Subliminal Talk

OH! Also I started DMSI-A Today.

What's been going on since you started "A", Zane?

I have noticed that I am mostly relaxed and IDGAF is still there.

Also I have noticed that that when I was on "B" my sexual urges suddenly increased since day one even though it did increased the urge to masturbate. I was more production and took action.

On "A" I was relaxed and the sexual urges wasn't there untill I reached day 4 on nofap. But even then I am still productive. I think the procrastination module is slowly kicking in.. But I am still still not sure about it.

Dreams are mostly sexual but I don't remember them.

I am mostly positive about life and future when others are not..

Appetite is back..

Sleep timing is getting back to normal..

The thing I want to get rid of most is masturbation and porn... It a habit I wanna get rid off..

Also, I have just realised in 2-3 days that I have problem trusting my own decisions and I am now working on that.

One thing I have noticed is that my fundamental analysis skills of Crypto-Trading has improved after using MLS-55G. I just started Cryto-Trading in November and even before reading anything about Crytos. I could tell by Intuition level that certain "Coin" or "Token will rise"..

For example I knew TRX, ADA, XBY, XVG and many other coins that people thought were either dead or ignored. Most of them multiplied by increased like to 10x...

The only thing that Stopped me from investing was that I had no money back then.

Now usually when I am holding a certain coin/Token for long-term them its no problem with me. I can just buy and forget. Can wait for 2-3 years . No problem.

The problem comes when I have to hold a coin/token for short-term day trading/Swing trading.My plan is to earn from short-term trading and Invest in long-term coins.

But the problem is that I have hard-time making a decision. This usually happen whenever I am running a sub which has healing modules. It happened on MHS DRA and somewhat on ARA also.

I seriously dont know what is it thats causing this...Is it fear of success or Lack of trust in myself? Lack of patience, greed? Idk.

Usually when I see the price of my long-term investment fluctuating. I am not even bothered by it..

But when it comes to Day-Trading or Swing trading..It just cause all the mental confusion. I didnt suffer any losses but I cant profit either..

Just wanted to write this down here...As its been on my mind for a while.

Right now I am feeling all mixed feeling. Idk how to define it but I feel as if I wanna be free again and want to be at my best. In mind, body and financially.

I have also desire to earn more money. But Idk how or what to do. Yesterday I had a good plan about that but today that plan feels as if its either not gona work or way too useless. As if I don't even believe in my own plans. I feel frustrated also.

Also being wondering what am I supposed to do with my life. Things don't feel that much exciting or interesting.

All of this feeling didn't exist of "B". A clear sign of HC. Can't believe its gonna be 10 days on "A" soon. Time sure is flying on DMSI

Past few days I have been having thoughts about my purpose of life and now I am finally getting the answer to that question.

I think I am gonna apply for the training program and do training for 6 Months or so and after that I am gonna apply for a job.

Before I went into deep depression 7 years ago. I was full of motivation and hopes and wanted to achieve more in life. I wanted to become a good and successful engineer and then apply for job outside. Meet new people,explore new places, learn new things...

I think I am starting to get back all those feelings. The desire and feeling to push. But its still not up to that level. But its a start.

Million and millions of thoughts are crossing my mind and tbh I have no idea what's going on. All I can sense is that I am getting desperate to improve myself Mentally, Physically and Emotionally.

I have been the ADHD type my whole life. I struggled most in my academics life. I have never been able to perform good in studies. I used to sit down to study but it was impossible to stop my mind from wondering here and there. My parents, friends and teacher thought I was lazy. I wanted to perform but I couldn't calm down my mind. I have problem following things and instructions. Infact I am more of a guy who better learn from experience than books..

But there is also a benefit to this ADHD behaviour of mine. I am really good in finding the pattern to a particular problem (If I am interested in it). Also my intuition and ability to predict a certain thing is very high. Idk how to define it but. Its like I can see if something has potential on it or not..I just subconscious know that it has..

I did read that people with ADHD type has more of theta brainwave. IIRC the theta brainwave is a state where u get all the answers from the universe /subconscious. I think this is the reason I am so weird..The only area where these weird thinking pattern helped me the most is trading.. After all its all about prediction (Thanks to MLS-5.5G for amplifying it)

I always used to curse myself for being like this as I saw my younger brother and sister who got much more better at academic, social with time.. While I am here stuck in my own mind

I always used to get complains from my teachers for not performing well in class and coming last in exams sometimes even fail.

Even if someone today ask me that what have I achieved in life my only answer will be "Nothing".
I was already ADHD type but it got worse with depression and anxiety, OCD. I am combo pack of mental problem.

I go to meet my friends and they talk about different topics and tbh I don't feel as if I belong there. Mostly people talk about things which doesn't have any benifits.. Its like they do all this talk to get attention unconsciously.

I wonder how many emotional issues I left unresolved that lead to all this..Dont think there is any other way to solve this except face them.

Hang in there mate! Try to get down to a bullet list of things that you want to improve and focus on one of them each at the time until you succeeded. By creating some order you make it easier for yourself, especially as you are saying that you have problem focusing.

Just pick a direction and stick with it. Sounds good with the training program. All of us have great potential, we just need to trust that, as Steve Jobs put it, the dots will connect when you look back, but you can't connect them when looking forward.

Trust you gut instinct about what you should do next.

And btw - great that you are using your difficulties as strenghts. Maybe your goal is to become a full time trader? Find a great trader and set a goal as to have him as a mentor or work for him?

