Another brand new day. Still can't get over this sickness so left work early. I did notice a trigger that is still very prevalent. I hate phoning people, especially girls. I've never liked it, not even after 8 days of the sub.
I've always known it's because I can't see them, so really i'm basing most of my intuition on their words and the emotion behind their words. When the girl pauses I start to wonder why she's pausing because i don't have the body cues to go on. I spoke to a girl for the first time tonight. Actually went well, still a little agitated by it though. Does any stage in AM6 work on that?
Does anyone know which stage of AM6 will start working on the indifference around girls? A lot of guys have mentioned that they start being indifferent to women and not desiring them as much. I don't want to get to the point where I don't care about women but I want to own my sexual desire and being unapologetic about it if that makes sense.
I'm not too worried anyway, because I've been chatting and talking to this girl from a dating site who seems really cool, so looking forward to see where that leads.
I noticed today that I was a bit agitated. I've been looking for a routine, or even just some practices to cultivate sexual energy/presence. Stuff like qi gong for instance. Nothing seems to discuss the way to achieve this, or what actually causes it. I've found some practices and one I did I'm pretty sure awoke my sexual energy so I plan to do it again today.
I decided to be a bit more playful in some opening message to girls on dating sites. No replies from the ones that have been opened but also they haven't been deleted or responded badly. Also saw a girl I've met socially on the site. Clicked the want to meet button. Felt a small tremor of hesitation and a thought of 'what if she's awkward when she sees me next time'. Then clicked it anyway.
Wow, so today was HARD. I had a really strange dream, I don't remember it now but I think it screwed with me. I seem to vaguely recall fighting something like mosters, or people, or something and leading a group of us. I woke up very unhappy/miserable/angry. And I stayed that way for most of the day. The girl I've been messaging was slow to respond so my mood made that seem worse. I was clearing archived emails at work and saw a conversation with a girl I used to work with. That set me off. I recall one moment when I had a glass in my hand and I really wanted to crush it haha.
I even had the very temporary thought of stopping the subs, which I didn't. By the end of the day I was a bit better.
Is this the resistance that everyone talks about? The reason I ask is I did a lot of different sexual energy practices last night including a breath that draws the energy up to each chakra. This stuff can release blocks/emotional issues etc. So not sure if it's because of those practices dissolving or bringing emotional garbage to the surface? Or the subs?
On a positive note I found out I should be getting extended at work. I'm permanent but currently acting in a higher role which has a 2% pay progression every six months for a total of 3 years plus the corporate 2% per year, versus only the corporate 2% on my main role.
And I purchased a simple set of speakers for my room for the subs. They just fit nicely on the bedhead behind me so I have one on either side.
I called the girl again. The first time, a few days ago, I was still quite nervous as I hate phone calls but this time I offered to call her. And I was much more okay with it.
I'm curious if anyone is actually reading this?
Well, that's actually because I'm in a real angry funk. Very similar to what I experienced the other day but I think more intense. I'm starting to think it's not caused by the subliminal but possibly from the practices I do every now and then. A bit of qi gong, chi cultivation, sex energy cultivation/transformation, some tantra solo energy practices (similar to chi cultivation), and chakra breathing. I did the whole lot yesterday afternoon before leaving the house for drinks with some friends. Didn't notice any negativity until towards the end of the night and then it hit me like a tonne of bricks.
The online girl feels like she's creating distance although I'm not really sure. My house mate, plus two of my mates came with me to the drinks. It actually went quite well. Met one girl who was really great. I stayed chatting with her for ages. Suggested we get a coffee and she said she'd love to catch up. I assume that means as friends but the vibe felt like something more.
Had some good chats with a few other women. One of my mates joked about why I was sitting in the corner by myself. I wasn't. I wanted to sit on a chair and I joked that it's acceptable if you look comfortable. I was leaned back, arms up on the railing. A couple of minutes later one of the girls from the group comes over to introduce herself. I asked about her jewellery and she laughed and said she's never been asked that before and it's a great question. Had a good chat with her. Got her number later in the night and then regretted it about five minutes later when I realised she was extremely drunk. Within about 15 minutes she was practically groping and grabbing any guy in the group with a penis. I can't stand chicks like that. Watching the spectacle was probably what set my anger/frustration into full swing. Plus there was some random married chick on the dancefloor hanging around my mate who's a bit shy. Turns out she was married. People like that are f*cking disgraceful. They feel like shit about themselves so screw over other people to feel good about themselves.
