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+--- Thread: Antaeus' AM6 Reboot Journal (/Thread-Antaeus-AM6-Reboot-Journal)
RE: Antaeus' AM6 Reboot Journal - DavisMind91 - 07-30-2018
(07-30-2018, 11:43 AM)Antaeus Wrote:(07-28-2018, 05:59 PM)DavisMind91 Wrote:(07-26-2018, 07:21 PM)Antaeus Wrote:(07-25-2018, 01:08 AM)DavisMind91 Wrote:(07-24-2018, 04:43 PM)Antaeus Wrote: Had a serious bout of depression today. No responses on Tinder yet. Feeling very isolated. Felt a lot of anger. Had to get out of the house.
Can’t say for sure yet since your journey isn’t over, but judging by what you’re reporting, another AM6 run is in order.
I feel like I need to go into more detail about this particular day. I forgot to mention on this day that I had a bit of an emotional breakdown at home when I was home alone. I didn’t binge eat but I didn’t eat according to my diet either. I just didn’t care in the moment. Luckily I didn’t eat anything bad but I was definitely emotionally eating. I sat at the dining room table and just f*cking cried. I felt abandoned, isolated and alone. Feeling like I had no one. It was a strange feeling. I just wanted to get out of the house so shortly after mom got home I took a shower and got dressed. I was pretty short with her and simply didn’t want to be bothered. I was very easily irritated with her and just felt like she was up my ass with questions about my day. Something was going on here but I don’t know what.
Hmm, seems like almost every AM6 journal I read includes some story of the man crying out of nowhere one day, myself included. Getting out of the house was what helped me that day. My tears came out of frustration, but there was no rational reason to cry. I think eventually this program “hits a nerve” that once uncovered, helps with emotional breakthrough. I cried on E2 as well one day after I realized how I let myself down in some way so I’m thinking the E1 programming in AM6 eventually uncovers something in a man that causes him to face something he may have repressed or buried and once it’s uncovered, can be eventually cleared away through continuing to use the sub.
It could also be that your subconscious mind caused you to feel stress because it was being coerced into facing something it was trying to protect you from, hence the tears and emotional eating. Judging by the reaction you had to your Mom’s questioning, it seems like you were dealing with some source of fear. Don’t know for sure though. What I do know is that as long as you keep listening, whatever is causing this fades away eventually.
You know it’s actually funny now that I’m Thinking about it After having read your post DavisMind91. What I’m starting to realize is that for a while I was actually in denial. For the past couple of years I’ve always identified myself as an introvert And somehow wore that title like a badge of honor. With several people having faded out of my life I think what was really going on was that I see all these people that were in my life having gotten on with their own lives and I feel like I’ve been left behind. And I think the reason I broke down so badly the other day last week is that I’m starting to realize how sad I really am without people in my life. Unfortunately there’s not much I can do in the immediate moment with school starting back up But I do know that someway somehow what school is finished and once I’m sufficiently employed I’m going to seriously work on trying to rebuild my social life one way or the other. Because whether I want to accept it or not we are social creatures despite the fact that I am in fact an introvert and I do like my alone time From time to time. But I’m not going to use the introvert label as a way to absolve myself from making friends and having a social life of some sort.
Introverts can still be social. All it means is that our type recharges in solitude as opposed to an extrovert that gets a “rush” out of being around other people and feeds off their energy, that’s all. If you met me in person now, especially after doing AM6, there’s no way you would believe that I’m introverted. But trust me I still love solitude, almost as much as I did a year ago. It’s just that now, I can also be the life of the party as well. I have the extroversion training in AM6 to thank for that.
The real badge of honor can come from being selective with your time and attention, and valuing yourself enough not to freely give those things to just anyone, but still being able to hold good conversations and quality social interactions.
RE: Antaeus' AM6 Reboot Journal - Antaeus - 07-30-2018
(07-30-2018, 08:31 PM)DavisMind91 Wrote:(07-30-2018, 11:43 AM)Antaeus Wrote:(07-28-2018, 05:59 PM)DavisMind91 Wrote:(07-26-2018, 07:21 PM)Antaeus Wrote:(07-25-2018, 01:08 AM)DavisMind91 Wrote: Can’t say for sure yet since your journey isn’t over, but judging by what you’re reporting, another AM6 run is in order.
I feel like I need to go into more detail about this particular day. I forgot to mention on this day that I had a bit of an emotional breakdown at home when I was home alone. I didn’t binge eat but I didn’t eat according to my diet either. I just didn’t care in the moment. Luckily I didn’t eat anything bad but I was definitely emotionally eating. I sat at the dining room table and just f*cking cried. I felt abandoned, isolated and alone. Feeling like I had no one. It was a strange feeling. I just wanted to get out of the house so shortly after mom got home I took a shower and got dressed. I was pretty short with her and simply didn’t want to be bothered. I was very easily irritated with her and just felt like she was up my ass with questions about my day. Something was going on here but I don’t know what.
