Subliminal Talk

Played soccer with shirtless at night today. It was a big rain and quite cold. Actually the first time I did this. Big improvement. Immune system seems strong enough and do what it need to do. Cool.

Seeking challenge part is kicking in. Contacted my friend to practice marathon with him. Feel good and motivated.

People is treating me like a VIP, respect and compliment me a lot. Even when I feel a little bit insecure about my body, they perceived me as a leader and look for instructions from me. It likes my words or my actions have a big effect to their emotions which make me feel pressure. Find out that when pp compliments me, I go soft and step back behind, not show up my best self or trying any more. Feel shaky, uncomfortable with being the center of attention or the best of the group. Is it possible when you are not in the center of attention and still get what you want? girls, sex, fun, financial freedom... while not being put on pedestal? I fear followers and stalkers. Really, I don't wanna be famous, the thought of being a rockstar who have fans chasing him everyday made me urggh.

Just look in the mirror and I see the really chill, attractive and sexy guy. Having the self-love, and self-enjoyment. If I was a girl, I would bite that guy. Cool

Start stage 3 tonight. In previous run, stage 3 was the toughest stage. So quite afraid.

{Stage 3 - Day 2]

Played a game. Told about first seven failures on my FB yesterday. Really fun. I laugh it off. I see my humor is on top. Look at mirror and have "fucking love myself" feeling. Failure are nothing but fun and memorable when look back at it. Brainstorming to do something strange from now. Life is good now.

Sub is pointing out again, the things I need to work on. my body and money. My body made me feel not enough as a man. About money, I quitted job, and have been unemployed for 2 months, still living in parent's house, and take their moneys for study fee. It's uncomfortable feelings. It's a quite hard situation, I actually do not want to come back to office and work 8 hours a day, it's boring. but it will take much time to have capacity to work as a freelancer. Considering to take a course of Internet marketing. I need to get out if this soon.

The forum is full of DMSI. Quite frustrated. There is not as much value threads as before to read and learn from. An old me would be really into DMSI, but now with me it's some kind like natural grounding. I do both NG and Aura of Sexiness in the past and have women checking me out like crazy, even chasing me when I ride motobike, but when it went further, I collapsed, never dare to make a move. I was like Nobita, with crazy, high tech gadgets in hands, may get some good results at first but what, still wussy out, and frustrated himself, nothing changed. For DMSI, I think will give it a try, but I prefers SM or WM to do first.