+- Subliminal Talk (https://subliminal-talk.com)
+-- Forum: Men's Journals (18+ NSFW) (https://subliminal-talk.com/Forum-Men-s-Journals-18-NSFW)
+--- Forum: Men's Journals (https://subliminal-talk.com/Forum-Men-s-Journals)
+--- Thread: Unlocking My Full Expression (OGSF v3 6g) (/Thread-Unlocking-My-Full-Expression-OGSF-v3-6g)
RE: Unlocking My Full Expression (OGSF v3 6g) - Benjamin - 04-01-2025
Interesting that you're both reporting a similar thing, maybe that speaks to how much deeper 6g is going and it's digging all of that up and working on it.
When I say presence though I don't mean another personality or persona. I'm referring to it as in having a strong presence, like being noticed, standing out, having people drawn to you and such. Confidence, groundedness, being magnetic to other people. That kind of thing.
RE: Unlocking My Full Expression (OGSF v3 6g) - NOMAD - 04-01-2025
I experienced that too, but it was deep and nuanced. I know exactly what Shannon meant by focusing the user into his masculinity.
RE: Unlocking My Full Expression (OGSF v3 6g) - LionKing - 04-01-2025
(04-01-2025, 04:43 PM)Benjamin Wrote: When I say presence though I don't mean another personality or persona. I'm referring to it as in having a strong presence, like being noticed, standing out, having people drawn to you and such. Confidence, groundedness, being magnetic to other people. That kind of thing.
Probably about the same thing, I just explained myself badly. Not another persona but more like a power up effect from the sub was active on me when running PM and then after switching that power up was no longer there. "focusing the user into his masculinity", that focus could perhaps create the effect, or something related to projecting PM's aura component. Expressing and projecting the same thing, maybe.
Like if I could have coffee that'd morph me into the size, shape and smell of the Hulk (without the personality switch) and I'd feel confident being that strong and feeling good that people knew I was that strong, and then next week I had to go to the same places without my coffee (PM), as just me. On OSC, I don't have a similar effect I could point to but I do act more confidently in a lot of situations so I think I'm beginning to trust that more. I'll say that I'm still feeling a lot of doubt, stress, etc when working by myself or thinking about going somewhere; the confidence is more apparent when actually in that situation. I'd hope OGSF would clear that base state out more. Still debating internally whether I'll join you guys on OGSF in 1-2 weeks or just do a rerun of OSC.
RE: Unlocking My Full Expression (OGSF v3 6g) - Benjamin - 04-02-2025
Quote:I experienced that too, but it was deep and nuanced. I know exactly what Shannon meant by focusing the user into his masculinity.
I figured you knew what I meant from your comments in the past, it was just what LionKing said that I was clarifying.
That masculine, grounded feeling in the background did feel good.
Quote:Probably about the same thing, I just explained myself badly. Not another persona but more like a power up effect from the sub was active on me when running PM and then after switching that power up was no longer there. "focusing the user into his masculinity", that focus could perhaps create the effect, or something related to projecting PM's aura component. Expressing and projecting the same thing, maybe.
Like if I could have coffee that'd morph me into the size, shape and smell of the Hulk (without the personality switch) and I'd feel confident being that strong and feeling good that people knew I was that strong, and then next week I had to go to the same places without my coffee (PM), as just me. On OSC, I don't have a similar effect I could point to but I do act more confidently in a lot of situations so I think I'm beginning to trust that more. I'll say that I'm still feeling a lot of doubt, stress, etc when working by myself or thinking about going somewhere; the confidence is more apparent when actually in that situation. I'd hope OGSF would clear that base state out more. Still debating internally whether I'll join you guys on OGSF in 1-2 weeks or just do a rerun of OSC.
What you're explaining is something I have noticed after stopping programs in the past, and with PM too as i'm missing that presence and vibe I had.
