Not too sure why i've got the urge to make a journal (Shannon?
) as it's not something I would normally do. I ran DMSI 3.1 before the new year with no solid results really, I guess I resisted hard. So I listened to 1 loop as soon as it came out before sleeping which was about 1am for me.
Day 1 23/2/18 1am
Slept straight away, nothing really out of the ordinary. Went to work, interactions from coworkers, mostly male were all positive. 1 woman was quite energetic and helpful to me when I asked her for something, seemed quite happy to help me, may or may not be DMSI.
In the afternoon I got a text from a girl who I met online. We had arranged to meet last sunday, but she cancelled on me on saturday telling me she had been on a date with someone else in the week and doesn't want to date more than 1 guy. Was very honest about this and if truth be told I didn't fancy meeting her anyway as I was drinking on friday and saturday and knew I would feel like shit the next day. So I told her good luck and we'll keep in touch if she wants now and then as she seemed quite cool as a friend. So, she text me this afternoon just asking how things are going, not to be a stranger etc. I asked her about her day, made a little joke and never replied to her response as I got too busy. That was the end of that.
Day 2 23/2/18 6pm (same day technically I know)
Ran the loop, nothing really to report. Had a bath an hour later, was falling asleep. Managed to stay up, fell asleep at 00:30am, had the best night sleep in a long time and woke up about 10:00am feeling good.
Day 3 24/2/18
Woke at 10:00am, got stuff done. Went and bought some house cleaning stuff, some plants. Lady at till was pleasant and helpful, not attracted to her but felt she was a bit nervous. Came home, had a 2 hour nap at 3pm, odd considering how good I slept and felt in the morning.
22:45 the girl who text me yesterday (we'll call her R), text me out of the blue asking how my day was again. Exact same time I get a message on POF from someone else, coincedence? I respond to R. She then proceeds to ask if I want to meet her for dinner tomorrow as she booked a table and her friend can't make it. I suspect it was her "date". I tell her I can't make it. She then tells me the "date" turned out to be a knob and is no longer seeing him and would really like to meet me. I then tell her I don't want to mess her around and not sure what i'm looking for. (She seemed too invested in getting to know me before almost like shes thinking long term, I don't want that). So she tells me she doesn't know either and says lets meet up monday. I think I know what this means. Lets see what happens on monday ?
Hopefully more to come.
Day 3 24/2/2018
Woke up in my own time, did some stuff in the house. Listened to 1 loop at 3pm, literally fell asleep after the loop ended, if nothing else it's helping me sleep
Didn't really have any interactions with anyone today, walked into the gym, I think almost every girl in there glanced at me but nothing out of the ordinary.
My social media is blowing up today, instagram followers and 3 facebook friend requests from work colleagues I don't really associate with, feels like celeb effect.
Bumble dating app, i've had no matches all week? All of a sudden tonight I get 5 matches. POF also had a girl message me out of nowhere, that generally doesn't happen.
Day 4 26/2/2018
Went to work today, was an absolute ball ache. Little things and unhelpful people irritated me today which ended up causing me to spend 1+ hour today outside in -5 degrees celcius locating vehicles so I can work on them. The site is far too small for the amount of cars we have and the innefficiency just got to me today, I can normally just brush it off.
Most of the office women were friendly and looked at me a certain way today, like they would of bent over backwards to help me, making jokes, more than normal.
Came home, listened to 1 loop, again I was on the brink of falling asleep, I do love that part, for now. Went to the supermarket to buy some stuff before meeting R, the cashier girl there was lovely, definitely attracted to her, early 20's. I went over to her, her till was not working and she told me to go and see her colleague down the aisle. I said ok but she kept talking as I was walking away about how it's not working for her and just generally being playful about it, perhaps I could have opened her here, but it felt weird as I was already 10 feet away from her, oh well.
Had dinner with R and then stayed at the bar for a couple drinks. She did bring up a question of had I been with anyone sexually since i've been single and ended up telling me she hasn't had sex for 2 months since she's been single. Talked about how she might not be ready for a relationship yet, I think she's hinting. However I didn't find her as attractive or seemed to have the same connection as talking to her online, at least on my part, so i've left this open for now with her. I don't know, is it me? It wouldn't feel right for me to lower my standards just so I can achieve the design goal, or perhaps I should do? Something for me to ponder about.
Day 5 27/2/2018
At work today, I went in the office to speak to someone, as soon as I walked in literally everybody started talking to me like I was a celebrity. I had brought up an issue and everyone wanted to mention it to me and were making jokes with me and everything. I had gone in earlier and asked if the manager was in today, the girl in the corner who is normally quiet with me was very helpful and basically shouted from the other side of the room to tell me he had gone out, after she had heard 2 people already tell me. I can tell something is working on some level.
