Something that I have been feeling for the last 2 weeks or so is that I need to go to bed very early. During day, my energy level is just fine but it seems like I need more hours of sleep than I normally used to...
My FWB is playing the indifference game. Last time that we communicated, the vibe was good. She seemed interesting in seeing me this week. She did seemed to be wanting to send me some pics of her but I haven't heard back from her since last Tuesday.
So, it tells me one or 2 things. 1. She is playing a game so that the frame becomes me chasing her (not interested in that) or she is submissive and timid and she depends on me taking all the initiatives or she is not that interested (but that didn't show at all when we last met) or maybe she is scared of what she herself feels torward me...
Actually, I thought it was one or 2 things but it could be many many things. Bottomline, idk.
One thing that I know for sure is that I don't want to buy the frame where I am the one chasing her. I want the frame to be the opposite or at least we put as much effort equally to see each other.
The best way to describe how I am now feeling torward her is: I'm interested and at the same time indifferent...
Lets move on and see if she is going to put herself out there and communicate with me...
this does not relate to DMSI per say as it is more like a general status update of my life.
I got sick pretty much for the whole week. To give you an idea, I did not go to the gym a single time. It has to be serious for me to skip.
It seems like I'm going to split out from my partner. For good reasons, I was unhappy with something he did. In short, while I'm taking care of the day to day operation which is basically a 7 days a week occupation (fortunately. Not necessarily 8 hours every day... but still), my partner effort comes more in burst and while outside the burst he can pretty much have a good life (he is travelling in the Philippine right now where he met his current gf and I'm seeing the fun time he has overthere in FB).
Bottomline, in the last few weeks, he got only 2 simple tasks to do and he did a pretty sloppy job at it costing us possibly a business opportunity. In the last few days, I realised that instead of taking responsability, he was interpreting what people were saying or doing in a way that was providing him alibis to put the less possible amount of effort in his tasks.
I calmly pointed out the facts to my partner and I was expecting/hoping that he would acknowledge his fault and tell me that he would correct the behavior. No, instead of that, he did put the blame on me, on others... anything but himself... At each reason, he was providing, I was deconstructing his logic to point out that he was full of shit. Needless to say that it kinda degenerated.... If there is something that I cannot tolerate around me, it is people who aren't taking responsibilities. In my experience, when someone start putting the blame for his failures to anything else except himself, nothing good can come out from dealing with that person... They are set to disapoint...
He hasn't always been like that but people are changing and I wasn't feeling that I was partnered with a winner anymore... I'm pretty much unforgivable on that point as when my mother passed away only days before my product launch last fall that didn't stop me from delivering my professional commitments to my partner and affiliates. So when someone tells me that he will do something and fail to do it. The last thing that I want to hear is a reason about why he couldn't do it. I expect others and myself to either do what is required to respect the commitment or accept the failure as being their fault.
So last message that I sent him, I basically told him to leave me alone for some time because I had to calm down before discussing any further collaborative project with him... He took that as a split business demand and he told: Ok calm down and when ready lets negotiate the split.
This took me by surprise... but the more I think about it... The more it makes sense... BUT... this might change my subliminal program planned schedule... Instead of doing SM3 next, I might go to BASE instead due to the current situation...
We will see...
I'm going to jump to a totally different topic. Cycle 6 is completed. I will start my 3 days break tonight.
Since I was doing a DMSI experiment for only 3 months and that means that I only have 2 more cycle to perform. (Actually, I might have miscount the cycles somewhere as I should end up doing 9 cycles for a total of 90 days....)
I can already start to summarize my impression of my DMSI usage.
Like my first DMSI run in summer 2017, Exactly after about 1 month of usage, I got a stunning success... Now it seems that as soon as I touch the goal, I unconsciously back off from it... That must be fear driven... I cannot think about any other explanation... In this journal, you can see it somewhere. A friday morning 2 weeks ago when I had something like 3 solid female leads chasing me... I said to myself something along the line: Wow it is too much...
