Thank you 4Kingdoms!
Yes I definitely appreciate you letting me know, plus I appreciate my replies on the Tinder post!
OK a quick SORT of update:
As well as some Tinder hotties who just want sex but so far I'm behaving (but DAYAM! they be HOT!)
I also have two other guys of interest:
With one the connection feels more platonic? It feels like there might not be enough physical attraction on either side, though there is some, but we both agree there IS common ground. Anyway it's nice to have that!
I also have a fave one who so far has been quite different from the ones who just want sex.
We've only messaged a few times but so far he's been very respectful and sweet & well it's hard not to --- I guess I would say I have a Tinder crush.
I am very attracted to the ones who want to bonka bonka too but with THIS guy, I'm wondering if it could be more than that. Or not. At the moment it's just messaging. It might never be more. Who knows but I'm enjoying it. He is legitimately busy a lot so even IF I get to meet him, I accept it might take time to happen.
Anyway, even though I haven't had any more dates - but come ON - I've only been back the app for less than a month! It's nice to have what i HAVE got, even if it's just messages & flirtations & attempts to seduce me.
And 3 of the ones who want a shag PLUS my crush are ALL physically my type (unless they are catfishing me, ha ha!)
I've had my ups and downs like finding my ex lover's instagram and bursting into tears (but...is it mean to say that he is looking quite a lot less hot now?) but I really wanted answers & closure and to ask WHY. I went to the chatroom & asked the guys there to talk me out of contacting him & I played "White lies" a few times - cos it has that refrain "Don't do it!" and actually it helped!
I thought about a week or two ago I might never get another boyfriend but then I thought OK either way I REALLY need to work on self-love a lot more. So I am doing things around that. And AT THE MOMENT! I am back to feeling calmer and more in the most and relaxed about the whole thing, LONG MAY IT LAST!
Sometimes I DO think about my crush, WHY would HE EVER go for ME? But I'm managing to overcome those thoughts and just I guess be a bit more hopeful that regardless if he does or not, someone I really fancy WILL.
I used to be SO GOOD at this. I'd get hot boyfriends and then for a few years it was a rather hot husband (nice guys too sometimes, not just hot, don't misunderstand!) and sometimes girls would even try to flirt with them & I'd just smile & think lucky me! Not so much of the insecurities or jealousy but it's like I have these layers of crap, I've been soaked in the cynicism and garbage I've read from others over the years but MAYBE I'm starting to shed that?
With my ex lover, as i said to someone, it was like when I met him, OK my self esteem and confidence were like a fragile vase but they WERE intact. But everything that happened there, left them shattered in pieces on the floor. Jagged, cutting pieces. But maybe, just maybe. I'm starting to heal a little more, little by little now. And, honestly, I read about women who had terrible relationships and then after the WORST relationship they'd ever had, they attracted the best relationship they've ever had.
Either way, I'm continuing to listen to the sub and feeling a little more patient with the process & journey, and a little bit more whole.
OK now I really AM starting to feel like sub might be slowly but surely doing SOMETHING!
I got 3 messages from one of the guys hadn't heard for couple of days but I'd forgotten about him. And one of the things he said was "I don't come on Tinder much now and the only person I talk to on here is you."
I was quite surprised to hear that and also I remembered about blast from the past guy how he said something like "I have other matches but they're not as attractive as you. And they're all boring!" OK bit different him cos we HAD had 2 dates whereas he may not have met those other girls.
But seriously WTF?! I don't think I'm all that. I wish I did, I really do. But it's stunning me to have some of these guys acting this way LOLLL!
Shannon, Shannon, Shannon, so far this sub is pretty dayam cool!!!
Reading about Cashmere Cat's and Rising's experiences yeah I can relate. I have a close match too.
From what I can see on the dating app and on his instagram, (I didn't stalk, I asked!!) basically he IS my type physically too, like eye colour, face shape, basic hair colour and one of my preferred body types, preferred age range and also like the other one I liked at my work before, he's musical too. But also a very sweet personality that I like. And so far acting very gentlemanly in his messages on the app! Plus he right-swiped me, and usually messages me every two days and usually apologizes for being busy with work so not answering sooner and he's asked if we can text as he says he doesn't use the app much. He hasn't got my number yet BTW!
