(07-08-2016, 01:21 PM)dissonance Wrote: [ -> ] (07-08-2016, 09:52 AM)Juan de Mammut Wrote: [ -> ]Total miss hour: 10.
AM6 is digging fears inside onto the ground. A fear to be alpha. Fear of competition with others. Fear of confrontation. Fear of being center of attention.
I'm climbing up the mountain.
What were you like before any subs? After two AM6 runs how much did you change?
I'm glad that you asked, that remind me lot of things.
Before subs, I was a guy that you can view as very beta. I was very skinny, always walk around with insecure. My health were bad, I had sick almost every week. When I played soccer, I looked at other shirtless with jealousy, I could have sick if I go shirtless. I usually considered myself as the weakest guy in the room, sometimes I got bullied but never really stand up for myself.
Girls, they complimented me handsome, tried to get around me but also treated me like their little brother. They made fun, laughed at me, talk shit behind my back. I'm confused a lot and
that is a reason I was into PUA stuff, which was a wrong choice.
I had an over 7 years relationship with an ex-girlfriend. That was really a painful time. She kept telling me she loved me but was always attracted to other guy. And I was always in jealousy mode. I break up with her during AM5, it was not easy, but look back it was really good for both of us. Before I would be angry when think about it, But now I don't blame her anymore, she is a good girl. I was not really attracted to her but I started that relationship, it was like I tried to get her for fixing my problems, not actually loved her. It's my fault for not dealing with my insecure before. I must do it for myself, none of others can do it for me. That's big realization I have for myself during AM6.
For your question about my change during 2 runs of AM6, the biggest improvement is my health. Now I feel solid, strong, confident, it is my common state. I stand for myself a lot, with family, with friends, strangers who talk shit with me. I have a problem with expression before, every time I talked, there was like a stone in my chest prevent me. Now I can talk more freely, it still have a little but improved a lot, not a problem anymore.
There were many improvements, could not remember it all, and AM6 smooth it too.
[Stage 1 - day 19]
Feel really good when listening to sub. A warm, easy feeling comes up in my stomach. It's like someone massaging with warm hands for my stomach. At ease. I had this feeling sometimes in previous AM runs but it did not last long like this time.
Created a portfolio of my works days ago and finding a job now. I still live in my parent's house, I will rent a room for me when I get a job first, for sure. My family, they are good people, we can live near, but not together. There are many conflicts. There are also many times that children come to my place, it's not good for this AM run.
Stage 1 is covering many things which pointed out in previous runs. I gradually recognize where is my sexual shame comes from. When we watch TV and see the hot scene, my parents hurriedly switch to next channel. People avoid sex-related conversations, I have never heard my parents talked about sex subject... my mind automatically connect sex is a taboo and bad thing. During AM, I have a friend, I see him and his family freely talk, make fun about the subject, fuck a girl is just normal like eating or drinking water, it's a basic instinct. Thanks him, I get out much of the shame. Now the more I use sub, the more I see sex as a beautiful thing.
Have a fear of sleeping. It's like " If I go to sleep and I will have to reset everything tomorrow". Or it's maybe a lack-of-completion feeling.
Recognize a conflict inside, between planning a day and "let it be","let everything flow" way. It seems to create hesitation a lot.
Now I can see the benefits of writing journal. Write it down and I feel like I am more wisdom than me before writing.
Cool.
(06-26-2016, 12:31 PM)Renaissance_of_Juan Wrote: [ -> ]Hello all,
This is my first thread but I am not new to sub. I have come a long way to this. Before, I see myself as a very beta, even posting a comment online made me nervous and sweat. Now I want to show up here. Alpha Male sub is really life-changer for me. I did AM5 once and AM6 twice. After the AM5 run, I jumped straight to NG, did it like crazy, and like Shannon said somewhere before, most effects of AM gone fast. So I started again with AM6. I finished the second AM6 2 months ago, switch to MLS and TLAM 4G, I am considering to do MSS 4G t but my gut tells me to do AM6 again. So I'm in.
