Ouch. Me and the girlfriend are hitting a spate of intense dreams, me again dreams to do with being shamed, looking stupid, and her with getting attacked, chased, teased/made fun off (she's never had these before). She seems to be generally a lot more resilient and able to stand up for herself, where previously she tended to get nervous, and be dominated, for example around her older sister - which is awesome. Our relationship is pretty amazing on all fronts, and getting better. Even the knocks and arguments we've had have ultimately been constructive and enhanced things for the better.
We're both still having issues around health so a quick switch to MHS is increasingly on the cards.
Procrastination still is big and effing things up. I am effing things up with procrastination. There is hope though.
Outside of development via subs. I'm being taken through a leadership training program at work to do with delivering results and getting unstuck from mental bs (which is timely to say the least), in it I'll be challenged to pick an area which requires results, set goals and essentially get my ass kicked into doing it and be forced to confront any BS which arises, I've been told the course is brutal because you're totally laid bare with all your insecurities exposed, and you're challenged to take 100% responsibility for your life and environment, literally, if some lunatic walks up and punches you in the face for no reason, you're supposed to assume 100% responsibility for your reality and realise you are at cause always (this seem very extreme, so don't know how I'll handle this). I'm not looking forward to confronting myself in this manner, I already feel it will be bitter medicine.
Finally in order to finally beat problems with ADD (which may be a condition, or may just be being mentally lazy/untrained) I'm working through a daily regimen of mental exercises my coach has outlined - aimed at developing sustained mental attention and power. This is a years long process which I'm being asked to commit to, the benefits of which could be immense. It will require perseverance and a narrower focus.
I said I wouldn't be posting much now, but some things have arisen that I think may be useful to note down in this journal/community for the purpose of feedback and contribution.
What's Your Subliminal History? Bro
(02-20-2017, 04:40 AM)Zane Wrote: [ -> ]What's Your Subliminal History? Bro
Serioulsy? Scroll upward three posts.
(02-18-2017, 08:10 AM)Darwin Wrote: [ -> ]Hey. Ran AM6, BASE, MLS now LTU. For my Runs of AM6 and BASE I was on and off ADHD meds which screwed me up. Will probably need to do anothe AM6 run soon.
(02-20-2017, 04:59 AM)Raz Wrote: [ -> ] (02-20-2017, 04:40 AM)Zane Wrote: [ -> ]What's Your Subliminal History? Bro
Serioulsy? Scroll upward three posts.
(02-18-2017, 08:10 AM)Darwin Wrote: [ -> ]Hey. Ran AM6, BASE, MLS now LTU. For my Runs of AM6 and BASE I was on and off ADHD meds which screwed me up. Will probably need to do anothe AM6 run soon.
Haha found this funny.
haha. All good.
So I've had enough... this perennial sniffle has got to go, along with the gfs issues I'm switching to MHS.
LTU, it's been a treat, I'm lovin myself up big time, resilient to peoples BS, forgiving, and more confident. I've been having a ball with people around me and many long term relationships which had previously died due to long held grudges, with old friends and family, have now been rekindled.
Whoa...it's hard to believe when I think of it. I have relationships with people who I thought I'd never want to speak to again, and they're really warm.
The down side is I've become pretty lazy, very easy going, I'm performing well at work but getting by mostly on people just really liking me. My intuition says I need to fix my body then go back to work on the foundation and go for AM6 after I've done some MHS.
So here's a first for sub results...for me at least. First morning after about 12 hours of MHS exposure, I woke up to a rumblin' and BOOM let the biggest fart rip (it was epic, and jokes aside this has only happened before when I've done yoga exercises geared specifically toward releasing trapped wind). The girlfriend unfortunately looked a little traumatised...she'll heal.
Aside from waking up with extreme dry mouth and being desperately thirsty as well, I'm feeling good.
There will be a few things I will look out for in this run specifically.
1) Scars on my face and back, from childhood fights and acne
2) Lethargy and distraction, I suspect that part of my add has to do with psychosomatic inflammation from reading too much about toxicity from foods, but also even if there is inflammation hopefully this will recover quicker and i'll have more sustained energy and focus.
3) Chest, throat, lungs - I didn't mention but I became disgusted with smoking on LTU and stopped, but since then my throat has been hurting on and off and I've had coughs.
4) Right knee injury from yoga years ago, it still hurts when I walk
5) Recovery from gym, I'm going back, I put on a lot of weight over my LTU time - and have been dreading going to gym because my work commitments are so hardcore that I don't want to lose days to recovery and tiredness post exercise....
Quote:So here's a first for sub results...for me at least. First morning after about 12 hours of MHS exposure, I woke up to a rumblin' and BOOM let the biggest fart rip (it was epic, and jokes aside this has only happened before when I've done yoga exercises geared specifically toward releasing trapped wind). The girlfriend unfortunately looked a little traumatised...she'll heal.