However, i'm a lot more irritated by things and certain things that people are doing. I can feel a rage bubbling up inside me, much like I had on 3.1, only at the time I couldn't attribute that to DMSI. Now I can pretty much confirm it, but I don't know what to make of it. Do I just push through it and hope it clears?
Got home from work, listened to my loop, felt sleepy again. Been texting another girl on bumble dating, arranged a date for saturday, she has mentioned that we will be doing lots of drinking
lol. Also have another pretty girl on bumble, didn't reply to my text I sent yesterday until 23:30pm only to tell.me she had another long day at work and will reply to my message tomorrow. Seemed a bit out of the ordinary but ok.
Had a random-ish friend request on facebook again. We have sub contractor window tinters that come onto our site to work on customer cars fairly often, i've never said as much as a hello to any of them. The guy friend requested me, granted it has his company name and logo as his profile picture etc. but god knows how he kniws who I am. Celebrity effect again.
Also the night before I had a nice dream. I had gone back to this girls house who she shared with 3 or 4 other people, I think they were all students. She was exactly my type physically. We got there and she got a bit shy because she didn't want her housemates to come home and see us but she definitely was into me. Anyway, housemates came home anyway and were about the house somewhere. I had her in the living room and just took hold of her and kissed her and she loved it so much. That's all I can remember.
Every time I have seen someone really start executing like crazy, they went through the "rage against the machine" response first. The only exception is me.
Keep going.
Thanks Shannon, will keep going.
Day 6 28/2/2018
Nothing major to report really. I've been tired all day, anger and irritation seemed less apparent today. All of my interactions with people are good, good vibe, people joking with me and just chatting to me for no real reason more than normal.
Had to speak to one of the women at reception at work at the end of the day. So there's 2 women there, one blonde, 50+ years old, i'm not really attracted to and the other mixed race, early 20's, definitely attracted to her, also a new woman who was behind them learning how to do the job. When I got there the mixed race girl "M" was busy on the phone so I had to speak to the older lady "S". As soon as I got there "M" saw me and her eyes beamed, she really wanted off that phone call to help me. She eventually did come off and tried to help also. She started fidgeting a bit and started preening and adjusting herself big time, at least 3 times in 1 minute, trying to catch my attention i'm sure. I will let DMSI work a bit longer before I try open her, theres plenty of social occasions coming up for that
Day 7 1/3/2018
Felt the rage subside a little bit today. But also woke up with a dry throat and blocked nose, coincedence? It is cold at the moment but I just don't get ill, if I do it's perhaps once in 2 years and only for a day or two. It's almost like the subconscious knows that I know the rage is a resistance response and has given up and is now trying to make me ill instead, 2 days before I have another date arranged, again coincedence?
Anyway, I ended up speaking to myself for about 5 minutes saying "this cold isn't gonna stop me and i'm just gonna keep listening whatever you do". Hopefully the subC will get the message haha.
Went to yhe supermarket to get medicine, there was a girl there filling shelves. Saw her glancing at me for more than a few seconds, was almost a bit creepy.
Another note, I don't FEEL that attractive right now, i've been trying to grow a beard recently and i'm about 2 weeks in where it just looks all patchy and like I can't be bothered to shave, haven't decided whether to keep it for this date or not yet.
Day 8 2/3/2018
Nothing to report really, went to work, not a lot of people were there due to bad weather, came home, chilled and that was it.
Day 9 3/3/2018
Woke up, decided to shave so i'm no longer growing a beard now and I think it's better that way, for now at least. Didn't do much during the daytime, cleaned the house and got ready to go out for a drink with a girl. Went out for a drink at 7:30pm with a girl I met on Bumble dating app. Went reasonably well, lots of chatting but wasn't really attracted to her when it came down to it. She didn't look bad or particularly ugly but her profile must of showed her slightly differently, i don't know. So I didn't really escalate anything with her, in the pub towards the end she made an excuse to come and sit right next to me rather than across from each other on the table and started playfully touching/tapping me while she was talking. Also started holding and touching my upper arms as they're quite muscly but I didn't really return any of it, just some light leg touching while I was talking etc. We then left and got some food and I put her in a taxi. She added me on facebook and was texting me when she got home and also this morning, I think I will keep her as a friend, she seemed mildy fun but I think that's about it.
From now on I would rather date girls who I can meet and see in person first rather than online, always just seems to be some kind of disappointment in my mind from doing this. I think I will hold off on any online dating for now.
