Transcendent Sith Lord's DMSI 3.3 D Journal

[DarthXedonias]

Quick update: Passed my second course last night. The paper for my first course came back with 1 needed revision but I did it and resubmitted it so that should be out of the way. I already studied and took the pre-test for my third course last night and passed. Just waiting to get approved to take the final course now. If all goes well I should be able to knock out my 4th and 5th course by next week. I feel like I am on fire right now with how motivated I am to get this out of the way. Barely been playing any Video games because they don't bring me as much enjoyment as knocking out these courses. Also, due to the overcome procrastination component of this sub then I have been consistently been listening to the sub on time and not pushing it back. Doesn't seem my subconscious can use that tactic anymore. I'm also noticing that the more I listen to the sub the more the effects are compounding. I'm working more and more on what I need to and getting less and less distracted. This sub is just what I needed right now so I can get stuff done and move to Asia quickly.

[DarthXedonias]

Thought I would give a update. Well, it turned out I ended up failing the final test for my 4th course but passed the others. Since I failed it in order to get approval to take it a second time I had to finish this Study guide, take a excel pre-test then talk to the course mentor in order to get approval. Won't lie, due to that failure I ended up dragging my feet on that all last week. It really damped my motivation by a lot. Fortunately, by Saturday I found out a way I could speed up the process and I was able to talk to the Course mentor yesterday in which he gave his approval to take the test again. I don't know why but every time I get stuck like this now it seems I stumble across some resource or such that will get me out of it. I don't think this a coincidence seeing as this is the second time this has happened in a row. Every time there is something that could dampen my motivation or progress something else happens that lessens the difficulty of the obstacle.

I should be able to pass the 4th course tonight, study for the 5th course, then get that done tomorrow. This temporary slow down seemed to work out for the best as well because I found out there is literally a study guide for each course that you fill out as you are going through it. Fortunately, I found out there several filled out study guides online which will definitely help me be more accurate in what I need to know for the tests. I'm thinking this should keep me on schedule with probably passing a course each day (except on probably weekends). If that happens I should most definitely be out of here in no time. The only other thing I have to worry about is finishing up my TEFL certificate, which the time to finish it up is by October 14. Though even if I go pass that date all I have to do is pay a small fee to extend the time. All I have left is to write a lesson plan for a scenario and explain in 1000 words why I went with that plan.

In other news I do think I am starting to experience 3.3 TID still. I've noticed in other times that I've had this anger and frustration come up out of no where. I also had what I felt the sniper slightly activate sometime yesterday at work. First response was to get this kind of frustration about why I am feeling this way. I hope I'm not reading too much into it but It feels like the frustration came from this sense of futility. Like I can't "shut it off". I guess that might be a good sign if it turns out my mind has ran out of loopholes to exploit. I will have to watch this carefully though because I don't know if when I start running 3.3 my mind might not still find some way to go "scorched earth" in response. I could take many things my mind has pulled over the time of this sub ( reverse resistance, redefining terms, denial of reality, etc) but I will honestly admit that response is the one response I totally "fear". I have never had so many bad things happen (go 3k+ in debt due to an emergency,etc) and had such a bad emotional roller-coaster ride in such a short time span that literally had me drop the sub. Like in Game of Thrones, its like my mind just said "burn it all" in response to running B side.

I do hope this ends up being the one where I fully "directly" execute. I mean I did execute on 3.2 eventually, its just I had to go to another country where I felt comfortable enough to execute without getting the normal responses I'm used to (straight out rejection, sometimes very cruel like rejections that I would have never thought any good person would give to another, men successfully cock-blocking or spreading rumors to successful sabotage things, etc). Another thing that has happen is I'm just not satisfied with my life at the moment. I want to have fun in my life and don't want to just be a shut in at the moment. Hence, I guess the need to travel besides the women aspect.