And since then... I fallback to regular pre-DMSI state...
This is going to be some sort of wrap-up post as after a discussion with Shannon in his thread, I have decided to prematurely put my DMSI usage on pause, use MIR to fight an infection. I was thinking that I would need an antibiotic prescription but it seems like MIR works very well and I might get away from the prescription!
Then, it is going to be SM3.
The trigger behind this post is that the FWB just did pop back. I have been talking about her in many many posts in the last month.
On second date setup, she started to hesitate between me and another option. I did finally won.
First week of April after second date, we did chatted a bit. She couldn't see me that week. She said maybe next week (last week) and she was supposed to send me some pics of her when she did think about me. For almost 2 weeks, I got 0 message from her. Contacting her did cross my mind but I knew that the right thing to do was to leave her alone and wait for her to manifest herself.
So look at that. She met someone else last week and she spent all her free time with him.
It is funny how she did bring that on the table. She first said: My mind was somewhere else so I didn't text you.
I guess she said that to kinda lure me into asking where her mind was but I didn't bite. I said that I understand. My mind too was somewhere else (I am breaking up with my biz partner and I have been sick like a dog).
She did throw the bone on the table. I did stay cool. I said. Fine. I understand. This is a known pattern. After few weeks of seeing each other, I'm so good that the girl start feeling the urge to settle down (in fact, if I was a superhero in a superheros movie, THIS, right there would be my super power). Listen, I find you interesting and amazing and I wish that we had the chance to look where the chemistry between you and me could lead us. On one hand, you know that I'm not immediately available to commit. OTOH, if you feel like being in a relation, the most important is that you choose the right guy. Only you know the answer. I guess that it is time for me to find another naughty girl to exchange orgasms...
Concerning that girl in specific. I feel like she is really into me... Her favorite strategy to get what she wants appears to be to use jealousy plots on her target. Otherwise, I don't understand why she would go to the trouble to contact me to tell me about it almost 2 weeks after not writing me (I was in the process of forgetting about her...). First time that she did pull that trick on me, it did destabilize me a bit but this time... this is getting old... I don't care anymore...
It must be again some AM6 acquired reframing skill that makes me react in a cool way to that. I see her behavior as a sign that she is very attracted to me rather than feeling jealous and crushed to have lost a girl to another man... I honestly think that the other guy is just a tool to get me...
Confirmation of that... I was thinking journaling about the whole thing and this made me think about asking her, her astrological sign... (no idea why. I thought that knowing the answer would provide some sort of revelation but it didn't) but the important thing is that she was now very talkative and eager to chat with me.... I did put a stop very quickly to that as with what she told me, I don't see the point... I just told her that we need to stop or else I'll want to come to her place to spank her ass (I know she likes the idea...)
but bottomline, in terms of dealing with women, I feel like I am wisen up and seeing through what they do... and to win, it is just a matter to be above the shit that she throws at you... They are really fascinating... No way to get bored with women...
I am still on MIR. I'm feeling much better than a week ago but I'm still not feeling like I have recuperated 100% from my infection.
If I did continue with DMSI, I would have been 3 days into cycle #7. IOW 6 days without listening to the program.
I'm already feeling some effects dissipate. The most important one is reduced libido. It is almost a relief. During DMSI, sex was on my mind pretty much all the time which I guess is a good spot to be in to achieve the program goals but in seeking some balance in life, in retrospect, it was maybe a little bit too much.
OTOH, I'm now feeling zero libido... Sex is totally absent of my mind right now. I wish there would be some balance. Like a healthy level of libido... but I try to not worry too much about it because I'm still a little bit ill... That might explain total absence of libido... Maybe MIR directs all available energy to fight infection. Hence draining the energy for powering libido and aura projection... Hopefully, it is not just DMSI removal or else it makes it pretty much like a drug!
I went in a store to buy easter chocolate for the kids. A cute blonde salesperson was there to help. I did flirt a bit with her but I didn't feel to do more like trying to close her. This must be due to my lack of energy due to my infection.