I sent the girl a text hoping she hadn't saved my number. I don't know if she'd saved it but she figured out who it was haha. I have to admit the personality shift was massive. The sober version of her was awesome, bubbly, fascinating, and a great feminine vibe then she ruined it by getting trashy.
As you can tell from the tone of this post my anger/frustration isn't gone. It's less edgy but still solid. When I was waiting for my bus last night there was another trashed woman. I have no idea where she got all the food from but she had I'd say the equivalent of three plastic bags full of food rubbish. She apologised to me for leaving her rubbish around. Which is understandable because for some crazy reason the transit authorities decided to remove almost all bins from bus stations and train stations. Then she asked some random guy if he found money, then hunted through her bags of rubbish. Then she was in tears because she lost her phone or something.
I was in such a bad mood when I got home that I just lay on my bed fuming, staring at the ceiling. I'm almost scared to do those practices again. I know it's probably a good thing though. I guess by clearing blocks, releasing and working through all this anger that's coming up, this will help the subliminals to work even more effectively?
I'm also finding that I'm getting increasingly frustrated that I'm not getting the results that I'm expecting. I'm expecting that women will show interest in me similar to what some people are reporting. Is this the resistance that people are talking about? I feel like, what if it doesn't work and I'm wasting my time if the results don't happen in later stages. Although I do understand that Shannon has specified that the results won't generally be seen until at least Stage 3. It could be that other people are becoming more aware of pre-existing results. Kind of like if someone wants a red car and they focus on that, then suddenly everywhere they go it's like there are more red cars on the road than normal when in reality they are noticing the red cars that have always been there.
I need to hit up and connect with some Qi Gong practitioners/teachers to find out what's going on with this anger/frustration.
Currently average 19/20 hours per day for the subs. Although an average of 1-2 hours a day is on mono speaker.
In terms of inner change I definitely feel like something is happening. It's second nature for me to go up to groups in the social events and interact. I saw a cute blonde girl and it felt second nature to position myself beside her to start a conversation.
There was a cute girl who looked at me and I thought I might know her so went over and said hi. We chatted and I don't think she connected with my questions. I like to ask girls things like what excites them, etc Suddenly she says to me, have you met my girl friend and introduces me to this other girl. I thought she was just passing me along but her friend was actually more grounded than she was so I found her more attractive. About 5-10 minutes the original girl heard me say I like photography and points at her friend and exclaims, Oh she's a really good artist. Which sounded to me like she was trying to bring us together kind of thing. Later though her friend moved away from me to talk to one of hte girls so I wandered away and lost track of her.
The girl who organises the drinks, for some reason I went up to her and put my hands on her waist to get attention. She turned around a bit surprised I think. The person in the circle opposite her left and she took their spot so not sure if she was deliberately moving away.
And my dreams, for some reason, for about the past week, I struggle to remember them. I get the feeling though that they all involve heroism. Like I'm leading people, protecting them. I'm not really sure though.
I've been reading up on a few things and going to incorporate some practices along with the subs. Obviously I've got my qigong/sex energy/chakra breathing practice, but also:
1. I'm going to start eating celery every day. It's cheap and is a good source of androstenol (the pheromone that is produced from sweat, plus added to pheromone sprays). I've seen two one-off reports of women reacting differently. I get the bus to work so that will be my testing ground haha.
2. I remember the chemist used to have a cheap Musk spray. I think it was like 10 or 20 bucks.
And, the head organiser for a Qigong meetup group in Brisbane just contacted me. I joined their group today (turns out the guy I connected with via email a while back is an organiser as well). I'm going to hit her up for questions about my anger responses.
Today was interesting. Still reeling a bit from the negative sh*t in my head. Pretty sure it's related to the Qi Gong but the sub could be causing some of it as well. Thinking of doing my Qi gong again tonight to see if the same thing happens tomorrow. Today is more of a mellow frustration. Like I type a little harder, my movements are a little sharper, etc.
The girl I was messagin is taking longer to reply and now I'm getting irritated with her.
