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+--- Thread: Unlocking My Full Expression (OGSF v3 6g) (/Thread-Unlocking-My-Full-Expression-OGSF-v3-6g)
RE: Unlocking My Full Expression (OGSF v3 6g) - Shannon - 04-04-2025
You don't owe him a reply.
You don't owe him an explanation if you don't reply.
And if he asks why you didn't reply, you can just tell him that you did not choose to reply.
He can deal with it.
RE: Unlocking My Full Expression (OGSF v3 6g) - Benjamin - 04-06-2025
(04-04-2025, 07:25 PM)Shannon Wrote: You don't owe him a reply.
You don't owe him an explanation if you don't reply.
And if he asks why you didn't reply, you can just tell him that you did not choose to reply.
He can deal with it.
Thanks Shannon, that helped me realize "yeah it's okay not to reply to him" especially with all the stuff I mentioned that I don't want to potentially invite into my life from him.
RE: Unlocking My Full Expression (OGSF v3 6g) - Benjamin - 04-06-2025
I'll try to describe some of what is happening.
First this urge for porn coming up strong, i'd say almost to the point where usually i'd give into it but i've been able to just be like "ok, i'm going to just focus on my breathing and not go to it" which I actually did try to do before, but on OGSF i'm able to do so more effectively.
It come up a few times today, the strongest time it passed then I started having emotions coming up, mainly hate at all the bulslhit going on in the world then I wanted to needlessly comment on bullshit on social media and scrolled twitter for ages then I started looking at some stuff that I need to do in my life but haven't been able to and strong feelings of "I'm just completely incapable, why can other people do this shit but I can't" coming up.
After that I decided to watch a movie to occupy myself.
The social media scrolling is 'better' than porn, but still not good for my mental or emotional state at all.
The other thing is hard to explain. For example on PM and other programs i've used it feels like my sense of deservingness around girls increased and I noticed I was looking at and fantasizing about higher quality girls and being drawn to them, but strong fear would stop me talking to them or going for it. Though I did talk to a few on PM that smiled at me. So it almost felt like the increased sense of deservingness was kind of 'artificial' and on the surface, as there was deeper stuff in the way stopping it from expressing fully.
On OGSF what seems to be happening is the harder part to explain. It's like my level of deservingness is where it's at, like making me aware where it's actually at and then working from there, because there is still even fear with those girls and talking to them and going for it.
In practice this looks like on PM I was attracted to certain girls, imagining being with them but the fear being too strong, and it not really feeling like I could be with them, though part of me was trying to feel like that it seemed.
On OGSF i'm not being drawn to the same girls, like that attraction that makes me think "I have to ge tto know her", it's happening with different girls who are lower quality, less attractive, like at a shop yesterday I decided to goto a girls checkout who I had a thing for a while ago, then using PM and some other stuff before that I lost interest and started to not be attracted to her, now I am again.
I said a few things to her, but it seems like she is either 'special' or extremely shy with the very weird response. When I was going into the shop there was an old guy selling books, and he was cool.. I even ended up buying one as he got me curious. Well I said to her "I didn't expect to come in here and buy a book today, there's a guy at the entrance selling them". She fucking said nothing, for like atleast 30 seconds and I was like "wtf" as it seemed like she didn't even process anything. Then said something weird like "I heard you talking about a book, but I didn't really know what you were talking about" and I thought she meant when I was talking to a friend when I first come in the shop, but I don't know. I then said "Yeah he's travelling around everywhere selling it" and she literally said nothing, it didn't even seem to process again, so fucking weird. But it seemed more like a very shy or kind of 'special' response than anything else. I was expecting some kind of response then would have continued, it was strange. I think she's been similarly weird other times, shame I don't tend to see these girls outside their work where I can have a chance to talk to them properly. Though I did on friday night a few posts back, a different girl and fear stopped me.
So it's almost like OGSF is making me more 'realistic' and first looking at the girls that are more reasonable for me for where i'm at and working from there.