Anyway the catch is he works a LOT. I know that's legit and not some bullsheet excuse but that also means there's a strong chance he'll never go beyond text buddy. Oh, here's another thing, sometimes his messages are quite long, which is also a good sign. He doesn't flirt a lot, but he DID say his back was sore & he needed a massage which some guys said was a flirt! and when he said "what else do you want to know?" when I asked if his eyes are naturally that colour I said I didn't want to bombard him with questions and he said I don't mind you bombarding me. When I commented on a photo (not of him) he said he has heaps more on his phone. (No buddy, you are NOT getting my digits yet. I dunno!)
Often askikng how my day or weekend have been & saying about his.
So, he's probably a close thing, you know?
I'd like to go on a date with him, but it might never happen and I'm - bit like what Cashmere Cat said - I'm trying to appreciate what he DOES offer.
Be nice even if he's just a sign a match who IS available and also a lot of what I want is on the way.
Why are you toying with this guy? If you still think he's interesting after all this time exchange numbers and give him the shot he seems to have earned. He's going to lose interest very soon if you keep going this path of stringing him along, as just like women do men will almost certainly free time in their busy schedule if we think a woman is worth our time, so don't you dare use that as an excuse to disqualify him.
I DO like him!
But what if he only wants to sext?
Why is he asking my number to text if
we already message on the app?
If there is even a slight chance it's a
sign of interest, I'll give him my number.
There's also one other guy asking who I
like too but I like this one more & one who got
I think he got annoyed cos I wouldn't give my
number but only gave a link to a private
voice chat site.
I have had problems with guys on my phone before
but maybe I need to let go of those past things &
trust a bit more?
Sometimes I find it hard to know if a guy likes me or
Think they like me less than they do to be honest.
(05-10-2016, 09:15 PM)apollolux Wrote: [ -> ]Why are you toying with this guy? If you still think he's interesting after all this time exchange numbers and give him the shot he seems to have earned. He's going to lose interest very soon if you keep going this path of stringing him along, as just like women do men will almost certainly free time in their busy schedule if we think a woman is worth our time, so don't you dare use that as an excuse to disqualify him.
As a guy that has been toyed with... I do agree. I've always wondered why women communicate with me if they have no interest in meeting face to face?? This applies to the women I've met online.
Most of the women I meet with my schedule, I work with. They say they want to be friends and I'm cool with that. Then when I ask them out as a friend, the friendship ends. wtf?? It's more fun to socialize outside of work.
My belief is... you go out as friends. You may introduce him to a friend of yours, Miss Right and he may introduce you to a friend of his, Mr. Right. So many, what ifs...
(05-10-2016, 09:58 PM)Athena Wrote: [ -> ]Why is he asking my number to text if
we already message on the app?
If there is even a slight chance it's a
sign of interest, I'll give him my number.
There's also one other guy asking who I
like too but I like this one more & one who got
I think he got annoyed cos I wouldn't give my
number but only gave a link to a private
voice chat site.
I have had problems with guys on my phone before
but maybe I need to let go of those past things &
trust a bit more?
Now in your defense. If he can message you via the app, then why does he need your number?
You can plan a date and meet in person via the app and never exchange numbers. I've done that!! I've also changed my phone number several times because women I wasn't interested in, kept calling me.
If he really wants to meet you... he will;
not having your phone number in this day and age of technology where there is social media to stay in touch with each other exists...
isn't a valid enough reason not to meet someone in person.
I disagree, if a woman won't give me her phone number because of some reason that doesn't make much sense (oh you have me on this app) then there's an issue and I wouldn't bother trying to even meet her if she can't so much as do that.
For me specifically I can't use these apps except on an emulator on my pc but it's also kind of symbolic, if she can't trust you enough to give you her number then there's something wrong.
Yes he is interested, but I agree with Apollolux.. if a woman was acting this way towards me i'd assume she's bsing me and not make much more effort.
