EP E3 Journal

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Day 43:

So I left the E3 program running on repeat all night. I had slept a total of 10 hours, with my parents yelling at me to wake up and me just refusing to get up. I'm feeling better than I did last night, but I'm far from being over it all, and these things hit in waves. I'm in a conflict where on one hand, the program's probably trying to get me to let go of my friend, but on the other hand, I straight up don't want to and hold out hope for reconciliation down the line. The struggle between on one hand, needing to let go of her and on the other, holding out hope for reconciliation has conflicted me ever since the friendship breakup happened. I really don't want to give up hope on getting my friend back, but I've got to stop letting it get in the way of my forward progress.

[Shannon]

Have you never understood that letting go of her is the best way to have a chance at reconciliation? It's the same thing with trying to attract women sexually and romantically. The man who doesn't need them (isn't needy) gets their attention and interest. Doing more of what drove her away in the first place (being needy, asking her to take responsibility for you) won't help.

That is why you naturally get what you want after you don't need it anymore. It's true in a lot of directions, too. Neediness = focus on lack, which creates that lack.

If you let go of her - and I mean truly let go of her, all the way - you're actually making it much more likely that she'll end up your friend again. But I don't think you're being honest with yourself here. I think you don't miss her friendship; I think you're in love with her.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

You're right. I'm still in love with her, and I'm heartbroken. I wish she returned my feelings, but my image in her eyes is in the gutter.And I have a hard time moving forward knowing that. What's worse is she has no empathy for what I'm going through and no understanding because she's never experienced falling in unrequited love before. Neither have my friends or most people really. So most have no idea what it's like and just can't understand and that makes it even more painful. You're absolutely right I need to truly let go of her. I know there's a lesson in all this I'm supposed to be learning, and I might as well just learn it, but unrequited love is so painful that I fight my own forward progress, making everything worse. I've got to just let her go. What's the first step?

[Shannon]

The first step to solving any challenge is to know there's a challenge to solve. You already did that.

The second step is to identify what the issue to be solved is. Done.

The third step is to stop talking about it and creating excuses to delay and DO IT.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

So how do I let go of her all the way?

[Greenduck]

I read somewhere where a tips was imagining the person vividly, then transfer that to a photo which you hold in front of you, then make the photo back an d white and then let the photo fade away. Spend a couple of minutes on each step.

I haven’t tried the above but maybe you could try it out and see if it helps. Or go with some breathing exercises and learn to let go, when we let go we often let out a deep sigh, so breathing exercises is just training the natural mechanism of letting things go from your system.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Thanks Greenduck. I guess it's really just a matter of choice. Do I CHOOSE to move forward or do I choose to hold on to the past? Maybe letting go completely is as simple as saying "You know what? Not gonna dwell on this. Gonna let it go" Hopefully, it is that easy, cause that's my main plan for dealing with it. Shannon's been right on the money and telling me like it is lately, which I respect and am grateful for. He's right that I need to move on. Maybe the biggest thing standing in the way of me doing that is me saying "I can't" Well no more. I'm gonna change my tune and tell myself I CAN let her go. And with E3 and the support of people such as yourself and Shannon on this forum, I'm sure I'll have what I need to let this go. I've got to.

[Shannon]

How do you let go of a stick you're holding? Choose to.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

End of the day tidal wave hitting. It sucks that the woman I am in love with views me as something to get away from, but you know what? I'm going to accept that I am worthy of better than that and just let it go. No more ruminating and no more self pity. I'm done with that shit. I'm letting go. Regardless of how I was, it's her loss that I'm not in her life anymore and I am moving forward for the rest of my life with that assertion.

[Shannon]

The nice thing about letting go of unrequited love is that it frees you up to find the person who will love you back instead.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

The nice thing about letting go of unrequited love is that it frees you up to find the person who will love you back instead.

When I'm ready, I'll use one of your AYP subs and see if I fall in love with whoever it attracts.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Day 44:

Feeling... weird. Dunno how to explain it. Not good though. I think there's still a piece of me that's holding onto the past. Or something. Playing E3, to help me through.

[Shannon]

I suggest waiting until you don't need anyone. Neediness is self defeating for AYP subs. Or wait for the next gen manifestors.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Gotcha. Maybe after a while of E3, I should move on to AM6?