RE: Unlocking My Full Expression (OGSF v3 6g) - Benjamin - 04-13-2025
It's hard to say what's happening.
First early last week I had a similar thing where something derailed OGSF, a specific thing that has done so on past programs when I try to do something that shouldn't trigger it, or partly this sabotage. The sabotage is still coming up a fair bit, but it seems to atleast have some less effect, though it's still derailing some of the work and lessening the full expression to a point. I'm hoping it gets worked through itself, because it's the biggest thing holding me back since it derails the other stuff. When that happened last week I felt a distinct feeling of what OGSF was doing lessen, before that I was getting very anxious when i'd go down the street which shows something was being worked on, but that left when it was derailed, I don't believe that was due to it completing working on it because it matches the same pattern i've observed in the past.
I was going very well in allowing myself to breathe and not goto porn, but when that happened the urge come up strong and I went on a binge unfortunately.
In saying that i've noticed OGSF v3 hit upon things that I don't believe have been hit upon before that I won't go into, though still this sabotage comes up in the moment trying to lessen the processing or working through of the issue.
I don't have much idea of what is going on with OGSF right now, but what's most noticable is being fucking pissed off. I've had enough of certain lying, manipulative, snarky people who say or post certain things and get away with it, yet then I reply directly and i'm the one who is treated like i'm the issue. I won't specify the kind of person due to the rules, but I know alot of you would agree with me, and honestly if you didn't it would quite certainly mean you are one of those kinds of people.
It happened 2 days ago, I told a guy directly what he needed to hear on a group because of what he was trying to accuse someone of and then I get blocked from the group. I figured it was only 1 person since the other admin is someone I know. I messaged the woman I know aswell as the guy who blocked me from the group.
And now i'm getting more pissed off, because i'm messaging the woman I know who i've talked to alot who is part of my extended group (though I don't have as much to do with the group anymore) and she said "the post was unaccaptable" (i'm guessing this is coming from the other guy) and I was telling her what the guy I replied to said is more offensive than my response because it's lying and manipulative and I would reply in the exact same way again, and she is DIRECTLY lying to me saying that this guys comment was deleted. I have another account so I can see clearly that it is not deleted at all.
I'm so close to giving it to her, telling her that she is clearly lying to me.. because I can see that it isn't deleted. I've talked to her alot in the past, invited her to things i've organized and I fucking deserve more respect than to be lied to about this bullshit. She's saying I should come to this thing tomorrow and talk to the person who I was standing up for.. but I seriously am wanting to instead just tell her that she's lying to me which is disappointing when we've talked so much and i've invited her to things i've organized, also also partly wanting to tell her to fuck off, which obviously won't achieve anything good.
With the way i'm feeling at the moment, i'd be fully happy to completely burn bridges and not give a fuck. I know these feelings are temporary so i'd likely regret it, even though I should tell her I know she's lying, it's not something I think i've ever really done. It's like the fear around this has lessened and I just want to throw it all at someone. I just replied to her, I felt it was too much directly saying she's lying so I said that I can clearly see the post is still there and explained my point more.
What it reminds me of is at school where I would get picked on constantly, and i'd just put up with it then i'd fire back fairly hard when i'd finally have enough and i'd be the one to get into trouble and what would happen to this other idiot? Absolutely nothing.
Atleast when they got punched in the face they would face consequences and stop doing it for a while. That's kind of how i'm feeling right now, like i'd want to punch these kinds of people in the face if it was in person. Obviously I don't needlessly get into fights anymore like years ago, only if someone is actually trying to hurt me.. but I can see that these feelings come from earlier in life and connected to being bullied at school.
