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I am now doing Two-Loops of "A". Its been arounds 5-6 days I guess. Dont remember.
When I first started doing two loops I faced a lot of resistance and lot of sexual dreams which led me to fap like a maniac as soon as I woke up. After few days on being on two loops I think Things have calmed down. Its been three days since I last fapped and on top of that I am not drawn to watch porn anymore even when I am bored.
When I am bored I usually pick up some material related to my training course and I start reading that even though I have noticed that my focus is getting better, its still not that deep. I dont push myself to that cause tbh I really cant.
I have also been fasting for 3 days(Ramadan). Tbh I never liked fasting and sometimes I broke it . That was last year. But this time idk if its my emotional state or what,but I can resist eating food and water for 16 hours...Even If I go outside in intense heat for like 45 min even then I dont feel the desire to drink water. I mean I feel thirsty and hungry for few mins but after that I overcome that urge...I can say for sure that being on IML subs have a really deep impact on me,cause things are kinda different now..I am surprised myself..
I also wanna report that since I am fasting for like 16 hours and listening to two-loops I dont feel tired. I always thought I would be hungry since DMSI needs energy but looks like its not the case.
Days are just passing by .
I feel as if upping my loops has somehow made my subc to stop resisting but it the same time its not executing much. Only Noporn and 3 days nofap today will be 4th day. Lets see if I can make it to 7-10 days.
I am not bored but I am not interested in anything either. I am just trying to kill time by reading random stuff on internet. No sign of motivation yet not sign of depression either.
I dream stuff but I cant even remember even what i dreamt off. When I was on 1 loop I was able to gather few stuff and remember what I saw and who a saw but on 2 loops..I cant remember anything just that I dreamt..
Dont feel like doing anything but still doing stuff ..
One thing I have noticed on "Two Loops" that I can't seem to sense/feel the changes consciously. I mean before this I would feel that something is changing and I would expect stuff but this time Its as if I am not even listening to the sub yet I know subconsciously that change is happening but it's beyond my awareness. This kinda reminds me of MLS where after a certain point I thought nothing was happening yet I subconsciously felt it. So, This is really good.
Anyway, Nothing happening in terms of women but that's not why I choose DMSI.. I chose DMSI for its healing stuff and modules.
Since I already mentioned that me and my bro sleep in same room so we both are exposed to DMSI. But he doesn't know.
So, I sometimes see the signs of DMSI working on him.
Today my brother told me that he has broken up with his gf.. They met when they were in high school but he was in long distance relationship with her for past 5 years. The reason he broke up with her because he told everyone in my family about her so he expected her to do the same.. Yet its been total 7 years and that gurl didn't mention him to her family members, not even one... Infact he was planning to marry her after he gets a good job and is financially stable..
So he got fed up of her and told her that he's in love with some other girl. Cause he says he waited for 4-5years for her to tell about their relationship to their parents but she's didn't.. Due to fear I guess..
Tbh I never expected him to make this move. Also he broke up with her when he was exposed to DMSI.. So I don't think this is a coincidence.
Anyway tbh I think my brother is wasting time trying to find this soulmate and stuff cause I really don't see anything happening. I think he just want to connect with someone on deep level and stuff.
I have been watching him ever since he was a kid. He has fallen in love multiple times for long-term.
First was my cousin sister ever since they were kids and he loved her till 9th grade
After that there was a gurl named Emma on internet
After that he fell in love with another girl in 11th grade.. Started as friends.
Then 7 years long relationship with this..
And now this new gurl..
Idk about him but to me this looks all waste and I think he is looking into a wrong direction.
What do you guys think about this behaviour of his?
Zane i like your journal lots of profound insights. Thanks for sharing.
(05-20-2018, 10:23 AM)thor2014 Wrote: [ -> ]Zane i like your journal lots of profound insights. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks buddy, Tbh I thought my journal was boring.
Relapsed.
Okay, So Today was Day 5 of Nofap and today I relapsed like 4 times. I started having this porn/nsfw flashbacks along with some fetishes and shit. So I watch some nsfw pic but it didnt do anything but then I did the deed after that and suddenly I was watching nsfw pic ..Not much (intensity was much less ).
One thing I noticed that I was suddenly feeling exhausted before relapse. As if something was trying to stop me for relapsing but I was so into the urge that I did it anyway...Was a pretty weird experience.
Its been a long time since I went 4 Days on Nofap that easily. So lets see what happens next.
Felt really hungry after this and broke my fast and eat a lot of stuff. I am feeling sleepy after all this.
(05-20-2018, 10:09 AM)Zane Wrote: [ -> ]Since I already mentioned that me and my bro sleep in same room so we both are exposed to DMSI. But he doesn't know.
So, I sometimes see the signs of DMSI working on him.
