Day 44: Weird but I've become more of an asshole lately with elders..just saying whatever and not caring about them especially grandparents. Also saying NO to my mom when she asked me to pick up my little sister..usually I would go cause she only asks me once or twice a week for something..so not sure if this is a good thing or not...but yeah..procastination, exhaustion and just straight up lazyness are at their most...
Day 45: Just woke up from a dream where I was going through a virtual life game. Something that would happen in the future when we reach that technology. However at one of the stages, I came up a woman and I paid her $40 and we started having sex. I was semi lucid in the dream so I was controlling my premature ejaculation by thrusting slow, stopping when I felt like cumming and continuing. According to my dream it felt like 3-5 mins past by. This was a big improvement, because usually if I ever have a dream where I am having sex I last under 30 seconds and most of the time I wake up with realizing I came in real life during the dream. Yes that's how severe my condition is, but now I think I'm overcoming the mental aspect of my premature ejaculation. Since LTU has overcoming gulit, shame, fear, which is the mental part of my condition. I think if I started working on the physical aspect too now, I'll cure this. Will be starting a journal on a different forum related to what I have tomorrow. whoop whoop!
Day 46: Going through a big procastination and irration phase
day 47: I'm not sure if I hit a plateu with this sub but I haven't seen changes in about a week, atleast anything significant..I also been having this weird headache from listening to subs to much. I get about 8-10 hours most of time, sometimes 12. I'm thinking about moving on to "Maximum learning sub" as I got a job at another restaurant and I want to learn the menu and drinks in and out as fast as possible.
Day 48: I woke up this morning realizing I didn't have the subs on reply loop. So I started the subs and went back to sleep and I had lots of dreams. The dreams were trying to show me a path, that every action I take has a reaction. I figured in my dream all the paths I didn't want to take, and overcame some fears of being stuck in those paths. Everything was in a little bit slower in motion so not only was I thinking in the dream, I was also living as if it was a non lucid dream. To describe it better, it was as if I was re running a scene and I was in third person and narrating the dream, that ability was giving me helpful tips, put me into realization mode. It was awesome. I woke up feeling better. I realized all the fears I have overcome with this sub. The fear of dying has gone down 90%. The guilt and shame I had about sex and premature ejaculation went down 50%. I have become more careless about things that would hurt me, I just don't take those paths, I take paths I'm in control of. Haven't hit a plateu after all. However in the back of my head I still want to start MLS sub as soon as I can.
(04-16-2014, 07:56 AM)lokko Wrote: [ -> ]Day 48: I woke up this morning realizing I didn't have the subs on reply loop. So I started the subs and went back to sleep and I had lots of dreams. The dreams were trying to show me a path, that every action I take has a reaction. I figured in my dream all the paths I didn't want to take, and overcame some fears of being stuck in those paths. Everything was in a little bit slower in motion so not only was I thinking in the dream, I was also living as if it was a non lucid dream. To describe it better, it was as if I was re running a scene and my thinking level so third person and narrating, giving me helpful tips, put me into realization mode. It was awesome. I woke up feeling better. I realized all the fears I have overcome with this sub. The fear of dying has gone down 90%. The guilt and shame I had about sex and premature ejaculation went down 50%. I have become more careless about things that would hurt me, I just don't take those paths, I take paths I'm in control of. Haven't hit a plateu after all. However in the back of my head I still want to start MLS sub as soon as I can.
Excellent .. lokko... but I suggest you to run it at least 5 to 6 months. Result will be more permanent and you feel a kinda "easiness and natural" feeling deep down inside you. With this new standard of your own platform starting MLS will help you develop your cognition in superior level. So far I am happy to see , your metamorphosis : D .
(04-16-2014, 09:05 AM)jonathan4all Wrote: [ -> ] (04-16-2014, 07:56 AM)lokko Wrote: [ -> ]Day 48: I woke up this morning realizing I didn't have the subs on reply loop. So I started the subs and went back to sleep and I had lots of dreams. The dreams were trying to show me a path, that every action I take has a reaction. I figured in my dream all the paths I didn't want to take, and overcame some fears of being stuck in those paths. Everything was in a little bit slower in motion so not only was I thinking in the dream, I was also living as if it was a non lucid dream. To describe it better, it was as if I was re running a scene and my thinking level so third person and narrating, giving me helpful tips, put me into realization mode. It was awesome. I woke up feeling better. I realized all the fears I have overcome with this sub. The fear of dying has gone down 90%. The guilt and shame I had about sex and premature ejaculation went down 50%. I have become more careless about things that would hurt me, I just don't take those paths, I take paths I'm in control of. Haven't hit a plateu after all. However in the back of my head I still want to start MLS sub as soon as I can.
Excellent .. lokko... but I suggest you to run it at least 5 to 6 months. Result will be more permanent and you feel a kinda "easiness and natural" feeling deep down inside you. With this new standard of your own platform starting MLS will help you develop your cognition in superior level. So far I am happy to see , your metamorphosis : D .