EDIT: I just had a thought, is this happening to allow me to learn to balance my response. In that I get sick of these kinds of idiots and my responses are quite harsh, even though very warranted and then I get into trouble for it because of that. I don't WANT to balance the response, I tried for a long time to actually rationally discuss things with these kinds of people only to be insulted, more and more ridiculous bullshit and nonsense thrown at me in their responses that i'm now of the opinion that there's no point to rationally discuss things with them and to only directly tell them what I think of them. Because the discussions, with me showing respect and countering their points lead to absolutely nothing ever other than them being completely disrespectful and insulting.
Don't read that as "anyone who disagrees with me". I have several friends who we don't agree with some things, and we can discuss it rationally and be okay with it. Especially one i've learnt he has some good viewpoints I didn't consider even though on a few things I really disagree with.
Interestingly, after I expressed it and found a way to express it to her less harshly now I feel noticably better, I think from the fact I needed to express it instead of ignore it but also had to balance the response.
RE: Unlocking My Full Expression (OGSF v3 6g) - Benjamin - 04-24-2025
It's hard to know what OGSF is doing sometimes, it seems that it takes being in another environment that's more social for me to see. I will compare 2 things that shows progress it's made.
First I mentioned some stuff at toastmasters at the end of PM and around the start of OGSF with some nonsense they were all speaking about that I was getting sick of. In the meeting after the meeting I expressed my disagreement with feminist stuff a woman was talking about it seemed almost like an organized attempt for several people to go on about that stuff. I was getting annoyed about it, not wanting this kind of shit to ruin toastmasters. In that meeting I was feeling very awkward, fearful and just kind of shut down.
And I was getting angry at it and feeling powerless to speak out against it, and in the past i've spoken out about several things in toastmasters. I wanted to do a speech against it but tons of fear was coming up, so much so that I was seriously thinking of just quitting as I couldn't deal with it and it kept building.
Well.. I decided to do a speech this time, not specifically against her stuff but something probably even more controversial these days (unless you have a functioning brain and you can think critically which is lacking for alot of the population).
Initially it was going to be ai and it's benefits and downfalls but the speech was getting too long as you have to stick to a certain time so I took one element which was specifically "Ai and the spreading of a mind virus" and I stood up for Masculinity strongly at one point in it, but my main point was inspired by a question I asked chatgpt where it told me a complete lie based on one of the most damaging things going around in society that everyone I talk to in person agrees with but most people don't speak out about it.
Without going into the subject due to the rules of the forum, it shouldn't be controversial but the extremely insane and crazy reactions on the other side of it have made it incredibly controversial apparently. I've done a few controversial speeches but this topped it all.
I was having doubts and excuses, thinking I shouldn't do it i'll get criticized and such. But I practiced it a few times and started feeling better through the day.
One thing was that my friend who agrees with me was evaluating my speech, but then in the meeting another guy who come from another club evaluated it. When I found that out I was a bit more uncomfortable since I didn't know what his reaction could be to the content, but then I stopped and thought "Ok I take this as a challenge which will help me deal with this kind of thing" and I was okay.
When I got called up I was a little nervous, but it actually strengthened my speech and I believe it was one of the most confident speeches I made and also powerful. Unfortunately I didn't record it as i'd love to see it.
When I got to the part of revealing the main subject, one guy groaned loudly.. the guy who seems to play both sides, and actually agreed with me about this kind of thing at a dinner outside the meeting, yet in the meeting said it was controversial when I said something about it in a past speech briefly. I'm starting to see he's less trustworthy than I thought, I hate people that work both sides like this as it shows a lack of substance. I dealt with it well and was entertained and I simply said "(Name) I knew you would love it" and continued.
The other reaction i've never got before, one guy was lauging full on like it exploded his brain. At one point he was just sitting with his head down on the table like he was completely shocked and short circuited, this made me laugh a few times and spurred me on. I knew that it was a positive thing. When I sat down he said to me "that was awesome".
After it he told me that he was laughing like that because he completely agrees with me but that everyone is too afraid to speak out about this and I come out with it very blatantly and directly.
My evaluator got up, I was unsure how he would take it but something he said also suggested he agreed with me.