What did I do in 2 previous AM6 set:
- Quit a boring job. In the people's eyes, it is a good job with good salary. They have some respect to me but I don't like the boss and that is a feminine dominant workplace. So I quit. It was tough, long time to actually quit, and now I have some money issue but I'm proud that I did it. Wise choice
- Do Elliot Hulse methods everyday, my health, immune systems improves a lot. Family and friends tell that I'm bigger. Know his method during AM6, but I really do it like a routine 2 months after finish the last AM.
- Do a circumcision. It's really something that AM6 script instructs me to do that. I have not realized the importance of it before.
- Now I have a good caring for my study, and developing my career as freelance designer. Before all my caring is just women and women. Find back a desire to study abroad too, Italy or Spain.
- Break up with my girlfriend. She is a good, caring girl which I liked much but she wants me in serious relationship, to married, I don't like so I let her go. It' not easy but again, wise choice.
- Self-trust improves a lot. I have my uncle who I see as a genius before, said that me think like a child today. Nothing I just smile, really inside is a smirk, "thank you, but I know who I am".
- Delete more than 3GB of PUA stuff, It's somewhat big release for me. I feel more free now. In this run, I will focus on Masculine Intent stuff, it's resonant with AM content.
I quit using Window and cracking software like Photoshop, Ilustrator and switch to Ubuntu. Thanks to Think like a Millionaire for this realization.
In this run, my goal is to improve my conversation especially with women. I can feel at some level I still seek for their validation. Next is improving procrastination, and manifest good circle of friends too. I don't have much friends now and feel like a loner wolf. I didn't have a good track in second run, use it somewhat carelessly so the result was not as expected. This time, instruction is religious. And let the sub runs wild.
Yes, journey starts!
Is that for real in the script? I don't ever want to be circumcised.
And do the results of AM really go fast? I thought they were supposed to last a lifetime.....
(06-26-2016, 06:40 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ] (06-26-2016, 01:36 PM)i-Awake Wrote: [ -> ] (06-26-2016, 12:31 PM)Juan de Mammut Wrote: [ -> ]- Do a circumcision. It's really something that AM6 script instructs me to do that. I have not realized the importance of it before.
Eh?! 
Is this in the script?
There's nothing in the script that tells you to get circumcised. That is a result of his perception of what an alpha male is and should look like.
It's not my place to tell you to do or not do things like that.
Oh good, I should have read it all before posting lol
I think its about the testosterone... According to scientists 80 percent of man are low on testosterone even young men, while 30-80mg /week are normal many men have 7-10mg, men become pussys while women hyperfeminized
Small dicks, low libido, low confidence, oneitis being sensitive emotional all this comes with low testosterone
I dont have the problem i have 1250mg test/week
(07-16-2016, 11:21 PM)yeah! Wrote: [ -> ]Do you think you were low T growing up Dzemoo?
Yeah i think so
(07-16-2016, 11:03 PM)Dzemoo Wrote: [ -> ]I think its about the testosterone... According to scientists 80 percent of man are low on testosterone even young men, while 30-80mg /week are normal many men have 7-10mg, men become pussys while women hyperfeminized
Small dicks, low libido, low confidence, oneitis being sensitive emotional all this comes with low testosterone
I dont have the problem i have 1250mg test/week
Maybe you are right.
I have a habit of going to sleep late for many years. Lots of masturbation in puberty (almost everyday), eat many food made from soya bean, fast food. That's maybe a reason. My house is noisy during the day, I tend to wait to midnight to really do my own things, it's pretty annoying.
[Day 29]
Play a soccer games with friends today and some guys said hi to me with a respect manner. It's strange, they somewhat ignored me in the past and have a competitive behaviour with me.
When I ride on street, many guys keep trying to challenge me, like they want to test do I afraid of them or not. BS.Getting familiar and more indifferent with this.
Today I hear some scent spread out from the armpit, naturally. It's new. It feels inviting and quite addictive
Maybe increasing of anabolize exercise made it. Love it.