[DarthXedonias]

Quick update. I passed my fourth Course yesterday night and just passed my 5th course just a few mins ago. Moving pretty quickly at the moment because I'm really motivated to get this finally done and start traveling. At this rate I should be able to pass a course a day at least with the courses that only have a final test. I still have 3-4 left that have "performance" component that usually involves a written paper. I don't like doing papers because they usually take me a while to complete and that really slows me down. That's why I'm probably going to save them for last. I have noticed one thing which I have lightly touched on before. If I actually end up failing what usually happens is I get unmotivated and start procrastinating for a few days and then suddenly I come up with some idea that enables me to bounce back very quickly. Seems to be a recurring thing on this sub so far.

I have also made a important decision regarding the future. Currently right now I am finishing up a degree in healthcare management. I have long thought about what I might do about a second bachelors degree and a Masters. At first I thought about doing another bachelors then masters in accounting. Would be boring but the pay is pretty good depending on the countries I might be in, high job security, and more accounting jobs can be done remotely. So I could be earning a western level salary but be living somewhere else with very low cost of living. I could of threw that out the door though after I looked up different fields and average salaries in different countries.

I found out if I went back into the IT field , thinking Cloud management and system administrator (with about 10 certifications included in the cost of the program) and then went for a Masters of Science in IT management (Which includes a project management certification, though the program has lots of written papers "ouch") I would be earning a very good salary in different countries. Though this would include me learning the local languages. Hmm this is why I most definitely will be running LTU at some point in the future and why I'm interested in whether LTU will have some kind of "mental" component or if the Polymorphic mechanism Shannon mentioned might help here. At this point I'm looking at having to study to get like 12+ different IT certifications and having to learn maybe 1 or more languages to work locally "unless" I get "lucky" and score a job where I just need a internet connection to work.

If I can get this done I will be one step closer to saving all the capital I need to start my investments early then retire early if I want. If I go this route though, most likely after I'm done with the Masters I'm probably going to go work in the middle east for a bit since Project managers make very lucrative money over there. Only thing is at that point I won't really LTU anymore and might switch back to DMSI (will probably be final version or 6G version if there is going to be a 6G version). Only thing is I'm not sure given the current culture that I will be in, would it be "safe" to be running DMSI in such an environment. Obviously, in such a environment "fooling around" wouldn't be an option, marriage would be though. Not that I would be opposed to such a thing seeing as I would be screwed over in such an arrangement like in the west. Quite frankly I still do think about that one Arabic girl that has had to be one of the most beautiful women I've seen to date and wondered what would have happened had I not been resisting. On the other hand if DMSI could work in a culture like that (like as in getting offered marriage proposals, etc) then it would definitely be a testament to DMSI finals strength to overcome such high societal barriers.

Though there is a high chance that I might run something else. If a AYP for perfect wife was out I would definitely be choosing that over any other program until I manifested the goal. I've pretty much decided that if I ever got married it would only be with someone I manifested from using the upgraded version of that sub. Rather just have someone that is perfect for me instead of settling.

[DarthXedonias]

Thought I would update real quick. This past week I essentially got 3 courses done and am on my 7th course. I actually recounted how many courses I have left and really I only have 17 left it would seem then I graduate. I also decided to stop working where I am currently and will be turning in my two weeks notice on Tuesday. That's due to a number of factors. The job just doesn't seem as laid back anymore, due to a new general manager who started a few months before I left the second time, and I just don't seem very interested in working there. I actually feel miserable working under certain managers and it just doesn't seem worth it to tough it out anymore.

Quite frankly, that General manager is so bad and annoying (he's a micro manager to a degree) that if you look up his name on google he actually has a negative thread dedicated to him. Thought I would be able to tough it out when I returned just for a little bit of money on top of my benefits from taking online classes but just doesn't seem worth it anymore. Kind of a shame, was hoping to try out 3.3 on the women there before I left to see what difference it would make but I think my enjoying my life is more important. Anyway, with this new development I will be trying to really go as quickly as possible to get my degree and leave since I am on sort of a "timer" as it were. I think I can do it though. Just need to do 4-5 courses a week then I should be done by the 3 weeks and half point.