I found it difficult to read the others in the audience so I have no idea of how they took it. But the feminist woman was very strongly focused and engaged during it interestingly.
And we vote on best speech and I also won best speech for the night. Near the end of the speech I had a little more time than i'd planned for so added how this needs to be pushed back against because it's leading to our destruction. It could be said that is exaggeration along with other ways I strongly phrased it, but it is not at all with this kind of subject and I fully believe it is destroying everything good in society.
So this shows some progress of OGSF, I was scared to do a controversial speech against stuff that was going on around the end of PM but now I did it strongly and directly.
I think I had some pushback after it last night (internally) as I had a dream that I can't remember but I woke up with fear and anxiety in my body and just laid there and let myself feel it. I've had this on past programs where i'm just shaken awake like i'm startled and feel it all in my body.
Then this sabotage come up very strongly and there was a big struggle each way.
It seems like something it did may have uncovered the 'conscious shielding' of the emotions since I was feeling noticably worse after that. Now i'm at my computer and my head is hurting inbetween my eyes, not a headache but a kind of pressure and soreness. I've felt this a few times recently on OGSF. Not feeling very good today, part of it may be a late night as I was pumped after it so talked to my friend outside for longer than usual.
Actually it seems to come up more when I start reading bullshit that pisses me off that I seem to be addicted to reading which doesn't help my mindset or fear so that seems to be when it come up. So I have to direct myself away from it more and instead of searching it out to just speak out about it if it comes up in my actual life, kind of like I did with my speech.
RE: Unlocking My Full Expression (OGSF v3 6g) - Benjamin - 04-25-2025
Yesterday I was struggling, like 2 nights ago when I did my speech I was feeling really high and energetic, then with the pushback in bed that night yesterday was down and feeling weird.
Last night met a friend at a restaurant, I had dinner at home then had a smoothie there. Then we went somewhere else and then went back to meet another friend at the original place.
By then, only maybe around 8:30 or 9:30pm I was shutting down alot. At first I couldn't hear one of my friend properly, was struggling to focus or engage. I had some water and felt a bit better and heard him better again but kept shutting down so I had to say that I needed to go home as I was just shutting down.
I slept like 12 hours, today woke up feeling really drained initially. I also woke up again feeling fear.
So now it looks like it's working on some deeper stuff. The physically shutting down may be because of alot of fluroescent light in one of the venues as I can be sensitive to that, but it reminds me of a past symptom too that I haven't had for a long time.
I had wondered if some contribution to these symptoms was trauma, I know now all as there was definately a physical aspect.. but it makes sense if this trauma is being worked on that it's contributing.
RE: Unlocking My Full Expression (OGSF v3 6g) - Benjamin - 05-06-2025
Struggling. I've faced periods of depression on other programs but this seems even stronger.
On the weekend I felt inspired to go somewhere after not doing so for a while. Then I was frustrated there was nowhere really to go other than the same places, and then really it's that fear stops me from my full expression and taking actions I want at places I do goto. I sat in my car and the depression come up very strongly.
Sadly it was the same old pattern where I just went home and went on a porn binge. But the emotions felt even stronger this time. I drove around a little before going home and the insecurities, feelings of hopelessness, of feeling like a loser were at another level alltogether than from what I remember.
Now not really feeling strong emotions, just really flat, tired, drained. I go through periods of isolating myself but this is even more, like i'm not really wanting to do anything. Even toastmasters which is one of my last things left i've been getting closer and closer to stopping but usually on the day end up going and enjoying it. This time it's feeling stronger like i'm just not going to go tomorrow night, but i'll see.
I usually only take 1 week off for recovery for my workout, this week I decided I never feel recovered and to take another week off, but to do longer sessions of stretching on the workout days instead, and go on my infared mat more and at a higher setting, which actually I was scared to do. After I went on it today, I sweated and noticed I looked really pale after but I felt good like I needed it.
