Subliminal Talk

(10-28-2016, 10:40 PM)chaosvrgn Wrote: [ -> ]Hit me up on PM. I'll see if I can give you some actionable advice on those sites.

Thanks man! Sent you a PM.

Will be updating the journal when more interesting stuff happens.

Day 18

Had a very.. interesting dream.

I felt completely stuck and like i was suffocating with my family (in real life). Now, in the dream, i constantly fought with them.

Every time they tried to control me in any way, or put me down in any way, i exploded aggressively and responded firmly with "no".

It even escalated with me making huge tirades why they are completely wrong and why i don't give a f***, and why they are at fault.


On the other hand, in reality, i've been much more decisive in my talks with my family over Skype (since i live away now.. i've grown so much more in 1 month than in a year living there!). Every time they try to order me to do something, i tell them firmly "no, i will do what i want, and i'll do it when i want".


Maybe this is funny to some of you, but it feels really liberating. I'm not going to suppress myself when i'm around my family (which i always used to do.. maybe because of childhood traumas and depression.. either way, doesn't matter, i'm getting over it).


The realizations from before seem to have internalized and faded away a little. I didn't interact with girls much (relaxing weekend!), so will see what effect will the dominant internalization have.
It seems that the dream i had is allowing more of my dominant self to break through. I love it!

Day 32

So.

Didn't update my journal for quite a while. I was in a weird state.

I was getting 3 loops as prescribed by Shannon. Masked, during the day on the weekends, and during the nights on workdays. Earphones. Around 75 days of no-fap (I did cave in sometimes to edging, but I never ejaculated or opened porn).

So, what was happening was this.. I was in a state where I was thinking of giving up on my sites, because of the lack of results. I barely outputted 1 article per week, whereas normally I try to give 1 a day.. before moving, I did 2 per day!

I was constantly making up reasons to stop using DMSI. Just a few days ago, I felt so tired, so tired that I thought I wouldn't be able to put on DMSI!

Of course, I did, because that's just resistance, and I ain't giving it what it wants.

Moreover, (now it feels really weird to talk about it, as if I can't remember how I felt.. goddamit, journal laziness!) it was pretty.. depressing, should I say. Not super dark, but pretty meh.

I didn't notice ANY effects of DMSI during this time. None. Nada. I thought I was just wasting my time. "I should just drop it, what's the point of it anyway", I thought.

I did notice a big.. something like disgust, for one of my friends. He was constantly AMOGing me for totally stupid reasons, and I felt completely unable to respond, because of fear of getting kicked out of the circle of friends. Stupid reason, I know.

Furthermore, I noticed big disrespect and negging from others. Of course, unable to give good responses because of the fear I described earlier.

So, what happened two days ago is this.

I made my first sales through my websites.

Measly 1.76 dollars, but boy, it meant a world to me.

So, after this, I've had a weird reversal, that I hope is more permanent, lol!

I feel sexier, I feel this stronger sense of being "unstoppable". Happier, more relaxed and much more outgoing.

My inner frame changed. The guy that was AMOGing me? Well, he can try to crack his stupid jokes all the time if he wants to (not that I'll let him anymore). They don't faze me. It's surreal.

My thinking literally went from - "That guy is so annoying, constantly trying to put me down. What's wrong with him?" to "Put me down? Nothing can put me down. I'm unstoppable.".

It surprised me, really.

Moreover, the negging and disrespect seem to have dropped down by a lot.

I can't yet put it into words exactly, so this is my sucky attempt at it, and I don't know if its directly related to my little success with my websites or to DMSI, but time will tell.

Oh and, the main aim of the sub.. girls.

Much more kino.
Increased eye contact, as well as "look.. turn.. look... turn" behaviour.
That feeling of being viewed as an unbelievably sexy man. I'm literally feeling other's attraction for me.

