That too, I bet. It's probably the clearing process that's unpleasant for the most part, then the healing kicks in (I'm mostly going by Wonky Sensations TM). The "already healthy" parts, instead of acting as what that David Shaw fellow calls the "protector turned persecutor" aspect of trauma reactions first turn into the "protector" for real and then after a while (after clearing) join in in the healing process.
Just had a tremendously fascinating dream, by the by.
(11-26-2025, 05:17 PM)ncbeareatingman Wrote: [ -> ] (11-26-2025, 12:33 PM)Have at ye Wrote: [ -> ]So I'll be running this bad boy now.
Right now it feels really good. 
Wow. I envy you Man. I'd so love to be running this program PTSD Rec.Aid. You're so fortunate to be able to do so.
Please keep Us ,posted, I'd love to know about your journey with PTSD rec Aid and your results there of , of course!!
Blessings this Thanksgiving.
Same. I cannot afford it atm so after tonight and the next couple uses, i'ma just switch to another program for a bit and see how it goes. But if I could afford PTSD recovery aid I would use that for at least a cycle or two. That being said, I can always buy it later. I'm curious to see how it works for others though and based off what I'm reading in this journal, it does sound interesting.
(12-01-2025, 02:19 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ] (11-26-2025, 05:17 PM)ncbeareatingman Wrote: [ -> ] Wow. I envy you Man. I'd so love to be running this program PTSD Rec.Aid. You're so fortunate to be able to do so.
Please keep Us ,posted, I'd love to know about your journey with PTSD rec Aid and your results there of , of course!!
Blessings this Thanksgiving.
Same. I cannot afford it atm so after tonight and the next couple uses, i'ma just switch to another program for a bit and see how it goes. But if I could afford PTSD recovery aid I would use that for at least a cycle or two. That being said, I can always buy it later. I'm curious to see how it works for others though and based off what I'm reading in this journal, it does sound interesting.
I hope you can swing it soon, it's extremely good and should be very good for you I think, friend.
Anyway, I'm getting the occasional "healing exhaustion" thing, as well as continued attacks which are making the healing process uncomfortable for me due to the necessity of clearing out all that nonsense over and over again (but ultimately they're only making this worse on themselves, oy.) but feeling better day after day. Had some really interesting dreams as well, and I woke up in a very good mood. Feeling up for some singing practice today even.
It's funny because the healing is apparently requiring so much energy I sometimes feel as if I were running something energy-intensive, like DMSI for instance (by which I mean - it's making me physically hungry
).
The intensity of healing energy-wise is doubtless the cooperative parts dragging the non-cooperative parts up the mountain, and achieving the program's goals regardless. Takes a lot of energy, you know?
PTSD Recovery Aid v1.0 is good stuff.
Indeed it is.
Just took a nap to let Wonky SensationsTM pass, and had a really interesting dream yet again. PTSD Rec. Aid seems to be really fast acting for me.
We haven't had a song to celebrate yet. I've had this one in the back of my mind these past couple of days, it's a real classic!
Megadeth - Kill the King
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RpVkaTXxEzs
Broken down, feeling naked
Leaving me unfulfilled
Promising compromise
Championing mediocrity
Time and time again
What you said ain't what you mean
Even if all my bones are broken
I will drag myself back from the edge
To kill the King, the King is dead, long live the King
Kill the King, the King is dead, long live the King
I am the King, God save the King
\m/
I'm feeling well enough now that apart from returning to singing practice, I'm also back to doing the occasional Banal, Shit, Boring translation job for monies. I've also procured the tickets for some gigs in the near future and I'm totally going.
I've also got some of that "laughing gas" effect I've been getting back on E7 in response to healing. I'm ROTFLing to myself on occasion now, yeah.
I'm also totally into regicide-themed songs (for some *unfathomable* reason), here's another one I've had on loop today, also, incidentally, entitled "Kill the King":
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDzVaKOINWw
And the lyrics for your reading pleasure, or if you'd like to sing along:
https://www.tekstowo.pl/piosenka,gary_hu..._king.html
Researching the things I had to research to make the script for this program, the laughing response can be the effect of a few different things. The first is being so afraid that laughing is the only response that is possible. The second is being so overjoyed with happiness that laughing is the only response possible. The third is usually a respose to an overload of pleasurable brain chemistry, like after a particularly good orgasm. Obviously, that last one is not going to explain this response.
I'd guess that either some part of you is being "led through the valley of the shadow of death" to recover, and it's really frightened (but cooperating) or there is some part of you that is so unbelievably happy at being healed and freed from the chains of fear and trauma that you're overwhelmed with joy at a subconscious level.
Interesting. Could be both. Definitely not the orgasm response, though.
I was thinking it could be a "Hide the Pain Harold" thing. I also found myself having this reaction to people being purposefully belittling towards me, which could be perceived as a touch disturbing TBH.
It's less pronounced on PTSD Rec. Aid than it was on E7 as of now.
EDIT:
I tried to attach the "It's an expression of pain" image from the video-game Disco Elysium, but for some reason it didn't work.
From what I’ve seen in somatic trauma work, spontaneous laughter often shows up as a discharge when the nervous system shifts out of a certain tension pattern. It’s not really fear or joy, but more like the body releasing pressure as deeper layers start to move. I had a lot of that in the beginning when I was using OFv1 back in the day
Ah, a brand new Wonky Sensation ™! So after some wallowing and being unable to nap it out, I got a somewhat sudden sense of relief, accompanied by a not entirely unpleasant tingling sensation on both sides of my brain as well as around the damaged areas, mostly round the chest and in the right leg. I'm also feeling calm as a cucumber, a "clear head" state, accompanied by a sense of relief.
Kinda feels as if another layer of defenses got turned around, healed up and joined in on the PTSD Recovery action!
(12-02-2025, 12:54 PM)callie Wrote: [ -> ]From what I’ve seen in somatic trauma work, spontaneous laughter often shows up as a discharge when the nervous system shifts out of a certain tension pattern. It’s not really fear or joy, but more like the body releasing pressure as deeper layers start to move. I had a lot of that in the beginning when I was using OFv1 back in the day
That would seem to fall under the fear response.
But if you can explain why it's not more deeply, I'm happy to listen.
(12-02-2025, 07:47 PM)Have at ye Wrote: [ -> ]Ah, a brand new Wonky Sensation ™! So after some wallowing and being unable to nap it out, I got a somewhat sudden sense of relief, accompanied by a not entirely unpleasant tingling sensation on both sides of my brain as well as around the damaged areas, mostly round the chest and in the right leg. I'm also feeling calm as a cucumber, a "clear head" state, accompanied by a sense of relief.
Kinda feels as if another layer of defenses got turned around, healed up and joined in on the PTSD Recovery action!
Do I understand correctly that you are seeing each layer become part of Team Cooperation after it is healed of whatever makes it resist to begin with?
(12-02-2025, 09:44 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ] (12-02-2025, 07:47 PM)Have at ye Wrote: [ -> ]Ah, a brand new Wonky Sensation ™! So after some wallowing and being unable to nap it out, I got a somewhat sudden sense of relief, accompanied by a not entirely unpleasant tingling sensation on both sides of my brain as well as around the damaged areas, mostly round the chest and in the right leg. I'm also feeling calm as a cucumber, a "clear head" state, accompanied by a sense of relief.
Kinda feels as if another layer of defenses got turned around, healed up and joined in on the PTSD Recovery action!
Do I understand correctly that you are seeing each layer become part of Team Cooperation after it is healed of whatever makes it resist to begin with?
Exactly!