Subliminal Talk

It is absolutely not to be used with another subliminal. That would be bad. Very bad. Don't do it.

Woahh, okay. Glad for the honesty around here! I'll keep my tracking of only SM then!


Stage 2 - Day 1,

My walk is more refined, still a bit conscious about it.

Today when I walked to school I looked to the side, through a window, into a room. A random cute girl locked eyes with me and kept it. Then she smiled and waved. I didn't respond to it but when she waved I smiled and waved back. She then broke it and looked at her girlfriend who was beside me. Almost owning it.

As I walked towards the classroom, two of the girls which I had some dilemma with, in the past, walked from the other end towards me. I walked my walk. They began to giggle and couldn't stop it. So when we were close I said, "Why are you looking all so happy?", them: "Do we look happy?" still smiling big smiles.

Hmm. After have watched Don Draper, I feel like a new sense of confidence. Also a refined facial-expression

Stage 2 - Day 10,


Teaching Others
Lately, I've had days that when I'm the teacher and instruct people in martial arts I think I feel unsure of myself. Like I should not tell people what to do (because that's arrogant and not cool in my belief) and I think I'm maybe insecure and I don't really look the students in the eyes when I talk. I think it's because I don't feel like I own it.

Actually it has been like that for some time.

But today was different. I was very direct and authoritative. I felt like I deserved it and that I shouldn't be so humble of what I want the students to learn. And this kind of martial arts isn't easy work.

Women
Sometimes I catch women staring at me. It's really fun to notice.

I feel on ease with women I'm with by myself.

There's this girl, who I can NATURALLY touch seductively. It's insane how effortless it is. I think the subliminal has had an effect on that but I also think this girl is just very natural when her attention is on you. (as far as I've witness, she has been seeing a lot of guys).

There's an improvement in sensing, that women want to want me. They just don't feel so sure about me. (part of their own insecurities but probably also because of my vibe, which is silent confidence and sexy, cute, a little smart-ass...)

For example, I sit on a table and have an interaction with a cute girl beside me, she's curious, she's laughing, she's telling me about herself, she's hitting me.. I feel the attraction and then I lower my voice and I tell her to come with me (away from the group) she's not so sure about it (I know she want to but she just don't do it) and I change my attitude to, really? Then I'll go and she didn't meet me away from her friends. And I cut her off.


My thoughts are torn but my feelings tell me it's okay

Like, I'm sure I could be more "going for what I want" in certain situations.. like creating or leading situations where I can get the girl. But my feelings tell me that just go with the flow and don't try so hard to create/lead those situations.

This is very interesting though. Because if I did tried hard to create those situations, I'll either make a fool out of myself or I'll probably get what I want but with collateral damage (friends)...

These past few days I've woken up and my mind was sorta like tired, blurred or distracted. It was like I couldn't think clearly.

So last night I forgot to set my speaker to play the sub on 8 hours but only 2 and when I woke up today my mind was much more clear and focused.

What martial arts do you teach Lionmonkey?

If you are in that role, you have to tell them what to do or they won't learn. You are the instructor and know what your doing so they won't learn if you are like "err.."

It also helps demontrating the difference between what they are doing and what they want you to do and showing them the difference in effectiveness.

The worse answer ever that I always hated is "because I was taught this way". If I got a question why I did something, I had an answer, like "we hold our hands up so we can more easily block stuff coming at us".

-Ben

Jingwu Kungfu


I know. My insecurities comes from people not liking me telling them what to do.

= Afraid that people wont like me because I tell them what to do.
But also I don't want to scare people away from the academy either.

I like that I'm aware of that because it's subconscious to me.

For example I count 1-2-3-4-5 etc.. on how many knuckle push-ups they are going to do and in my tempo. It's all in my attitude. I have to work on that.

Stage 2 - Day 18,


Job
I had an appointment with my employer today. He asked me "WHY" I wanted to work there.

I've always had a hard time to answer a question like that. Maybe do I have many thoughts about why I do it? Contradicting beliefs?

It was a question I answered with reasons, I was reasoning to the why I did want to. Like.. it's good for myself, I am interested in social dynamics and want to improve on that
but my employer said, I don't believe that.. you don't have heart in it when you say it. I just don't believe it.

Honestly, I've had some bad experiences with it so I have bad associations with it but I'm sure I can change that. I don't have much fun either.

My employer just told me that he didn't feel I inspired my other colleagues.

I have to tomorrow to give an answer, if I really want to work there or not.


Women
I speak very comfortable on sexual stuff. I've been studying style, energy and body-language and it's working very well.

Today I felt like a sexy ass and everywhere I went women would lock eyes with me and smile or just lock eyes.

It was pretty cool and I think I got the grasp of the state! It's got to be like that as much as possible

I also wrote a describing and a little sexual text on a paper to a girl, I've never really talked to, in my class because I was bored.

I got a email from her when I checked my email earlier tonight. She took it pretty serious and didn't feel comfortable with it.
I explained to her what my intention was and was grateful that she was honest and discreet even though I didn't care what others think about me.

She gave me a tip: Next time you should want to give a text like that, you should be sure that the concerned is romantically interested in you.

Every night when I turn on the subliminal I feel on ease.. I think I'm addicted!


So what I've noticed lately,

- I'm very sexual. In my body I feel much more sexually charged when I see a beautiful woman and her forms. There's still a little neediness in it though, but mostly like yeah...
The way I look at girls is also naturally sexual. I just do it. It's reflex.

- I'm more in the moment.

- I am also not thinking too much about women anymore and I've really lost the motivation to contact girls lately. I just don't feel I want to. (Probably a sign that I got to meet more interesting women...)

- I've been focusing a lot on working out lately.

