Yesterday I had quick bursts of increased anxiety and stress at work. My manager even told me that I had a worried look on my face. Nothing too major to me. By the end of my shift I was pretty much good to go though. I've been breaking out with acne too. Haven't had a breakout this bad in over 10 years.
The last couple days have been pretty interesting as far as developments go. My stress levels have decreased significantly to the point where I both walk and talk in a more relaxed way. When I walk it's with a smooth and confident stride. When I talk it's more deeply and smoothly than before. I've also begun to become more carefree and better at recognizing the things I cannot control and basically not giving a damn, even if it irritates others. Women are also giving me more looks and I can't even count how many times I've been touched my several women at my job the past few days. I also find myself wanting to sleep with a few of my female coworkers. Kind of feels like my masculinity is increasing. Couldn't even imagine what it would be like for me to do a run of AM6.
Update: At work right now I have two women in particular staring at me repeatedly, and they both sit across from each other. Also I'm having an amazing day full of synchronicities and good vibes. Also before a lunch I was told a coworker has a crush on me. Well I found out who it is because she looked at me like she wanted to me to bend her over right in the break room and said I look very different on casual fridays than what I do when we wear uniforms lmao. Thing is I think she mentally removed my clothes by the time she made that statement. I wonder if this emotional healing is somehow making me more attractive to women like APE did.
Been a few days, going through a lot but I'm pushing. My ability to start and hold conversations easier is kicking in, my sense of humor has also increased. I'm becoming less annoyed by my daughter's tantrums too, even more so than the first run. The biggest thing I've noticed is that when my wife says things like we can work or out, I either instantly dismiss it or I cringe. Thing is...I've realized that even if I became everything she wanted, it'll be a hell of a long time, if ever that she's able to consistently be the woman I want. I'm starting to realize that's the reason I haven't taken the thought of staying married to her too seriously at all. She's not a bad person at all, there are just things about her that just make me feel like staying married would hold me back and even annoy the hell out of me because of certain habits. My epiphany is between habits of hers that I can't stand, the fact that no one takes marriage or relationships that seriously anymore, and me enjoying personal freedom to a high degree in all areas of life, I can be a great husband but I don't want to be a husband anymore, hell I don't even want to be anyone's boyfriend.
I'm completely done giving a damn about living up to another persons expectations and caring about their wants and "needs". It's aggravating as hell to be with someone who doesn't take responsibility or accountability for their own emotions and reactions. Sad thing is that I see most people this way and I've come to accept that almost no ones values match mine 100% and that's cool. I live and let live and I'm not babysitting anybody's feelings. I need all the physical, emotional and mental as well as spiritual energy I can muster to perfect myself. The only person's needs I care about fulfilling besides mine is my child's. I miss what me and the wife had but it's simply time to be grateful for what was and make the best of what is.
Been almost a week since the last update due to dealing with the hurricane fiasco. I've become focused on increasing my personal power and making choices that benefit me long term. I'm reading more material that basically spits in the face of dogma and conventional thinking in order to help set myself free of other people's ideas so that I can start discovering more of who I am and how to think, not what to think
This morning I woke up highly energized, motivated and focused. Woke up at 4 am and washed ALL clothes in my house with a smile (on the inside). I went out this morning and met a pretty cool guy, we talked for about 30 minutes and he asked me for some marriage advice. Though mine is ending I did give him some pointers on how to read a woman so that you know she's good to be with long-term. Granted, I married my wife because when we first met she was someone I saw myself building a life with but looking back I did realize and accept the fact that I may not have took all the time I should've to get to know all of her.
I also donated some blood today because I'm in a giving mood, and I payed a Guy's bus fare since he had no money to get to work. I'm actually sitting in a Taco Bell right now digesting my food and killing a little time before I head to work myself. I find my self even more optimistic than normal. I will say too that my assertiveness has increased, I'm sure that's a symptom of increased self love.
Well on schedule with about 4-6 hours of listening per day. I should be done with E2 by December first of this year. I'm starting to wonder though which direction I should take going into 2018. My crossroad choices right now are BASE and AM6. I know people would tell me it depends on what my priority is which is honestly becoming a successful entrepreneur. Only thing is, I haven't yet found an idea to bring to the masses or even an improvement for something old. I can be a very business-minded individual and my passion goes into creating opportunities for myself and those around me. But honestly after a few failed business ventures I wonder if it's something I should prioritize. I'll try peeking around the forum to see if anyone else has faced a similar crossroads when it comes to subliminals
Update:
After searching around the forum a bit and some deliberation I've decided that AM6 will be my next sub and I'll probably start it around February 2018. I won't buy it yet because I want E2 to finish doing what it needs and I'll be too tempted to switch. AM6 will make for a good xmas or bday present to myself is how I look at it.
