(09-17-2010, 03:48 PM)WildFlower Wrote: [ -> ] (09-17-2010, 03:26 PM)Majordomus Wrote: [ -> ]I have a question too:
Do you find yourself having more sexual closures with girls?
I am wondering about that gap I perceive in myself between getting attraction and taking it further.
My sex life is zero, yet my ever growing presence and no need for outcome attracts girls to me more and more.
I am wondering if this (no outcome mindset) is not a paradox that works both in and against our favor.
Certain womanizers, namely Cory Skyy or Rion Williams just seemed to have been able to breach it.
Perhaps I am afraid of hurting girls just by sleeping with them.
Yet I know as well first-hand that many of them secretly endeavour fantasies of one night-stands.
And I am not looking for a relationship or should I say official commitment.
I remember you writing in AM journal, you are looking for Mrs Right, but that does not mean celibacy on the way there, dare I presume?
My sex life is as it was before the set. But yes I'm getting a lot more attention. In that sense you could say my closure percentage rate is less now than it was before, but I really don't look at it that way at all. Closures, percentages, and all that. I just enjoy being myself with women and let things play out naturally. The other day I drew a line down the middle of a page and wrote all the significant things in my life which had appeared due to action on my part on the left hand side; meeting new people, girlfriend, getting a job, etc. I then did the same again for things which had appeared seemingly due to chance and wrote them down on the right hand side of the page. I found it hard to do; the lines seemed to blur and I couldn't pick one or the other most of the time. There is a synchronicity between chance and meaning, what was caused by me and what seemingly wasn't. The two seem like opposites but they can co-exist without compromise. I just behave how I want to behave and what comes I playfully see where it takes me. Complete action, complete chance. I feel like I'm in charge of my destiny but I'm very lax about forcing the details. The last thing on my mind is 'closure' with lots of girls but that's not to say it doesn't, or won't happen. I think I know what you mean though; now you feel more attractive to girls and high value you worry about hurting them more?
I was actually looking back on the Alpha set and meant to make a post on it when I have more time. I did want Mrs. Right back when doing the Alpha set. I still do but not to the same extent I did then. In brief I'll explain why: Firstly, the great thing about the Alpha set is that it really brings about independence, self reliance, someone who stand on their own two feet. I was revelling in my animus more so than I had ever done before, and loving every second of it. At the same time though craving my anima more. Enjoying more and more independence yet wanting more and more union and communion. The tugging of opposites. I became fully my animus which meant I wanted to find my anima more in a female. It's all about balance and I had to lean in that direction to eventually, by stage 6, reach equilibrium. I guess you could say I wanted Mrs Right more because I felt more like Mr.Right. Mrs. Right will come when the times right though. I'll try and explain better what I mean when I can sit down with enough time to put my thoughts out clearly.
It took me a while to comprehend what you meant in the second paragraph, but I think I understand now. Mainly I was not sure what "anime" constitutes to you. But here is what it constitutes to me and let us see, if there are perceptual overlays.
Basically, I have come to believe that there are inherent conflicts in human nature between animal brain and centers for higher/spiritual reasoning and between our left and right hemisphere of brain.
Animal brain is meant to provide basic life functions, herein lies desire to dominate, have power over others, be the winner, have control.
And have sex too.
Whereas spiritual centers desire for union, giving and sharing and complex understanding. In my experience, these could be described as dualities in terms of Yang (energize - go and get it/do it) and Yin (calm - share and allow to be/nurture).
Many conflicts arises between those two, just as much conflict arises between our left and right hemisphere - between analytical, sequential, verbal and linear functioning and between global and holistic and object related spatial reasoning. Despite what many people erroneously think, BOTH hemispheres handle emotions, they just do so in different ways.
So as long as one desires women, you have a need to complete yourself with something from outside, an object in this regard. A disbalance and inner feelings of lack results out of this.
But women are not objects and any successful interaction with them must not unfold so.
It leads to unhappiness in men, after all, to be in this mode, for it can never be fully satisfied.
You would have to eat her or something
Or dissolve yourself in her.
I imagine that in final stages of AM, you began to feel so complete, that your anime possibly recoiled into itself and found peace with the other parts of you, feeling satisfied within.
Maybe you do not even need sex right now as such.
And maybe that is what man should allow himself to do.
Even animals in nature mate only in spring or so and obviously, switch of their mating functions in other parts of the year.
A lot of presence can be build, if a man do not see women as an object he needs to devour to complete himself.
And if he needs no completion in her.
Ironically, they will start wanting him then.
I am contemplating programming my anime to self-defence exclusively and for situations where strong go-and-get yang energy might be advantageous and let it sleep otherwise.
I am thinking about training myself to use this energy on will, switching it on and off.
.