Findingme's Universal Detox thread

[Benjamin]

It's not recommended. It's like when DMSI first come out there was the option to use it occasionally with other programs, but then Shannon realized it was disrupting other programs. So the same would happen in this case.

[findingme]

ok. Thanks Ben

[findingme]

I've been on and off UD these last 2 weeks. I'd be wanting some motivation, some goal, some dream to chase--something I could put my hands (and head) on and control. UD's biggest stated goal, to me, is a general lack and loss of negative thinking. And it's shaken me many times from known holds I've had in life. I imagined me on crutches in life--and UD was gnawing at my very holds on the life I've felt desperate to to hang on to.

I've jumped on other vendor's subs some nights, and I've very often jumped back on to E2, or OGSF. OGSF still makes me feel uncomfortable if doing it over 2 days--I feel discontent using it long-term since it offers no solution or replacement with my fears (my crutches) removed. So E2 has been a frequent fallback since it's well-rounded, plus I often feel better after a night's run of it.

I came home tonight, turning on E2 when I first got in. However, I felt not ok with this. I turned on UD instead. I'd hung onto UD for a very big reason: it eroded my bull****, and I BS myself first, all the time. I'd been thinking about this today. I wondered if it had broken through all my BS.....

And less than 5 minutes ago.........anger began surfacing. The kind of anger which screams inside me that something is NOT right.

And my mind loops back to "shouldn't I feel better, not worse?" It does feel nice to feel good using any sub--the main reason I'd jumped off it, to search for that. E2 has "positive thinking, positive attitude" which was beautiful when it came out. I became unusually optimistic at times, maybe annoyinlgly so. All I know was I felt good.

I'm in a mixed spot here writing, as I "remembered" that on E2, but I'm living now, listening to UD, becoming clearly saddened, disheartened, and unsure how "I'm supposed to fix this", something I realized today are old survival patterns. But old patterns didn't solve anything. Nothing changed.

Writing here is uncomfortable, out of my comfort zone, but since other sub users are here, I write. UD is a major unknown, as far as known outcomes. Hell, I'd even been checking out BASE, MLS, and DMSI lately since their goals are clear, and I can imagine outcomes on each. I have few stated goals on UD.

Point blank: I'm whining. I don't know where I'm going. Will rest.

That I've never stated: UD has tired me out moreso than any sub I've ever used. Sleep is needed using it for me.

[findingme]

I'm seeing something new, to me.

I've been very anxious listening to UD, and I've hung on for this last week. What I'm realizing is that I have resisted some changes coming to me, things like acceptance of myself, of my own spiritual beliefs, of my goals and desires, and of even............growth :-)

For the record, I've attempted many years to NOT grow up. I saw adults as being some very miserable people growing up, and my mind has been a non-stop fantasyland even in my 30's and early 40's, while married. My daughter, now 13, was "permission" for me to be young again. My wife despised it, as she didn't enjoy young children. I reveled in it, playing my part with joy and creativity on-demand :-)

And I thought "someday, someday, someday........I'll grow up". I equated it with acting and ignoring feelings. Yes, I thought successful adults had emotions I didn't have--as they were happy, outgoing, energetic, and successful in most of life. As an introvert, I hid more.

So, yesterday I woke up, having run UD while sleeping. I realized I have been creating problems for myself repeatedly, giving in to other's spoken or assumed desires for me, while I s*** on myself by dismissing who I am. I felt more empowered....wishing to write about it. Since I had to get ready for work, I did a "I'll do it later", which I thought I'd never do, thinking of my track record.

I even imagined me coming here, putting on some BS mask, sharing some false bravado image--and I let that thought sit in my head.

I'm getting to a good part. I had my 12 step meeting yesterday, my Saturday norm. Our first question was "if you could not fail, what would you do with your life?" It's a step 12 question.

I spoke first. I shared what I really wanted to do was........be honest in my life. I've been in fear for years (DECADES), playing the easiest part, the uninvolved part, the "I'll do the easiest (safest) part" so I'd be accepted by my peers. I feared my truths constantly, depending of other's leadings, putting many in a parental role. Embarrassing, but all too true. I did say I haven't wanted to grow up, and I played the part in all areas of life.

Yesterday, just vocalizing it was freeing for me. I gave life back to myself by....... by being honest. This is important to me. I even shared this was not the "I'll speak my mind, so F*** you!" mentality either. I have a person in my life still playing that role, 10 years actively. She is scared, hiding it with control and anger.

And I'm not led by that. I'm just being me. I never knew I could do this. I'll keep on UD as long as it is cleaning out my mind.

P.S. I had jumped around subs weeks back. I know now I was resisting. I came back to UD remembering it'll flush out the resistance if I give it time. It is working for me. Thank you for creating this Shannon.

[findingme]

I was in the DMSI journals a short while tonight, and I read some men taking short breaks from DMSI at times, and some even scheduling it for so many days a week vs. all 7.

I bring this up since the fatigue from UD has been pretty consistent lately. I called out of work today due to fatigue, and I"m remembering some guy here saying he lost his job due to fatigue on a newer sub (DMSI?). I'm not looking to do that. I read UD is a B/C type sub, and C subs affect us physically.