The feeling at toastmasters compared to the one previously when on PM was much different, I felt weak, didn't have that presence and it made me feel a bit depressed and down actually. Like I was being paid attention to much more when I had that, but then last week not so much.
I had similar on DMSI when I got a bit depressed at not having the same reactions after I stopped it.
RE: Unlocking My Full Expression (OGSF v3 6g) - Benjamin - 04-02-2025
Tonight is my first night off, i'm not really looking forward to it. I have this feeling that I need and want more input, but I wonder if that's old force of habit from listening to previous programs for many more hours and still feeilng strange that it's only 10 minutes of listening. Anyway i'm sticking to the instructions.
Yesterday for about half the day and some of the day today some feeling depressed and some upheaval. But it's passed now, for today.
Yesterday and today the urge to look at porn has been coming up. It's more subdued and it's on and off. I'll be thinking about it and wanting to do so, then forget about it for a while, maybe breathe a bit then it'll come back, but it's not overwhelming. It wasn't triggered by anything externally and i've also been thinking about girls from the past last night and today, so something is being worked on.
Today especially i've been having this feeling that I just want to do something else, spend my time in some other way that is more constructive, but not really knowing what that would be. Also interest in finding other things to join. The bs being brought into toastmasters that i've mentioned in the last few meetings are part of it, on PM I just wanted to push back against it and felt more enthused to do so, on OGSF I just want to move away from it and feel like it's not worth the bullshit and trouble as it won't achieve much. I do prefer to push back against nonsense but it's feeling like that's more for the future with Masculinity programs and similar and not as much while on OGSF, like it's telling me it's not good for my healing.
I've kept saying that I will keep doing toastmasters as there is nothing else, but since starting OGSF i'm actually seriously thinking about quitting. But then I won't have much social other than when I see friends maybe every few weekends as I haven't found any other clubs or activities that I want to do.
RE: Unlocking My Full Expression (OGSF v3 6g) - Benjamin - 04-02-2025
Yesterday I was happy that I woke up in the morning and didn't want to look at facebook on my phone in bed, though this morning the urge had come back. I don't remember if I did this morning now somehow.
But I mentioned yesterday some feeling down and it passed, well today after my first night off I feel more depressed and I can't really see a reason behind it, wanting to look at more bullshit on facebook and such. There's this sadness there behind my eyes, maybe partly a feeling of wanting to cry but it seems it's in the background i'd say due to the programming to consciously shield it, I have a feeling it's deeper than just what i'm feeling on the surface.
RE: Unlocking My Full Expression (OGSF v3 6g) - Shannon - 04-02-2025
OGSF v3 goes to great lengths to minimize your conscious discomfort working through these things.
RE: Unlocking My Full Expression (OGSF v3 6g) - Benjamin - 04-02-2025
(04-02-2025, 07:02 PM)Shannon Wrote: OGSF v3 goes to great lengths to minimize your conscious discomfort working through these things.
I'm grateful for that programming.
So after I got off the computer (desktop) to find something else to do, I felt much noticably better. I ended up turning the internet off, taking my laptop into my shed where I train and watched a training video for an hour or so.
It does match my observation that at times depression is telling me "you're just wasting time with stupid bullshit" and trying to push me to something different, yet when stuck in the middle of that it can be difficult to notice that and it can make me instead goto coping mechanisms.
So now i've relaxed a fair bit and can come back and plan my training for today's session.
RE: Unlocking My Full Expression (OGSF v3 6g) - Benjamin - 04-03-2025
I look forward to listening again after tonight which is the last night off in this cycle of listening.
I'm sitting here focusing on my breathing right now, trying not to run to porn or have some kind of outburst at something or someone. This was brought on by having a bodyscan and i've put on more fat since last time, when I swore that I had put on muscle and looked noticably better. It seems that was mainly a perception shift while on PM, cos the numbers on the actual scan are showing differently.
Yet i'm increasing a rep on each exercise each workout, getting fitter and stronger. It doesn't seem to matter what I try anymore with workouts and such I can't really make the progress I want.