End stage 1 today. Covers lots of thing. More smooth, less tough, the most enjoyable stage 1 in my sub-history. Detect many Bs things. Both me and others. Value my time more. Be selective about who I will spend time with and what for.
There is thing I see on and off in previous runs, but now it is more clear. Women and men, we are all social conditioning. Like we live together in the jail of belief, for keeping everything "normal". The job of men is connect truly to ourself, getting out of that jail, so that we can lead women, girls step back to her instinct.
We tend to avoid feelings that called bad things, and label that as fear. Like fear of making woman or others fear when we don't say or act what we really want, I now see it as an avoidance, as we don't want to see ourself as bad. But it's just bad in social definition way, in the social-condition zone.
I can feel AM touching the stone of sexual shame in my stomach. Yes, I can joke, talk much about sex, watch tons of JAV, read lots of book, but never really deal with it. Buying condom, learn how to use it correctly... Somewhere in my mind it still a bad thing. Fuck a girl and make her pregnant without marriage is bad, do that and I will get punished from God, karma... I was taught that when a child. Have a thought of fucking, raping, eating some beautie, I tried to cover, hide and avoid it. So it leads to the manipulation manner in my conversation. Recognize it is the first step. Hope it will be fix this run
[Stage 2 - Day 2]
I'm more social, more playful now. I see myself talkative which quite strange. Not like stage 1, when I kept myself aloof.
Meet some friends today. A close friend come with his new gf. She's cute. She smiles at me a lot. I can tell that she's interested in me. And my friend recognize that too. I avoid her eyes. I think really I'm avoiding bad things that may comes up. He's a good friend, genuine and quite respect me. But what if she is not interested in him? really not easy.
I become more energetic, some old ideas just come back, have an urge to make and build things. In my city, I see it become crowd, polluted, and many people here is annoying, they just don't care but in the negative way. Drive car carelessly as they own the street, just honk honk as they don't see the street is crowd. Many guys do stupid things to get attention... It's really annoying. Have a thought to leave this city, there is a fear of living bored at other cities, and so many hot girls here, hmmm.
During AM, I make friends with some new guys. Seeing them open their business makes me more confident. They just have some money, some relationships, do not know about accounting or managing, not well educated, but dare to open a company. They ask me to help them build website, and really I see they know nothing about it, no motivation, customer service, not good. Seems like they just have money and want to be boss. But they dare to do that, so why not me.
(07-31-2016, 04:53 AM)Renaissance_of_Juan Wrote: [ -> ][Stage 2 - Day 2]
...
I become more energetic, some old ideas just come back, have an urge to make and build things. In my city, I see it become crowd, polluted, and many people here is annoying, they just don't care but in the negative way. Drive car carelessly as they own the street, just honk honk as they don't see the street is crowd. Many guys do stupid things to get attention... It's really annoying. Have a thought to leave this city, there is a fear of living bored at other cities, and so many hot girls here, hmmm.
During AM, I make friends with some new guys. Seeing them open their business makes me more confident. They just have some money, some relationships, do not know about accounting or managing, not well educated, but dare to open a company. They ask me to help them build website, and really I see they know nothing about it, no motivation, customer service, not good. Seems like they just have money and want to be boss. But they dare to do that, so why not me.
Hey man,
Leave the city, if not the whole country for that matter (maybe move to study abroad like you mentioned in earlier posts), if that is something your gut tells you to do. Environment can have a huge impact on us and depending on personality type one can even mistake the surrounding energies to be your own. I know I did when I was younger...I questioned if there was something wrong with me but simultaniously I always had this feeling that it has to do with the city...until I finally relocated and KNEW it was not me but the old surrounding energies that was big part of my earlier unhappiness. Some of my old "friends" even told to me that "People are same everywhere...you can not espcape that". Bull crap! Yes, there are certain traits that all humans share...but one can be miserable in one city/country and very happy in another, you just have to find what works for you and what resonates with your energies. Best thing I have ever done...aside of moving to not only new city but to different freaking continent for awhile. Now I´m planning to move to another country again. It´s a wide world man...and lot´s of hotties everywhere, not just where you currently live. Just make sure you have "towards" strategy and goals instead of (just) "away from" if you decide to move (same thing with business, what DO you want instead of what you don´t want).