I'd love some opinions on scheduling breaks on the 5.5 subs.

Also, I do wonder if a bloom would manifest for UD, and specifically......what would bloom? Intense honesty :-) ? Reading on their experiences has gotten me curious. Being honest feels good, especially since I've always kept my truths inside. It's a whole new discovery--meaning change! Being honest has felt very good when I've spit stuff out--I've said things I'd never said--or even considered.

[Benjamin]

A bit of a break can be good at times, especially with healing programs. If you're going to do that then maybe try it after the initial 3 months.

I've had some fatigue on UD a few times, but it seems when it happens i'm just detoxing something else physically because I get other symptoms along with it.

I can't really say what the bloom would be like on UD because it's a pretty subtle program, not as obvious as others. But after I used DMSI for around 9 months without stopping I wish I had taken a bit of a break inbetween to let it settle, depends how long you want to do UD for.

[findingme]

I am feeling real low, and I think I've been waiting on affirmations/validation from others to say I'm likeable/lovable........that I am worth it in life. My sleep has been on and off, my diet's similar, lots of coffee, and little socializing. I did see friends last night, but I even considered bailing when one didn't show up like he'd said. He showed up 2 hours late. During my wait, I'd put on ASC ultrasonic on my phone, and I felt myself getting intolerant. I made a deadline for myself, and he showed up 15 minutes later. I had some honest moments last night, so it was good I stayed.

I know I'm low, and that's why I'm writing. I don't want pity responses, and I've not written due to that old norm in my head--manipulating for attention. I am lonely, yet pity won't help me. I don't want that.

I'm needing to dump my stuff though. I shared last night with my old sponsor that I've not been to a meeting in 3 weeks, and he replied "none? None in 3 weeks?" I usually go to 2-3 meetings out of habit and "old comfort" feelings. I'm needing to connect. I even skipped out from seeing my mom today. I feel like s*** actually, but I had too much coffee last night, and I stayed in bed until noon. She lives a town away, my "kind of" valid reason for skipping. ................. I'm detecting I've been doing the same thing with her I've done in meetings, which is manipulating for attention and validation of who I am.

I'm mad at myself now, going back and forth, as I've "conveniently" hid this from everyone, myself included. I have created this lifestyle the last 10 years (at least) where my presence ALWAYS involved, in big or small ways, that.........I had a problem and needed (wanted) someone to meet me in it and resolve it with me--yes, old childhood thinking. I began counseling when I was only 18. I did that for 3 years (more for attention), finally discovering 12 step meetings. However, meetings often attract sick people, so my choices for listeners narrowed. People who go often aren't all available for me, like I want, when I wanted it. However, beggars can't be choosers, so I adapted. I'll be down, but if you're up, I'll put on my "up" face so I can not be alone. Same if I'm up, and you're down. I adapt quickly, and it's hurting me now. What's strange is if I see someone who's manipulating for attention, it bothers me. A voice in my head screams "BULL****!!" A guy at work does this. I have compassion and disgust both since he demands attention, yet I see a 40 year old teenager doing what I've done.

I've been keeping secrets of my sub usage. I'd used afformations subs for 2 nights previous (did UD last night), and began thinking "what am I afraid of?" Honesty? Growth? Change?

Yes. Every time an awareness hits me, I break down in tears, at least lately. Sharing last night with my old sponsor and another guy, I realized I'd not been to meetings for I feel a real flood coming, a torrent of tears, of grief. I've hurt myself a lot in recent years, mostly by ignoring or stuffing my truths. It's been about 2 months since I've shared and wept in a meeting. I said I wanted to do that--and it terrifies me --which makes no sense as I write that. I've tended to "clench up" my gut when afraid, holding it inside, hiding it from others---and seeking/desiring someone to ask me about me...........yes, I've sought people's attention, but rarely by being direct. I'm seeking a parental figure to pull it out of me (I see this in my head).

The last time I broke down in a meeting, I let 4 or 5 people speak first, and I finally took my chance. After I'd said my name, I just wept, having held it in, knowing I'd share it before I walked in the room. 90% of meetings I go in with my shields up, but this time I felt both scared and assertive about needing to share. I've wasted a LOT of time ignoring my feelings, fearing something or someone unsafe (imagined parental figures). I'm unsure of my actual pattern, but when I've opened my mouth to share, I've fantasized about safe, caring people, not always looking around.

Regarding subs, I began listening to ASC yesterday after reading some journals on it. I've been eyeing AM6, but ASC is free, it's 5G, so......I'm running it now. Yes, I'm mixing subs. I'm just really uncomfortable right now with what's coming up. And ASC gave me a little courage to write here.

I like UD's clearing out.....but does it replace anything? I bought it originally thinking it had LTU scripting, but I've been told that was an error. I've liked LTU, I've liked AM. Both since they not only defuse negativity and things which bring self harm, but replace them with things I want. Honesty. Integrity. Fairness. Truth. Self respect.

