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+--- Thread: Alpha Male Journal (/Thread-Alpha-Male-Journal)
RE: Alpha Male Journal - Morgul - 04-17-2012
I want to let you all know that I've not quit. I've continued applying the subliminals, listening to them every single day, for 12 hours each or more - sometimes I felt like doing more was better for me, and so I did it that way in those times... that helped me to bring out what was about to be released (but not there yet), and so it was actually released sooner.
It's great that I've not had resistance that made me stop doing it. With this program, I've always had the inner knowing of it really being in my path. I'm very grateful for the inner guidance and for the program itself, thanks a lot Shannon
Day 18: There's been a TON of things changing in me, from the inside out. These days, I had a judgment of nothing specially important happening to me from the program, and that affected me so much (it seemingly had faith power) that I didn't came here to keep you up to date. Despite what that feeling and thoughts behind it said, I knew for sure there were a ton of changes behind the surface, as I had very clear proofs of changes for the better (including new - for me - sexual experiences
).Looking back, it wasn't just a feeling what I had, but a pile of inter-connected feelings (old programming, dense energy) that made me feel lost these days. For example, I felt quite frustrated, even about things that didn't mattered that much, I was kind of taking things seriously without a real reason for doing so. The nice thing is that I had my awareness raising, and showing me time after time again, what was going on: that I had parts of my energy in bad feeling patterns (even patterns I thought I no longer had), and it was all showing up so I could let it all go.
For whatever reason, it wasn't all completely released as it showed up but, for several days straight, the remains were being piled... unconsciousness over unconsciousness, creating a big momentum, a huge chunk of dense energy (what caused me to feel/be so lost). Even I felt several times like doing what would release it, I didn't always had the will power (or enough connection to the "go ahead" feeling) to actually applying that. So I was letting it go slower than it was coming out, and I literally felt like disconnected from my Higher Selves... Anyway, whenever I stopped to check the truth of that, I had the inner knowing that it wasn't really true... but it felt so true! Same as with the "nothing happening" feelings, I knew there was a lot going on behind the scenes, but I wasn't capable to access for long time the good feelings from the great things that I had (real life experience proof).
Last night, I had another nudge to do something to set the burden free. This time the idea was doing Natural Grounding, and even I didn't felt with enough energy to do it (I just felt like going to bed and sleep), it happened that I began doing it. I was with open focus, feeling around my body while observing the videos also, and accepting everything that was showing up in the experience (including thoughts and patterns of action). The burden made itself very visible to me, as huge dense feelings, including physical and emotional pain. In less than a minute from beginning, I was crying from the strong emotions being felt as they were going away (but not affecting me at all). I really have no idea how much time I was doing it, I would say at least it was an hour, I was letting go also of the feelings and thoughts of "stop doing it", "it's enough already"... I was playing the subliminals also, they helped me to bring it all to awareness faster.
Later on, I was a lot more clear, and I was amazed from what I was experiencing... I couldn't believe my eyes, I was like: "WTF! This feels and actually seems totally different!! I've watched these videos countless times, and I've never ever experienced them like this: all the women are soooo frickin' SEXUAL!!!" :O Sexual, that's the best word to describe it. I was never able to see them as I did last night: so open, happy, valuable, genuine and sexually inviting
All of that with zero intimation... I deeply knew that next time I'm in person with a woman like that, it's going to be game over for my virginity Today I went outside my house from my own decision, and without a need!!
That's another surprise for me, hehehe. I went to a classical music concert. I was sooo open, with open focus, observing feelings and thoughts, but without being really affected by them, so I could clean on everything easily. I was comfortable even being close to women in the underground, okay with them being there, looking at me, whatever... I was at ease. There was something missing in me from what I was used to having... neediness and feelings of inferiority I once again got experimental confirmations that real confidence is not a thing we can get... it's actually a lack of "things" such as: feelings of low confidence/value (those exist), self doubt, out of place, not belonging, weirdo, wannabe. The lack of all of that is not a thing called "confidence", it's my Presence/Beingness, the true Me.Another great thing I got from going out: I found nice plans to be outside my house in the upcoming days, hahaha, no more excuses of "I haven't any interesting activity to join"
So... everything is divinely perfect, after all!
