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+--- Thread: Aventus AM6 Journal (/Thread-Aventus-AM6-Journal)
RE: Aventus AM6 Journal - Aventus45 - 05-21-2020
Alpha Male 6.0 Stage 1 Day 30
I finally went outside and i noticed I had a slight swagger to my walk but i haven't noticed much else.
Summary of Stage 1
1. Neediness
- A noticeable reduction in neediness, I don't really care about not being checked upon by others in the pandemic. I used to be bothered and emotionally charged before I started AM 6.0. My internal dialogue used to be " Why aren't my friends checking up on me?" and as an attack on my self-worth.
- Lack of neediness when I communicate with A, I noticed I don't put her on the pedestal anymore. I used to be obsessed with her last year and still had lingering neediness when we talked to each other online.
- The dreams had been crazy and lead to an ultimate peak at day 27 with the whole fear response. I realized remembered AM6 has EHPRA v1 in it so that could be what contributed to the clearing dreams i have been having.
- They are mostly gone and I attributed it to OGSF. I dont have those responses often anymore and when i fo, I process them better than before.
RE: Aventus AM6 Journal - Aventus45 - 06-09-2020
Alpha male Stage 2 Day 14 06/07/2020
-I’m constantly feeling annoyed by my mother as i find more and more of her influence on me. Her constant nagging and worrying about me as invariably rubbed off on me and making me question everything I do with my life. Leaving me in paralyzing fear of what I want to do with my life.
-Last night,I felt this huge wave of neediness wash over me, but my mind is constantly fighting to break the cycle of neediness. To be emotionally self-sufficient and switch from external to internal metrics of self-validation.
Alpha male Stage 2 Day 16 06/09/2020
Realized that I am absolutely terrible with saying no. A friend of mine wanted to recruit to some half baked startup and it took me an hour for me to say no after I internally figured out it's not gonna work. I began to get down to the brass tacks of the business plan and breaking down the number of problems with the business before i could take the leap and say no.
RE: Aventus AM6 Journal - Zubrowka - 06-09-2020
I have also been in the place where saying no felt terrifying, but what I learned is that the only cure to that is exposure theory. Work on saying no and not needing to justify it. Saying no is your own right. If you want to ease yourself into it, say that you need some time to consider it and then come.bacl with a no later saying "it wasn't right for you". You are not obliged to tell them your reasons in most cases, so don't feel like you have to.
But on the other side, stating your reasons for yourself, is a good thing.
RE: Aventus AM6 Journal - Aventus45 - 06-27-2020
Alpha male 6.0 Stage 2 day 32
Didn’t notice a lot going on the surface.
Had a homeless person harass me and my friends but I seriously couldn’t give a fuck. Like the thought process was different. It was like fuck off you’re below me and not worth any sort of response.
I have a sneaking fear with ultrasonic because I can’t hear it and I’m not sure if I’m actually rubbing the program or deluding myself that I’m running the program.
Had two sets of dreams that involved paralyzing fear.
Alpha Male 6.0 Stage 3 Day 3
I don't seem bothered by people anymore. people have their own lives and Im not as bothered by other people's actions anymore.
Wished i can run AM6 and OF 5.75. That would be a doozy.
RE: Aventus AM6 Journal - Aventus45 - 07-04-2020
Alpha Male 6.0 Stage 3 day 10 7/4/2020
It’s almost like the sub pushed me to discovering a YouTube channel of a guy who streams therapy sessions with popular streamers and other people. I started listening the videos and it making me recognize just how rooted my issues are and the sub is pushing me to deal with it.
RE: Aventus AM6 Journal - Aventus45 - 08-03-2020
Alpha Male 6.0 Stage 3 Day 29
1. Had a health scare that made me break down and seriously contemplated seeking mental health. In the past I immediately stop seeking it after I return to baseline probably out of fear. So being able to tackle it with a professional might be able to help me do a bit of healing in addition to AM
2. I have phases where I ’m seriously felt like I had no motivation whatsoever. It’s seriously hampering with my days and I’m confusing it with having depression almost. I would just stay in bed all day and can barely muster up the energy to do anything.
3. I decided to pursue photography for a career and I can’t shake this absolute fear as I’m watching a business of photography course. Like I could feel lit bubbling up and I can’t figure out why.
