+- Subliminal Talk (https://subliminal-talk.com)
+-- Forum: Men's Journals (18+ NSFW) (https://subliminal-talk.com/Forum-Men-s-Journals-18-NSFW)
+--- Forum: Men's Journals (https://subliminal-talk.com/Forum-Men-s-Journals)
+--- Thread: EP E3 Journal (/Thread-EP-E3-Journal)
RE: E3 Journal - EvolvingPhoenix - 06-08-2019
(06-08-2019, 01:39 PM)Griffin Wrote: Hey EP, I've been following your channel for a while and I must say you have been doing great lately,
I was definitely rooting for you and to see you grow is awesome!
You will go far man
(06-08-2019, 11:12 AM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: Re-reading my post in post #34, I see I'm probably not giving her enough credit. Maybe she was a better friend than I said she was in post #34. Either way, she's not my friend now and doesn't value me enough to accept my invitation to rebuild those bridges, so*****it. I'll just try to focus on the GOOD things about the friendship from here on out, while accepting that it's over. Part of me was speaking from a place of pain in that post. I realize that she cared about me, but I don't think cared as much as I'd have wanted, I dunno. I shouldn't have needed her validation so much and shouldn't need it now, so whatever. As painful as things have turned out to be, I'm just going to focus on the positives and move on.
Thanks. I appreciate your support and the support of everyone else who's been following me so far. Really. You all have really helped me out, especially people like @
RE: E3 Journal - Benjamin - 06-08-2019
Good to hear you're starting to get results.
The realization that you want friends that value you and that you deserve that is distinct difference from what you've been posting up until now, even if you don't realize that shift yourself.
I went through alot of that with AM6 and the friendship group I had then, I started to disconnect from them and stopped seeing them alltogether. It was pretty challenging for me, but after it I really realized how bad they were for me. Especially the 'Alpha' of the group, I still look at it sometimes and realize other things about how he didn't have my best interests at heart.
RE: E3 Journal - EvolvingPhoenix - 06-08-2019
(06-08-2019, 06:00 PM)Benjamin Wrote: Good to hear you're starting to get results.
The realization that you want friends that value you and that you deserve that is distinct difference from what you've been posting up until now, even if you don't realize that shift yourself.
I went through alot of that with AM6 and the friendship group I had then, I started to disconnect from them and stopped seeing them alltogether. It was pretty challenging for me, but after it I really realized how bad they were for me. Especially the 'Alpha' of the group, I still look at it sometimes and realize other things about how he didn't have my best interests at heart.
Yeah, I look at 2 months ago, and I was suicidal, now I'm like this. Quite the difference. Yeah, the alpha of my group of friends was always an asshole for many years too, but in the end he got better and we resolved our differences. Although I don't feel like he gets me, I can say he DOES value my friendship more than she did. And that's one big difference I should note. Anyway, imagine how much success I'll have when I use LTU5! I intend to be on that for 2 years too, so I'm sure it'll be quite the clearing! By the time I start using Alpha Male and other subs, I'm going to be in such a better place, I think those subs will actually work well on me! And when I use an AYP sub, I'll definitely not be worrying about my neediness ruining it. So things are really looking up!
RE: E3 Journal - EvolvingPhoenix - 06-09-2019
Day 9:
I'm feeling somewhat discouraged about my job situation. I sent out 2 proposals on Upwork, no reply back. I sign up for that cool $30/hour job at SayABC and they turn me down because I only have an AA degree, not a bachelor's. I try to sign up for Cambly (another English teaching website) and every time I enter their page where you sign up to be a tutor, it redirects me to one where you sign up to be a student. I just sent out another proposal on Upwork, offering to do a 5 star job for only $3 an hour (the lowest I'm allowed to offer to work for on Upwork) and I'm about to put in an application for Qkids (another English teaching website) hopefully, I'll hear back from at least one of the two. Still, I'm starting to feel discouraged, like I probably won't hear back from either of them.
I really want to start up on a line of work I like and spend some time being productive and making money, but things just seem to keep falling through.
I feel like I'm being kept back, like all attempts at forward progress are being halted. And I wonder what reason there is metaphysically for me being held back? Is there something I'm supposed to learn from this? OR maybe I just haven't gotten the right job/opportunity YET. There's still Qkids, and Upwork still has jobs popping up. We'll see where this leads me.
I really want a job that pays decently and doesn't suck. And I feel like my attempts keep coming up short.
RE: E3 Journal - Shannon - 06-09-2019
Keep looking for new directions and different options.
RE: E3 Journal - EvolvingPhoenix - 06-09-2019
I just went onto Qkids and submitted a form and did a video multiple times (until I made a video I was comfortable uploading) of me reading a children's story. I re-did that video multiple times and wasn't even sure if the last one was good enough, but I was so sick of making that video and reading that story, I said "Fuck it! If this video's not good enough for them, I guess I'll just move on" so I uploaded it. Then I clicked to move on to the next part of the application process only to get "Something went wrong. Please try again" MULTIPLE TIMES. I am having the worst "luck" when it comes to this shit. It's as if the universe doesn't want me to get these jobs! I wish I had USLM4. Then I probably wouldn't be having these issues. Ugh. Gonna have to retry it. Or just give up on the Qkids website. Because I honestly don't know what else to do about the error message and I am sick of re-doing that damn video application.
EDIT: Was able to send in submission without the video, so I guess I'll be sending in the video part later. It'll take 3-5 business days for them to get back to me, so I guess I'll be hearing from them soon.