After that I need to figure out if I need to get a job here for like a month then leave (just so I have some added money) or if I have enough money at the time to just leave right away. I'm hoping it will be the later. I had planned on selling my car but I first need to get it fixed and I'm not sure I have time for that. Might just need to move it into storage along with a lot of my other stuff.

On other note, something Shannon mentioned to someone in the discussion journal made me realize something, that the 3.3 TID has been affecting me in another way. I've had these random times where I start to having these fantasies out of no where , where I have like a harem of women that I'm with at the same time. Been happening randomly for the last couple of weeks for some reason. That's on top of the fact that for at least the past 2 months I keep on getting notifications of women wanting to meet me on plenty of fish even though I don't even visit the site anymore. Never had this happen consistently. Maybe it is a good sign of things to come.

[DarthXedonias]

Well, started USLM2 so thought I would give my input.

Program is pretty darn good so far. On the fear removal modules, it seems like its doing something I noticed with 3.2. When I used DMSI 3.2 B I automatically got the scorched earth response where my subconscious made sure everything that could go wrong went wrong and it used the negative feelings (anger, rage, hate,etc) to "fuel" the resistance itself. Basically, cause an external event to promet a negative emotion and then use that to fuel more resistance or use something internal (a memory to prompt my PTSD for example) to prompt a negative feeling. I had to stop B due to that. When I got to version A my subconscious couldn't use that tactic since the negativity would be healed hence it couldn't fuel the resistance further. I'm noticing that the fear removal modules are acting in a similar way to the heal. While listening the first time I noticed there was some times where some part of me would try to resist but there was nothing to help fuel the resistance, in this case the fear.

I did notice still that I still got the slight headache I would associate with running the B side of a sub but it wasn't as bad as it usually would be and disappeared after a while. It does make me wonder if healing + fear removal might be a good combination though. Might be more indirect way of getting to the goal but could allow for the healing to happen without any "fear" being used stop the healing. Eh, guess we might see in the future though its totally possible that we might only near Fear removal for now on. I did reach a few insights after my first run though:

- I have been the one keeping myself back from succeeding and therefore I have taken full responsability for my own success.
- Failure is only a permanent state if you allow it. It is I who chooses whether I want to remain a failure. Therefore success or failure is a choice, not something that just happens once and then that state remains that way for the rest of your life.
- I am the writer of my own "story". Realizing that means I have to take responsibility for my life (which scares most people) but at the same time that means I am in fully in control.
- remaining fearful doesn't keep me in control, but take responsibility for myself does.
- I've already pretty much imagined myself in Korea in about a month from now and am certain I'm going to make it there. I have already just given myself just a month to complete my courses.
-I've pretty much decided i'm not going to be playing any videos games until I'm pretty much done with my courses.

Reflecting on some of those I have realized the error in thinking that "fear" means i'm in control and am safe. Its only when I take responsibility for myself and move out of that "comfort zone" do I have true freedom and am control. As for some results, I have already noticed something with my studies. I actually took the final test for my project management course like 2 hours ago. When I was going over the material one last time before the test I noticed I have a new level of understanding for it. Interestingly, while I was taking the test, the test itself seemed very "odd" to me and thought I might fail though I had already purposed that had I failed that would not be the end of the story. I would keep studying and trying until I succeeded. I actually ended up passing the test by a wide margin and did competent or exemplary in all categories except for 1. Thinking that might have been a combination of the success thinking and utilize the luck component of the sub.

I think another component might have been my intuition. I don't know why but I've gotten this feeling of relying and trusting my intuition more which I have been complying with. I've been noticing when I haven't followed my intuition (at least once so far) I ended up proving that I should have listened. Since then I have started listening to my gut feelings on things every time I get prompted to. Anyway, that pretty much it. Currently listening to the sub for my second day and finishing up the practice test for my 8 course now and will probably finish taking it later today after work. I will also try to quickly finish up my Lesson plan and my 1000 word summary for my TEFL certificate today as well since the time to turn it in is by Sunday exactly at 12am.

[Benjamin]

It does make me wonder if healing + fear removal might be a good combination though

That's a good point, because there can be alot of fear around that too.