Alpha Male 6 Stage 3 Day 32
Had a dream where I was in this type of boarding school-like setting and I was super confident and was the life of the party in many ways. I was the type of person that would fight and defend my values and isn’t afraid to call people out on their bull shit.
So in this place, I meet a guy, don’t even know his name but he is the cocky type the type that just projects and has a massive ego. I just went off on this dude and broke him down with words to where he literally couldn’t do anything anymore. He was the type of guy that ran on the validation of others and berates others for his insecurities but wants nothing more than acceptance and validation. He hungers for validation and I knew it.
He had a phone and was streaming him roasting a victim and I went to defend this guy and attack the asshole. After some more posturing, the people around him leave and gravitates to me naturally and he storms off.
So me and my new friends are relaxing and the same guy comes back completely as a bloody beaten mess. He clearly was devastated by what I said. I think he went off and got into a fight with someone and lost. He clintched me and was trying to tell me that he was trying to do this knee kick to this guy. For some reason I felt really compelled to help this guy so I went with it and help him process everything.
Alpha Male Stage 4 Day 6
I'm more sexually overt now with the way i talk to people. it feels like something from the SM lead-in. Im also progressing with professional mental health. I kept reaching out to professionals in the morning and as i was relaxing in the evening, I realized im going to be opening up to strangers but i definitely need it for healing and it might even potentially help me progress through AM 6.0 too
I realized that I somewhat manifested a close friend that is helping through all this. He is someone I met before the program but after quarentine I had this hunch to start talking to him around stage 2-3 and our relationship grew quickly. he is a positive guy and pretty zen about a lot of things. "it is what it is" even though its on darker stuff that still linger within me.
RE: Aventus AM6 Journal - Aventus45 - 08-06-2020
AM 6 Stage 4 day 8
Had my first session with a doc and it was pretty positive. I was straight forward with what i was considering root issues and my goals for the therapy. He told me that im a lot more open about issues that some men have difficulty talking about. I figured that i needed to face the music now rather than later.
Started listening to Models by Mark Manson again.
AM6 Stage 4 day 9
Listening to the ultrasonic track and suddenly had a 4:30 am realization about myself and suddenly i "get" some of the concepts of models and some of the things in therapy.
1. is why do i keep investing in any relationship where it feels like me just throwing balls into the court like its some one-sided game. That causes half the agony that im feeling now. I should have the self-respect to not do that to myself.
2. I realized that i don't really have a positive father figure or much of one at all and that creates issues for me because i don't have a base of reference for me to learn. I realized that i have to be that father figure to myself in a sense and teach myself everything a dad is supposed to teach me that im sorely lacking.
3. I can reframe my past to allow myself to heal from the past traumas and that allows me to learn self-compassion.
RE: Aventus AM6 Journal - Aventus45 - 08-07-2020
Think AM6 is digging stuff out of me and making me notice it more than I used to. Today issue that came up is me getting mentally messed up over the modern dating dynamics for me. We are expected to throw ourselves out there with our vulnerability and constantly shoot our shot while it seems like women just sit there and have the luxury of choosing the wheat from the chaff( I know full well that there are women’s issues regarding safety and what not). It fills me with a weird mix of anger and dispair that I have to basically be in the front lines.
A close friend of mine keeps Lowkey telling me to accept the neutral parts of red pill and to basically play the game by being the guy who benefits from the ideology. To be the guy that other women flake other guys for. The guy that women sneak off from their boyfriends, be the guy that girls wanna take “breaks” in their relationship for.
RE: Aventus AM6 Journal - Aventus45 - 08-08-2020
Started doing stuff for myself again and I decided to read a book in the morning and enjoy a cigar.
Met up with my close friend again to catch up with everything. He is the type of guy who reformed after years of debauchery. Told him about My current situation and we wended you reminiscing about our college days. Well his college days was definitely more colorful. Makes me really want to master AM6 and SM3 cause I feel like I live for the debauchery . Though it’s coming from the thought of wanted to catch up with some ideal “college life”
As I was coming home, I noticed that I had a massive noticeable swagger to my step, it’s like my body language knows some kind of confidence.
