Subliminal Talk

The amount of fear I have been feeling lately is mind-boggling and I believe this sub will slash through most of it. 

My intention is to run this 6 months straight before getting back on the LTU6 bandwagon for another year.

I have noticed that people here have reported positive results so my hopes are very high. Moreover, I believe I have experienced some TID already because several addictions have started to melt away, effortlessly.

I don't really like posting my thoughts and feelings on forums but I recognize the value of doing so. It will keep me accountable and help me focus more on self-reflection. It will also help Shannon with his development work. I intend to write here every day, with brutal honesty and accuracy. If I miss a day, will write twice the next day to reinforce the habit.

Usage
The instructions are clear enough for me to get going: 1 LOOP X 2 DAYS ON / 3 DAYS OFF
I may experiment with a hybrid but that is only after 1 month. Maybe I won't even need to. There are other variables that I could tweak (like clicks, masked/ultrasonic, speakers, FLAC/MP3) without hybrid, but we'll see.

Every day is only necessary if you will slack off and or stop otherwise. Just write when you notice something.

Day 1/180

1 loop ultrasonic FLAC. 10 Clicks on a Bluetooth Nokia speaker.

Had a dream that I was in a coffee shop and I ordered some food. It was only a sandwich and tea. However, the waiter seemed to overcharge me. I paid around €25 for merely some tea and a sandwich... Common I thought.  

She was a good-looking waiter, I started telling her how angry I am at the pricing and that the customer experience of having to wait in the queue and not being able to sit down outside is atrocious. She seemed to take it personally and became upset. But then I told her it's not her fault and then tapped her lightly on the shoulder. She seemed to agree and moved in closer to me with a warm smile. She was a blonde and her energy was rather playful. I sensed that she liked that I complained and used that as an opportunity to bond with me.

I then woke up with blood gushing out of my left nostril creating a mess on the pillow I was sleeping on. Never mind I thought, wiped the nose clean, and fell asleep again.

In the second dream, I was in world war 1 or 2 behind enemy lines. We were laying down land mines and we happen to notice that the Nazis were getting closer. We noticed a nearby pool of water, it was about 6-8 meters deep and rectangular in shape, I and a few other men decided to jump in there and hide. All we had was a scuba mask and snorkel. 

We waited patiently and I noticed that a Nazi jumped into the pool with us and sat and the bottom. He was without any swim gear, physically he would have not survived casually sitting there. I then approached from the back and snapped his neck followed by a slit in the throat.

Those were very vivid dreams. Before falling asleep I told myself that I would have very vivid dreams and it happened to be so. 

Finally, it feels very unusual to be listening to just 1 loop. I can't believe just how powerful these subs have become in such a short space of time.

Day 2/180

Despite feeling sick and fatigued right now, I woke up with a level of optimism I did not expect. I began to imagine myself traveling around the world, practicing my social skills, and picking up girls. This idea would usually give me the chills, but not this time. Perhaps this is an early sign of growth from the sub but I can't be too certain.

Day 3/180 - REST

Haven't watched any porn for the last 2 months. This could be the beginning of the end of my 10 year + addiction. I dont feel any desire or cravings for it. I dont have to use any willpower to abstain from it. I dont know if this is a byproduct of using LTU6 for a year or the TID effects of OFv3.

Just imagine someone who has been carrying alot of weight on their shoulders and then suddenly one day they realised they no longer need to carry it. They just drop it. Thats what it feels like to me. A shedding away of something that you no longer need and its a natural process which doesnt require any force. Its liberating.

Day 4/180 REST

Had a dream about working in a chemistry lab, experimenting with hydrochloric acid. My mate decided to dip his index finger into the flask and it slowly started to burn away. He didn't even flinch, there was no fear. We both observed this finger being eaten away as if it wasn't even a big deal.

Perhaps subliminals work the same way. They erode parts of your identity which no longer serve you. You can make this process easier by just observing it. Dont resist it... Let it fall away naturally and surrender to the process.

"The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance." - Alan Watts

Day 5/180

I have increased the number of clicks from 10 to 12 on my portable loud speaker.

Also, I feel like doing an extra loop tonight.

Day 6/180

I am noticing a very subtle shift to my perspective towards challenges and fears. Its very hard to put this into words. The best way that I can describe it is that, I am more welcoming and willing to embrace discomfort and fear in the pursuit of a worthy goal. I think that I am morphing into a care free persona which is exactly what I need at this time of my life.