RE: E3 Journal - EvolvingPhoenix - 06-09-2019
So I was lying down with my cat just a bit ago, and I thought about the friendship breakup and how even if she doesn't forgive me, I forgive myself, and then thought "Okay now what? I've gotten over that hurdle, but aren't there things I should be doing with my life? Shouldn't I be doing this? Shouldn't I be doing that?" and I came to a realization that I really don't HAVE to do anything. All my life, I've been a perfectionist. Everything needs to be perfect. And now I'm starting to feel as though not everything needs to be "perfect" and I don't need to do anything or prove anything to anyone. I can take things slow and do what I want, at my own pace, and just be happy with what I'm doing and not care about "perfection".
RE: E3 Journal - EvolvingPhoenix - 06-09-2019
I just remembered... there was this anime I remember once watching where this girl was god, but didn't know it, and unconsciously bent reality. I would sometimes daydream I had that power and wonder what I would be like. I came to the conclusion that if I were unknowingly god and unconsciously bent reality, I'd probably create a really shitty life for myself where people mistreat me and things go badly for me. I realized there was something wrong with me. Now I believe <redacted>, and I realize that I have brought about my pain. With all kinds of shitty deeply held beliefs that need to change. And shitty programming. That's what I need to change. My beliefs and my programming. Not my body, not my money, not where I live, not the people around me... That. I mean, don't get me wrong, I still intend to improve my physique and find work, but... even if I changed all those things, I wouldn't be happy without changing my bad beliefs and bad programming. And if I fix my beliefs and programming, I can be happy and live a happy life. But changing those beliefs would require being willing for everything I think I know to change. Because what I think I know is based on faulty programming. But I've got to be able to identify what those faulty beliefs are. I've got to identify the programming that's faulty before I can change it. I guess that's what I'm slowly learning to do: identify my bad programming. I'm hoping E3 will help me identify it and fix it. So far, it's blown me away with what it's been able to do in just one week. So things are looking hopeful.
RE: E3 Journal - EvolvingPhoenix - 06-09-2019
I'm thinking... It's easy to love somebody at their best. It's if you can love them at their LOWEST that truly counts. That doesn't mean putting up with their shit, but treating them with love. That's what I want for a partner. Already, I'm no longer at my lowest, but I no longer want to do 2 years of LTU5 followed by AM6, WM, SM and DMSI before using an AYP sub. I think I'm good enough as I am, and I want a woman who loves me as I am , flaws and all. THEN, I'll work on becoming more attractive. Or at least, that's what I'm thinking of doing... after I've done a certain amount of healing. Then again, I dunno if the AYP sub will work for me. It seems AYP subs haven't been working for a lot of people.
RE: E3 Journal - Shannon - 06-10-2019
Post #50 is a good post, but it violates Rule #4. Please go read Rule #4 and adjust it accordingly.
As for post #51:
Whatever you are, is what you resonate with. That includes the women you are compatible with as a result of that resonance. Meaning, whatever you are, if you simply accept what is, will bring to you those women who find you attractive as you are. You don't need to worry about "becoming more attractive". That's an incorrect understanding; what you need is to achieve your personal potential. Doing that automatically results in becoming more attractive as a side effect, and at the same time, you will begin to resonate with the women who find that level of growth attractive. So stop worrying about "becoming more attractive" and focus fully on becoming all that you can be. The rest will naturally and automatically take care of itself.
Also, AYP programs are in 5G and they are missing some things apparently. It seems apparent now that they need FRM at least, as well as ASS/ART. The failure isn't on the part of the program in most cases to have the instructions that will work if those instructions are followed and executed. It's simply a situation where fear of achieving the goal causes reactions that result in failure to achieve the goal as the end choice of the user.
RE: E3 Journal - EvolvingPhoenix - 06-10-2019
(06-10-2019, 05:09 AM)Shannon Wrote: Post #50 is a good post, but it violates Rule #4. Please go read Rule #4 and adjust it accordingly.
As for post #51:
Whatever you are, is what you resonate with. That includes the women you are compatible with as a result of that resonance. Meaning, whatever you are, if you simply accept what is, will bring to you those women who find you attractive as you are. You don't need to worry about "becoming more attractive". That's an incorrect understanding; what you need is to achieve your personal potential. Doing that automatically results in becoming more attractive as a side effect, and at the same time, you will begin to resonate with the women who find that level of growth attractive. So stop worrying about "becoming more attractive" and focus fully on becoming all that you can be. The rest will naturally and automatically take care of itself.
Also, AYP programs are in 5G and they are missing some things apparently. It seems apparent now that they need FRM at least, as well as ASS/ART. The failure isn't on the part of the program in most cases to have the instructions that will work if those instructions are followed and executed. It's simply a situation where fear of achieving the goal causes reactions that result in failure to achieve the goal as the end choice of the user.
I understand. I redacted the part about what I believe. Sorry for violating rule #4.
RE: E3 Journal - EvolvingPhoenix - 06-10-2019
Day 10:
I'm realizing that fear is at the core of a lot of these issues. The FRM really is an important feature.
RE: E3 Journal - EvolvingPhoenix - 06-10-2019
I'm not feeling depressed, but I've been sleeping all day. I think the FRM may be working on some things and the urge to just sleep my day away may be my way of avoiding it. Or something. I'm not sure.
RE: E3 Journal - Shannon - 06-10-2019
Don't worry. It shall pass.