I may be off here but I was thinking of healing and clearing, some of it may be my own confusion. To me 'healing and clearing' sounds like it's actually dealing with the thing in your mind, healing it so it doesn't reoccur and would be longer lasting. But without that and just 'turning off' the fear to get to execution makes it sound like it just temporarily does that when you're using the program, but then you might stop using it or use another program and it's not 'healed' so could come back.

Not sure if that makes sense to others, and gives Shannon a chance to clarify as maybe others had this thought too. Kind of like 'healing the fears' which would mean it's no longer there, vs disabling it for a bit to let something execute.

I do like the idea of healing and clearing, combined with the fear removal module as you've suggested to prevent the fears in the way of the healing more. And since for me DMSI A was more 'gentle' and E2 was aswell and I went better with those than DMSI B.

The things you wrote in your post though, sound like quite a few good realizations after only 1 day of listening.

[DarthXedonias]

It does make me wonder if healing + fear removal might be a good combination though

That's a good point, because there can be alot of fear around that too.

I may be off here but I was thinking of healing and clearing, some of it may be my own confusion. To me 'healing and clearing' sounds like it's actually dealing with the thing in your mind, healing it so it doesn't reoccur and would be longer lasting. But without that and just 'turning off' the fear to get to execution makes it sound like it just temporarily does that when you're using the program, but then you might stop using it or use another program and it's not 'healed' so could come back.

Not sure if that makes sense to others, and gives Shannon a chance to clarify as maybe others had this thought too. Kind of like 'healing the fears' which would mean it's no longer there, vs disabling it for a bit to let something execute.

I do like the idea of healing and clearing, combined with the fear removal module as you've suggested to prevent the fears in the way of the healing more. And since for me DMSI A was more 'gentle' and E2 was aswell and I went better with those than DMSI B.

The things you wrote in your post though, sound like quite a few good realizations after only 1 day of listening.

From what I remember Shannon saying he said that the fear removal "should" be permanent. I guess we will have to see how that goes. Thing is though, I think the combination route might still be better. Get rid of the fear of healing certain things and maybe the resistance will be close to negligible. That's just what I think though. once again we might have to wait and see if any of this fear removal will be permanent and better than healing/clearing overall. I can see why it might be better overall though. Over the years we've seen the subconscious use all sorts of healing loopholes in order to get around executing such as the endless healing loop hole we had one one of the DMSI versions.

Side note: Just passed my pre-test for my next course. With any luck I will get approved for the final test later today and then pass it today as well. That will have been 8 courses down so far and then I would only have 18 more courses to go til graduation. I'm hoping to keep following a schedule of one course a day Monday-Saturday. That way be the end of next week I might only have around 10-11 courses left. Might be able to graduate early and be in Korea by sometime early November. Will just need to put all my stuff in Storage before then , including my car which I have decided I will probably keep.

[Shannon]

H&C vs FRM Explained, 101:

The H&C modules were designed to heal and clear whatever was causing the fear and thus end it and move past it.

That failed. Miserably.

Why? Because apparently, no matter how much H&C you do, something still remains, and somehow the fear continues to exist and even regenerate.

The result: a never ending cycle of heal, clear, regenerate fear.

To move past that we must turn off the fear. The end result is no fear, and the result should be permanent because of how it is done. The end result is that we achieve the goals of the H&C, but we are approaching the task in a very different way. The end results are the same, but the approach prevents the fear from regenerating and blocking progress by un-doing the progress as quickly as it is made. The added benefit is that it should be faster, easier, less challenging, virtually painless and virtually trauma free.

So don't misunderstand this. H&C is not somehow superior to FRM. It is the FRM that is superior to H&C. They both still have their place, to some degree, but the FRM is clearly and vastly superior. H&C is now going to be relegated to a post FRM cleanup job, for whatever damage was done by the fear before we turned it off, if that is even necessary. The FRM will handle everything else.

[DarthXedonias]

I might have spoken too soon about the no fuel for resistance thing or maybe the luck part of this sub brought this event out for the better though it certainly doesn't feel like that.