Hahaha I dunno man, she may also need maximum healing speed to recover from that!
Haha , yeah will put her on EHPRA
Speaking of girlfriend , she's looking really good, like better all round. She had some skin issues which seem to have faded completely but this was on its way out just before we started MHS.
I'm just feeling mentally really good and robust - hard to describe - this isn't the LTU happies, this feels like something less ecstatic and fuzzy, and more grounded and sustainable. In one word - stronger.
(02-22-2017, 01:15 AM)Darwin Wrote: [ -> ]Haha , yeah will put her on EHPRA
Speaking of girlfriend , she's looking really good, like better all round. She had some skin issues which seem to have faded completely but this was on its way out just before we started MHS.
I'm just feeling mentally really good and robust - hard to describe - this isn't the LTU happies, this feels like something less ecstatic and fuzzy, and more grounded and sustainable. In one word - stronger.
Please let us know if u see any improvement in ur ADHD. . Like if u see stuff like mental clarity,improved focus, memory.. . Mind is reflection of body and vice versa
(02-22-2017, 01:15 AM)Darwin Wrote: [ -> ]Haha , yeah will put her on EHPRA
Speaking of girlfriend , she's looking really good, like better all round. She had some skin issues which seem to have faded completely but this was on its way out just before we started MHS.
I'm just feeling mentally really good and robust - hard to describe - this isn't the LTU happies, this feels like something less ecstatic and fuzzy, and more grounded and sustainable. In one word - stronger.
I noticed that one day 1 of MHS too. This thing is going to do wonders for your mental stability and your mood.
That, without question is happening. I'm cautious about false attribution, and there are a number of things happening which I'm finding it hard to even believe, but without question I'm mentally feeling much tougher and rested...almost like I'm renewing.
Water is a definite must, I've been finding myself getting extremely thirsty, and have switched from downing coffee to drinking water and herbal tea - the coffee doesn't seem necessary (I'm feeling nicely awake) and the water does.
A concrete result I can definitely pin down - I do a lot of analysis in my day to day, though ironically am normally crap with short term memory and numbers - right now I'm creating models and able to just straight up recall short strings of numbers and cell references when writing formulae, which I simply didn't have the capacity for a couple of days ago.
Zane, to answer your question posted in Chaos' Journal, about 'where is this wisdom coming from'.
My comment on being a spectator came directly from my experience these last couple of weeks and taking the painful step of acknowledging, without self flagellating, the many ways in which I was staying safe and way from risk with 'feel good' but unfortunately not growth/life giving actions.
There's nothing wrong per se about being a spectator but it has undesirable consequences. I noted that for myself, I had become fragile and unwilling to take reality as it is, because I was unwilling to consciously acknowledge that I wasn't really doing anything I wanted to do.
If I were pursuing a Zen path for example I would be busy meditating, working on confronting my demons by focussing inward and there would be no time for judging others or opining on things which were unrelated or on other peoples pursuits. But that wasn't the case, I found myself still smugly talking about things I wasn't directly 'on the field' with.
I took the ego bruises dished out by people like my coach, my boss, and some people who I started whinging at as a clear sign that that more was required from me. Extremely hard to do, but I did some mental exercises to get over that butt hurtedness. Which I will be happy to share via PM if anyone is interested.
So yesterday I get home from work, after leaving early feeling a little tired and not with it, and I totally crashed! Felt like a very strange cold, sniffly nose and fatigue. I got up, made myself some food and felt better - but realised I was still dehydrated so had to drink loads of water. Some acne has flared up on my face a little as well. Signs that something is working.
My voice is smoother, like seriously my voice has changed - I called up my bank yesterday and normally I get logged in for phone banking with their voice recognition software and it works every time. This time it didn't.
Some things that have become so normal to me that I've forgotten they're even a problem - like a continuous stomach ache - Feel like they're being worked on. I've got so much shit I didn't even think about when I started this. Dry itchiness which comes and goes (day two at night I felt it worse than ever all over , now reducing to zero. Eyes feel clearer, music sounds really good (Thats probably down to more mental energy and restedness)
I'm interested in things again around me. I remember as a kid I'd stare in wonder at a train figuring out how it works, or an advert thinking about all the subtle messages being sent, and at people.
I will be running MHS for the foreseeable future. NExt year I have plans which require me to be with excellent body and mind, this seems like the year i am to work on them.
Looks like what I needed was a good 12 hours sleep. I also suspect I was over exposing myself leaving it playing on ultra sonic over night. Feeling much better now after getting seriously sick yesterday - will have to play ball a little more , sleep on time and drink /eat well if this is gonna do its thing.
There's a good reason to follow the instructions on how many loops to use on these...