day 69: can't stand this chick at work. She's got temper issues and it affects me. she also has something against me and I hate it. overall everything was going well too, then she ruined it. I'm going to look for a second job, and make this part time.
Day 70: Feels like I hit a plateau again. So far the things that have stayed permanent with LTU in me is the fear of death never comes to mind anymore, and if it ever does it doesn't bother me. Overall feeling better in life, not to the point where I am extremely happy, but it's an improvement. I get less angry or impatient with things. I don't feel like I'm "Faking" it as much, negative things either slip by me and I don't notice them, or I let them go.. and sometimes I confront them. However I don't let them stay attached to me, or fake a smile, atleast this has been reduced by 70% I'd say. 20 days away from the 3 month mark. People have been recommending me to stay for 6 months, but damn am I ever excited or wanting to get into AM, or a learning sub. I have a HUGE procastination problem, so I'm not sure how well the learning subs are going to work. Jonathan if you're reading this, I too suffer from the same procastination problem and that's why I'm now kinda hesitant about starting a learning sub. I have been reading your journal. For me, if I start a learning sub, I'll do some sort of procastination sub along with it. It's a must.
(05-08-2014, 11:04 PM)lokko Wrote: [ -> ]Day 70: Feels like I hit a plateau again. So far the things that have stayed permanent with LTU in me is the fear of death never comes to mind anymore, and if it ever does it doesn't bother me. Overall feeling better in life, not to the point where I am extremely happy, but it's an improvement. I get less angry or impatient with things. I don't feel like I'm "Faking" it as much, negative things either slip by me and I don't notice them, or I let them go.. and sometimes I confront them. However I don't let them stay attached to me, or fake a smile, atleast this has been reduced by 70% I'd say. 20 days away from the 3 month mark. People have been recommending me to stay for 6 months, but damn am I ever excited or wanting to get into AM, or a learning sub. I have a HUGE procastination problem, so I'm not sure how well the learning subs are going to work. Jonathan if you're reading this, I too suffer from the same procastination problem and that's why I'm now kinda hesitant about starting a learning sub. I have been reading your journal. For me, if I start a learning sub, I'll do some sort of procastination sub along with it. It's a must.
Lokko that will be wise decision. But, I think, I am going to run AM6 after this sub which already included seek the challenge and avoid procrastination, US and many other single sub. I know that I am procrastinating heavily now but I know after 3/4 months later it won't be like this. I believe if I run MLS for few months and then if I commit to AM6 and re run as a part of procrastination, US, DAOS and seek the challenge it will bring solid result instead of doing one sub again and again running AM6 few times for sure will cover many areas . Moreover, I think if someone run AM6 2 3 times with patience he can achieve a huge response in female part too along with other aspect. BAMM could be the last nectar of all subliminal who knows.
Regarding your plateau, I had that feeling. I felt like I was in Limbo and wanted to stop LTU so hard. I started to feel I had nothing to take anymore from the sub. But I persuaded myself and waited till 6 months as Shannon suggested for long term programming. I can assure you I am much better in my natural emotional health than ever before and actually it blooms slowly day by day if I notice minutely so far. Best of luck for your upcoming journey.
I am not sure if AM6 covers procastination heavily. A specific sub to use would be better to be honest. Honestly I just don't want to do LTU anymore, now a days I wake up with a headache from the sub, and EXHAUSTION to the max. I have to sleep 12 hours to feel any better. I don't know, I'll do 19 more days and see if I see improvement, if not I'm going to move onto another sub, but I might not..lets see how it goes.
Day 71: Just total exhaustion and headache. I've lost my self esteem a bit..I don't socialize as much, I mean I do, but not with groups..I don't approach anyone to socialize, I always feel like I have nothing to say or I don't know them well enough. Especially at work. I have been having intense dreams lately..somethings happening, not sure what yet.
you might take one or two days off or reduce few hours and see how you feel... it's a single stage sub so should not be any problem
Or maybe I just have my volume too high? I play the masked version.
Day 72: I swear it feels like therapy when I come on here and write my day down. Haha.
Anyhow, I had many vivid dreams, some frightening ones, nothing demonic like, just somebody trying to kill me, and I had this power over him and asked him why, and didn't really have an answer for me.
As far as my day goes, I was really into myself today, just analyzing things, not being social, but not in a bad way, it was kind of eye opening. I noticed that some guy I'm working with was trying to impose alpha like traits, by turning his back on me and talking to girls, and only turning to me when he wanted me to do something, and I just kept doing it. I kind of wanted to see how it all worked out, so I played along, wasn't really negative even though at some points I was a bit frustrated. In reality though he's really nervous, especially when he's approached. It's good to analyze this, but in the future I want to be naturally alpha, without having to "try" or "analyze"
I feel my life getting better, things are starting to rebuild, I'm not self sabotaging myself as hard, I like this, I want to continue this way.
