(05-26-2019, 08:11 AM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: God I envy you right now. Looks like you're doing great. Sending the Indonesian chick a message and then blocking her sounds rather cold to me, but I've never had to break up with a GF so what do I know.

(05-26-2019, 11:21 AM)DarthXedonias Wrote:

(05-26-2019, 08:11 AM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: God I envy you right now. Looks like you're doing great. Sending the Indonesian chick a message and then blocking her sounds rather cold to me, but I've never had to break up with a GF so what do I know.

Eh, things are good so far though like I said I do hope Shannon figures out something when he gets back about the subconscious working double time to "undo" all the progress you made ,while actively listening to the sub, when you are on your days off. I have noticed this type of response for a while. Funny you mention the girlfriend thing since right after I sent the message she was still up , which is not what I was counting on, and I know she was freaking out so I ended up calling and talking to her. I'm still going to think it over the next day or so but man she sounded desperate as hell. Like when I talked to her at one point she sounded like she was having a mental break down. On top of that like a few mins after I ended the call she sent me a message saying, "Just please don't leave me". 

To be honest it sounded like she was willing to make even more concessions, etc to make it so I don't leave. To be honest, this is the first time I've seen a women so broke. Then again this is the first time I've actually had freedom to get my value from myself so I could care less about a relationship and therefore when things aren't to my liking I will leave with no problem anymore because my value comes from myself not her. The only reason I might reconsider is: (1) She has said she won't mind running a subliminal so in the future she could reach a level of self development I am ok with, (2) She gave even more concessions, and (3) I still have a "sticking point" of when it comes to hurting other people's feelings. When I say that last part I don't mean some simple thing that will hurt their feelings, it is something big like this where she sounded like she was totally emotionally destroyed.

Its also true what Shannon said a long time ago the one that cares the least about the relationship is the one that has the most power in the relationship. I don't get my identity from anything external from myself so I don't give as much of a damn really. It quite the interesting feeling of being the one that is the least needy in the relationship. Its also funny how when you become less needy about them they become more needy about you. I had this weird feeling as I was growing more that as I became even less needy of her or not even "needing" her at all the more she grew attached to me. I guess that is just how most women are. Quite perplexing seeing this in action. I think it is only perplexing now since I can't fathom why someone would "need" anyone else. I hate to sound cold but to be honest when I think of such things I just think "weakness" and "insecurity". It seems to come from the sense that you yourself are not adequate enough and you "need" someone else to make up for that inadequacy.

(05-26-2019, 01:06 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: Look I'm not saying to stay with this girl if the relationship doesn't work. Just promise me you won't judge her for not being where you are. If there is one thing I have learned from my experience at rock bottom, it's compassion for people who are at their lowest. 

You're so right about the one with more power giving less of a damn. It still kills me how easilly my ex friend can do without me in her life. Whatever you do with this girl, please try to do it with love and compassion for her in your heart. And try not to judge her for being where she's at. She's only human.

(05-27-2019, 07:38 AM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: When I say "don't judge" this person, it's because my time at rock bottom has taught me compassion for people at their lowest. I'm not saying you can't disapprove of misdeeds by people, but the fact of the matter is unless you ARE that person, you CAN'T really judge them fairly for their lowest points in life, because you're not them and you don't know what it's like to be them. It doesn't mean you have to put up with shitty behaviour,  it just means that they are always worthy of your love and respect, even at their lowest. That there's more to them than their worst. IT's easy to argue for judging people when you come from a place of strength, but that's the weakness of strength: a lack of compassion for people at their weakest.

I've made some pretty terrible mistakes, but unless you've BEEN me, experienced what I've experienced, felt what I've felt, suffered what I've suffered and been through what I've been through, you wouldn't truly understand those mistakes I've made. Not really. And you wouldn't truly understand me. You could judge me, but not fairly, because you have no true understanding of what it was like on my end when making those mistakes. That doesn't mean to approve of what I did, but unless you were in the driver's seat, you can't understand those mistakes. If you did, you would have nothing but compassion and forgiveness and understanding for others who make those mistakes as well, or you would punish yourself for those mistakes without end. I know this because that is what I do t myself unless I can see myself with love and compassion and forgiveness.  We all make mistakes. To error is human. I try not to judge people for their worst mistakes anymore because I've MADE terrible mistakes and if I'm to be judged for those mistakes, I honestly don't think I deserve to live. It doesn't mean put up with shitty treatment from people, but just not to judge them for it, because it's easy to judge when it's not you making the mistakes.

I can tell from the things you're saying that you've never hit rock bottom before and been at a truly low point in your life, but you don't know what experiences could drive you to become like that yourself, and one lifetime, you may find yourself having just those experiences. I used to look down on people who've made the same mistakes I've made... until I made them myself, which I never thought myself capable of. It's easy to judge from a place of strength. It's easy to look down on somebody when you're at a high point. Only when you've MADE the mistakes yourself, and had to forgive and love yourself, do you come to learn how worthy of compassion and forgiveness somebody else at their lowest is.