(05-11-2016, 04:17 PM)Benjamin Wrote: [ -> ]I disagree, if a woman won't give me her phone number because of some reason that doesn't make much sense (oh you have me on this app) then there's an issue and I wouldn't bother trying to even meet her if she can't so much as do that.
For me specifically I can't use these apps except on an emulator on my pc but it's also kind of symbolic, if she can't trust you enough to give you her number then there's something wrong.
Yes he is interested, but I agree with Apollolux.. if a woman was acting this way towards me i'd assume she's bsing me and not make much more effort.
@Athena
You have three points of view. Listen to your intuition and do what you feel most comfortable to you.
Warning this is going to be long and a few names in this. I think I need to colour code!
I sort of have an update!
What a what and night WOAH.
OK, so, over a month ago, in April I think but it was definitely when I was still on my man-break, I chatted in the chatroom I go to chat to this American Hispanic guy. Now, some things about me. I'm not in the USA or from there although I've traveled there and one of my guy friends swears I'm American, even though I'm not. But - especially as in the past I had a few dates with an American Jewish guy and it was quite nice - I AM curious about American men. Some are players to say the least but some seem really cool. I've even thought at some stage I'd like to get the "attract your perfect American romantic lover" sub and see what happens LOL!
Anyway, I digress.
So we chatted and he was keen to be in touch on the phone and maybe to meet but I said no. Like I said, I was still on the man-break anyway.
We'll get back to him. I'm going to call him American guy.
I think it was on Thursday or Friday I matched with a new guy who we'll call M. M worked in America for two years, loves it talks about it and he's also traveled the world and we've exchanged a barrage of messages. Like no guy has messaged me THIS much! 4-5 long messages at once and he'll reply straight away. But I think he just wants sex but we're still a bit interested to meet and he wants to get coffee or something.
Before this, I asked F. on a date. Cos F was asking about my weekend and saying he didn't have plans so I asked him for a coffee. He said yes! We didn't get to that point but turns out F. who is pretty shy though at least at this point, is also French and said he can help me brush up on this & that might be fun. I just have to think of a public place to meet!
Then after all this I sort of had this, not horny energy but sort of like flirty energy? and I felt it needed to go somewhere so I messaged R, which is a bit mean cos R is gorgeous but R only wants sex cos of the age gap. He messaged back like RIGHT away though, which surprised me (on the dating app) and we briefly chatted but that was mean of me in a way to message him & be a bit flirty. Cos I've told him I want more than just sex. But I've never tried to lead him on or anything.
Anyway, later on, American guy got back from his work function and called me. Yes, I got very brave after inner debate and gave him my number. I've also given it to M (the travelling one) cos it's so easy to chat to him and to A (I think of A as my favourite, sort of like my crush. Like I said, R is gorgeous too, but he only wants sex - even though part of me is tempted! - so A is my favourite.
American guy and I chatted on the phone and it was so easy to chat to each other. Now, I don't know what he looks like and he doesn't know what I look like but we are both like eh let's do a blind date for the hell of it. But he is - honestly - he seems to kinda like me already. He says if he doesn't get to meet me tomorrow (work is crazy busy next week) it will be torture to wait a whole week, and at the work function he kept thinking about me and that between chatting on the site and him seeing me there again on Saturday, he had been going to that site for about a month, hoping I'd be on and he could connect with me! But again we don't know if either of us will be attracted, but I've said can we just be friends if not.
He has all these ideas for dates that I'm really keen on too!
And THEN! On Friday I sent A (my fave so far) a message cos we message too and one of the things I said was "Do you know we've been messaging for a month now" I felt inspired to say that, not sure why.
Well, last night, with all THIS going on! A messaged back and replied to my messages and one of the things he said was something like wow we've been messaging a month? I think it would be a good idea to meet up at some stage, what do you think?
I felt SO excited when I saw that. Cos I've wanted to meet A. In his photos he mostly looks very cute but also his messages are always so lovely and sweet to me. He asks about my day and says about his and if he's busy with work so he doesn't message for a day or two, he apologizes. And as I think I've said, he text speaks to friends on Instagram, but with me it's more formal, normal language. (that can be a sign someone is trying to impress, it might not be though.)
