Day 73,
Things are a bit bumpy. My social and sexual drives are down. I'm not pursuing any women, and don't really wanna. I'm more distractible and unproductive.
Related to Jiu Jitsu, had lunch with two brown belts who gave me a wake up call about how well I'm doing; I'm performing well at individual escapes and passes, but I'm told that I have not applied an explicit strategy (i.e., an "A-game"). I'm told that I'll need to pare down all of my parlor-trick techniques into a strategy to take me from start to finish; everything not related ought to be excluded. Then, practice and drill only those moves until you get *really* good at it.
It's as though I'm stalling in my path to success in all areas.
Day 89,
Feeling glum and a severe loss of motivation toward my usual goals, tasks, and projects.
I'm managing in eeking by, but I would really like for things to come back to normal.
Day 107,
The night before last, I had this strange dream where I bumped into a small-person version of Robin Williams.
I recognized him and asked to take a picture with him.
I asked an older female motherly figure (a teacher?) to take the photo; we did the peace sign and I felt tears welling up in me.
The woman looked at me with concern; was this Robin Williams figure even real?
The people in my group - loose strangers - were leap-frogging over his head.
I woke up upset and teary-eyed, but I think I turned some internal emotional corner from it.
I had a friend take his life when I was 18 and he was 3 weeks shy from his 18th birthday; it probably messed me up more than I realized.
Day 113,
Part of me wants to pull the plug on this subliminal in the next 30 days and jump into UMS, which I ran 2+ years ago but didn't execute at the time. That or Ultra Success.
I feel as though the emotional storm has passed, but my actual desires and motivations toward success are flaccid, so it's difficult to direct myself toward lofty goals.
Day 119,
Quote:"For some people and some personality types, there is a response to dealing with deeply buried serious traumas, or major guilt, shame and/or fear that may result in constipation, diarrhea or in rare cases, food sensitivities or gastrointestinal cramping."
So real right now. I'm having to get up from my work every 15 minutes to use the bathroom.
This has not happened until now.
Sounds like I have more emotional clearing to do if this is the case.
Day 126,
I'm truly stoked to start running UMS after finishing this. The second contender is Ultra Success.
I believe that running EHPRA and OGSF has dug out a lot of my trauma-based motivation which had me running around all over the place like a headless chicken.
Now, I'm chilling and not really attacking my goals with fervor.
In fact, I don't really feel much genuine desire toward my goals.
I want to now replace my prior negative beliefs with positive beliefs that drive me toward a happy success.
Day 128,
This final sprint of days *might* be my last, and I would be jumping into a money-based subliminal.
I've gotten a lot out of this subliminal, and I believe that it's slowing down.
The major takeaway is the absence of negative emotions which will act as obstacles.
A big thing: I've been going up and talking to women, in spite of the huge range of emotions that I've felt about it (shame, defiance, resentment). Tons of that came up in late 2023 until recently.
And I've also dropped a lot of what was likely an overbearing excitement to go up to women; that's what put me in front of them, but then it would be too much. My style right now is much more subtle.
And I've studied some Ross Jeffries / NLP / Mild Hypnosis and better understand how women like to have conversations. The benchmark is: if the contents would appear in a graph, a chart, or a business communication, then you'd better ditch it.
You're better off diving into topics about fascination, excitement, mystery, discovery, and other things like that.
Day 131,
Today might be my last night taking in subliminal influence from this program.
I would otherwise take two or three days off, and do another seven days and repeat. But I might not.
Currently, I am of a good mood and sound mind, but I'm not as sharp in spirit as I normally am.
I don't attack things with the same fervor that I used to.
I believe that I once used to be fueled by intense insecurity and inner turmoil, which made me attack several habits and disciplines with a ton of intensity.
This could be summarized as a desire to outcompete everyone else so that I could "prove" to others and really "stick it to them"; to make my success so overwhelming and undeniable, and to dangle it over the heads of others - especially women - as a worthy substitute for commitment or emotional reciprocity.
I believe that EPHRA and OGSF have made this way of being go away, and good riddance.
Funny enough, despite this very devious mental software running, I've spun my wheels in many respects.
There was no culminating event, nothing to unleash all of this skill and talent toward, since I wasn't pulling the trigger.
Now, I'm chilling, not attacking any big project at the moment; I'm doing about 60-70% of what I would normally do. I don't have my reasons for going to 90-100% like I once was.
When I use logic to try to pull myself out to 90-100%, it's not satisfying enough for me to jump back in.
I want to do something new and make much more money than I currently am, but my level of desire, excitement, or motivation floats perhaps at a 1-3 out of 10. I know that "discipline beats motivation", but what use is it when my attempts at discipline fizzle out because I don't care about what I'm pursuing?
For this reason, I believe that I need some positive subliminal programming (i.e., to pull me toward an outcome) as opposite to subliminal programming that is made to heal and untangle. I believe that I've gotten the healing that I'm looking for from OGSF.
Very nicely done, Shannon!
For this same reason, I'll be committing to Ultimate Monetary Success v2.
I'm working with a business/spiritual coach and I sincerely haven't been able to drum myself up to fulfill his 1-on-1 action steps; he's understanding to this and realizes that I only act when I have a strong motive and vision for my life.
Fortunately, he's helping me to motivate myself from a Rule 4 perspective using certain practices (might place in Chatterbox or the appropriate room if asked).
That's why time is somewhat weighing on my decision; I've completed 2/3 months of his coaching and I'm more useless than a wet noodle in any business capacity. No juice in the business battery, so I want to recharge that battery as much as possible and direct it toward something useful and fruitful.