Several examples come to mind...

- The thought of calling my boss and asking for a salary raise doesnt seem to scare me as much as I thought.
- Travelling to another country as a digital nomad feels rather exciting to me.
- Being the introvert that I am and the thought of forcing myself to go out and socialise doesn't feel so daunting.

Day 7/180 REST

Lately my mind has been trying to sabotage me - a clear sign that the sub is working. I started looking up escort services in my area despite not having done so in years. Despite several urges, I decided to not go along with it. That money will be better spent on seeing a therapist or life coach.

Lying in bed last night a thought came to my head - "I can't keep living like this anymore, I need to leave my comfort zone and do something challenging". I get thoughts like that sometimes, but this one was much stronger.

Something really profound is happening and I can't exactly put my finger on it. I am definitely letting go of some shit that I no longer need.

Day 8/180 REST

The cloud seems to have passed, I feel much better today. Just did a 1-hour meditation and that felt great. I realized that the secret to a good meditation session is to surrender to everything that arises in your experience and to let go of any preconceived notions of how the meditation should or shouldn't be.

I am pleased that my nighttime terrors have ceased to exist for a number of months now. They started just over a year ago when I began LTU6. I was literally waking up with panic attacks on a daily basis. I became scared of the dark. I am glad that shit is behind me now and can have a restful night's sleep.

I have been contemplating what I want to do with my life but have no clear answers. The idea of just coasting by and attending a 9-5 is really unsettling to me. What am I here to do really? I think about this question every single day now. LTU6 was trying to show me something, but my scared little self had none of it, hence why I switched to OF for now.

Day 9/180

Something happened to my phone during the night which stopped the subliminal from running. When I looked at it in the morning the timer was paused at 23 min. Ill, therefore, have to run 1 loop during the day. Since it is only 1 loop of 1 hour this will be rather convenient.

Day 10/180 - 2 loops | Silent | FLAC

For the past few days I've been contemplating for 20-30min, asking a very simple question: What is my true purpose in life? I came accross this article which explains how to do it:

https://stevepavlina.com/blog/2005/01/ho...0-minutes/

As I sat on my bed last night, it suddenly hit me... My true purpose in life is to figure out what life is and to understand the fundamental nature of reality. What followed was a fountain of tears and a remarkable sense of relief. If I think about it now, it makes perfect sense. There is, really, not much else to do here but to figure out this maze. Everything else is merely a distraction, a mind game - atleast for me.

Day 11/180 - REST

In the last few days my mind has been rather foggy. I struggled to speak clearly or have engaging conversations and especially today, I feel mentally exhausted. I dont have a desire to do much but to lay in bed. It's not so clear as to why this is the case. It could be that the subconscious is working hard to process those instructions. A more likely cause would be that I am just tired from a long ass work week and the poor sleep I had on Saturday has compounded that tiredness.

Despite the above, I happen to notice another positive but very subtle effect from this sub. Its basically this feeling that I can do something and there will be nothing that can stop me. It's as if I can now stand on some solid ground and not worry too much about falling off. 

An example that comes to mind is travelling. For as long as I could remember, the thought of travelling solo made me feel kinda scared.  This no longer seems to be the case or atleast not as much. Sure, the mind can still conjure up scenarios where things could go wrong and that might make me think twice, but, it just doesn't bother me as much.

In my experience with using subs, the results you get from them are not entirely obvious. The results usually manifest in very subtle ways and it requires self awareness and introspection to notice them. For some reason I am able to pick up on them much more easily using OF than I did with LTU6. I wonder is that because OF is much more powerful or is it because OF is much more specific and has less modules allowing the mind to work in a very concentrated way on just one thing - removing fear.

Day 12/180 - REST

Last night I struggled to fall asleep and stay asleep. Frustrating! I noticed some mild fear arising and felt like running a loop to see what would happen but I didn't follow through with it.

I also had a dream that I wanted to become a professional writer and that I would spend the rest of my life writing books. I then took a university degree as suggested by my sister.

During my morning meditation, I got a call from a therapist I tried to contact over the weekend. I am very pleased to be seeing her this week. I want to dive into my childhood and make sense of the survival challenges I faced and how they shaped me into the person I am today.