Well, today was the first day I was actually out and about while running this sub. Was at work and everything seemed to be going well. I was actually doing my job a lot more efficiently and quickly than usual. Had more customers trying to make more conversation then the first thing happened. I saw that Latin chick that I tried to get with a while back ago and I felt instant anger once again. I just tried to ignore her and the boy she was with and did my job. Though at that moment I think I had 2 "wishes" at that point that felt really strongly right after that incident. (1) I wanted to leave this job as soon as possible and even contemplated leaving this week and (2) I really wanted to hurry up even more and leave this country.

It is most likely my fault at this point for this current reality. It seems that I just have it in my head that I associate being in the US with people being rude for the smallest of reasons, lacking any manners, trying to constantly wield their power over others just to make themselves feel better. I do take responsibility for this though I don't know if I can ever escape this association in my mind based on everything I've experienced here and whether I even want to try anymore. At this point instead of fighting it it might just be easier to move to a culture where I might have better reactions from people, particularly women.

To get to the main event though I think the luck part might have responded to my deep seated desires at the moment and caused a major event to happen. Its either that or my subconscious found some way to cause some bad event to happen and used a "scorched earth" tactic in this one way (certainly feels that way sense I don't feel exactly good at the moment). I ended up getting a customer who I could barely understand some of the time because she spoke so quietly and she was on her phone some of the time during the exchange. I do admit I had made a mistake while doing a transaction but I don't think I deserved the talking to I got in front of a big line of people. She basically reprimanded me in front of people and then ,after I had gotten a managers help, had the audacity to ask is, to paraphrase, "we were good". The reason why this was a big deal for me is that this rarely happens and the main thing that triggers my PTSD from being relatively dormant to sometimes just going haywire is when I am talked down to or belittled while in front of a group of people (because those were the main reasons I got it while in the military).

Either way, it got triggered and I essentially was out of it and in my own little world. On top of that I was having panic attacks. It got so bad I had to go to one of the managers and ask to leave early. After my lunch I had to still work for another 20 mins or so til they let me leave. Honestly, I felt so bad that I was contemplating quitting right then and there. One thing that I've noticed whenever my PTSD gets majorly triggered is that I should't be around the place where it has been triggered on a large scale before (last time I could be around a certain part of work for months comfortably).

I do have 2 theories about this. Either this was some sort of reversal resistance or scorched earth tactic that somehow got through or this was brought about by my strong desire to want to leave (especially that job) and this was the best way the luck component responded in order to insure I leave. As of right now I am highly contemplating just quitting today because they have me scheduled for working tomorrow at the same time in the same spot which isn't good for me. I did notice one thing different about this though, my anger seemed to be direct at this idea of "I shouldn't have to put up with this. My future isn't just being at some job where I have to deal with customers with bad manners and treat people like garbage." It seemed to have turned into more motivation to leave. Matter of fact, by the time I got home I had come up with an idea that would allow me not to just settle for completing 1 course a day but i could actually complete multiple classes a day if my mentor at the university allows it.

Given that I have earned some "good will" as it were from her from doing this well so far, there is a very good chance she might approve it. With me not having a job either that would give me more time to just focus on it all. The only problem I have now is that I'm low on money because not sure if you guys heard but the VA tried to implement a new IT system to help with how they provide service. Unfortunately they messed even that up and now lots of people are having delays in getting their benefits. Its so bad that they have had to hire an additional temporary 300K + plus to process all the back logged claims (some of which have entirely disappeared from the system). Mines has also been delayed and I have no idea when my monthly money is going to come in. Even with that though, I might just quit anyway and just bust my ass to get through these classes even quicker.

I would appreciate anyone's outlook on this. Was this whole event maybe a sabotage effort to mess things up or was this probably the luck part of the sub allowing a certain event to happen so that I leave quicker?

[Shannon]

The sub is designed to produce only positive results. If this leads to one, it is possible.

[DarthXedonias]

The sub is designed to produce only positive results. If this leads to one, it is possible.