Hmm, seems like almost every AM6 journal I read includes some story of the man crying out of nowhere one day, myself included. Getting out of the house was what helped me that day. My tears came out of frustration, but there was no rational reason to cry. I think eventually this program “hits a nerve” that once uncovered, helps with emotional breakthrough. I cried on E2 as well one day after I realized how I let myself down in some way so I’m thinking the E1 programming in AM6 eventually uncovers something in a man that causes him to face something he may have repressed or buried and once it’s uncovered, can be eventually cleared away through continuing to use the sub.
It could also be that your subconscious mind caused you to feel stress because it was being coerced into facing something it was trying to protect you from, hence the tears and emotional eating. Judging by the reaction you had to your Mom’s questioning, it seems like you were dealing with some source of fear. Don’t know for sure though. What I do know is that as long as you keep listening, whatever is causing this fades away eventually.
You know it’s actually funny now that I’m Thinking about it After having read your post DavisMind91. What I’m starting to realize is that for a while I was actually in denial. For the past couple of years I’ve always identified myself as an introvert And somehow wore that title like a badge of honor. With several people having faded out of my life I think what was really going on was that I see all these people that were in my life having gotten on with their own lives and I feel like I’ve been left behind. And I think the reason I broke down so badly the other day last week is that I’m starting to realize how sad I really am without people in my life. Unfortunately there’s not much I can do in the immediate moment with school starting back up But I do know that someway somehow what school is finished and once I’m sufficiently employed I’m going to seriously work on trying to rebuild my social life one way or the other. Because whether I want to accept it or not we are social creatures despite the fact that I am in fact an introvert and I do like my alone time From time to time. But I’m not going to use the introvert label as a way to absolve myself from making friends and having a social life of some sort.
Introverts can still be social. All it means is that our type recharges in solitude as opposed to an extrovert that gets a “rush” out of being around other people and feeds off their energy, that’s all. If you met me in person now, especially after doing AM6, there’s no way you would believe that I’m introverted. But trust me I still love solitude, almost as much as I did a year ago. It’s just that now, I can also be the life of the party as well. I have the extroversion training in AM6 to thank for that.
The real badge of honor can come from being selective with your time and attention, and valuing yourself enough not to freely give those things to just anyone, but still being able to hold good conversations and quality social interactions.
Exactly my point
RE: Antaeus' AM6 Reboot Journal - Antaeus - 08-02-2018
So one quick observation, and honestly this could just be a side effect of eating healthier and taking care of myself, but I do notice my voice getting slightly deeper.
RE: Antaeus' AM6 Reboot Journal - DavisMind91 - 08-02-2018
(08-02-2018, 07:19 AM)Antaeus Wrote: So one quick observation, and honestly this could just be a side effect of eating healthier and taking care of myself, but I do notice my voice getting slightly deeper.
I was told that there's a module in AM6 designed at helping the user develop a more masculine voice. It was confirmed by Benjamin.
RE: Antaeus' AM6 Reboot Journal - Benjamin - 08-02-2018
Yep it does. I remember when on AM6 and it would randomly come out like when I got served in shops and I was like "damn".
RE: Antaeus' AM6 Reboot Journal - Antaeus - 08-06-2018
(08-02-2018, 09:19 PM)Benjamin Wrote: Yep it does. I remember when on AM6 and it would randomly come out like when I got served in shops and I was like "damn".
I actually recorded my voice on the memos app and it does sound slightly different.
So there’s this new girl at work who’s fairly attractive but way too young, so obviously I’m not interested. I was hanging signs as she was putting something away on my aisle.
I simply said “How’s it going” in a casual non-flirtatious way. And she gave me a rather sarcastic “Hi”. At least that’s how it sounded.
And I’m just thinking to myself “And your problem is?” And I simply had a thought after that which was along the lines of, “You know what, I want to show people respect but if they can’t show respect in return then I simply won’t invest into those people. As a matter of fact I’ve had people in my life who I’ve invested more than I should and I’ve only set myself up for disappointment. I simply won’t try to talk to this person anymore and I’ll invest more into the people I jive with best”
RE: Antaeus' AM6 Reboot Journal - Antaeus - 08-08-2018
So Stage 3 is about to come to a close for me.
All I’ve really noticed is that I have more of a desire to go out and do things with people.
Went to an event last weekend in the city called White Linen Night, it was my first time doing it. I never had any interest in going to these events before.
I’ve been seriously motivated about staying consistent with exercise and my diet, and the weight has been coming right off. I’d say I’ve lost about 30 pounds this summer.
My voice has been getting slightly deeper.
I think I’m slightly less needy. Feels like it.
I still have much progress to make. I won’t jump to any conclusions yet until I finish this run of the program, but I may have to do a second run.
I will start stage 4 this Saturday.
RE: Antaeus' AM6 Reboot Journal - Antaeus - 08-11-2018
Stage 3 is now complete. Will begin stage 4 tonight.
RE: Antaeus' AM6 Reboot Journal - Antaeus - 08-16-2018
I notice I’m pretty detached from outcomes with Tinder. Gotten no matches, but I’m just like, “meh”.
I still need to work on assertiveness. Had a situation at the gym where I was rushed off of a machine,
RE: Antaeus' AM6 Reboot Journal - Antaeus - 08-19-2018
Friday was pretty interesting. Felt irate about nothing in particular. Old insecurities were definitely on my mind that day.
