I'm getting moments when the healing process is somewhat unpleasant still and I need to lie down and wallow a touch (interestingly enough - in contrast to E7 - I'm not experiencing physical pain, for the most part, and even if I do, it's just for a moment or two), and then some time later I'm a happy camper, doing spontaneous victory poses and such.
I'm also totally into musac yet again, had this song on repeat these past couple of days (I've totally been on a Megadeth spree, yeah):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVhJy-CR64Q
The lyrics crack me up every time.
Whaddya mean I don't support your system? I go to the court when I have to.
Whaddya mean I can't get a work on time? Got nothing better to do.
Whaddya mean I don't pay my bills? Whaddya think I'm broke? HUH?!
Feeling better day by day, Wonky Sensations™ are indicating progress, I'm also gradually becoming more active because I have more energy to do things apart from PTAing, like doing BSB translation jobs ("got nothing better to do"
) and singing practice. Also gearing up to finally start writing down this one project we've been planning with my composer-bro.
I've also been on a spree, reading various Learned Books.
I also could totally go around quoting ye olde Megadeth songs, because whooo boy, do I feel that stuff (say, Tornado of Souls: "my future looks so bright, I think I've seen the light", lewl. Or Poison Was the Cure:
Never knowing if I'd wake up in a whirlpool, got redundant
My brain was just some driftwood in a cesspool, I became dead
From a rockstar to a desk fool was my destiny, someone said
Love's a tide pool, taste the water, life's abundant
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCMxeJgUnvw
\m/ )
So apart from general PTRAing, what I think is going on right now is that certain levels of my conscious/unconscious are now healed up enough that various trauma/karmic bonds ain't working no more as a means of projecting nonsense/negativity onto me. I actually felt a number of these trying to re-establish themselves, but that passed quickly enough.
And whenever this happens, they get DRS in the face, so...
As the saying goes, "the beatings will continue until morale improves"
I really need to time my going out/being around people, though, because sometimes when the healing kicks in I can become somewhat short-tempered, especially right after I've run a loop of PTRA. Gotta give it a couple hours/nappy time to wind down and then we're set.
Currently on a bit of an emotional roller-coaster, as PTRAings progressing. It is a bit tiresome, but whatchagonna do. Making tremendous strides anyhow, given that it's only been two weeks or so. Thankfully, due to Wonky Sensations™, I'll *know* when I'm done, heh.
I've come to the conclusion that after this PTRA run I'm doing a re-run of OSC. I want it to take root to a greater extent.
(12-08-2025, 06:30 PM)Have at ye Wrote: [ -> ]Currently on a bit of an emotional roller-coaster, as PTRAings progressing. It is a bit tiresome, but whatchagonna do. Making tremendous strides anyhow, given that it's only been two weeks or so. Thankfully, due to Wonky Sensations™, I'll *know* when I'm done, heh.
I've come to the conclusion that after this PTRA run I'm doing a re-run of OSC. I want it to take root to a greater extent.
Dig it Man. Sounds good Man. Didnt Shannon talk about an "Optimal Self Confidence PLUS" program fairly recently? Something that he'd be willing to create or is working on right now, amoung many other things,.as well????
I think it was an option in a poll, but it didn't get too many votes.
I'd probably buy it, depending on what the PLUS would entail.
In other news, after thinking about stuff for a while here, I now have this phrase going on in my head like a mantra: "Play stupid games, win stupid prizes"
In other, other news, that gizmo I bought for male enhancement/erectile improvement feels like it could actually work if used consistently. Fancy that. I also have another one incoming this week I hope and then I'll try that out as well.
EDIT
Out of potential new 6G releases, the one I'm the most anxious for would be USLM. In my business, the LM part would be most useful.
It's progressing. I'm beginning to work through some "heavy shit" and I'm even getting cold sweats at times due to that. But it should all be good, given time. Had to sleep it off for a good 10 hrs or so when it started happening.
I'm getting some vibes coming in indicating people are in disbelief, "but this *should* be impossible", and I've observed that, f. in., my psychotherpist has actually been trying to (most un-therapeutically, I might add) convince me that such a return to form *should* be impossible, and I'm all like, "lewl, you just watch me", heheheh.
Fascinating dreams today. I only semi-remember them, TBH, but they were very interesting nonetheless, heheheh.
Gonna have to do additional loops of DRS v2 every now and again, as my loyal fans appear to be really salty and seem to be trying to attack me/manipulate me using the "core trauma" that's being worked on quite intensely right now (judging by Wonky Sensations™).
Had some really fascinating dreams yet again. Otherwise, things are proceeding nicely.
I just recieved that other gizmo for male enhancement/performance, but... it's too small for my item, lewl. Shame, it seems like it could have been quite beneficial. Oh well, still gonna keep using the other one.
So I altered my listening pattern a touch and it seems to be somewhat easier on my nerves. I'm now getting that laughing gas effect again a touch, but my overall mood's improved, so I'll take it.
I also, for some inexplicable reason, now I have this song playing in my head:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64PQZwjrF2E
Are you saying that you're getting better because of PRA and your therapist was trying to say that it should not be possible to do so?
Frankly? I'm of the opinion she's been actively destroying/delaying my healing progress (back on E7/OGSF 6G mostly), because according to her knowledge/schooling, what I'm going for (getting better/getting *really* healthy/*thorough trauma healing*) should be impossible, lewl - or at the very least is an extremely dangerous thing to do, or so she claims. She's also hell-bent, for some reason, to convince me I should give up my artistic pursuits, which is really stupid, given it's my learned trade FFS. It's a long story actually, I'd rather not go into too much detail in a public journal (you can drop me an e-mail/PM if you're interested in learning more).
She's actually started being of more help only once DRS v2 came into play, and even then she was salty for an extended period of time.
Throughout the day today, I had a mixture of emotions - anger and like a sensation of tears coming up, but not being able to flow. Didn't get a cry or anything, but I did get a sense of relief and a change in wonky sensations in one of the damaged areas. Feels good. Perhaps it means this particular aspect is beginning to heal for reals, whoop dee doop.
Singing practice went pretty well this morning. I'm planning to do an audition recording, but the deadline's set for February, so there's time a-plenty.
Oh yeah, nappy time was most productive, judging by dreams, and healing is ON.
Thing is, though, I'm now running 1 loop PTA followed by 4 loops DRS v2, oyyy. Otherwise, it would have taken ages I think, due to negative interference.