It's like my body is just depleted and drained over the long term and OGSF is trying to get me to do something about it. I've mainly been sleeping 12 or so hours.
A few days ago I disrupted OGSF, I blamed something else.. which was going to a site that does different audios and maybe some resistance that makes me want to look at other things and consider using them (this kind of resistance has been much less though on 6g) and all of a sudden I felt some weird energy like chi around my eyes and a weird feeling and I just knew OGSF was disrupted in that moment, in the same way past programs have been. It felt like they dodgily had an audio playing or an energetic thing on the site.
BUT.. i'm seeing more that it's likely self-sabotage doing this.. and convieniently doing it at the exact time I do something else and making it feel very real that it was that thing that did it so I can blame that, so as to hide itself and be elusive. This seemed to be proven when the next day I went to that forum again and didn't feel any of the same thing. Aswell as these things being so small as to not make sense that it could derail these programs.
Basically it seems like this desire to use something else starts coming up, then I start looking at and researching other stuff and then i'm lead to something that seems to derail OGSF that I blame when really it's the self-sabotage.. yet the self-sabotage started when I started getting the desire to use something else and started looking at other things I could potentially use.
I've also had no desire to post until today.
Mainly low energy, can't be bothered feelings, the feeling like I can't be bothered going anywhere is even stronger. Though before I decided i'd make myself just goto the shop and take my dog for a drive to get a newspaper and I felt better after.
It makes sense along with taking the 2nd week off my workouts that i'm being directed to really try to rest my body, and in some kind of 'healing mode'. BUT.. i'm really really sick of this constantly for such a long time on different programs, different methods and not actually moving forward.
So a part feeling to use other audios, But the strongest feeling is to move onto UMS v3 as to actually do something productive.
Still i'm continuing OGSF though. Funny up until now I would have said that OGSF (i'd say 6g) is much easier to stick to and I haven't had much desire to do something else until the last few days.
I'm not writing this though from emotional intensity and it's not an emotional outburst from frustration and rage like on PM for example and some other programs, it's just matter of fact and feeling like the energy/life is drained out of me. Which is actually a good summary of how i've felt since I got the chronic fatigue and related issues even though i'm MUCH better I still haven't got my real energy or spark back and I fear that I won't.
RE: Unlocking My Full Expression (OGSF v3 6g) - Benjamin - 05-07-2025
I'm thinking about what's going on. It just feels like my body is depleted, almost like i've just been functioning, keeping pushing and not really getting proper rest or recovery. I'm keeping up using my infared mat at a higher setting for a while to help with this. I'd add to this also feeling mentally and emotionally depleted, not just physically.
And even then it's only at a low level and I want way more energy.
But I had a thought before that OGSF may be bringing me down from another level of fight and flight that I wasn't aware i'm in and this is why i'm feeling so drained and depleted. I've heard it called "functional fight and flight" where you just learn to function and don't even know when you're in it.
This happened to a bigger extent when I first got chronic fatigue issues, but it still seems to be around at a lower level. I'm still like 100x more functional than I was back then, so comparitively alot more functional, but in the scheme of things not really functional at all.
I just emailed and said I wouldn't be at toastmasters, when usually i'm totally consistent and have never just not come. Which brings another element, almost like i'm just sick of "putting on appearances". Like I just have to always be there as i'm one of the people who organizes some things about the meetings and am one of the experiences members, and that I can't let them down.
But something with OGSF i'm giving less and less of a fuck trying anymore and having to be the one who's always there no matter what, which is pretty much what i've done for years. Almost like i'm sick of constantly being the 'reliable' one and instead wanting to just not bother anymore.
I'm guessing this is temporary as deeper things are being worked on, seemingly deeper than past generations because even with strong intensity on past generations I still did toastmasters.
I even have low energy and enthusiasm for martial arts training tonight. But i'm going to still train anyway even when i'm wanting to stop that too, as I know these feelings are temporary and my training is one of the important things to me that keeps me going.