Yeah that's what I had in mind originally, and I think that's what I'm going to do, even though my curiousity level for MLS is off the rooftops.
Day 49: It was my first day at my new restaurant job, I have to start off as a host for a month and then move up to serving and then bartending. Which in my head seemed like the right thing to do since I want to learn how to do everything in the restaurant. It was a great shift, this guys gf was giving me signs of interest but I'm sure she's trying to play jealousy games with her bf, so I didn't think much of it. Other girls connected with me, I felt social around them. One girl I was working with always asked if I needed help, ya you would say "it's their job to" but she was also giving me signs of interest, we kinda flirted but it was real innocent and friendly type. She's too young for me. At the end of the night she came to me before I left was really upbeat, said bye and I hi fived her. I'm feeling more social and letting my guards down again like I used to in the past.
However at one point during the night It kinda almost made me mad cause the guy training me was cool and all but in front of his gf he was trying to show off his authority, but I changed it into a positive vibe and it worked out. I just wish I could not get him to "show off" and respect me without me having to put up my guard and then he'd fear saying anything to me. That just makes the day draining and not me or him would be happy. So far my solution is to change into positivty when he does it, I need to look for ways to prevent him from initially playing power trip games. He's cool dude tho overall.
Day 50: Not much to report today except becoming more happier in life and not worrying so much about my future, living in the now.
day 51: Was at my job today and I noticed I'm starting to say what's on my mind, and their mostly positive thoughts, but whatever they are I say them to whoever I feel like. Fear of people talking bad about me or judging me has gone down lots. People are being nicer to me, respecting me a little bit more. I still had a moment where my big ego kicked in but after lots of self talk it cleared and the feeling of people trying to take power over me subsided with positivity and better thoughts.
However right now I'm feeling really down. I feel like I should be at a better place in my life, I feel like maybe I'm trying so hard to be younger and avoiding all the adult life responsibilities. I feel like I should have someone in my life who loves me, who I can hold onto, be in a relationship with but I hold myself back, telling myself the right girl hasn't showed up. So much thoughts are kicking in, hopefully I'm breaking free of this guilt or shame or whatever negativity it is, into something positive.
Day 52: Total exhaustion today. I only worked 3 hours today, yep that's the restaurant business today but after work i was dead tired. Slept for 2 hours, and woke up still really tired. I probably had 12 hours of sleep since I'm so tired. I feel I'm on information overload with these subs. I only get an average of 8-10 hrs of listening on average and still it feels lots.
Day 53: Fuck today. I pulled my back muscle and what I picked up wasn't even heavy. I've pulled the same muslce about a month ago and half ago and the pain didn't go away for 2 weeks. Doctors just said give it time last time. So when I went to work, it was hurting lots. Also this chick was pissing me off. She just has attitude towards me, always trying to correct me in my job but going out of her way to. I can tell she was pushing it by her tone of voice.
So I leave work early and then come home to family arguements. My grandma pisses me of so much even though she raised me, for some reason I don't have much respect for her anymore. I want to say it's my moms influence but its really not. My mom hates her, she's her bride. Now I'm laying in bed pist off, sore back and this morning I had a not so great dream. People we're trying to track me through my phone and even attempt to kill me. My ex girlfriend was doing nothing about it. What a shitty day overall.
Day 54: nothing major to report today
Day 55: What an improvement. Work was great. I wear dress shirts at work it's mandatory and let me tell you, if they are not somewhat baggy, I sweat in them lots which causes lots of problems for me cause I get real uncomfortable and don't want to work. However today I had a dress shirt which was somewhat baggy but still looked good on me. Didn't sweat, maybe a tiny. This chick who has a bf at the same restaurant keeps flirting with me, starting convo's, giggling at everything I say. Some I actually find funny, some I'm like why is she giggling at that lame response I gave her. At the end of the night she poked me to eat with her while i was already eating at the bar. So I joined her and her friend as she waited for her bfs shift to end too. She kept bringing up things I told her or things we exchanged during the day when we were working, with her other friend. I Didn't even say HI to her friend and after about 5 mins she's like hey I'm "Name" by the way etc. That doesn't happen, no matter if they find me attractive. The girl who said "I'm "Name" by the way had a friend that came in the restaurant and they were about to leave and introduced us and said I just met this guy he's nice, and I didn't say anything to reply and they had to go and I was chatting up with Bartenders, floor managers etc, they liked me from what I felt like. I'm also becoming more confident, holding eye contact, not holding back what I say even though I mentioned that before, it's just getting better.
Day 56: This cute girl I been talking to at work invited me out clubbing. Notice myself giving off good vibes. I still have times where I get real quiet and think hard to myself or have nothing to say or don't join into convos but maybe that's what "needing approval" vs just quiet person comes in for me. What I mean is I'm not sure which it is, but I really do think deep thoughts once in awhile it use to be all the time, and I'd be a social outkast in those moments but now I tell myself its okay to be quiet once inawhile it could make people wanna initiate convos with me first, and honestly that's what happems sometimes, I'd be so quiet but good body language that has confidence and people start their own convos with me.