stop coughing, but not enough to actually cough anything up. I had to use Nyquil to get to sleep at 2:40 AM, and then my girlfriend woke me up at Noon complaining that she was hungry. I was a zombie.

Given how different people are responding with different levels of exhaustion or none at all, I'm concluding that those of us who have a more strong willed personality subconsciously which is resisting are becoming exhausted because the program is dealing with the part that is trying hard to avoid changes. The harder the challenge, the more exhausted the person becomes. I still feel like a zombie.

If this is how zombies feel, no damned wonder why they move so slow.