Solont - Alpha Male 2011 Notes

[Solont]

2 1/2 weeks into Stage 2 of AM2011

I seem to have hit a patch of some resistance.

I haven't slept well for a couple of days.

My dream last night had me in a sort of spy/war game with another me. I knew I'd hit points where I'd have a sort of mental battle going on between the old me and the me I want to be, but I didn't expect such a literal interpretation in a dream.

[Solont]

Almost three weeks into Stage 2 of AM2011.

The past couple of night have been much better in regards to sleep, so I seem to have passed the resistance for now.

Last night, I had a couple of dreams that both involved pretty much the exact same theme. They were both about people making a big change in their lives and being successful at it. It was encouraging. The first involved a spy retiring to pursue a different career. The second was the same thing with a pair of spies who were leaving because they were getting married.

(A third dream was almost completely unrelated and involved some evil mastermind trying to kidnap the Cheetos mascot. I don't even eat Cheetos...)

I didn't deal well with change for a long time. Over the past few years, I've had to learn to do so very quickly and quite often but without my conscious choice to make those changes. It was always me adapting to a change from outside. After AM2010, I was much better at it.

I'm hoping that this is a sign that AM2011 is helping me be better at initiating my own changes when I see them become necessary.

[Solont]

Just about 4 weeks into Stage 2 of AM2011.

I had a job interview today. While I was nervous, I was noticeably less nervous than I have been at previous interviews. It was nice to see some progress in that area.

In fact, I've noticed a very significant rise in my self-confidence over the past couple of weeks. I can still see some room for improvement in being decisive, but there is already a decrease in my hesitation for stupid reasons.

Also, a friend was asking me a lot of questions about my job search and kept pressuring me to think about my answers. She did me a huge favor, and in the past my low self-esteem would just have made me rather upset that someone was pestering me so much and punching holes in the walls of excuses I had built up to protect myself. This time, I was able to see why she was asking those questions and realize that I was letting my fears get in the way of going after jobs I want. I was able to thank her for her help in seeing the excuses I was hiding behind instead of getting frustrated and holding a grudge.

[Solont]

End of Stage 2 of AM2011

It's hard to describe. I'll do something in a way that demonstrates an increase in confidence and only realize later that I would never have done it that way before. There's definitely a noticeable difference.

I was working at an event this week and was on my feet the entire time. During that time, my posture was consistently good. I didn't slouch at all. It's only something I noticed in hindsight. At the time, I wasn't thinking about it at all.

I went to a recording session for some narration work, and at one point the guy let slip that I was the third choice and only called in because one person had health issues and the second didn't respond. Before, this would have been devastating to my confidence level. Now, I just felt that it was fortunate for me and a great opportunity to show the client what I can do for them. Again, I only realized the change in my reaction later.

I think that running through the program a second time knowing for sure that it works is helping me to just let it happen.

[Shannon]

I went to a recording session for some narration work, and at one point the guy let slip that I was the third choice and only called in because one person had health issues and the second didn't respond. Before, this would have been devastating to my confidence level. Now, I just felt that it was fortunate for me and a great opportunity to show the client what I can do for them. ....

Yeah, instead of feeling defeated, grab that bull by the horns and show them good and hard why you should have been the FIRST choice!

[Solont]

Day 1 - Stage 3 - AM2011

I dreamed about moving last night. I had a kind of circus train of furniture and boxes attached to some sort of vehicle and was travelling down a highway. At one point, I was pulled over by a police officer, but she just wanted to offer an escort to my destination. The policewoman, my friends and I stopped for lunch at my grandparents' house. Then, we resumed our journey. The dream ended before reaching a destination.

[Solont]

Stage 3 - AM 2011 - After 1 week

There's definitely signs of change.

I've noticed it before in passing but passed it off as due to the topic being one I was more familiar with. I'm much more willing to create an opportunity to voice my opinion in a discussion rather than just waiting quietly for an opening to present itself.

In discussion group/class, I would never often open my mouth to speak. A few weeks ago, I just started to speak up without waiting for the facilitator to notice that I had tried to speak before someone else and asking what I was going to say.

Of course, I'm starting to worry a little that I may be a little more vocal than I should be. Nobody seems to mind, yet, but when I start gently correcting people without thinking about it, I think that eventually people will be upset about it. Fortunately, I seem to have stopped correcting simple grammar and pronunciation issues (which I had a bad habit of doing for a long time) and have moved to gross inaccuracies. It has to be misinformation or something that will cause a misunderstanding before I auto-correct it. And I'm doing it more gently than I used to with the pronunciation/grammar.