On a more positive note. I believe my interview went very well on Tuesday, if all goes well I should hear from the, within a couple of weeks.
I also was invited to take a test for another position at a separate plant, it’s a different test so I would have to take it if I want to be considered for an interview for that position. Same company by the way. So I could be interviewing for two different positions.
RE: Antaeus' AM6 Reboot Journal - Antaeus - 08-21-2018
So I was on my way home today from taking a test for a job position. And I called my dad to let him know how I did. I was about an hour away from my house and he asked to drop something off to me within the next five minutes. Unfortunately there was a breakdown in communication which led to him not hearing me trying to tell him that I was far away from the house but he insisted that he was going to be at my house within five minutes.
I managed to get this message to him within a second phone call. But after the first call was finished I was just completely pissed off. The funny thing was it wasn’t necessarily just at him but more angry about All the times I was ever completely bulldozed in conversation. Not to mention any time when I had to speak in front of a group and was either intimidated or ridiculed/laughed at/not taken seriously by the group that I was speaking to. This happened many times in fraternity meetings when I was back in college.
This is not really anger at other people but more of myself and I’m starting to realize as life goes on that if I’m too afraid to speak and speak with a little bit of authority or assertiveness I’m not gonna be good at any job that I do in the future as there will be meetings I will be required to attend.But it seem like a lot of old shit was being dug up today so maybe somethings happening. I still believe that I will have to do a second run of AM6 to completely deal with these issues.
On a more positive note I believe I crushed the test. So hopefully I will get an interview for this position.
RE: Antaeus' AM6 Reboot Journal - Chris P. Bacon - 08-21-2018
(08-21-2018, 10:10 AM)Antaeus Wrote: So I was on my way home today from taking a test for a job position. And I called my dad to let him know how I did. I was about an hour away from my house and he asked to drop something off to me within the next five minutes. Unfortunately there was a breakdown in communication which led to him not hearing me trying to tell him that I was far away from the house but he insisted that he was going to be at my house within five minutes.
I managed to get this message to him within a second phone call. But after the first call was finished I was just completely pissed off. The funny thing was it wasn’t necessarily just at him but more angry about All the times I was ever completely bulldozed in conversation. Not to mention any time when I had to speak in front of a group and was either intimidated or ridiculed/laughed at/not taken seriously by the group that I was speaking to. This happened many times in fraternity meetings when I was back in college.
This is not really anger at other people but more of myself and I’m starting to realize as life goes on that if I’m too afraid to speak and speak with a little bit of authority or assertiveness I’m not gonna be good at any job that I do in the future as there will be meetings I will be required to attend.But it seem like a lot of old shit was being dug up today so maybe somethings happening. I still believe that I will have to do a second run of AM6 to completely deal with these issues.
On a more positive note I believe I crushed the test. So hopefully I will get an interview for this position.
I'm on day 2 of stage 4 and I also felt something similar. For me it's more like a frustrating discontent for staying silent and allowing people to walk over me in prior conversations and allow others opinions without stating my own. People with strong opinions can sometimes be non combative and also not use to receiving counter points and shut down because they've been challenged
For the combative ones it's all about getting them to realize that they're opinions are just that, and in the rare instance they stumbled on to a truth it usually needs to be scaled down into the proper context. Strong opinion types use to walk over me. Now I have a voice and I realize people attempted to train the combativeness out of me to conform with society. That training yields sheep that are afraid to step on toes and is utterly foolish. At the expense of the uncomfort conflict of beliefs brings we have produced sheep like males that conform to the strongest voice instead of blazing their own trail. Truly a pity. I'm glad you are realizing what you are. It's the first step into a larger sphere of self respect and freedom, especially of thought and speech.
RE: Antaeus' AM6 Reboot Journal - Benjamin - 08-21-2018
That's a normal part of the process for AM. If you've had problems being assertive in the past then it might actually take you getting angry enough to actually break through.
I found that when I first did AM, it was all this anger that actually got me to break through the fear of being assertive, it calmed down in the later stages and evened out.
So sounds like it's working through some of that to help you to be more assertive. AM 2011 the anger was MUCH more intense than AM6, I was doing security and a few times I just wanted to explode and I had to stop and control it.
RE: Antaeus' AM6 Reboot Journal - Antaeus - 08-21-2018
I’ve debated with myself back and forth whether or not I should do a different sub following this run of AM6, whether it be E2 or Dmsi for the healing and such. But I’m starting to realize that even though I’ve had my low moments during this run. I haven’t responded so badly that I’ve wanted to quit or worse. I know others have suggested E2 for the healing first BEFORE AM, but considering I’ve been handling myself pretty well during the course of this sub, I think another subsequent run directly after this run will be beneficial and I think the healing will likely be enough to help me.
I haven’t really seen any difference in how other people respond to me yet but I think that part will take time (again possibly a second run or so) and possibly more healing.
I think a second run will definitely be the point that will really give me that push to be more assertive. There will probably have to be more anger along the way to make that push happen. But Ill continue to let the sub do it’s thing