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+--- Thread: My LTU Journey (/Thread-My-LTU-Journey)
My LTU Journey - BreathlessDragon - 02-21-2019
The last few months of 2018 were a wake up call for me. Having focused on things that wouldn't produce results that I said I wanted, I decided I need to actually work on the things I knew were holding me back. Life Tune Up was just the ticket I needed. I started at the beginning of 2019 with LTU 3.1 and decided to keep a journal slightly different to what I would normally do. I'm a writer and find it easiest to understand things by writing them down. I started writing short little passages about myself as I travelled through my mind while on LTU to figure out what exactly was going on and what I needed to do to change it. A few dot points of things I've noticed since January 1st up until February 8th when I switch to LTU 4 and to the present day:
- More focused on things that will bring about what I say I want
- Have a solid routine instead of a vague outline and see how it goes mentality
- My finances are MUCH more organised
- Ideas for different sources of income are coming to me constantly
- I've been approached seemingly out of the blue to help foreign students with their english school work
- I've made many friends easily and all of them speak the language that I am currently studying (this wasn't even my intent, they just all happened to natives of the language)
- My diet and lifestyle have significantly improved
- I went from working 5 days a week to 3 days while still making almost the same amount of money
- Great ideas for novels and other things to write are showing up in my dreams with vivid detail
- My excitement and eagerness to tackle the future is constantly growing
- Bad habits seemed to have just vanished with little to no conscious effort
- I've picked up some books to help me cultivate certain skills to better express my stories in different mediums
- I've started reading a book per week (mostly fiction, but branching out into other types, i.e., business and self-improvement)
I've started posting my memoirs (I guess that's what you could call them) on my blog, but I'm not sure if I can link that here so instead I'll just post the entries here. This is the first part of the journey through my mind as I go through LTU...
The crushing of bones and gnashing of teeth echo throughout these empty halls. I comb this structure I call home unceasingly, hoping to uncover the source of the haunting sounds; however, my investigations have remained fruitless for the years they've taken place. My dissatisfaction with what has continued to elude me for so long has been the catalyst of my restlessness. The noise around me has grown in time to mirror my descent into frustration and what little hope I had seems to have abandoned me to find solace of its own.
I cannot blame the part of me that found refuge, only commend it for doing what I continually have failed to do. I have been left with no choice but to sift through the sounds around me in an attempt to find what cannot be seen and answer riddles which cannot be solved. The deeper I dive into the unseen, the more clarity becomes but a foreign concept. I can no longer say my name out of concern for telling an untruth for my identity is no longer who I am. And as my questioning of 'who' falls to the wayside, two more rise up in its place, 'what' and 'why'. My countless attempts at answering these questions have only given birth to more of themselves.
Though these inquiries grew like a beast which grows two heads in the place of one when cut down, they also presented me the answer I had been searching for. My world was a product of infinite boxes and what dwelt inside was forced to fit no matter how uncomfortable. At once, I saw my sense of self had never fit within the confines it had created for itself.
When I realized I had no more need to find answers to the unanswerable, the gnashing and crushing stopped and I was, once more, provided with another answer. The cause of my insanity, the deafening turmoil constricting my soul, was nothing more than the sound of gears turning within my own mind as I struggled to name what could never be placed. Now I have been left with nothing and everything at the same time and the freedom I have found has brought harmony to the world of which I was enslaved.
I cannot blame the part of me that found refuge, only commend it for doing what I continually have failed to do. I have been left with no choice but to sift through the sounds around me in an attempt to find what cannot be seen and answer riddles which cannot be solved. The deeper I dive into the unseen, the more clarity becomes but a foreign concept. I can no longer say my name out of concern for telling an untruth for my identity is no longer who I am. And as my questioning of 'who' falls to the wayside, two more rise up in its place, 'what' and 'why'. My countless attempts at answering these questions have only given birth to more of themselves.
Though these inquiries grew like a beast which grows two heads in the place of one when cut down, they also presented me the answer I had been searching for. My world was a product of infinite boxes and what dwelt inside was forced to fit no matter how uncomfortable. At once, I saw my sense of self had never fit within the confines it had created for itself.
When I realized I had no more need to find answers to the unanswerable, the gnashing and crushing stopped and I was, once more, provided with another answer. The cause of my insanity, the deafening turmoil constricting my soul, was nothing more than the sound of gears turning within my own mind as I struggled to name what could never be placed. Now I have been left with nothing and everything at the same time and the freedom I have found has brought harmony to the world of which I was enslaved.
I currently have four more of these in my journal and they've been incredibly helpful in helping me identify problems in my thought process. I hope you guys found it interesting and I'll keep posting more when I get the chance.
RE: My LTU Journey - BreathlessDragon - 02-26-2019
I'm not picking up on any tiredness or need for extra sleep. I have had a bit of a drop in productivity the last couple of days which I'm assuming to be a side effect of switching to LTU5. I'm trusting my desire to be efficient in work and side projects to pick up again soon.
RE: My LTU Journey - BreathlessDragon - 03-03-2019
I've noticed my craving for food has increased. I just want to eat junk food all day. It can be hard to resist sometimes, but I'm doing my best. Plans for my novel are coming along nicely and I'll likely get started on that tomorrow morning and during study breaks. I've found myself laughin a lot more recently and hard a a few really good laughs while watching a movie. I can't remember the last time I watched a movie that really captivated me or made me feel anything so I was pleasantly surprised.
RE: My LTU Journey - Shannon - 03-05-2019
Cravings like that indicate you're processing fear.