RE: Aventus AM6 Journal - Aventus45 - 08-10-2020
The weekend was totally rough, Saw a person's story on Instagram and it caused me to have a panic attack that forced me to confront my ego, my inner demons, and the traumas all within the span of about 30 minutes. I had to call my friend in to really help me process everything that's happening, why it's happening, and if it has any connection to past traumas.
Today, the same friend came to check up on me and become the unofficial therapist for the time being as im approaching my second session. He is farther along the path of life compared to me and has gone through similar things to me so he tries to guide me along a more positive path cause he and I are sensing that my mind and thoughts are being drawn toward the empty, hedonistic, and narcissistic warpath that he trod. the path where he used his pain, caused by women, to carve a warpath to just take and negatively affect the women who were unfortunate enough to meet him. I can sense the same feelings inside of me as well, the feeling and desire to "get back at all the women who somehow wronged me" and carve a warpath of my own with the use of subs and whatnot.
I also mediated with the goal of processing past traumas. I went into my childhood and found the scared child that learned that he couldn't seek the safety and security of his parents and gave him the sorely needed feelings. As i was reliving these traumas and really feeling and processing those emotions until it naturally ran its course, I hugged my child self and imagined him dissipating.
RE: Aventus AM6 Journal - Aventus45 - 08-11-2020
I’m noticing that I’m snappier toward my parents as I’m not taking their bullshit as much.
I’m starting to realized that I owe it to myself to run OF 5.75G more than I need to run Sex magnet, as much as I wanna become the sex god that the program marketed as.
RE: Aventus AM6 Journal - fab10 - 08-11-2020
(08-11-2020, 05:35 PM)Aventus45 Wrote: I’m noticing that I’m snappier toward my parents as I’m not taking their ***** as much.
I’m starting to realized that I owe it to myself to run OF 5.75G more than I need to run Sex magnet, as much as I wanna become the sex god that the program marketed as.
I feel your pain man, I have been struggling with trauma caused by my parents my entire life. I wonder, couldn’t EPRHA be better for trauma than OF? E3 was my choice of sub, today I will switch to LTU6 which includes EPRHA v4. So far I can only report that something is happening, maybe some little steps forward, mainly bringing deep issues to the surface in a non traumatic way and hopefully starting to heal them. I am confident that LTU6/E4 will be a significant change of pace.
I am sure you can manifest sex if that’s your priority right now but eventually you will have to deal with that trauma, or it might ruin your entire life.
Good luck with your healing, whichever path you choose.
RE: Aventus AM6 Journal - Aventus45 - 08-11-2020
(08-11-2020, 06:08 PM)fab10 Wrote:(08-11-2020, 05:35 PM)Aventus45 Wrote: I’m noticing that I’m snappier toward my parents as I’m not taking their ***** as much.
I’m starting to realized that I owe it to myself to run OF 5.75G more than I need to run Sex magnet, as much as I wanna become the sex god that the program marketed as.
I feel your pain man, I have been struggling with trauma caused by my parents my entire life. I wonder, couldn’t EPRHA be better for trauma than OF? E3 was my choice of sub, today I will switch to LTU6 which includes EPRHA v4. So far I can only report that something is happening, maybe some little steps forward, mainly bringing deep issues to the surface in a non traumatic way and hopefully starting to heal them. I am confident that LTU6/E4 will be a significant change of pace.
I am sure you can manifest sex if that’s your priority right now but eventually you will have to deal with that trauma, or it might ruin your entire life.
Good luck with your healing, whichever path you choose.
Six stagers are quite the journey man! keep at it, im sure its gonna blossom into something beautiful in the end. Im getting into the long term mindset and thinking what kind of seeds i should sow in order for my future self to benefit from.
Sex magnet can definitely sow the seeds that may solve my dry spell and may even make me more alpha. My fears may still hinder men in any manner of ways and it might not push me in other areas of my life either.
OF can be applied over all areas of my life, and it can boost every other sub i use in the future by removing the fear that stops me from executing the programs.
I guess this is another result of my AM6 journey, the ability to think farther ahead than my immediate desires and wants and to do what needs to be done for the long term gain.
edit: purchased OF 5.75g
RE: Aventus AM6 Journal - Aventus45 - 08-17-2020
Stage 4 Day 21
Resistance is making do absolutely nothing. Thus sunday was the worse as i literally just woke up , existed and slept again. My mind wants me to run OF 5.75g but i still have a good portion of AM6 to go through.