Also if anybody knows, can the masked track be less effective on certain people? I started off on hybrid for a few days and thought I should try the masked track due to previous sub responses/possibly having a "don't tell me what to do" attitude but i'm just wondering if all my effects so far are initially from the hybrid track as everything seemed to be slightly watered down now. I think my initial rage response was DMSI working through something and I just wonder if that finished too soon coinciding with me switching to masked. I'm going to switch back to hybrid now for the next few days and see how I get on but I was just curious in the meantime.
*EDIT* I have a couple of dreams to mention actually. The first one is I had an apartment down the road for me that was like a second place that I owned but not renting it out. I would just visit it occasionally. I went there, did some stuff, had a bottle of beer and left the empty bottle in the middle of the bathroom. Some time later I went back there with my brother to check on something or collect something perhaps. We went all through the apartment just checking everything was normal, opened the bathroom and he told me there is a empty bottle in the bathroom. I was like "WOAH, someone's been here, what the hell!" and then I remembered it was me. Then a mini helicopter was flying low outside looking for someone, it looked out of control clipped a few buildings and was trying to straighten up. turns it it was looking for us, a police helicopter maybe. So we ended up getting on a motorbike together and riding off to get away. The end.
Another dream straight after, I remember watching Tom Hanks right in front of me on a beach with his family, crying with his dog in his hands because it had just died. I then started crying uncontrollably as I was watching him, felt very sad.
Dream last night, i was sent to London to attend some kind of course about spying/surveillance. There were references to terrorist threats etc and the instructor was the actor Mark Strong. We ended up doing an exercise in which we were in a public cafe, a person had taken another person hostage and had a syringe needle as a weapon. We were all told to get away/defend from the person as soon as he made himself known in whatever way possible. It just so happened he had just walked right past me, saw me and tried to stick me with the needle. So I basically jumped backwards through the air across one table and landed between two tables. I tried to kick the table up in the air to hit him while I was on my back but the table was fixed to the floor, so it didn't move. It turned out he got close to me and got me with the needle. I then just remember wandering aimlessly around London trying to find other members of the class as we had been split up, wandering into some kind of high tech place and being trapped underground by some woman for some reason. The end pretty much.
(03-04-2018, 03:18 AM)Smuggler Wrote: [ -> ]Day 8 2/3/2018
Nothing to report really, went to work, not a lot of people were there due to bad weather, came home, chilled and that was it.
Day 9 3/3/2018
Woke up, decided to shave so i'm no longer growing a beard now and I think it's better that way, for now at least. Didn't do much during the daytime, cleaned the house and got ready to go out for a drink with a girl. Went out for a drink at 7:30pm with a girl I met on Bumble dating app. Went reasonably well, lots of chatting but wasn't really attracted to her when it came down to it. She didn't look bad or particularly ugly but her profile must of showed her slightly differently, i don't know. So I didn't really escalate anything with her, in the pub towards the end she made an excuse to come and sit right next to me rather than across from each other on the table and started playfully touching/tapping me while she was talking. Also started holding and touching my upper arms as they're quite muscly but I didn't really return any of it, just some light leg touching while I was talking etc. We then left and got some food and I put her in a taxi. She added me on facebook and was texting me when she got home and also this morning, I think I will keep her as a friend, she seemed mildy fun but I think that's about it.
From now on I would rather date girls who I can meet and see in person first rather than online, always just seems to be some kind of disappointment in my mind from doing this. I think I will hold off on any online dating for now.
Also if anybody knows, can the masked track be less effective on certain people? I started off on hybrid for a few days and thought I should try the masked track due to previous sub responses/possibly having a "don't tell me what to do" attitude but i'm just wondering if all my effects so far are initially from the hybrid track as everything seemed to be slightly watered down now. I think my initial rage response was DMSI working through something and I just wonder if that finished too soon coinciding with me switching to masked. I'm going to switch back to hybrid now for the next few days and see how I get on but I was just curious in the meantime.
*EDIT* I have a couple of dreams to mention actually. The first one is I had an apartment down the road for me that was like a second place that I owned but not renting it out. I would just visit it occasionally. I went there, did some stuff, had a bottle of beer and left the empty bottle in the middle of the bathroom. Some time later I went back there with my brother to check on something or collect something perhaps. We went all through the apartment just checking everything was normal, opened the bathroom and he told me there is a empty bottle in the bathroom. I was like "WOAH, someone's been here, what the hell!" and then I remembered it was me. Then a mini helicopter was flying low outside looking for someone, it looked out of control clipped a few buildings and was trying to straighten up. turns it it was looking for us, a police helicopter maybe. So we ended up getting on a motorbike together and riding off. The end.
Another dream straight after, I remember watching Tom Hanks right in front of me on a beach with his family, crying with his dog in his hands because it had just died. I then started crying uncontrollably as I was watching him, felt very sad.