As for business, there´s the keyword; Dare.
I have been entrepreneur my whole life and from what I have seen it does not take exactly a rocket scientist to become successful in business. I have seen freaking stupid guys making tons of money...they usually have balls tho and they don´t give up...and they don´t have too much limiting beliefs about themselves despite the fact that some of them ARE dumb as duck. Maybe even too dumb to actually know what limiting belief is. Don´t get me wrong, I also know EXTREMELY intelligent and well educated guys who has become very wealthy via their businesses. And many between those two extremes. And yes, you can do it too!
Thanks for sharing this, AlphaRomeo.
About the surrounding energies you said, it clicked. Every time I get out of my house, I feel like something pull me down. It's hard to find someone to resonate or have a similar mindset here. My co-workers really said that me seems to come from another planet. And I doubt myself that do I really open myself first to them, and is it my problem or not.
The AM subs have been pushing me out of my boundary, it offer me a thought that pinging with the same people, the same community will pull me back to my old self. I also read many AM journals here. We are from many places in world, but have similar pattern that the subs change our mindset and we feel like lone wolves in our places. I'm not sure that go abroad will solve this. If not consider enough I will go from a jail to another jail but more expensive. Because the money for that is big. From where I am now, I must take a lot from parent and my ego currently refuses that. But I will let everything open, let AM do his job. It's ideal that I study abroad and go back here, find some quite place and open my business. In my part, now I will focus in improve my design knowledge and wait for opportunities.
(07-09-2016, 02:38 AM)Renaissance_of_Juan Wrote: [ -> ] (07-08-2016, 01:21 PM)dissonance Wrote: [ -> ] (07-08-2016, 09:52 AM)Juan de Mammut Wrote: [ -> ]Total miss hour: 10.
AM6 is digging fears inside onto the ground. A fear to be alpha. Fear of competition with others. Fear of confrontation. Fear of being center of attention.
I'm climbing up the mountain.
What were you like before any subs? After two AM6 runs how much did you change?
I'm glad that you asked, that remind me lot of things.
Before subs, I was a guy that you can view as very beta. I was very skinny, always walk around with insecure. My health were bad, I had sick almost every week. When I played soccer, I looked at other shirtless with jealousy, I could have sick if I go shirtless. I usually considered myself as the weakest guy in the room, sometimes I got bullied but never really stand up for myself.
Girls, they complimented me handsome, tried to get around me but also treated me like their little brother. They made fun, laughed at me, talk shit behind my back. I'm confused a lot and
that is a reason I was into PUA stuff, which was a wrong choice.
I had an over 7 years relationship with an ex-girlfriend. That was really a painful time. She kept telling me she loved me but was always attracted to other guy. And I was always in jealousy mode. I break up with her during AM5, it was not easy, but look back it was really good for both of us. Before I would be angry when think about it, But now I don't blame her anymore, she is a good girl. I was not really attracted to her but I started that relationship, it was like I tried to get her for fixing my problems, not actually loved her. It's my fault for not dealing with my insecure before. I must do it for myself, none of others can do it for me. That's big realization I have for myself during AM6.
For your question about my change during 2 runs of AM6, the biggest improvement is my health. Now I feel solid, strong, confident, it is my common state. I stand for myself a lot, with family, with friends, strangers who talk shit with me. I have a problem with expression before, every time I talked, there was like a stone in my chest prevent me. Now I can talk more freely, it still have a little but improved a lot, not a problem anymore.
There were many improvements, could not remember it all, and AM6 smooth it too.
Brother I feel you totally on this one, I know how tough the decision is to let go of that safety, but as you said its for the better for both.
Good luck on your journey! I will follow you