If that's the trade-off for ending a really annoying habit for one that seems solely designed to benefit a discussion, I'm ok with that.

I'm also way more comfortable joking around with almost total strangers. I met some people at a party last night who work with a guy I used to work with and I was giving one of them a little bit of a hard time about the trouble she was having with choosing a song in Rock Band. She'd obviously never played the game before, and I would tease her a bit while helping her to see what she had to do. She seemed to relax more with the teasing than when I was just showing her what she would need to do to progress.

Also, a woman who I have been friends with for a couple of years and almost started dating has been more friendly towards me lately. It disappeared because she basically all but said she wanted to be more than "just friends" followed by me seemingly ignoring that and continuing to treat her as "just friends." Her attitude towards me cooled off quite a bit after that. She pushed me even farther away than before we started hanging out together as friends. Over the past month, she's suddenly warmed up to me again and started treating me somewhere between before she said something and around the time she brought it up.

I'm pretty happy about that. She's an amazing woman, and I didn't respond originally because I didn't think I was ready to be who I thought she wanted me to be. (This was around the time I was in the play and caught a glimpse of the potential me. I thought that she wanted the guy on the stage, and I didn't think I could be that. It's another part of the reason I started my search that led me to AM 2010 and eventually to AM 2011.)

Not bad for just a little over 1/3 of the way through.

Some trouble sleeping again, and really intense dreams when I do sleep, but that will likely clear up in the next day or so if the pattern from the first couple of stages continues.

[Solont]

Just under 2 weeks into Stage 3 - AM 2011

Went to a friend's birthday party at a bar on karaoke night. She was the only person I knew ahead of time. I had no trouble fitting in. In the past, I would've felt like an outsider and been uncomfortable. This time, I was perfectly comfortable just getting to know these people and enjoying the time. Plus, I noticed that I was less restrained when singing.

Some of this is the same as I have mentioned noticing before, but it's still a change even from the last time I noticed it. Usually because it's even more obvious and visible.

[Solont]

3 Weeks - Stage 3 - AM 2011

My voice projection in normal conversation has improved. I know that I can be very loud, so I tend to overcompensate by speaking very quietly. It's evened out a bit. I'm not too loud, but I'm not nearly as quiet as I was.

My voice is also way deeper than I used to go in normal speech. Fortunately, my fears about losing my upper range when singing due to the lower speaking voice have turned out to be unfounded. That's a relief.

[About]

So a question for you Solont, do you feel that am2011 has been much different than am2010? Do you feel the same effects as when you were using the 2010 version as the 2011 version? or is the 2011 version just so much different and having a much more pronounced effect on your behavior?

[Solont]

So a question for you Solont, do you feel that am2011 has been much different than am2010? Do you feel the same effects as when you were using the 2010 version as the 2011 version? or is the 2011 version just so much different and having a much more pronounced effect on your behavior?

Hmm. AM 2011 feels a bit more pronounced to me as far as the effects go. Granted, that could be a side-effect of going through AM 2010 first. Though it feels to me like my brain is working harder with AM 2011 than it did for 2010.

The effects themselves aren't different, really. They just seem a bit more obvious to me this time around.

[Solont]

AM 2011 - Stage 3 - 31 days

After I turn off the subliminal tomorrow morning, it will be the end of Stage 3. It's hard to believe that I'm halfway through.

For the past few days I've been extremely restless. I'm normally happy to sit and read for a while or watch a movie. This week, I just can't seem to sit still long enough to do either of those.

The upside is that I've started been able to keep myself motivated to not slack off on my exercise. I've even added a basic jogging program. Both of these help for a time in the morning, but by evening, I'm restless again.

Unfortunately, it's making it tough to sleep, and I'm in the middle of trying to adjust my sleep schedule to wake early enough to get ready for work for when I start back next week.

[Solont]

AM 2011 - Stage 4 - 1 week

During the first few days of Stage 4, I had some trouble getting out of bed in the mornings due to being very groggy. Whatever is in Stage 4 hit fast and hard for that time. It's tapered off some, so I'm not having as much trouble waking up.

I haven't noticed any obvious changes over stage 3 at this time.

[Solont]

AM 2011 - Stage 4 - 2 weeks

Somewhere in the past day or so I have acquired a bit of a swagger to my walk. At least, that's how it feels.

It cracked me up when I realized what had happened and how it seems to have done so out of the blue.