Ironically, like I said, work next week is extra stressful and busy and I've also maybe trying to secure a new job elsewhere too, or just get more concrete details about the job offer, really. So these guys may need to wait. Or not. Maybe I can find a way to juggle all this! Speaking of juggling, last night i was chatting with a few of them almost at the same time!
But the week after that I'm on half term (I'm a teacher) with a whole week off.
Anyway, that's my update. I haven't met any of them yet, though American guy is keen to meet today even if just for coffee.
But he, A, M and F all want to meet me! R does too, but as he only wants sex, he will probably have to dip out! Anyway that's my update.
The only other thing is I've felt more desire to eat healthy and try to lose weight over this last week or two. So that's another change I've noticed.
Hi guys this is an "inner life" one, mostly.
I DID have a date on Sunday :-) but what I mostly want to share is more about changes on the INSIDE.
A long time ago (in a galaxy far, far away HA!) like I said, some of my boyfriends were guys other women would also think of as handsome. I even dated someone who was briefly a barman, which of course means lots of other women in his place of work. Anyway, even though I had my moments of insecurity then too, I was pretty good. Like, I wasn't jealous of Jason doing his barman job and I trusted him not to cheat or run off into the sunset with some hottie. If I was with a boyfriend and another girl smiled at him flirtatiously, I would smile at HER and I would think "Yes, he IS yummy, yes, I AM lucky aren't I." things like that.
But more recently, and again it's since the divorce, even though we didn't divorce over another woman or lack of attraction on either side, like I WOULD feel threatened by other women. A LOT.
Even if I saw a photo of a guy with another girl. I remember balling my eyes out when I saw my ex boyfriend, Chris, in a photo side by side with another girl on his meetup profile. Till his best friend told me she's just a friend and doesn't even live in this country!
Anyway, my current fave who I'm crushing on, he let me see his instagram, heck he lets WHOEVER see it. But even though I've seen two photos of him standing side by side with 2 different girls, I'm not jealous. Whereas normally I WOULD be. And I don't see them as a threat. It helps that it was only ONE photo with each, sure. But also sometimes girls flirt with him on there. Part of it is that I'm not really seeing him flirt back with them. But he even had this girl really going for it and in the end he was like OK let's whatsapp but I'm just not jealous. I'm not feeling threatened. Normally I WOULD be. I won't pretend there's no insecurity on my part.
I might be meeting him soon and I'm worried that what if he only wants sex or
what if he's not attracted to me in real life, though I'm gradually and with a lot of inner work getting to the point of not caring so much!
But to not be plagued by that insecurity, that jealousy, ESPECIALLY as I ended things with my ex lover over photos of him with another woman (I was fine with him having sex with others though btw)
After all THAT being thrown in my face, hurting SO MUCH that I took a whole year off men, and to NOT feel jealous and insecure when I have seen my crush in photos with another woman or other girls saying flirty things, I think it's still HUGE HUGE progress.
And they ARE younger and slimmer than me.
And yet, I'm still not feeling jealous or threatened about it.
Normally i SO WOULD.
It feels like MAYBE I'm going back to how the old me used to be. And regardless whatever does or doesn't happen with my crush...I lo - ho -HOVE that.
SO MUCH.
And I think this subliminal could be part of the changes. ??
Hi Athena, I'm loving your journal ....Btw, at what point on your listening timeline did you start to see these changes?
Thanks so much!
I believe it was about the 21st - 23rd of April, cos I looked back to see when I asked him to "follow" him on instagram and he accepted. So that's about month 4 and a bit.
I took a break from men for a year and just went back to dating on the 8th of April. But A really is the most likely to - if any of them - be boyfriend-y. A lot of the others just want sex.
I also re-connected (no, I didn't have sex with him, I still by choice have not had sex for over a year, only had that one kiss on my first date after I got back into dating) with a lover from the past, though I'm trying to friend-zone him cos we probably shouldn't go down that road and we were going to meet at least as friends but then his work got crazy & honestly I felt a bit sad that we couldn't.