Day 73: Today was pretty good. It was actually surprising to see the girl who power trips and dislikes me get along with me. She was much nicer and etc. I'm not sure if it's because me and the General manager had good vibes with eachother, and she was there to witness it or the subs kicking in. I was a bit more social today too, still was analyzing and so on but it was less.
day 74: Didn't have work today, so didn't go out much, but my old and I are connecting again which is pretty cool, and I'm just coming off as a cool guy with people. yep yep.
day 75: My sleephones had fell out so I didn't get any exposure time lastnight, but I'm going to get 1.5x hours more to accomadate for it. I'm feeling more confident and less nervous/worried everyday.
day 76: nothing to report didn't really go out today
day 77: Feeling exhausted. Had a dream where I was in a gang or something but not really, and we had guns, can't remember the rest but it wasn't a positive dream. I had someone in my dream that I used to hang out with me and there wasn't much good vibes from it. I might be overcoming some sort of guilt or fear I had associated with that person.
As far as my day, it's been pretty good, I'm alot more positive but there are times when people push my buttons and I've had to tap on it which I haven't done in a month or so, and I'm okay again. Some resistance came up I guess.
day 78: I had a speeding ticket, and hired this woman that I knew through a friend, she's 34..she asked for $500 to beat the ticket. I took her out to eat, and I swear to you I could understand her subliminal messages. She was trying to make me fall for her by saying things that most "friend zone" guys would agree on with her or just laugh it off, but I told her directly and called her out on stuff. She kept shit testing me, I seen right through her, I never caught on to this stuff before but I swear to you it was like a light of clearity when I realized what she was doing. Anyhow after long talk, she's going to handle my speeding ticket for free. I think she expects to chase her though cause she mentions how guys stalk her etc...(she's overweight and much older then me) I don't know what who she thought she was fooling. I felt way more relaxed when I was talking to her btw. Usually I'd cringe at things I said if they were straight to the point or truthfully. I didn't budge. Anyways I don't want nothing with her, maybe an occasional friendship here and there.
I came home and started playing video games. I SWEAR I WANT TO LET GO OF THIS GAME. It's taking away at my life. IT FRUSTRATES ME, it makes me so angry but yet I still play it everyday. I'm going to uninstall it. I feel like my hours (which is minimum 6 hours a day on this game) could go to better use. It's just addicting, but as I write this, I am going to uninstall this game. Finally get rid of it. THIS IS GOING TO BE A GOOD CHANGE.
(05-17-2014, 01:10 AM)lokko Wrote: [ -> ]day 78: I had a speeding ticket, and hired this woman that I knew through a friend, she's 34..she asked for $500 to beat the ticket. I took her out to eat, and I swear to you I could understand her subliminal messages. She was trying to make me fall for her by saying things that most "friend zone" guys would agree on with her or just laugh it off, but I told her directly and called her out on stuff. She kept shit testing me, I seen right through her, I never caught on to this stuff before but I swear to you it was like a light of clearity when I realized what she was doing. Anyhow after long talk, she's going to handle my speeding ticket for free. I think she expects to chase her though cause she mentions how guys stalk her etc...(she's overweight and much older then me) I don't know what who she thought she was fooling. I felt way more relaxed when I was talking to her btw. Usually I'd cringe at things I said if they were straight to the point or truthfully. I didn't budge. Anyways I don't want nothing with her, maybe an occasional friendship here and there.
I came home and started playing video games. I SWEAR I WANT TO LET GO OF THIS GAME. It's taking away at my life. IT FRUSTRATES ME, it makes me so angry but yet I still play it everyday. I'm going to uninstall it. I feel like my hours (which is minimum 6 hours a day on this game) could go to better use. It's just addicting, but as I write this, I am going to uninstall this game. Finally get rid of it. THIS IS GOING TO BE A GOOD CHANGE.
I feel the same way about video games. I have a ps3 at home and I want to sell it although it's been a while since I played it because my controlllers are broken. But, even if I sell it, I am stilll wasting time on other things like internet, facebook, etc...Which means it won't serve me to get rid of my ps3. As soon as I get rid of my all my fears & negativity THEN I can or not get rid of my ps3 but before that would be an exercise in futility I believe because I still have the mental causes of fooling around.
Yeah if there is no purpose of you playing video games other then wasting time..then guess what we're doing? Wasting time! we could use the time for better things.
day 79: Woke up just earlier and I could say I had alot of dreams, just very randoms ones, some futuristic with super humans and space travelling. Anyhow, I woke up with a headache from the subs. I believe I play the volume too high with masked subs. I think to myself if they are not high I wont hear them since I snore when I sleep. Also I woke up as a asshole too, I've been ranting stuff, especially about women. The women I sat with yesterday was going for married men, and she acted like she didn't know, and her proof was that the men didn't tell her however if after she found out she kept going on about them, one of which who I knew but yet she acted like everyone wants her. I wasn't disgusted about it yesterday but now I am. I also got caught pinching her cheeks by one of my family friends but I was so calm and careless when they asked who she was, and I said lawyer to help me fight my speeding ticket, told them I was just fooling with her head so she could fight it off. Of course all of this was talked in another language. I had felt so bad and ashamed to be caught with a 34 year old, I couldn't get over it, and this morning the feeling is worse cause that family member likes rumours. ahhhhh I don't know I hope it all ends. I'll update how my day went tonight.