- I've also just gone with the flow and stayed at one of my friends' apartment, instead of going to the city, chilling out with him and several girls.

Not the optimal for looking for new interesting girls though. I haven't had a great interaction with a girl in the city for a while and that's why I think that I have got some bad associations with going to the city by myself again...

Oh yea don't worry about that last part LionMonkey. Things are looking good for you. And it's always good to practice going out alone. I'm starting to love it now. Plus from the frustration that happened last night.. I may have had some bad feelings about it but they are gone this morning. I garuntee you without thinking I'll head back to that restaurant in a bout a week or two.

Stage 2 - Day 26,


I was out by myself this friday night. Went to a club. Interacted with around 12 girls and several guys.

1 girl was all over me, after I ignored her a bit because she seemed like she didn't knew if she wanted me or not.

She lead the way over to a sofa and she got on top of me and was all over me. I grabbed her too but after a short while she stopped me and said, "I'm in control here".
And she was all over me, biting my ears and licking me etc. after a while I grabbed her and we swapped space, now I was on top of her.

Suddenly she just went up and went away. I looked after her and I saw her looking back to see if I was following her.

Later I saw her dance with her friend and I danced my way close to them, just pretending not to see them. She poked me and we danced and make out again. Then she talks with her friend and just leaves. I looked at her go away and then went after her.

I couldn't find her and looked up the stage and saw her with her friend.

After that she was like she didn't know me. I tried to take her hand as she had another guy with her and she gestured no!

Fuck it, I thought and started to talk to other girls.

Even as I was leaving later and they were too she and her friend didn't even acknowledge me.

I mean seriously.. I feel used!

Well.. the club is known for slutty types and I saw it coming

I guess those kind of types you just have to pretend that it's not good enough, until you f***...

The second she said she was in control... you should have known better than to be dealing with her anymore. You are in control of you, not her. If she doesn't like it, she can take a hike. You don't need her.

At least, that's the attitude and mindset you're aiming for.

She knew you wanted what she was using you for, and she used you for what she wanted, and you allowed her to. You can't let women take advantage of you that way.

Shit, haha.. you are right Shannon.. But what could I do? Push her away? I did like it though but yeah.. I think my ground got shaken...

I did grab her and swapped space with her and after a while I stood up and I think I pushed her back to the sofa and looked away, like "I don't need you", teasingly.

Well what you could have done depends on circumstances I was not there to witness. What you did was good (swapping places), but you're still growing into the role, so it's understandable that you would be in the position.

Had it been me, I suppose it would have depended on how she said/did it. I might have played along, and I might have laughed and said, "Yeah, sure you do, sister." and stood up. If she was being domineering, I would have basically just stopped her and let her know that I'm in control of me, and she can take a hike. If she was leading me into kissing without being domineering, I'd probably have allowed her to continue. Just because I am in control of me, doesn't mean I always have to be leading.

Paradoxically, one of the signs of an alpha is the ability to be able to step back and allow himself to be led sometimes, without losing his self control (control of himself within the situation). An alpha is confident and comfortable enough with his own strength, control and power to be able to put down the reigns sometimes. In fact, sometimes it's nice to let someone else lead, as in a case like this where a woman can lead you into making out, lovemaking, etc.

But, there's also a fine line between being led because it's appropriate and being led because you have a nose ring. (Or she thinks you do.) You know the difference by how she does it. Girls in club environments are very likely to be doing it for the wrong reasons... basically, they discover that for every man who will not allow them to do as they please in hopes of getting laid, twenty or more will. So they learn that they can take control and use these men for whatever they want.

You are obviously making strides in the right direction, but you failed her shit test. I suspect you would have gotten further in one of two very polar situations:

1. Had you allowed her to dominate you completely.
2. Had you refused to be dominated and been acting the consummate alpha the whole time.

You were in the middle but below the equator, so to speak. Showing signs of dominance, and signs of weakness. That spells insecurity, and insecurity will send a woman running. And she did.

But that's okay. It's a process, and it takes time. It's a learning experience. And she is neither the only fish in the sea, nor a very worthwhile one, from the sounds of it.

Stage 2 - Day 31,


AT HOME
On my way to training, I had a thought of doing everything I can to move out. My parents are just BAD together and my relationship with my father is more silent than the wind. It influences some of my days a lot in a negative way.

I try to be home as little as possible and I also try to not focus on it, even though it's really hard sometimes.


MARTIAL ARTS
I have used a lot of time on my training and focused on it.

Installing the habit of using at least 1 hour focusing training martial arts every day. Besides that nothing really feels better than dying slowly and then eat and take a shower and get myself to look good

My trainers vision for the academy: me and a colleague leading another school in a different place when we are that big.

WOMEN
Stage 2 has felt like a eternity. Nothing much new in the women area. Had a slightly sexual dream yesterday night but it was a girl I didn't find sexually attractive that sexually harassed me it was inappropriate and uncomfortable.

In this stage I've noticed:

- women have been staring at me when I had been biking past them.

- I feel more in control of my sexual urges.

- less "need" to respond to a woman.

- as far as I remember, generally women have responded more "neutral" to me than "negative".

- when I tell a lie to a woman and she gets curious and later tell them that I was just kidding, women often goes like "don't think I am stupid!" and acts offended and some just leaves if they think I am lying. (My lies are very obvious and harmless but fun and interesting)

- I am noticing different types of girls more than before.

- It seems like my standards has risen. (because of the improvements in controlling sexual urges)

Can't think of more changes than these right now..


Last thing - when I started SM, in stage 1, I had girls I was seeing. By the end of stage 1 or the start of stage 2, these girls went away. Stage 2, nothing big happened, whether relationship-wise or sex-wise.


That's all for now. Have a good one!