HE'S said some things that imply he's open to a relationship with me but still mmm predominantly being sexual. Saying a few things though a bit stronger than usual though in the past he HAS even sort of proposed and everything but it's never been clear cut with us. But saying things like "I like you a lot" and "I want more than just a shag."
Waters have always been murky between us two and he wants a wife and i want a live-out boyfriend so already those are different goals! But I'd still like to see him again.
A is still the best bet but well the ball's in HIS court now so to speak. I sent him a message with prospective plans after he messaged me saying what do I want to go/see/do and is his age a problem for me (it's not!) and that "I can't believe we're finally going to be meeting!"
But in reply to the message of prospective plans, he's replied "We'll sort something out :-)"
So, I'm backing WAY off. I replied "Ok :-) "
And my thoughts were a bit all over the place. Like all this anxiety about meeting A and what if he's not attracted. But now I'm like oh WHATEVER, back to coping with life, I guess. And if he comes to the party, GREAT.
I just have to be patient and keep doing this.
Cos like i said, I HAVE seen changes and hopefully it's just a matter of time.
My feelings so far are that YES this sub DOES take a long time well for some of us but also that it works.
I feel more confident overall now that I CAN attract my perfect boyfriend, though I still have times of doubt.
UGH!!!!
I think I am going to take a break seriously, man!
A guy I've erm you know a few times in the past but there was always an underlying friendship too and honestly possibly love on his side (he's basically even proposed in the past) came back into my life and wanted to meet. I was trying to suggest meeting as friends only, NO sex. Part of me loved the idea of food, DVDs, chatting, laughing. I hadn't said yes or no and was trying to resist.
Anyway HE'S hurt his back and A's sister had to go to hospital for a minor operation and i get THIS stupid message from A.:
"I really like chatting to you and would still love to see you. I can't do the day and when I'm back I'll message you. You're always welcome to come by mine when you want
"
UGH WHY do I keep being offered sex?
I am trying so hard to NOT have sex and I keep being offered sex, sex, sex.
FFS I could sleep with a different man every week but that's NOT what I want.
But I'm getting quite frustrated at trying SO hard to do the "right thing" (apparently, if a woman wants a relationship) and NOT have sex. And I almost feel like, why do I BOTHER trying to be good. Yes I miss sex a lot. Cos of my manbreak & now trying to be good & go slow, I haven't had it for 1 year and nearly two months. But I'm doing this to try and get a relationship. You know? and if having sex when I want it is the sacrifice I have to make to get it, I'm prepared to do that to show them I AM girlfriend material.
Like I said, I have to be patient and I don't even know any more. Seriously. I think maybe I'll just take a break and focus on a different life area for a while.
I'm still really grateful for all the changes I've seen inside and out so far but I'm pretty effed off today, I can't lie. And AS for chatting with someone for a month and thinking he MIGHT want more than just sex and then the welcome to come by my house. UHHH.
Oh well.
Maybe I'm trying TOO hard?
Maybe I just need to take a break and try and focus on attracting other things I want like money, galpal friends etc?!
Maybe it's just a hickup, just a bad day?
Anyway, we all have our moments, I know. And even my fave chatroom isn't working. My day from HELL. Heh heh
I'll try not to resist the sheet and do some work stuff even though I don't want to and play my lovely computer game & tidy the room (UGHH) and just find things to appreciate somehow.
Eh, we all have moments like these. Hopefully, this too shall pass.
I still feel like i've laid a strong foundation however.
And by the way, I didn't fancy my blind date but I DID enjoy the date it was lovely & we had some laughs & a great time chatting. So that was cool. I don't want more and he doesn't want to be just friends but we're still both glad we met.
Back to the drawing board methinx!
(06-02-2016, 05:04 AM)Athena Wrote: [ -> ]UGH!!!!
I think I am going to take a break seriously, man!
UGH WHY do I keep being offered sex?
I am trying so hard to NOT have sex and I keep being offered sex, sex, sex.
That's the vibration you are sending out to the universe and the more you resist the more you encounter it. For some reason, you are focused on guys only wanting sex.
Fastest and easiest way to change this vibration is to listen to EHPRA 2.0. Once you release this Guilt, Shame, and Fear about sex, then return to the AYP.