I bought some celery yesterday while at work. Was on sale so worked out well. Chewed on a stalk before heading to the bus. Didn't notice anything out of the ordinary, although I think one or two girls glanced at me as I was walking to the bus. Actually one definitely did but she didn't show any obvious sign of interest other than looking at me a little longer than normal. The key though was I 'felt' attractive which is probably a placebo but it does the trick. Also read that qi gong apparently increases testosterone in the body. Another reason to continue the practices.
Actually, in the morning there was a seat beside me. A reasonably attractive women got on the bus, looked at me for a little longer than normal. There was a seat in front of me next to this older guy and she waited for the person in front of her to move along and sat next to me. I didn't say anything as I don't like striking up conversations in the morning. Plus she may have been uncomfortable sitting next to the older guy.
This one girl came down to fix something on my PC. We had a good chat, and she seemed suddenly fascinated with my phone. When it buzzed, I commented that it wasn't important as the light wasn't green and she wanted to know what all the different light colours meant haha.
Weird, I still can't recall any dreams. I get 'feelings' of a dream, like I know there was a dream but nothing to recall.
I'm also doing visualisations throughout the day. Sometimes it'll be 30 seconds long, sometimes 1-2 minutes. Sometimes longer. I visualise when I'm in bed at night and when I get up in the morning. If I see a cute girl get on the bus I visualise something happening between us. I try to do it for different situations so my mind get a more broader set of reference points.
I'm starting to wonder if it's actually the subs that are causing the anger and upset/moody feeling.
The feelings I'm experiencing are:
- Anger/frustration - this sometimes builds up until I hit the bed
- Depressed feeling - like I want to cry haha
- Moodiness - I've just been lying on my bed doing nothing, going over bullsh*t in my head
- Really small things are setting me off
I might go through the forums and do a search to find anyone's stories on their resistance. I was going to go to bed early tonight because I don't feel like staying awake in this mood. But I think I might do a shortened version of the qi gong stuff. I'm just worried that if that is the cause I'll be in an even worse mood tomorrow.
Does this sound like it's just resistance to the subliminals? Do I need to do anything about it or just ride it out?
(06-01-2015, 05:09 AM)Andarras Wrote: [ -> ]I'm starting to wonder if it's actually the subs that are causing the anger and upset/moody feeling.
The feelings I'm experiencing are:
- Anger/frustration - this sometimes builds up until I hit the bed
- Depressed feeling - like I want to cry haha
- Moodiness - I've just been lying on my bed doing nothing, going over bullsh*t in my head
- Really small things are setting me off
I might go through the forums and do a search to find anyone's stories on their resistance. I was going to go to bed early tonight because I don't feel like staying awake in this mood. But I think I might do a shortened version of the qi gong stuff. I'm just worried that if that is the cause I'll be in an even worse mood tomorrow.
Does this sound like it's just resistance to the subliminals? Do I need to do anything about it or just ride it out?
Sorry if you already knew this, the subs don't directly cause those upheavals and roller coaster of emotions. What I believe the sub does is, it works on the issues, problems and negative beliefs that are limiting you, so when they are being worked on they are brought to the surface unlike before where you they were hidden and you weren't aware. So these things already existed, just that you weren't aware of the limiting impact they had on you. I'd say if you feel like crying, then let yourself cry, because it will release whatever that's causing you to feel that way.
If your diet and everything else has remained healthy and consistent, then chances are it's resistance.
Thanks for the comments QuantumEnthusiast! Diet-wise I've never really been good on that front haha. The celery was more for testing the idea of the androstenol it contains. Yeah I figured everything that was coming up was being dredged up by the subs. Which is a good thing, because it can no longer run the show invisibly.
I guess I was worried that I needed to 'do' something with the emotions other than just be with them and let them run their course.
Today was quite bad. I was in a foul mood for quite a while. Swearing to myself about lots of different things. I actually feel much more light headed tonight which is good
I'm also going to cut my listening time back. I'm right on the cusp of maximum time although it doesn't feel that way. Average 20 hours a day. I've downloaded 20-30 podcasts that I want to listen to at work so I'm going to aim to spend 2 hours at work listening to them and the rest on the subs. I think my count might be off a bit because I go out with friends on Saturday nights so lose 8 hours of listening time, but it's still high regardless.
The online girl has gone completely silent on me for some reason. So today, in my foul dark mood, I stormed and brewed in my head about it. Then all of a sudden about an hour ago I had this thought. I should ask her if she's annoyed with me. I doubt she is, but maybe she is and I can either fix things or learn something.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to remember anything from my dreams? When I first used the subs I could remember my dreams. Now I have this 'feeling' of dreams that maybe involve heroism or protecting people or something along those lines.