Cycle #1, day on 1:
Hey!
Finally, I made my mind. It is going to be a very short experiment with the latest DMSI version. I'm planning to make only 2 cycles. Take a break between Christmas and New Year Eve and then follow with BASE.
So yesterday evening maybe 1h before going to bed, I did launch the sequence of 4 loops with the trickling stream hybrid FLAC version...
My first impressions are that wow, the contrast beween a 5G and a 5.75G program is striking... Within 1 to 2 minutes, I'm feeling the effect of the mind state shifting module... Any inner dialog shuts down almost immediately... There is some trance like quality to the experience and after about 10 minutes I feel pretty much deeply entranced.
Instead of going to bed, I did work a lot... Very productive... I solved a problem that I imagined a solution for roughly 10 years ago...
My sleep hasn't been peaceful at all for several reasons.:
1. A lot of preoccupations were running in my head. The project that I have been working on all night. The formal notice received from the city. Honestly, some people would feel bad about being prosecuted by the city. I see that as a good thing. For one, if I need to comply with their request, it would take me an hour of my time to fix the fence myself to their satisfaction... but that is not what I want... If money was no object, I find the whole situation so unfair... This is an abuse of power to harass a honest owner... I would defend myself, hire a PR firm to make some noise with my story... Counter sue the city... idk... if you start seeing what I'm going to say. I have spin this misfortune as an incredible source of motivation... that wants me to financially be successful to finance that endeavor... that I have become obsess and relentless with success... That cannot be a bad thing.... I'm so happy that this is happenning...
ok back to DMSI...
reason #2: The trickling sound... It was distracting... maybe the sound was too loud and I am used to listen to the silent version... I'll adjust and get used to it soon...
Today:
I woke up with an horrible headache... I don't think it is because of DMSI. It is just my bad night of sleep and because I didn't eat enough during the morning...
2 encounters with women today... One was with the mother of my daughter's friend. She had to talk to me over the phone to give me her new address so that I can drive my daughter at her place so that they can play together.
I have found myself having a more suave and sexier voice tonality than I normally have... I'm not fantasizing particularly on that woman despite that the experience could be in a good way surprising but I'm of the school of thought that charming everyone for no reason is a good thing...
I did talk to her a good 5-10 minutes when I arrived at her place... Again, it is not a conscious thing but I have found myself becoming much more verbose than I use to be... I was in storytelling mode talking about me with embedded cues that she should admire me...
I have read a book about influence/marketing where the guy was saying that the best way to influence someone is not to tell them what to think. It is to have them connect the dot and conclude something about you on their own... you cannot resist an idea that you think is your own...
What all the shit that I was saying out of nowhere, I was communicating many positive traits that makes women drool... This shit came out of nowhere... that was amazing... Sometimes, when I interact with women, I have regrets after the fact for things that I didn't say or do... When I left, I had the opposite impression about myself... I was surprised and amazed about all the good things that I have said...
The other interaction was with the cashier at the drugstore. I had to buy dental floss. Again, I have been blown away at how I did behave. It wasn't the regular me... I had the impression that she was excited to chat with me. I was much more talkative than I usually do... I did drop few innuendos... and she was giggling...
So far so good... Lets hope that I stay in the high of having started a new program and that the feeling will keep growing in the following days/weeks...
Cycle 1, day#5:
I didn't go out much in the last few days. I went to the postal office located in the back of a pharmacy.
Upon entering the store, the estheticians are nearby and very often they greet incoming customers. One of them on seeing me just said Wow....
I was about to ask her: Wow what?
but before I do it, she integrated 'Wow' in a story she was telling to her colleague... I think that I was the 'wow' recipient but she somehow found a way to avoid embarrassment having to explain the possibly uncontrolled exclamation...
I didn't go to the gym neither Monday or Tuesday... It is unusual for me to skip days like that but I'm so busy right now... (or I'm finding excuses for not going out for fear that DMSI would lead me to some adventures...)...