PS: I just edited my posts, changing "tonight" by "last night"... as I always meant the previous night, not the current or future
RE: Alpha Male Journal - Ryan - 04-25-2012
This is what being a 'natural' feels like, my friend
Ryan
RE: Alpha Male Journal - Morgul - 05-01-2012
Day 32: Today is the last day I'll listen to the first stage. I've had some emotional downs lately, it seems to happen when piles of old programming get together and make themselves visible to me... and it finishes soon, usually if I stop whatever way I was diverting my attention on, and pay attention to the feelings with acceptance (yes, it's sometimes painful to experience, but it goes away fast that way).
Despite many things have cleared up in me already thanks to this program, I have evident remains of limiting programming related to relationships with women that is still showing up. I wish the next stages have some affirmation to encourage letting them go, as the first had.
Anyway, it seems positive results keep coming more and more frequently, despite the way I feel. But when I feel badly, it's like I cannot accept it... as I couldn't handle it, appreciate it or even feel worth to receive it.
Areas I would love to focus clearing on, in the upcoming days, are: stepping outside my house more, letting go of trying to control my life, meeting cute women for friends or more in person easily and frequently, releasing my baggage sooner (instead of waiting for it to get insupportable).
That's all for now... I'm ready, and I look forward, to step into Stage 2!
RE: Alpha Male Journal - Morgul - 05-06-2012
Day 37: I'm facing what could be considered as hard times. It's not really hard times because I'm loving it, I'm happy that I'm feeling like crap lately, hahaha. I can understand that, if I had a lower consciousness level, I could be fucked up and living a part time nightmare.
My deepest and oldest insecurities are coming to my awareness. This time it's not just bad feelings of low self esteem... now I can trace the origins of them, the times when they built up, the people involved and the way I tried to cover up these feelings on my past. Until now, I've never had this level of clarity about these issues... As I said, before I could only feel I was suffering them from time to time, and that was all. It's almost as if I automatically related with the feelings by running away, without wanting to know what they had to share with me.
I guess it's time to make peace with all these parts of me.
PS: It's not all negative though, I seem to behave a lot more like a leader, and with a bigger sense of ease and authenticity (also the opposite some times, but with more clarity from my side and without affecting me much)... I'm more proactive, I go for what I want. I felt my reality is switching, what I thought to be unbelievable is happening before I got time to realize it became very believable, women related, in great way
RE: Alpha Male Journal - Morgul - 05-19-2012
Day 50: Yesterday, I had an impacting experience that was a life lesson to me. I was at a public park, and I sat at a bench quite far from other people, it was a place where I had a good view of the park, and whatever was going around. I heard my intuition, telling me to put the bag I was carrying on my left side, at the bench... but I didn't identified it as my intuition, and I though: "wtf... it's okay to have it on the right side". And I left it on my right side.
I saw a man from far away coming towards me, from the right side. I felt he would be quite uninteresting to relate with, menacing energy. I rejected the facts, and looked away (second time I ignored my intuition). When I looked back, it was late, he was already very close to me.
He began talking to me, first asking me for a cigarette, I don't smoke so I tell him that. Soon he was asking me for money, trying to make me afraid, saying things like he was drug addict, needed a dose, had AIDS, he wouldn't control how crazy he might get... I was handling it all very nicely, I felt fears but they didn't had much power over me. My intuition was telling me that there was really nothing to be afraid of, I know I'm protected, and this was an experience I had to face.
Soon, he was menacing to kill me, lol. He was really trying hard to make me afraid, but I was just uncomfortable at most, haha. It's all because I was unwilling to give him money for drugs (that wouldn't solve his issue). He asked me if I wanted to see blood, saying he would take out a knife, and that he didn't cared the people around... maybe he didn't even had one. But it was nice, fear showing up in me, my intuition and evidence showing me it was all being super benevolent. I had no escape route... I could have run, but if so, I would have to leave my bag behind, which I was really unwilling to do.
After a lot of minutes talking to him... very different states in both of us, I ended up giving him money as it seemed there was no other good enough way to end the situation. I only had a 20 euro bill, and he first gave me an euro he had, lol... to try to convince me to give him. So in the end I only gave him 19. Afterwards, I began asking myself what was the message behind that experience, the lessons to learn, as I kept cleaning on the remaining fears and things that moved within my body and mind.