RE: Unlocking My Full Expression (OGSF v3 6g) - Benjamin - 05-12-2025
Still strong fatigue, I don't know if it's mental/emotional or physical. Today it feels that I want to do stuff but my energy is too low to be able to bring myself to so then I feel it emotionally (eg feel depressed about it).
At the same time OGSF is definately pushing me to find ways to deal with this, improve the fatigue and heal physically and i've been exploring, researching and adding different things to my routine. Sounds weird for a program like this I know, but the same happened on V2. My thought is that one of the big drivers of my fear is fatigue and low energy stopping me from being able to do alot of stuff, and to even have the energy to push through sometimes. With this lack of energy how am I actually meant to do the things I need to do so I can get my goals? Which leads to being more depressed about it.
I took 2 weeks off workouts as I said, and felt good yesterday like I was finally recovered. Started a new workout and felt noticably fitter than last time I did it, and now today I feel destroyed.
All of this upheaval, feeling drained, fatigue is more noticable than on past programs. It's not strong emotional intensity like rage, anger, intense frustration like on past programs.. but more just everything being drained out of me, even more than usual and even more than in a long time.
The main thought at the moment is "how long do I keep trying for? Is there actually any point to keep going?" which has been increasing over time before this, but seems even stronger on OGSF.
Also anxiety is strong at times, or in the background stopping me from doing stuff. Didn't feel like really going anywhere for 2-3 weeks, then on saturday I did a trip for the day which was good. Now this morning a friend messaged me to see what I was doing in the afternoon and I had a massive wave of anxiety hit me as soon as I seen it, with no explanation. I couldn't bring myself to reply until tonight. This is highly unusual and shows the level of anxiety it's bringing up.
Later followed by feeling more tired and fatigued, though I did go on my infared mat so that may have stirred something up, but it also could point to an emotional contributor to the fatigue. It's very difficult to identify the difference between the emotional and physical with this, the physical fatigue brought more emotions, but then the emotions at times causes the fatigue aswell it seems.
Upto about 6 weeks. I still have the usual thing of wanting to get to 3 months so I can just move onto something else, then I realized "I always want to do this, when really I need more time than 3 months" but then also if I was actually noticing more or getting a transformation and not just these little things i've changed or added to my routine then I wouldn't be having these doubts, similar to past programs.
RE: Unlocking My Full Expression (OGSF v3 6g) - Ice and Shadow - 05-14-2025
Hi Ben,
Did you try taking a longer break from listening to your sub? Or is that against the recommendations?
I'm new, so I'm not sure — but maybe a longer break and letting things process and settle would help.
RE: Unlocking My Full Expression (OGSF v3 6g) - Benjamin - 05-14-2025
It's not recommended to listen less, past generations 5.11g and below you don't want to go below the instructions but there was autoconfig guiding you to the right amount of listening as long as it's not below the intial instructions. For 6g Shannon has said to stick to the instructed amount of listening as there isn't autoconfig.
RE: Unlocking My Full Expression (OGSF v3 6g) - Benjamin - 05-14-2025
On that note, I feel much better today. And my energy is back.
I felt weird in bed last night, some strange altered state but felt much better in the morning. And I have noticably more energy today, even after my workout.
That gives me more thought of how much the fatigue might be emotional and leading to the physical fatigue. I also slept like 12 hours so maybe I need that at the moment, I was doing that at the start of OGSF but lessened it recently.
And i'm organizing dinner with the friend who messaged yesterday and other friends, so that anxiety is gone today.
Still when i'm stuck in it, all of it seems so real and so important and insurmountable and all that wanting to give up, use something else is strong.. and strong feelings of "what's the point continuing" coming up, then eventually it breaks through.
I'm thinking that with 6g it is creating deeper work to happen, which is also causing this work to last longer than i'm used to on past programs. What Shannon said about x4a maybe taking 3-4 months to break through stuff for some people seems to confirm those thoughts.