Not related to girls - increased perception. Probably from my meditation practices, but I'm starting to be able to discern emotions of other people. Attraction, anxiety, fear. And I don't mean by body language or facial expression. Literally, I can close my eyes and can feel the emotion, and know if it's mine or from someone else's. I can feel the general emotion of the room, and be unaffected by it.


I hope this amazing state of well-being is the effect of DMSI, and that it will last, but really, everything is impermanent, so we'll see!

(11-15-2016, 10:33 AM)Nemanja Wrote: [ -> ]Furthermore, I noticed big disrespect and negging from others. Of course, unable to give good responses because of the fear I described earlier.

I have definately experienced this too, never get negged by people normally but whilst being on 2.5 I have had guys neg me and got into quite an intense conflict during a football match with players tackling me much harder than usual. One of my closest friends raged at me on the phone and got pissed off, no idea how to explain this...

If your newfound energy signature doesn't line-up with people's previous perception of you, or seems way out of line with preconceived ideas of how you should be, you can expect to get tested.

I have the opposite experience with men. Big, "classic" alpha types are either seeking out my friendship and approval or are steering clear of me. The only people testing me right now are my parents, lol.

Anyway, it helps that I'm physically the strongest and most muscular I've been in my entire life. People don't question that much when preconceived values on that are usually desirable or coveted.

Day 33

Interesting effects.

The sense of super happiness seems to be gone.

It seems like I'm getting more respect now though.

Walked into our college classroom 5 minutes late. The professor (a she) looks at me and nods, as if to say "Good day". This rarely happens to others.

Half of the class turn their heads around and look at me for a few seconds, then they continued listening to the professor.

And, the funniest thing.. as I picked a place to sit, a few girls say "Bona sera" to me, which means Good day in Italian. Most of them are either my age, or older than me (I'm 19). That felt.. good, but kinda caught me off guard, haha.

One of the girls (a Serbian, so she knows my language) says "Bona sera" and then immediately starts mumbling and says "uhhh.. dobar dan", which means, again, "good day" in Serbian.

Noticed some minor IOI's from a girl sitting next to me, such as constantly stealing glances.


Of course, these are all not so relevant to the main goals of the sub, i.e making girls approach you for sex, but I think it's better to report even such changes.



By the way, I've had a few interesting thoughts about how the sub seemed to work..

It almost feels as if the sub manifests situations in such a way so as to help break down any resistance you may have.

For example, if you are afraid of getting kissed by a girl.. that same thing may happen.

In my example, I felt afraid of getting excluded from my social group because of standing up for myself - which made people disrespect me even more and neg me a lot.

This all stopped as soon as I realized that my honor and time is more important than a bunch of "friends".

What do you think about this theory?

(11-16-2016, 11:57 AM)Nemanja Wrote: [ -> ]It almost feels as if the sub manifests situations in such a way so as to help break down any resistance you may have.

What do you think about this theory?

I believe it to be so, too. I figured that it might be manifesting situations that are required for growth, or that might exponentially accelerate growth and change in the direction towards which the program is guiding oneself.

Day 38 - 2 days since stopping DMSI in preparation of DMSI 3.0 (so the last day was day 36, technically)

Started no-fap again. Sexual energy is through the roof.

Interestingly, at home, I don't notice any "morphine drips".

When I leave the house and go to university, on the walk there, my mood starts getting better and better, and I arrive confidently to the uni.

Was sitting at class, we were doing Sexual Behaviour in our Brain and Behaviour class. We got to the point of forced copulation in animals.

So, the girl behind me (a blonde.. she always seemed a little interested in me) told me she wants to rape me.

Literally, she said - "Nemanja, I'll rape you".

Of course, this was in context with the lesson, but.. I don't think she was kidding, haha.

After that, I texted her on WhatsApp, she seemed cold. She would see the message, and wouldn't respond. I teased her a little about that rape thing, and she said, initially "haha, watch your back".

Teased her with - "nah, you're not brave enough to rape me". Maybe I over-teased her a little, but I don't really care, which is amazing.