I've seen the video on Kreia and played Knights of the Old Republic. I still stand by what I've said. It's easy to look down on someone until you've hit rock bottom yourself. It doesn't mean I don't want to take responsibility for the mistakes I've made, but it does mean I am learning to have compassion for myself for making them.

Quote:I can tell from the things you're saying that you've never hit rock bottom before and been at a truly low point in your life, but you don't know what experiences could drive you to become like that yourself, and one lifetime, you may find yourself having just those experiences. I used to look down on people who've made the same mistakes I've made... until I made them myself, which I never thought myself capable of.

(05-28-2019, 09:21 AM)DarthXedonias Wrote: The other thing that we are most likely to enslave ourselves to is something that is often promoted as "Freedom" or "liberating" in most western countries. This is the idea of enslaving ourselves to our own impulses or desires. As if doing whatever we want whenever we "felt" like it were freedom. I could go over some more quite obvious ones like : Is a alcoholic who drinks alcohol every-time he has the "impulse" to do it free? Is an obese person who gives into the impulse to eat all the time free? Hmm lets go with one that is more relevant to perhaps people on this board: Is someone who runs away from something he needs to do or to develop himself because he had the slight impulse "fear" about it free? I think we know the answer to this.

I'm starting to realize that in order for you to really be free you need to (1) get your identity from yourself, and (2) have self control/discipline. For that last part, following every instinct, impulse, or desire that pops into your mind isn't freedom, its slavery. Funny enough, those that are the most free in that regard are those that have self control and self discipline. So in this case most of society has it wrong. It is funny in someways. They think they are pursuing freedom when they are really pursuing their own enslavement. It is quite curious how at times we pursue things to get one result and end up getting the complete opposite. Anyway, I just felt like I would share that since that is one of the revelations i got over the last few days and it was really eye opening.

I think I only got that one because I was able to do those two things to ensure my mind is pretty much free at this point. It does feel different as well not be as much of a slave to anything.Whether that thing be fear, your own sex drive, or some external thing to give yourself an identity. Anyway, that is about all. I hope this post helps out someone.

(05-28-2019, 09:21 AM)DarthXedonias Wrote: @EvolvingPhoenix  It is no problem. I'm just here to continue to grow, share my experiences, and hopefully if anyone wants any advice I can help them as well. Either way, I was not angry with you at all the entire time. Was just trying to get you to understand my points as I might have not fully explained them and given the wrong impression.

Anyway, still having progress. Eh, I have come to the conclusion that the past is useless to me at this point. I should clarify though that unless something in the past has utility for me in the present or the future it is meaningless to me now. Too much of people's pasts has a temptation to given in. To give away control of yourself and for what? To be a slave to anger? hate?rage?depression? All of those things are unproductive and ultimately make your present and future just a repeat of the past. Hmmm funny, being a slave to the past makes your present and future void because the present and future becomes your past. You become a slave to the past and so you continue to repeat the past.

My mind is continuing to work in over drive with revelations like these. Things I realize about myself but new insights all the time about how I should perceive the world around me. It must take some energy because I am continuing to sleep most of the day. I assume when I have reached a certain level that I won't be as sleepy anymore. I am also realizing I just don't have much interest in relationships anymore. I think this is due to me not being needy but more importantly not being a slave to my sex drive anymore.

After finally having my mind freed and getting my identity from myself I realize there are two major ways we enslave ourselves. One way is that we get our identity (self worth, value, validation,etc) from something external from ourselves. By doing this we not only give up control to that external thing (or person) but we take on the limitations it imposes on us. Also, whoever controls that external thing that gives us our identity controls us.

The other thing that we are most likely to enslave ourselves to is something that is often promoted as "Freedom" or "liberating" in most western countries. This is the idea of enslaving ourselves to our own impulses or desires. As if doing whatever we want whenever we "felt" like it were freedom. I could go over some more quite obvious ones like : Is a alcoholic who drinks alcohol every-time he has the "impulse" to do it free? Is an obese person who gives into the impulse to eat all the time free? Hmm lets go with one that is more relevant to perhaps people on this board: Is someone who runs away from something he needs to do or to develop himself because he had the slight impulse "fear" about it free? I think we know the answer to this.

I'm starting to realize that in order for you to really be free you need to (1) get your identity from yourself, and (2) have self control/discipline. For that last part, following every instinct, impulse, or desire that pops into your mind isn't freedom, its slavery. Funny enough, those that are the most free in that regard are those that have self control and self discipline. So in this case most of society has it wrong. It is funny in someways. They think they are pursuing freedom when they are really pursuing their own enslavement. It is quite curious how at times we pursue things to get one result and end up getting the complete opposite. Anyway, I just felt like I would share that since that is one of the revelations i got over the last few days and it was really eye opening.

I think I only got that one because I was able to do those two things to ensure my mind is pretty much free at this point. It does feel different as well not be as much of a slave to anything.Whether that thing be fear, your own sex drive, or some external thing to give yourself an identity. Anyway, that is about all. I hope this post helps out someone.