On another note I just noticed that the past few days even though I've been super tired I'm not as irritable as I would've been before E2. I've also been hanging around my best friend more often the past week. Nothing about my schedule has changed beyond that it I seem to be enjoying myself more everywhere I go and feeling generally more relaxed.
I've become more of a relaxed and resilient person these past few days. The wife and I officially separated and I'm finding myself becoming more repulsed by her each day that passes. I'm pretty sure we'll be divorced by years end and I don't mind. I'm finding it easier to socialize with strangers and even find my social anxiety lessening altogether. It used to be that when I went places I was mildly concerned with who was looking at me if anyone at all and if they were looking, were they judging at all. Now I find myself 99.99% free of even caring. If they wanna look then I don't care, if they judge for any reason then I've reached the point that I couldn't care less.
On another note I'm finding myself also wanting to be alone more often, I'm even more comfortable with solitude than I was a few months back. I'm fine when I'm around people but prefer it when I'm not.
It's now starting to become more apparent to me than it already was that any form of fear can't be used to motivate me. Only the idea of getting what I want instead of avoiding what I don't want keeps me going in terms of motivation in general. I've been spending more time with my best friend which is cool because we always have a ton of laughs when meeting up, the only thing that's starting to annoy me is how much he brings up his ex and how he misses her. I understand he's going through a period of self reflection and realizing all the places he went wrong but damn near every single time we meet his ex somehow comes up in the conversation in one way or another.
I've already given him advice on just focusing on himself and becoming a better person all around so that would be beating a dead horse. I guess the reason I really have an issue with it is not just because he keeps repeating but also because I can't stand emotional weakness. You can still be human without walking around like a victim all the time. I just have to remember that I can only control myself at the end of the day but I would like to see if there's a way I can just help my best friend cope better from his breakup that already happened months ago.
I'm at work currently listening to the US track. I had to get up from my desk and come to the bathroom because it felt like I was about to have an anxiety attack, which I luckily haven't had one in years. Between a slight amount of stress at work and listening to this sub at the same time, I think something was triggered. I've listened to the US track of this sub while at work before and never ran into this issue, even on more stressful days.
Wonder if this is some hardcore resistance. I lowered the volume a couple notches and began breathing deeper and slower which has helped for the past several minutes. I also notice that I've lost almost all of my motivation to do anything job-related. I'm starting to feel mentally drained. Luckily this is the last hour of listening I need to do for the day. I'll also be buying AM6 tonight after I get off work so that I'll have it by the time I'm ready to use it starting February 5, 2018...my birthday. I don't consider myself a beta male by any means but I admit that as a man there are areas where I could improve. I know AM6 has emotional healing in it but I've already interrupted an E2 run before so this time I'm sticking with E2. Besides, whatever resistance it may have just hit, it's gonna need time to clear.
I remember upping my hours helping with anxiety when it became a problem on E2. E2 can affect motivation negatively as you heal and clear. But damn if I wasn't a whole level-of-permanence "happier" after running E2. Good idea, stickin' with it.
If increased hours don't help, go the other way. I remember also only running it for 1 loop per day here & there.
(09-29-2017, 04:15 PM)RTBoss Wrote: [ -> ]I remember upping my hours helping with anxiety when it became a problem on E2. E2 can affect motivation negatively as you heal and clear. But damn if I wasn't a whole level-of-permanence "happier" after running E2. Good idea, stickin' with it.
If increased hours don't help, go the other way. I remember also only running it for 1 loop per day here & there.
I’ll try upping the hours. I’m doing around 4-6 loops daily, I’ll usually up it to 8 if I have a day that not too much is going on, which is rare. You’re right about that E2 effecting motivation but I just have to keep consciously choosing to push. I haven’t felt the anxiety since my last post so I’m sure stress that day also played a factor, let’s see what happens going forward.
If you're going to up the loops then it's best to do it gradually, even just 1 loop at a time for a bit, see how that goes, then maybe another one. Going to a crazy amount at once may be too much.
And I say that because I did it myself on E2 and it just drained me.
(09-30-2017, 05:31 PM)Benjamin Wrote: [ -> ]If you're going to up the loops then it's best to do it gradually, even just 1 loop at a time for a bit, see how that goes, then maybe another one. Going to a crazy amount at once may be too much.
And I say that because I did it myself on E2 and it just drained me.
Hmmm ok so let me ask this, for all subliminals, is it better to stick with a set amount of hours or loops per day and stick with that number, or just do as many loops/hours as possible per day? And as for E2 yeah I’ll up it slowly, but seriously since that day I haven’t felt any anxiety at all.