This is where she went colder by saying "i was kidding about raping you, don't worry".

Anyway, I think she doesn't believe she has chances with me. She's not too great looking, maybe a 7, so it doesn't really matter.

I'm mostly sharing this because I remembered reading in a journal of some guy who said he was talking to a girl, and she would constantly say "fuck me". As in, in the context of the conversation, but was saying it repeteadly.

Moreover, in the class (before the rape thing), she asked me different things like - "what do you think of us? are we your friends?" and later "do you think i'm sexy?".


Tomorrow, I'll be teasing her some more, just for the fun of it. Maybe I'll drop her some IOI's. I still didn't decide if I would like to tap that.

Either way, I'm feeling more relaxed socially. I opened a group of girls in my class with just a "hey" and talked with them excellently, and even managed to evade AMOGing from my friend.

It's a relatively new class and I still have a problem with opening/escalating things with other people while there are other people there. I believe this will get worked on soon enough. First, we become aware of the problem, then it gets fixed.


I have a feeling it's gonna be interesting.

Quote:I'm mostly sharing this because I remembered reading in a journal of some guy who said he was talking to a girl, and she would constantly say "**** me". As in, in the context of the conversation, but was saying it repeteadly.

Haha that was me. It was pretty strange but I definately noticed it at the time. Unfortunately insecurity come up and stopped me from acting on it like I wanted to.

But damn.. how often do girls say what she said to you in class? Not often, so it's a very interesting thing. Sounds like she said it but then may have felt guilty about it which is why she is acting weird now.

I believe it's now day 10 since stopping DMSI 2.5, in preparation for DMSI 3.0.

Been meditating quite regularly these past few days.

Usual routine of deep muscle relaxation, listening meditation, and then pure meditation.

Been having some pretty damn annoying fears of possession and negative entities. I've been having such fears for quite a while (even as a kid). I didn't have those fears for quite a while, and they resurfaced recently (like 2-3 days ago).

While I know it's nothing and coming from within, fear is still annoying. Hopefully DMSI will help clear that out (and if not, I'm planning on running E1-2 eventually).

I don't know why I have these fears, really. Things that I've been doing to get over the fear :

- feeling the fear throughout. Literally digging down deep and feeling it out
- calling on God for protection
- Ganesha mantra (love this one)
- white light visualization (eh, why not)
- being with the fear and questioning why and where and how, i.e self inquiry

Seems to have loosened a little now. If you had such fears, please do share how you faced it and conquered it.

Something else that is interesting about my practice is that I believe I caught a glimpse of my own soul (or just.. the soul)!

Which is pretty amazing. As I was meditating, my vision lit up slightly for a few seconds, and I got this sense of euphoria.

I don't know why or how, but I figured it was a glimpse of our true nature.

True or not, I feel more free now, and it makes me truly believe that we really aren't just bags of meat.

While this all isn't specifically related to girls and DMSI, it might be related to the clearing from DMSI.

I don't think I have one, really. I didn't have any big traumas, never did drugs, alcohol, smoked.. Sure, I was a lonely kid, had some family trouble, but nothing too big.

It is really the fear that I have to deal with, probably from too many horror movies as a little kid, haha.

And yeah, that's what I'm trying to do - healing everything I can.

(11-29-2016, 04:00 PM)yeah! Wrote: [ -> ]Cant hurt

Agreed

For now, I'll go with the clearing version of DMSI 3.0. That should get me cleaned out in a big way, since a lot of it overlaps with E2, as Shannon said.

Then I'll probably use E1 (don't have E2).

I'll continue meditating, and reciting Om Mani Padme Hum through the day, and the Ganesha mantra when I feel fear coming back up.

I don't think mantras will affect the state-shifting too much. Hopefully

Would you add anything else?

Yes, gentlemen, let's not keep pushing it, shall we?

Yes, Nemanja if you want to talk about stuff like that then there's the religion thread in the chatter box as per rule 4.