RE: My LTU Journey - Rossignol17 - 03-05-2019
(03-05-2019, 10:53 AM)Shannon Wrote: Cravings like that indicate you're processing fear.
I have definitely noticed that, too. I eat healthy food but I seem to be craving way more food than I normally eat. Why do you think that it's associated with fear Shannon ? I really want to get back to my normal eating.
I finished my 3 month block on USLM3, took a week off, and I am now back for my second run of USLM3 with a newly modified goal, and 2 sub-goals. I will switch to USLM4 when it comes out. I don't think I need a break before starting USLM4, do I ?
RE: My LTU Journey - Benjamin - 03-05-2019
Because like any addiction food can be a coping mechanism, it's like you're trying to 'stuff down' the fear if that makes sense. Some people use alcohol, or drugs or other things.
If you've had issues with emotional eating and such in the past then it makes sense it might come up more.
As for the break between USLM3 and 4, i'm not sure. Shannon will have to answer that one.
RE: My LTU Journey - Shannon - 03-07-2019
(03-05-2019, 10:11 PM)Rossignol17 Wrote:(03-05-2019, 10:53 AM)Shannon Wrote: Cravings like that indicate you're processing fear.
I have definitely noticed that, too. I eat healthy food but I seem to be craving way more food than I normally eat. Why do you think that it's associated with fear Shannon ? I really want to get back to my normal eating.
I finished my 3 month block on USLM3, took a week off, and I am now back for my second run of USLM3 with a newly modified goal, and 2 sub-goals. I will switch to USLM4 when it comes out. I don't think I need a break before starting USLM4, do I ?
I strongly recommend that you finish at least a 3-month block of LTU5, if that's what you're running.
Going from LTU5 to USLM4 is not technically going to require a break, since USLM4 is in the script, but you may find that a week off is beneficial.
Ben's response is on point. Eating more is a sort of comfort seeking measure the subconscious will use to "feel better" or "feel safer" sometimes when dealing with fear. I believe this stems from an association of food to safety, security and/or pleasure that we experience very early on (0 to 3 years old), and that that is the level of awareness seeking that extra food as a response to the fear.
Going to USLM4 from LTU5 is going to be significantly unwise until you've finished at least a 3 month block of LTU5, though.
RE: My LTU Journey - BreathlessDragon - 03-07-2019
Started my second break last night. Had a nightmare which was full of things that I felt very afraid of. Initially I felt the fear, but I didn't scream or run I just calmly turned around and walked away. The fears started following me and I needed to get away a bit faster and block their path a number of times. Some people I care about were with me and ended up getting trapped and left behind with the fears.
RE: My LTU Journey - Rossignol17 - 03-07-2019
(03-07-2019, 02:35 PM)BreathlessDragon Wrote: Started my second break last night. Had a nightmare which was full of things that I felt very afraid of. Initially I felt the fear, but I didn't scream or run I just calmly turned around and walked away. The fears started following me and I needed to get away a bit faster and block their path a number of times. Some people I care about were with me and ended up getting trapped and left behind with the fears.
It sounds like you are really working through those fears. Awesome to hear that progress ! Are you still having food cravings ?
Thanks Ben and Shannon for your responses. I am not really an emotional eater, but I think I have been "stress-eating" because I am really unsatisfied with my job and have been for a long time. Perhaps the sub is just bringing that more into focus ?
I am not running LTU yet....still on USLM3, and waiting for USLM4 to be released. So I am guessing that I do not need a break between version 3 and version 4. I have just started my second 3-month block on USLM3, and I'm looking forward to the upgrade.
RE: My LTU Journey - BreathlessDragon - 03-07-2019
(03-07-2019, 09:44 PM)Rossignol17 Wrote:(03-07-2019, 02:35 PM)BreathlessDragon Wrote: Started my second break last night. Had a nightmare which was full of things that I felt very afraid of. Initially I felt the fear, but I didn't scream or run I just calmly turned around and walked away. The fears started following me and I needed to get away a bit faster and block their path a number of times. Some people I care about were with me and ended up getting trapped and left behind with the fears.
It sounds like you are really working through those fears. Awesome to hear that progress ! Are you still having food cravings ?
Cravings have died down a bit along with hunger and I'm wanting healthier foods. I do still catch myself wanting a mcdonald's cheeseburger every now and then though.
RE: My LTU Journey - BreathlessDragon - 03-12-2019
I've had a huge headache all morning and it's making hard to focus on anything other than laying down. I've noticed little changes in my behaviour without any conscious effort like stretching when I wake up and taking breaks from sitting every hour or so. I've also been wanting to get out of the house more.
RE: My LTU Journey - BreathlessDragon - 03-13-2019
On my 2nd day of 3rd break
I've noticed since switching from LTU3 my motivation has dropped to a zero. It's frustrating to make all this progress and then hit an invisible wall. I've been finding it hard to push through and do what I had planned, but it feels like a losing battle. I'm struggling to do even the tiniest little thing towards any goal I have and the energy just isn't there.
RE: My LTU Journey - BreathlessDragon - 03-24-2019
Day 20 Cycle 5:
The last few days I have found myself feeling overwhelmingly lonely. I'm craving a deep connection, but seem to have no one that fits that role. I'm unsure if what I'm missing is a deeper sense of self or someone I can connect and share with on a level greater than close family and friends.
My writing is going slower than a snail's pace and my desire to leave the house is increasing every moment; however, all the places I want to go to are closed when I want to go on an adventure.