I'm all emotional, so I won't chase that right now. I'm trying to "be" somebody, while ignoring my untruths. Will turn UD back on tonight though. I am seeking a resolution inside myself. Maybe I'm seeking perfection.

I am desiring it.

[THolt]

Findings,

How is your UD going? This program makes me feel physically weird and just off. I am considering a longer run but I just don’t know what this program is really doing other than some shifts in attitude.

[findingme]

Tholt,
I got on UD for emotional clearing, and it touched me deeper than any other sub has in my life. 5.5 subs have an intense power, and it hit me emotionally and physically--both heavily.

It really went straight to my fears of being honest (with myself), and it dismantled it. However, like you, I wondered "what will replace my fears?" Once a bit of clearing had been done, I was antsy (afraid of not knowing, aka afraid of not being in control?). Maybe it was resistance. It likely was/is. I even began planning on crying when I went to some of my meetings, as just opening my mouth was just seconds away from expressing old grief, having kept everything inside me, for YEARS.

Physically, I did some coughing in the mornings, but nothing major changed since my health is pretty good for my age. However, the physical fatigue kicked my butt. I must have been doing some major brain rewiring, as I relied on caffeine heavily in my job. I'd do 3 cups of coffee without batting an eye since......it pepped me up and kept me alert.

I've not used UD now in 2 weeks. I tried this sub, that sub, and since specific awarenesses were arising (victim mindset, unforgiveness of myself, freedom from my past), I willingly turned back to E2. I tried ultrasonic for a week, but just like my first run, it barely seemed to affect me. I'm running the stream version, and I'm actually wanting to go through this healing.

Regarding UD, it is a remarkable sub for clearing out junk--emotionally from my experience.

And even the last night I ran it, I noticed it cleaning out my mind again, as I found truths coming up. Not knowing what's happening to me via the sub, sadly, is a detractor. I am uninformed, so I'm not presently using it. E2's description gives me hope, plus Shannon's words that longer runs have heavily helped some with painful pasts keeps me in this aim. One day at a time.

Why'd you begin using UD?

[THolt]

Tholt,
I got on UD for emotional clearing, and it touched me deeper than any other sub has in my life. 5.5 subs have an intense power, and it hit me emotionally and physically--both heavily.

It really went straight to my fears of being honest (with myself), and it dismantled it. However, like you, I wondered "what will replace my fears?" Once a bit of clearing had been done, I was antsy (afraid of not knowing, aka afraid of not being in control?). Maybe it was resistance. It likely was/is. I even began planning on crying when I went to some of my meetings, as just opening my mouth was just seconds away from expressing old grief, having kept everything inside me, for YEARS.

Physically, I did some coughing in the mornings, but nothing major changed since my health is pretty good for my age. However, the physical fatigue kicked my butt. I must have been doing some major brain rewiring, as I relied on caffeine heavily in my job. I'd do 3 cups of coffee without batting an eye since......it pepped me up and kept me alert.

I've not used UD now in 2 weeks. I tried this sub, that sub, and since specific awarenesses were arising (victim mindset, unforgiveness of myself, freedom from my past), I willingly turned back to E2. I tried ultrasonic for a week, but just like my first run, it barely seemed to affect me. I'm running the stream version, and I'm actually wanting to go through this healing.

Regarding UD, it is a remarkable sub for clearing out junk--emotionally from my experience.

And even the last night I ran it, I noticed it cleaning out my mind again, as I found truths coming up. Not knowing what's happening to me via the sub, sadly, is a detractor. I am uninformed, so I'm not presently using it. E2's description gives me hope, plus Shannon's words that longer runs have heavily helped some with painful pasts keeps me in this aim. One day at a time.

Why'd you begin using UD?

I used it to get past some emotional issues. It was an amazing program. It brought to light a lot of issues and other things as well.

I’m considering doing a SE run but I might hold off on that and run UD longer

[findingme]

Wow. During and after writing that, I looked with eyes wide open saying "What is TRUE for ME?!" I have heavily wanted healing--healthy change--in my life, and subs are a real key, especially with 5.5 subs.

Having gone through some of my old writings, Ben's writings (since he's been on UD too), I.......turned UD back on last night. I'm home now, with it on again.

I'd not been to the UD sales page in a while, but just went, re-reading it. I found this:

"Universal Detox also includes a healing and clearing component, which will activate if there is anything that stands in the way of the program executing. In other words, if some part of you does not want to cooperate, the program is designed to get you to try to heal and clear the reason so you can execute it and achieve its goals."

S*** guys, this program works. "if some part of you does not want to cooperate"....

My old sponsor told me last weekend "be careful what you ask for. You just may get it". I've wanted healing. I'm back on UD, again.

[Shannon]

Just wait till you see what Genuine Happiness and Joy does...

[findingme]

Just wait till you see what Genuine Happiness and Joy does...

I'll be waiting....

Thank you for the heads up!

[findingme]

Just wait till you see what Genuine Happiness and Joy does...

Shannon,
I've noticed that you've introduced subs recently that were unexpected (Exercise Motivation), but I don't scour your journal postings either.

How soon might this be out?