Well, it might be. I just sent an email to say I have quit my job effective immediately. On top of that this whole thing has finally promptly me to seek a reclassification for my so called "adjustment disorder" to PTSD. I actually was able to come across a organization of people who take these type of cases on the behalf of veterans for free. If they accept my case I believe I have a very strong case of winning it seeing as I still have the contact info of a lot of people involved and my family and just now former co-workers have knowledge and have seen the affects of this issue has had on me. I probably just need a formal diagnose and testing to be sure then I should be good I think.

So I guess this could be seen as positive I guess. I will admit the reason why it took me long to get to this point is because I never really wanted anything to do with the government again after what I went through but also I felt this kind of shame at potentially living, even just partially, off money from the government. Given how you have so many people who just do that now a days for the fact of being lazy. On top of that the VA's idea of "help" is just to give you benefits and free drugs every month which given my history with using their drugs I don't feel like they really help with the problem. We shall see though. Hopefully the more I run this sub maybe it will help out with winning my case potentially.

[DarthXedonias]

Ok, something really weird just happened but I think I realize what is going on.

I think the even that happened yesterday was the subconscious trying the scorched earth tactic again. This time just trying to manifest an event to cause internal havoc. I can definitely say it caused a lot of havoc. I kept on having feelings of anger, rage and flash backs happen all day yesterday. Had it happen all night even when I tried to sleep as well. Something weird happened though which is that after I woke up after finally falling asleep I actually felt good and nothing in regards to what happened before I feel asleep. I'm guessing since my subconscious can't put up as much resistance during different phases of sleep it can't fight off the sub's instructions. I'm going to assuming this is probably the "initial" resistance that was mentioned.

So, it seems like it can still use the scorched earth tactic but it can't use it internally. I assume its because the FRM cuts off any fuel from using past memories, etc. So it can only cause an external event to happen that will prompt a very negative response then continually use that event to constantly fuel resistance. Hey, Shannon is there anything you think you can do to keep parts resisting from trying to purposely "manifest" an negative external event to try fuel more resistance? It seems like that's the only option left to it in my case. It needs a more current event it seems to try this tactic.

[Shannon]

Let's just see what happens with the current script before assuming you need something else too.

[DarthXedonias]

Well, thought I would give a brief report then touch on something weird that happened.

I might have spoke too soon on my mind being completely ok. I noticed like Hours later my mind started slowly drifting back to that event that happen (only subtly) then once i started playing my loops I started having flash backs and outbursts again. I'm trying to understand what happened but I do think that little even on my first day in public while running the sub was manifested by the part resist. It seems for whatever reason it doesn't have access to using past hurts to chaos internal chaos so it seems to have needed this time around something more recent to happen so it could latch on. Still not proven but this is what I suspect so far.

On top of that I did catch certain things floating around in my mind early in my loops. It sounded like another part of me. Essentially I caught things like "I'm afraid" and "I don't want to". In reference to the last one the impression I got was "I don't want to let go of the fear". If true, I don't know what is going on or what is the reasons for this part to not want to let go. I honestly have no clue as to the rational.

As for other things, I ended up finishing up and turning in both my Lesson plan and 1000 word Essay. It will take a few days before I realize if I passed that portion or not. As for my actual degree, I just now finished the pre-tests for 3 different classes and am ready to take the final tests for those classes. That would mean i would have finished 3 courses in 1 day and then have 17 courses left. If I continue with a once a day thing on weekdays then I should only have 12 left by the end of this week roughly. I did notice one weird thing while I was doing all this work. I had already pretty much decided in my mind since Saturday (after I quit my job) to go even quicker and go for 3 classes today. While I was doing the work though I had this deja-vu moment, like I had done this before. Of course I hadn't but it makes me wonder if maybe I had envisioned myself doing this so much that when I got to actually doing the work it felt like I had already done it before. Some weird stuff I guess.

Other than that, not much to report. I just hope this little potential tactic that might have been used is only short term. I just can't stand this anger and agitation that keeps on happening internally due to that event being replayed in my mind.