Yesterday evening, I went to the gym. I met a woman that I haven't seen for a while. We were happy to see each other... idk... Maybe she was a bit touchy feely with me. When she left, she gently put her hand on my arm to tell me goodbye... AFAIK, it was a first coming from her..
This afternoon, I went to the gym again... I met 2 girls that I like a lot... They are very sexy... I was on the lookout for signs of DMSI manifestation... No nothing.... Maybe they were looking at me differently but colder and more distant than usual...
Is it a good or bad sign? If they were turned on and wanted to have sex with me thanks to DMSI... What would they do? I guess if I were them, I would at first resist the urge and try avoid unnecessary interaction to avoid pouring gaz on the fire...
Hard to tell... It is a bit unconclusive concerning the gym girls...
Oh, I found a good way to listen to DMSI... I fall asleep with a ultrasonic track. Then when I am asleep, trickling hybrid start playing for the rest of the night... My sleep went pretty much undisturbed for the whole night... I think that I have a winning setup for listening..
Cycle 1, day #9 (day #1 off):
Nothing to report since last time. except maybe yesterday afternoon when I did go at my youngest daughter's friend home to get her back home. A MILF did greet me. Very smiling and friendly. She was wearing a loose shirt and she kept doing stuff while continuing talking to me while my daughter was putting her clothes.
I didn't make a big deal out of it but at some point she did bend over in front of me to pick up something on the floor while keeping eye contact with me and this did allow me to take a short peek at her breast... It could be meaningful or meaningless... I didn't make a big deal out of that.
oh and last week, I got a very sexy match on Tinder (a young and short blonde nurse)... but I didn't even initiated chat with her... too busy with other stuff... I might do so today... but they say beat the iron while it is hot... it might be too late... but maybe not...
I'm going to start cycle #2 Thursday evening. I might even not complete the second cycle. The sole purpose of this short DMSI session is to prime up my sex appeal in preparation of the upcoming gym party on the 23rd.
Once this is done, I'll rest for about a week to dissipate DMSI programming before starting BASE... I know this is less than the recommended 4-6weeks for a 5.75G program but schedule is thight... So bring the turbulance on in the first few days... I'll welcome it...
Cycle 1, day #9 (day #1 off) evening:
I am discovering that I might have been too quick to draw a conclusion on DMSI potency. It turns out that some magic seems to occur during the off days... what some people and Shannon have called blossoming... I think that I am currently experiencing the blossoming phenomenon...
I went to the gym this afternoon... Immediately on arriving, I got a warm welcome from one of the girl in the class...
I did banter a bit with my favorite girl...
Another girl she did look at me as if I was a bone and her a dog... To me, she did also look hotter than usual. She had a new cute and sexy green outfit... She did ask me for help to get a box... maybe to trigger my male protection (and mating) instinct... The silent glance was a bit uncomfortable so I broke the silence and she started to talk to me more than she usually do by telling me that she had a tough week-end with all the Christmas parties and so on...
All in all, I got more than my fair share of female attention at the gym class...
One more detail, I got a very intense mental effort day. I was looking for a fix to a problem that didn't make any sense at first glance... It could mental tiredness but I don't think so... I had the feeling that my head was emanating some rays or energy... I think that it could be DMSI aura projection programming...
DMSI only works when you execute. Some people resist executing out of fear of "losing control of themselves to the program". If you have worked through that fear to an appreciable degree with FRM, then you may start seeing results during bloom. That's part of why we use bloom.
thank you Shannon for chiming in and clarify ideas. it is appreciated.
Cycle #1, day 11 (day off #3):
This morning I woke up with my last night dreams fresh. I'm already starting to lose small details. It seems unrelated to DMSI.
I was a kid in high school and was receiving army like treatment in punishment to break someone's will to contest dumb authority. There was a teacher/principal possibly insecure that was taking bad decision that I was disagreeing with and in order to break dissent, he did abuse his power.
This has nothing to do with DMSI but with what I'm currently living...
