Run 2
Stage 2
Cycle 3 of 4 - Mid-cycle
Quiet the last few days. Good trip. Heading home in the next few days.
Run 2
Stage 2
Cycle 3 of 4
Home again.
As to the stuff I hinted at earlier...
A couple of weeks ago I had an odd version of an occasional dream. The dream happens when I have an overnight erection; in the dream my erection is larger than it is in reality. In this instance of the dream, I wondered to myself if I could will it even larger. I was able to do so twice within the dream; it became substantially larger each time. It'd be nice to be able to do that outside of a dream!
I had a great trip, visiting family and friends. Being around my old haunts was not at all nostalgic. Memories, sure. Not reliving them, though. None of the regrets this time. I was also less tired after long days of driving. It took three days in a row before I started to feel fatigued.
I also had a thought that came to mind several times regarding my current job: "It's time to move on." There's no opportunity for me in my current arrangement, and no guarantee that it will continue past next summer. With my recent professional certification and some other training opportunities I have identified, I need to hit the job search circuit again.
This cycle of Stage 2 was less stressful than the first two cycles. Which is a relief; it was getting a bit rough for a short while.
Run 2
Stage 2
Cycle 4 of 4 - Mid-cycle
Wrapping up Stage 2 for this run. Nothing new in the last few days.
Looking back, I've been in a more positive mood for the last couple of weeks or so. Not "manic high" mood; if my previous normal mood was "neutral", my recent normal mood is "positive". I still have typical mood changes - upset or happier depending - but my baseline is definitely positive.
Lots of internal stuff so far this run, especially during Stage 2. Four days rest, then on to Stage 3.
Run 2
Stage 2
Cycle 4 of 4
Stage 2 complete. Stage 3 starts tonight.
Stage 2 was intense. And through it all, the overall improved baseline mood. I'm very hopeful about what this run of Stage 3 will bring.
Run 2
Stage 3
Cycle 1 of 8
Nothing significant. 4 day cycles pass quickly!
Run 2
Stage 3
Cycle 2 of 8
Metamorphosis.
Most famously, the process by which a caterpillar becomes a butterfly. Safe in an enveloping and protective cocoon, the creature achieves its full potential by transformation from its prior form to a new form, gaining new appearance and abilities.
I am in, and have been in, just such a cocoon - not literally and physically, of course. Rather, I am in a protected place psychologically and financially. I am transforming into a version of me who has and maintains UMS. And that will not be the only transformation that I can undergo, just the current one.
Just as the caterpillar doesn't "know" what they will become until the exit their cocoon, I do not know what will get me to the state of UMS. Not yet. When it is necessary for me to know, I will know.
In the meantime, more practically speaking, i am looking at another professional certification, this one in a hot area within my profession. Earning a certification this fall has given me renewed confidence; I can tackle this newer, hotter certification. And whether these certifications are part of my path to UMS, or simply part of the cocoon, doesn't matter. I am patient.
Run 2
Stage 3
Cycle 3 of 8
A day late. Lots to report.
First, I have - again - been remembering various critical decision points in my life, points where my life would have taken a different turn had I chose differently.. Now, however, there's no self-recrimination. No reliving the events. No pain of regret.
Second, I have been having conscious self-talk about deservedness. Specifically, "you don't deserve good things" requires proof. And there is no such proof. Not even the decisions I made that brought me to where I am today are proof; they aren't even valid supporting evidence.
Finally, for the last couple of days I have been very joyful, mainly because of good things happening to people around me. I realized that being joyful is part of thankfulness, and being thankful for good things happening to those close to me is part of aligning myself with good things.
For whatever reasons, it is taking longer for me to break through and attract those external things that will produce UMS for me. But what has been happening this run looks like the break throughs are in progress. And that is exciting and encouraging. UMS in 2026!
Run 2
Stage 3
Cycle 4 of 8
Halfway through Stage 3
I had a bad thought about money come to my mind. It was so new to me that I immediately filed it away for further consideration. When I went back to give it some thought, I recognized it as a bad idea.
The bad idea is this: "Only Old Money is legitimate. New Money is always illegitimate." Without unpacking everything that is wrong with that statement, the most immediately applicable would be the second half. UMS would be New Money, since I was not born into Old Money. And UMS is and will be legitimate, which is the opposite of that bad idea.
Run 2
Stage 3
Cycle 5 of 8
(10-23-2025, 12:39 PM)ReconGunner Wrote: [ -> ]... I had an unexpected head rush lasting 5 seconds or so. Suddenly coming on me, like a wave; cresting, holding, then subsiding. I was concerned that I had experienced a sudden drop in my blood sugar because the overall feeling was very similar, though more sudden and intense. I checked my blood sugar, and it was normal. So I have no idea what that was.
This happened again. Checked my blood sugar - no drop.
Run 2
Stage 3
Cycle 6 of 8
A day late.
Quiet overall.
Ran across a bit of philosophical thought: "Knowing the path and knowing the destination are not always the same thing."
That's where I am right now with UMS:
I know the destination in general terms.
I know the vehicle that will get me to that destination - UMS v3.1.
I do not know the path, nor the actions I will need to take to use the vehicle to follow that path to the destination.
The journey continues.
Run 2
Stage 3
Cycle 7 of 8
Still quiet.
As I mentioned in @
Shannon's thread
here, there seems to be something going on in the external environment that's affecting many of us who journal here. I had a brief conversation with an unrelated group of folks last night, and many of them are feeling something similar in their own lives. Like a storm that is about to break, one that will cleanse and refresh.
Until then, onward to UMS.
(01-08-2026, 04:13 AM)ReconGunner Wrote: [ -> ]Run 2
Stage 3
Cycle 7 of 8
Still quiet.
As I mentioned in @Shannon's thread here, there seems to be something going on in the external environment that's affecting many of us who journal here. I had a brief conversation with an unrelated group of folks last night, and many of them are feeling something similar in their own lives. Like a storm that is about to break, one that will cleanse and refresh.
Until then, onward to UMS.
I will say about a month or two ago, my life suddenly got a lot easier and opportunities have come into my life. Not sure what the external thing is, but it could also be internal stuff on my end changing.
(01-08-2026, 01:09 PM)Frosted Wrote: [ -> ] (01-08-2026, 04:13 AM)ReconGunner Wrote: [ -> ]Run 2
Stage 3
Cycle 7 of 8
Still quiet.
As I mentioned in @Shannon's thread here, there seems to be something going on in the external environment that's affecting many of us who journal here. I had a brief conversation with an unrelated group of folks last night, and many of them are feeling something similar in their own lives. Like a storm that is about to break, one that will cleanse and refresh.
Until then, onward to UMS.
I will say about a month or two ago, my life suddenly got a lot easier and opportunities have come into my life. Not sure what the external thing is, but it could also be internal stuff on my end changing.
Others have reported mixed results as well. In my own circle, good things have happened and other good things are confirmed but pending.
And internal stuff changing is always a possibility for those of us here. That's kinda the point of what we're journaling about.
Run 2
Stage 3
Cycle 8 of 8
Had some conscious thoughts about possibilities for cash influx of the MM kind. Nothing other than random "what if this happened" kind of stuff.
Stage 4 starts tonight.