It brought an element of "fuck this, what's the point" when I left and have come home, combined with anger. OGSF has been good in allowing me to not goto porn, and right now i'm fighting to NOT allow myself to do so. This is one reason i'm looking forward to the listening nights again.
Soon i'm going to an art launch thing and then to dinner with friends. But now i'm really not feeling like it and worried i'll go there and just be quiet and annoyed.
But i'm still going anyway, i'm sure my mood will improve once I go out.
RE: Unlocking My Full Expression (OGSF v3 6g) - NOMAD - 04-04-2025
The fact that you're willing to focus on breathing instead of running to porn is progess.Also, the tone of you're last post seems lighter than what I read in your PM ournal. Not bad for being only 8 days in.
RE: Unlocking My Full Expression (OGSF v3 6g) - Benjamin - 04-04-2025
(04-04-2025, 01:46 AM)NOMAD Wrote: The fact that you're willing to focus on breathing instead of running to porn is progess.Also, the tone of you're last post seems lighter than what I read in your PM ournal. Not bad for being only 8 days in.
What's funny is I forgot about it until reading your reply. I guess I was out though. But it's looking like OGSF is making it more manageable to be able to stay with the feelings and not run to the coping mechanism.
Thanks, good observation. I have actually noticed myself that my posts are different. On PM it was rollercoaster, rage, strong ranting. On OGSF i'm more emotionally balanced.
RE: Unlocking My Full Expression (OGSF v3 6g) - Benjamin - 04-04-2025
Tonight was up and down. The first thing that stands out is that before going out, and going to something a bit out of my comfort zone, like not my usual place, I had to goto the toilet before going out. To explain that it reminded me of in the past when I would go out to places by myself like clubs or whatever to talk to girls, and I had this response of feeling like I needed to goto the toilet and would but nothing would come out.
Compare this to recent times where I would just feel 'numb' or 'blocked' and just feel like "I don't want to goto this place" it was like the numbness 'thawed out' and below that was awarenss of what's below it, like thoughts of "I'm just going to stand there and look like an idiot" and I was feeling a bit anxious. But I still wanted to go, and it actually felt better having those feelings and being able to breathe and be with it as opposed to feeling numb and blocked which I can't seem to do anything with.
I was focusing on breathing while driving and feeling it. And I got to the art thing and I did feel awkward and weird and was fairly quiet. There was a girl who has served me in a shop I goto a bit who I felt had some interest, but the way I was feeling I couldn't even talk to her. She walked past and gave the submissive look down, but I was just feeling too awkward, quiet and weird.
My friend come and we went to a shop for him to get food then went back to the art thing. There was a brief minute or two when a group of older women were standing there and all said hi to me, two were the artists and I joked around a bit. But generally I was awkward and quiet.
A female friend who come with my other friend was there, I don't see her much and we aren't close, but she has a german backpacker staying there and my friend introduced me. She was sexy and I talked to her a few times but it felt weird and awkward too.
The female friend invited us to play cards before dinner, we got there and the german girl didn't come and play and in my head it was because I had weirded her out cos I was feeling awkward, when really it could be many things that have nothing to do with me. I'm becoming a bit more aware of how little things happen and I assign them meanings of how i've done something to upset someone, and creating meanings past what I should. Insecurities from the past, obviously coming from abandonment stuff.
Then went to dinner, me and 3 other guy friends. I started off kind of quiet and feeling weird, even at one point getting really tired. But over time it passed, and now it's 11:10pm and I have all this energy, not tired at all, I started feeling much more comfortable and talkative and even when I went to pay for my food talked to the cute girl who was serving us, whereas before that I just didn't when she come to the table.
I usually am in bed between 9 and 10pm, sometimes a bit later on weekends so it's strange for my energy to suddenly just come up like this. I even felt the need to get on the computer and type this while it's fresh.