The stupid parking ticket appeal and the legal notice sent to me by the city. Yesterday, I decided to give up contesting the unfair ticket. I haven't accomplished my dream of financial success yet to continue all fights. I need to drop the less important ones.
but the dream is real... I can almost touch it. It is very vivid in my mind.
In terms of women interaction. Yesterday, I have been stuck at one because one of my daughter got a stomach flu the night before. No gym... I went to the pharmacy... I felt something unusual with the female cashier... On the surface.. not my type... a little bit overweight... but as the interaction was going on... I was starting to notice small details that I started like... such as her nails and hands... her lips... her smile... her energy... Having some open mind was allowing me to notice details that I am usually blind to. I felt like I was starting to connect with her on a subtle and sexual level...
It was weird... I guess someone reading that would say yeah.. you started having beer glasses or I was desperately horny and lowering my standards... Nope. It wasn't any of this... I was just noticing things and allowing them to affect me with no judgement or shame.
Cycle #1, day 12 (last day off):
wow... it is very impressive what DMSI can do when you execute... For the last few days, I had the impression that I was making heads turn when I was entering some place...
This evening, I went to the grocery to buy some fresh cut fruits... The cashier was extra caring... I would even say that she initiated flirting with me.... She was throwing random cheesy crap at me such as... I'm sure those fruits have been cut with love... with a strong emphasis on the word love...
So tonight, when I go to bed, I'll restart the 4 loops listening session... I'm currently entertaining the idea of carpetbombing the hell out of me over the week-end... for the sake of experimentation...
Cycle #2 day On #4
This is a wrap-up to this short DMSI experiment. The whole purpose was to prime my attractiveness for my gym Christmas party yesterday.
I did carpetbomb DMSI in the 3 previous days in an attempt to boost the effect in a 'all or nothing' attempt.
I did almost flake on the party. My current working project is exciting and it is hard to detract my attention from it. I did finally convince myself to take baby steps. I would at least go at the 4PM workout and take it from there and see how things would go and decide when to come back home if things were boring. (I went back home at around 9:30PM...)
If I'm honest with myself. At that point, I realize that there was maybe a little bit of social anxiety behind this dilemma. I did finally convinced myself to proceed that way. It went fine. at 5PM, there was the beer mile activity. There was 9 contestants in the race (including myself) which consist of running a quarter mile drink a beer and continue running. After 10 minutes, with 4 beers in... This did grease out any remaining social anxiety that I might have. I had buzz... I couldn't drive back anyway until the alcohol wears out anyway.
The party was fun but I haven't felt that any present girl was attracted. I got few pleasant interactions but nothing beyond nice and friendly.
I have mixed feelings about the experience and this goes back to how I should be after AM6/SM3...
1. I haven't noticed any sexual attraction from any women that DMSI could/should have produced.
2. How I felt about that (unaffected and I was still feeling high value) is certainly due to my AM6 learning
3. I did play it very safe. *I* am attracted to many of the girls of the gym... It did never occur to me to voice out this interest to any of the girls. This is some behavioral changes that I would have expected to have in me after a fresh and recent SM3 run. My usual excuse is that girls go to the gym not to be hit... By itself this is arguable whether or not the reason has merit... but yesterday, with a party context, loud music, some alcohol in play... nobody would have said anything if I did make few advances... Here is the thing... I didn't make any conscious effort. I could have done a short briefing with myself before the party so that I have "conscious" goals in mind to do it.. But I haven't made any of that. I did trust my subconscious and I did let go things flow naturally and I haven't pulled the trigger at all during the evening. I must then conclude that what others/the group is thinking about what I do and say is taking too much importance in my head subconsciously I presume... There IS a fear behind this. No doubt about that..
So this is it... I'm giving myself few days off (about a week) then I start running BASE on 12/31 (The date is chosen so that the end of the first 32 days period coincide with the end of January to ease the listening management a bit). Lets work on making myself become a better man in other areas and lets reconsider giving DMSI another try after during the "prime" social summer period...