It was very nice to have had that chance to face those fears, as from practicing positive thinking I tended to bury them instead of facing them properly and letting them go. As a lesson on its own, it happened to be way more powerful than many self help programs, faster and way cheaper! So I soon felt really happy that it happened to me like that.
Well, the most important realization came after a bit of thinking, with some imagination. Even I was absolutely sure that I was safe... what if he had killed me? Despite the zero chance of that happening, I thought: if I died, would I be content with the life I had? The answer is no... I left a lot of dreams unfulfilled, from not going past comfort zone and fears. Then I made a choice to stop postponing things I wanted to do, and stop staying so much inside my comfort zone. I'll go after my dreams. I'm now way more willing to live my life like there's no tomorrow.
So I called friends to go out with. One of them is a quite good natural, and very good friend of me, that I didn't saw for more than a year. It was nice that I stepped into making new friends, but it was a bit silly to stop hanging out with him. I'll meet with him in two hours. I contacted another friend that I don't see often anymore, but that we both agreed to hang out sometime again. Instead of leaving it for later, I called him.
For last night, I didn't came up with anyone available to go out with. But, I decided to step outside my comfort zone and go out to have fun, anyway. So even I felt scared, I went out anyway on my own. I had to motivate myself, and give me some safety, while I was driving towards where I decided to go, as I really wanted to have fun no matter what (even if I had to be all lonely the whole night). I used affirmations like: I can't wait to see the amazingly good things that are going to happen to me.
I entered a club and there wasn't many people, so I stepped outside and went for another club. This time I checked how it felt, and the place had good vibes, good music and enough people (so I could potentially relate with them, and so I wouldn't seem so much as a lone wolf). Soon after I entered, I ordered a beer, and began dancing. At times, I felt a bit uncomfortable, but I let the feelings go, and it was quite easy to discard thoughts and have fun in the moment on my own.
It happened that a (female) cousin of mine was there, together with a friend. I didn't noticed it was her, lol, but she did instead :p Hahaha. I was a bit uncomfortable at first because I didn't wanted to be needy about now having someone to be with... So I found a balance by being non attached to them, and still having fun by my own, and relating with other people also. In the end, we were really comfortable being together as a group, and we had fun... Another amazing good thing that happened to me
was that I got a free beer, and a free bottle of water, hahaha.
RE: Alpha Male Journal - Shannon - 05-19-2012
I never carry cash for two reasons. First, I tend to spend it... and second, you can't be giving away money you don't have. Panhandlers don't get far with me.
Overall, sounds like a good lesson though.
RE: Alpha Male Journal - Benjamin - 05-19-2012
The lesson comes early in your post. Trust your intuition! Awareness and intuition are the most important things when it comes to personal protection or avoiding a situation.
The other thing you didn't mention but did you remain sitting when he come over? That would keep you in a very bad position. It's good to stand up and be squared up to them, and you can have your hands up in a passive posture. Notice in this what comes first is a passive stance so you can better act if needed. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-WS09dneHs
Though that doesn't mean attack straight away like in that video, but it enables you to block easier if they attack or if really needed to act first.
Damn when I start talking about this and watching it I miss doing this training, my training partners gave up so I haven't done it for like a year.
-Ben
RE: Alpha Male Journal - Shannon - 05-20-2012
(05-19-2012, 03:55 PM)benjamin Wrote: The lesson comes early in your post. Trust your intuition! Awareness and intuition are the most important things when it comes to personal protection or avoiding a situation.
The other thing you didn't mention but did you remain sitting when he come over? That would keep you in a very bad position. It's good to stand up and be squared up to them, and you can have your hands up in a passive posture. Notice in this what comes first is a passive stance so you can better act if needed. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-WS09dneHs
Though that doesn't mean attack straight away like in that video, but it enables you to block easier if they attack or if really needed to act first.
Damn when I start talking about this and watching it I miss doing this training, my training partners gave up so I haven't done it for like a year.
-Ben
What stopped you from finding new training partners?
RE: Alpha Male Journal - Benjamin - 05-20-2012
Quote:What stopped you from finding new training partners?
Well I started to lose some interest myself in it. But I obviously still have some since I get excited when I talk about it.