Got some great podcasts and blogs to go through now.
Hey XyzN, I used to use Google Keep on my phone but even when I wake up I don't seem to recall dreams. Or maybe I'm not really waking up...
Today was interesting. So I finally messaged the online girl who's been ignoring me. I took the more, what feels alpha, route and asked if I had bothered her. Normally I would just ignore her and wait because I sent the last text that she ignored. I've always figured if someone has an issue with me they can come to me, I shouldn't have to go and look for problems. She came back and informed me that she was under a lot of stress at work and she didn't know what she wants to do at the moment, plus she is too tired that she can't even think. I get it, I know her work and life situation. A part of me is resentful at the possibility that if I hadn't asked she would never have texted me again. I think that's a dishonest virtue in society these days. It's behaviour like this that makes guys become unlike themselves. I know guys who write negative stuff about women on facebook all because they've had similar experiences.
I replied and accepted what she was saying and wished her luck with everything. I expect a response at least to thank me for understanding or wish me the same.
That's something else that irritates me. Online dating is usually used by women who either need the social value it brings (makes them feel good about themselves etc), or it's used by women who don't necessarily have the time to go out and meet a guy (nurses, shift jobs, etc). The problem is these people who don't have the time to meet someone may also not have the time to actually have a man in their life.
Today was an overall good day. I've started trying to bring sexual intent to my interactions with women. It feels strange actually. Like I'll imagine her naked, or what I might do to her, etc. I tend to bring no sexual intent to anything I do, even when I'm actually approaching a woman to meet her. I had a meeting and I was just remaining in a state, connected to my body. I don't know if it was my imagination but the presenter seemed to hold more eye contact with me. I'd notice her eyes switching around the room, making sure everyone had her attention but then she'd stay with my eye contact for at least 1-3 seconds and sometimes she would then break it but look at my eyes again for a snapshot.
I'm also kind of excited. I've been desperately looking for any notes from any seminars/coaching by a guy named Destin Gerek. He calls himself the Erotic Rockstar I believe. A lot of people will share their notes but couldn't find anything for his seminars. Then I finally found a document on Scribd from a guy who has about 5 differnet exercises that he learnt from this guy.
I had a real eye opener last night. Was downloading lots of sex/masculinity, etc related podcasts and did some searches through more unique search engines. I found a couple of search terms that might make it easier to track down the results. I've been hunting on exercises/practices to help me embody my masculine sexuality. That guy who looks at a women and his whole being is sexually alive. She feels it, is drawn to it. So much out there on the eastern side of things is more aligned with cultivating energy for 'higher' purposes, or transmuting your sexual energy to 'higher' purposes. But I've been looking for stuff around creating a sexual presence. Two potential search terms popped up. Project sexual intent, and creating a sexual vibe. The first one is key. As soon as I read it I realized that's something I don't do.
I want to start watching my finances more. I installed a stock app to manage my shares. They've done poorly for a really long time so this app allows me to set price alerts so I'll sit pretty until they hit my price, hopefully, and then sell. Also got a password manager because I can never remember the login details of my share account, my super account, etc.
I've hit the start of Week 3, Stage 1!
I got a response from that girl. I'm angry but not at her. More a feeling of 'why me'. When I meet a great girl she's got too much going on in her life. I know she's going through a lot and I can understand, plus in all honesty I would probably over time get frustrated if I have to fight over the small bits of free time that a person has.
She also thanked me for understanding and told me I'm one of a kind so that was nice to read.
I actually forgot the weirdest and freakiest thing that happened to me last night. I was lying in bed on my side and I had my head resting kind-of on my left hand. Next thing I...see this electrical bang. It was visual and auditory but no kinesthetic. I saw this burst of light and a bang. Yet there was no feeling. No pain, no sensations. I bolted upright and immediately inspected my two speakers. No problems. I then roll over and turn on my phone to inspect it. All good. They're the only electrical things near me. Has anyone experienced that before? It was creepy. I was a bit cautious to rest my head back on that hand haha.
My favourite masculinity podcast at the moment is the pressure project, have you come across it? He doesn't cover much sexuality but it's good stuff.
What are some that you can recommend? I'm always open to new and good material.