Second dream last night, i was sent to London to attend some kind of course about spying/surveillance. There were references to terrorist threats etc and the instructor was the actor Mark Strong. We ended up doing an exercise in which we were in a public cafe, a person had taken another person hostage and had a syringe needle as a weapon. We were all told to get away/defend from the person as soon as he made himself known in whatever way possible. It just so happened he had just walked right past me, saw me and tried to stick me with the needle. So I basically jumped backwards through the air across one table and landed between two tables. I tried to kick the table up in the air to hit him while I was on my back but the table was fixed to the floor, so it didn't move. It turned out he got close to me and got me with the needle. I then just remember wandering aimlessly around London trying to find other members of the class as we had been split up, wandering into some kind of high tech place and being trapped underground by some woman for some reason. The end pretty much.
Im same when I think about it, theres more happening online than off it.
Anyway masked from what I remember can be less effective im 50/50 on this but what im sure of is that hybrid is more effective overall so thats why im not even bothering with masked.
The way I see it, by using hybrid, if the masked doesnt work, then the silent will and if both do, then great!
Day 9 4/3/2018 (Adjusted to day 9 instead of 10 to avoid confusion with me starting the night 3.2 was released)
Stayed in today, been texting "L", the girl I met last night, she started texting me actually. I thought I wasn't going to have to tell her about being friends as I thought she just "got it" last night, I may have been wrong, she wants to meet up and do stuff as she's new to the area, I hope that's the reason.
Listened to my loop today at 6pm, hybrid this time. Mood felt slightly more uplifted than normal. I left for the gym at 9.30pm and something slightly odd happened. So after turning out of my road there are 5 sets of traffic lights within a few yards of each other. Every one I went through were ALL green, this has never happened before, ultra success module maybe? Anyway, got to the gym at 10pm, way more women there than normal especially for this time of night. Got the usual glances I guess but just got on with my workout and left.
I have noticed my typing/spelling is not great, making lots of mistakes, more than normal. I've also noticed a general confidence lately as if I would just deal with any verbal.and physical confrontation with ease and it's hard to explain but I feel like i'm projecting that onto others, i'm not sure if it's good or bad in the sense of how people will interact with me.
Day 10 5/3/2018
Went to work, nothing out of the ordinary, just a normal day. Something odd happened when driving home. For about 15-20 minutes or so I had a strange feeling in my chest. It was like a heavy feeling, I think maybe my heart was beating slightly faster but I can't remember, butterflies but in the chest rather than stomach? I have never experienced anxiety as such but my feeling was a but anxious but I don't know if this was just me being scared of the sensation. Anyway it stopped as soon as I pulled up at the house.
So I switched back to hybrid yesterday. Today i've had no urge whatsoever to look at porn or masturbate, this is after a good few weeks bingeing, we'll see how that goes.
Day 11 6/3/2018
As we've just hit March I have very little time to socialize/go out at the moment due to being the busiest month of the year at work, meaning long hours, early starts and late finishes so I may just update this every 2-3 days or so, we'll see.
Not a lot to report today, a girl that i'm attracted to in the office made a little joke with me today about whether she should have a donut (brought in for a birthday) after just having a cake. Took one out and then offered me one. She wouldn't normally interact with me like that, it seems I do have some kind of aura going on that makes me more approachable than normal.
Went to the gym, there was a LOT of women there, the most i've ever seen, all attractive.
Day 12 7/3/2018
Nothing interesting to report. I have noticed a few times while driving that women seem to look directly at me, feels a bit creepy sometimes.
Day 13 8/3/2018
Not much happened today, bought some food from the food van this morning, the girl offered me a free cake. In all the years i've been buying from her she has never done this.
Went to the gym at night, lots of attractive girls again. Noticed a few sneaky glances from one polish women there. She's pretty but got such a mean face lol. My last exercise was a very heavy deadlift. As soon as I dropped the weight and turned around, EVERYBODY in the gym was looking at me, in an awe-struck kind of way. Felt pretty good but i'm not sure I would put it down to DMSI.
Day 14 9/3/2018
Normal-ish day at work. Got annoyed with one colleague being lazy causing me to walk around the work site today unnecessarily and I called him out on it, a few heated words swapped. Point is I don't normally lose it like this, I just don't care who I upset at the moment in regards to standing up for myself when things aren't done correctly at work.
Listened to my last loop until sunday now due to ASRB break. Went to a different supermarket than normal to pick up a few bits of food. Almost everything I went in there to buy was discounted, bonus.
Not sure if i've hit a road block. I definitely don't feel any kind of aura or sense anything. The initial results I had seem to have died down, that's assuming they weren't placebo to begin with.