I found it hard to find good training partners because of the nature of the training, it was more intense and in the way I train alot of it is about adding fear and discomfort by doing scenario stuff on purpose. And I scared several people away from doing so. It seemed they were okay with it at the time but I never heard from them again.
And i'm also very careful who I train because I live in kind of a small place, especially since I was doing security. I didn't want to arm dickheads against me with my own training. Or against my friends who still do security.
Hmm I might ask the guys I used to train with if they want to do some again and tell them that we can work from some dvd's so as to vary it more instead of doing the same thing all the time. That will be good for my learning too. They were good training partners at the time, consistent and could take the intensity that I wanted and picked it up quick.
Even though I wanted to teach this stuff, I first wanted it for my own training so didn't want to have to baby people too much and occasionally I would ramp it up to challenge myself.
The other issue was that my motivation wasn't consistent either which was frustrating.
Thanks Shannon, just asking that question has got me inspired again to do it!
-Ben
RE: Alpha Male Journal - Shannon - 05-21-2012
Might I suggest that you would do better with less fear in your life, instead of more?
RE: Alpha Male Journal - Benjamin - 05-21-2012
Yeah I agree in general in life less fear is better. But for people learning to defend themselves for real, then you need to learn how do deal with the inherent fear of a violent situation and how people will act.. yell, swear, push you, go crazy.
It's learning to control that fear so that it doesn't overwhelm you. It doesn't matter how good your technique is if you can't handle that fear.
It's not just inducing the fear for the sake of it, it is for a specific reason.
-Ben
RE: Alpha Male Journal - Shannon - 05-21-2012
(05-21-2012, 12:22 AM)benjamin Wrote: Yeah I agree in general in life less fear is better. But for people learning to defend themselves for real, then you need to learn how do deal with the inherent fear of a violent situation and how people will act.. yell, swear, push you, go crazy.
It's learning to control that fear so that it doesn't overwhelm you. It doesn't matter how good your technique is if you can't handle that fear.
It's not just inducing the fear for the sake of it, it is for a specific reason.
-Ben
How much of that fear is preventing you from losing weight? I suggest that instead of intentionally inducing fear, you achieve a level of skill that precludes fear. Fear is only useful for controlling people... and even then, it is to be avoided as much as possible. You would seem to be living proof of one of the reasons why.
RE: Alpha Male Journal - smash - 05-21-2012
Benjamin, come to Germany, so we can train together ;-)... I had similar effects on my training partners, I told them "is the intensity fair enough?"... they repeated yes and didn´t come back after some training sessions
.In our training, we position our hand in front of our face (mostly in front of nose) in a non aggressive way & have an universal entry technique for entering infight scenarios fast.
If you´re interested in what I do: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ly6HC2F8zBg&feature=results_main&playnext=1&list=PL0A5072EBE813563E (it is somehow similar to DogBrothers stuff).
RE: Alpha Male Journal - Benjamin - 05-21-2012
Quote:How much of that fear is preventing you from losing weight? I suggest that instead of intentionally inducing fear, you achieve a level of skill that precludes fear. Fear is only useful for controlling people... and even then, it is to be avoided as much as possible. You would seem to be living proof of one of the reasons why.
Well being in so many fights and in that environment did cause me to put on alot of weight. I don't believe you can get to a level that precludes fear as it is an inherent part of it. But that fear of not being safe is definately a big part that I keep getting back to in my EFT work. Even simple things i've started with has been going back to that.
Quote:Benjamin, come to Germany, so we can train together ;-)... I had similar effects on my training partners, I told them "is the intensity fair enough?"... they repeated yes and didn´t come back after some training sessions .
In our training, we position our hand in front of our face (mostly in front of nose) in a non aggressive way & have an universal entry technique for entering infight scenarios fast.
If you´re interested in what I do: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ly6HC2F8z...EBE813563E (it is somehow similar to DogBrothers stuff).
I'd love to, if only I could teleport there!
Wow that video is awesome, I like it. I kind of got the feeling I was watching a tv series with the music.
I'd definately be there if it was near me. Were you in the video?What I used to do was similar to that Lee Morrison video I posted. Aswell as some stuff from this guy, I used to teach for him.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsSmGh1kOH4&list=UUQ9CvWpcMstZv4Z6JCyKANA&index=7&feature=plcp
-Ben