Today my brother told me that he has broken up with his gf.. They met when they were in high school but he was in long distance relationship with her for past 5 years. The reason he broke up with her because he told everyone in my family about her so he expected her to do the same.. Yet its been total 7 years and that gurl didn't mention him to her family members, not even one... Infact he was planning to marry her after he gets a good job and is financially stable..
So he got fed up of her and told her that he's in love with some other girl. Cause he says he waited for 4-5years for her to tell about their relationship to their parents but she's didn't.. Due to fear I guess..
Tbh I never expected him to make this move. Also he broke up with her when he was exposed to DMSI.. So I don't think this is a coincidence.
Anyway tbh I think my brother is wasting time trying to find this soulmate and stuff cause I really don't see anything happening. I think he just want to connect with someone on deep level and stuff.
I have been watching him ever since he was a kid. He has fallen in love multiple times for long-term.
First was my cousin sister ever since they were kids and he loved her till 9th grade
After that there was a gurl named Emma on internet
After that he fell in love with another girl in 11th grade.. Started as friends.
Then 7 years long relationship with this..
And now this new gurl..
Idk about him but to me this looks all waste and I think he is looking into a wrong direction.
What do you guys think about this behaviour of his?
A long distance relationship? It sounds like a relationship that doesn't exist to begin with. 7 years and he didn't met one of her family member? He is probably not seeing her and she is using him to fight boredom as he send her text messages.
(05-21-2018, 03:46 AM)JackOfHearts Wrote: [ -> ] (05-20-2018, 10:09 AM)Zane Wrote: [ -> ]Since I already mentioned that me and my bro sleep in same room so we both are exposed to DMSI. But he doesn't know.
So, I sometimes see the signs of DMSI working on him.
Today my brother told me that he has broken up with his gf.. They met when they were in high school but he was in long distance relationship with her for past 5 years. The reason he broke up with her because he told everyone in my family about her so he expected her to do the same.. Yet its been total 7 years and that gurl didn't mention him to her family members, not even one... Infact he was planning to marry her after he gets a good job and is financially stable..
So he got fed up of her and told her that he's in love with some other girl. Cause he says he waited for 4-5years for her to tell about their relationship to their parents but she's didn't.. Due to fear I guess..
Tbh I never expected him to make this move. Also he broke up with her when he was exposed to DMSI.. So I don't think this is a coincidence.
Anyway tbh I think my brother is wasting time trying to find this soulmate and stuff cause I really don't see anything happening. I think he just want to connect with someone on deep level and stuff.
I have been watching him ever since he was a kid. He has fallen in love multiple times for long-term.
First was my cousin sister ever since they were kids and he loved her till 9th grade
After that there was a gurl named Emma on internet
After that he fell in love with another girl in 11th grade.. Started as friends.
Then 7 years long relationship with this..
And now this new gurl..
Idk about him but to me this looks all waste and I think he is looking into a wrong direction.
What do you guys think about this behaviour of his?
A long distance relationship? It sounds like a relationship that doesn't exist to begin with. 7 years and he didn't met one of her family member? He is probably not seeing her and she is using him to fight boredom as he send her text messages.
He visited her family twice but only as a classmate. But she didnt tell them about their relationship. My brother told me that even her big brother asked her if she is interested in anyone then she should let him know but still she didn't..
She's a rule 4-type.
Right now I am really pissed and mad at myself. The only reason and thought that is coming to my mind is this "You are too weak to control ur own mind".. "You can't even control ur mind".. I lost so many opportunities cause of this stupid addiction of mind which eventually eroded my will power with time and now I am mad... Cause there is so much stuff I wanna learn and curious about yet I feel that my mind is not corporating with me.. I am sick of all this instant gratification shit in my life.. I want to fucking kick my aas and work hard my Ass off... I am tired of going to my bed and sleep when I do know that I did nothing or learned nothing.. Or couldn't learn cause of my god Damn focus and concentration problem...... Fuck me... Fuck my brain...
Ok thats it! I have been on "A" and I do know that healing and clearing is happening but I have this urge to be productive and as long as I am on "A" its very hard for me to get motivated and be productive.
So after 40 days on "A". I am now gonna jump on "B" and see how things goes and how it is different from last time.
Listening to "B" and to be honest I feel as if I don't wanna listen to it anymore. As if I lost hope and am Dissappointed.
I am feeling depressed as if I am good for nothing..
Zane it might be a good idea just to barrel through listening to B rather then swapping subs again. Even though your feeling down in the dumps. I am hoping that B will execute and override your old programming.
(05-23-2018, 05:22 AM)thor2014 Wrote: [ -> ]Zane it might be a good idea just to barrel through listening to B rather then swapping subs again. Even though your feeling down in the dumps. I am hoping that B will execute and override your old programming.
I just switch to "B" yesterday. Was on "A" for 40 days.. I hope the same that it execute much better than "A"...
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