(04-25-2018, 01:08 PM)Greenduck Wrote: [ -> ]Hang in there mate! Try to get down to a bullet list of things that you want to improve and focus on one of them each at the time until you succeeded. By creating some order you make it easier for yourself, especially as you are saying that you have problem focusing.

Just pick a direction and stick with it. Sounds good with the training program. All of us have great potential, we just need to trust that, as Steve Jobs put it, the dots will connect when you look back, but you can't connect them when looking forward.

Trust you gut instinct about what you should do next.

And btw - great that you are using your difficulties as strenghts. Maybe your goal is to become a full time trader? Find a great trader and set a goal as to have him as a mentor or work for him?

The thing is as a Child I have been beaten up and psychologically so much damaged for not being good at academic..Then with time its like my subconscious have made some kind of barrier to avoid learning. It takes me a lot of time understand even simple things related to academic and other stuff..

For example when I start reading a text book or a newspaper..I can feel that my brain is resisting to gain information..I feel frustrated and I feel as I need to just get of there(stop reading)..

This problem was way way much worse before...Before when I used to force myself to study or if anyone asked me to read or understand anything technical then I would feel nauseous ..I was like on verge of throwing up ..

I really avoid reading books and long post in here..Its a problem. Along with memory fuckup..

I am good at analyzing patterns and charts so trading doesnt stress me.

Right now I am giving DMSI a go because I heals issues like these..

Even it takes another year I am okay..

Thanks to MHS and MLS 5.5G because these problems were way worse before..But its still needs to be addressed

Will Give MLS 5.5G another try as I feel it can help with these issues

Today when I woke up.. I felt different..As if I had some breakthrough in H&C.

I really can't put my finger on what has changed but I have noticed that I don't find going out that stressful and I am relaxed and dint think what others think of me. I feel as if I have cut some of the negative vibes or strings which was manipulating me. I feel as if society and cultural BS don't control me any more... As if some pressure has been lifted off my head and burden lifted off my shoulder. I don't worry about anything nowadays.

I was feeling so sad/depressed for past few days but today the breakthrough happened..

I think that my sexual energy is finally transmuting..Its a slow process but its happening.

I used to feel lazy and lack of energy but now my brain and body are somewhat starting to buzz with energy. I have been doing and thinking stuff which clearly shows that I am finally getting ready to get out of my comfort zone and do stuff..

I dont waste time watching any series or tv shows.

I dont want to play PC or video games anymore...I ever tried downloading Far Cry 5 and played it but I dont find games interesting anymore.

Before I would love to lie down in my bed and work on laptop..But now lie down on bed with my laptop feels uncomfortable..Now Whenever I watch any movie or video..I sit on my study table or sofa.

I am taking steps to move forward in life..Recently I talked to my dad and he will now enroll me in a training program so I will learn stuff which will help be get busy...tbh I am dying to do something productive.

Starting to feel as if I am gonna some changes in my fapping habits...Cause 1-2 times I have somehow not manged to fap which is weird cause I usually give up.

Lets see where I will be after another few days..

Also, for past few dasy I have been having thoughts to run MLS but I know it wont help..
Thats cause DMSI is slowly making my depression go away and bringing back my motivation to get busy or move forward in life....So no need to switch..

Also for some reason my cat is spending more time with me in my room..Its been happening for few days..She never did that before..So thats one pussy which is showing IOIs to me...lol

Well looks like some huge resistance came in,I was having thoughts of changing subs and along with that my sexual urges increase and Idk i fapped idk like 4-5 times..Good thing that I didnt watch porn and dont feel like so I think Noporn module is working..
'
Anyway my brother was listening to this song "The Cranberries - Zombie "

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Ejga4kJUts

He was listening this for past 1-2 days and I liked it and I told him that this this song feels kinda old but has deep meaning and he was like "Yeah..Old is Gold ..No shit songs like today with no meaning"

Anyway today he was playing this again as I was feeling bad/sad/depressed about my life and myself..He suddenly told me the singer in this song "DIED"...I was shocked (idk why).

So I started googling and then started reading about "Dolores O'Riordan"..While I was doing all this I felt this sadness that she died way too early and how she struggled with her problems for so many years...

I was listening to "Zombie" and I had this deep revelation that

"Life is very short and I cant just sit around and expect things to change on its own. What if I have only like another 20 years to live? I have already wasted like 7 years with my fucked up mental issues..I cant expect to waste another 7 years..I cant waste my life anymore..Who knows what tomorrow will bring..Who knows how long will I live? I dont have much time..I need to achieve things and be successful before my time finishes."

" If I keep avoiding people,event,situation where I fear people will think I am stupid then I will never will be able to learn anything in life and I will LIVE LIKE A STUPID and then will DIE LIKE A STUPID."

Life is short and I cant waste anymore time..

You're courageous for posting this Zane. You've been upfront and DIRECT telling us (and yourself) that you're considering changing subs.

Would you have admitted this, say, a year back?

You're being very assertive in this, speaking up for yourself, and I applaud you!


I wrote that to let you know......DMSI is making changes in you. Your ideas have been growing and changing, as you went from "I like trading" to "I've done some" to "my dad's going to send me to school".

Something is moving in you day by day, and I thought I'd point that out. Your progress encourages me :-)

Zane's still pursuing CHANGE steadily. Daily. Continually. You really, really encourage me!

If you like sad feeling nostalgia songs, here's another classic

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrZRURcb1cM

So sad to hear about Dolores O'Riordan, I used love their music. I'm even kicking myself for not going to see them live a few years ago. Life really is short.

If you can start seeing what's in your head as just an obstacle, you'll have an easier time overcoming it.

So make some goals and start kicking some ass!