On a whole I enjoyed the night. Yes I did goto the art thing and was awkward and quiet at that, but it's okay, I survived, nothing crazy happened and it was much better that I went than staying home. Then things opened up and it was a good night.
The thing that stands out is being resensitized I guess to whatever has been under this numbness where I feel like I don't want to do stuff or go places when really it's fear under it, being more aware of what's under it and feeling it where I wasn't before, and instead of running away I still wanted to go out. This shows that OGSF is working on it.
I look forward to when it gets past this awkward stage where it seems to be digging it all up and i'm socially comfortable and confident like I know I can be and have been.
RE: Unlocking My Full Expression (OGSF v3 6g) - Benjamin - 04-04-2025
I don't know if this is related to OGSF, but I have a feeling that it is.
A guy I was friends with at school as a kid, and then in my 20's he worked as a barman where I did security and we would mostly go out to clubs and such in other towns.. messaged me last night.
I haven't seen him for probably 10 years or more, no contact though of course I haven't messaged either so it seems very unusual he would suddenly message me, I assume he's in town as his parents and brother live here and wants to catch up, as he doesn't live here anymore.
If it was from OGSF then it would make sense that it's possibly partly working on something from the past, and also self-esteem stuff for the next reason.
This guy was heavily into drinking and hard drugs. I think it was him in that he knew I hated drugs so purposely was doing them in my car when I was inside somewhere, kind of like a disrespectful "up yours" thing. It could have been another guy, but I remember something from this guy.
Still almost all of his pictures i've seen on facebook are him out drinking, though I guess I have no photos at all of myself on facebook doing anything.. but you know it matches how he used to be anyway.
So where the self-esteem thing comes in is that I was thinking about if I should reply. Initially I was going to, then I started thinking "is this guy of value in my life?" and "if I caught up with him then would it actually add anything to my life?" (especially if he's still heavily into drinking and drugs).
And the answer is no.
But.. I feel guilty about not replying. Which you know sounds like it might have something to do with OGSF working on something.
Then there's also a fear that if I go somewhere and see him and he's like "why didn't you reply to my message?" and not wanting the conflict or disapproval so thinking maybe I should reply just because of that, which isn't the start of a great rekindling of a friendship even without the other stuff. The answer i'd like to give if that happened would be "Because i'm not into drinking and drugs" but I really don't think I could say that and it fills me with fear thinking of even actually expressing it, and it feels much better to just not reply and not invite it into my life at all.
Despite that the stronger feeling is guiding me to "no, don't reply, I don't want this kind of shit in my life".
RE: Unlocking My Full Expression (OGSF v3 6g) - 4Kingdoms - 04-04-2025
(04-04-2025, 03:20 PM)Benjamin Wrote: A guy I was friends with at school as a kid, and then in my 20's he worked as a barman where I did security and we would mostly go out to clubs and such in other towns.. messaged me last night.In my 20's at my first job. My friend/co-worker decided to go into the US Navy. When he got shore leave, he would call "the gang" when he came home to visit his parents. I would find out after his shore leave was over and was deeply hurt that he didn't contact me.
I haven't seen him for probably 10 years or more, no contact though of course
I was thinking about if I should reply. Initially I was going to, then I started thinking "is this guy of value in my life?" and "if I caught up with him then would it actually add anything to my life?" (especially if he's still heavily into drinking and drugs).
And the answer is no.
But.. I feel guilty about not replying. Which you know sounds like it might have something to do with OGSF working on something.
Then there's also a fear that if I go somewhere and see him and he's like "why didn't you reply to my message?"
Despite that the stronger feeling is guiding me to "no, don't reply, I don't want this kind of shit in my life".
30 years later, I got a message on Social Media. "Hello, Mr. 4Kingdoms." I saw it 4 months after he messaged me, and I didn't reply. Too little, too late. I've moved on.
Benjamin, guilt and fear aside. I think you made the right decision.