I've been experiencing GERD since yesterday and I know is because of anger just like when I was a teenager, it even woke me up at night and was hurting pretty damn much not to mention I've been angry more frequently, I'll take it as to switch to E5 so this is the last post, hope E5 won't trigger more symptoms.
Actually this is the last post, but I'm completely sure what the real cause of tinnitus is, and it was something I always had in front of me but refused to confront, no idea when this started but likely all day my mind or inner voice is like what if I got sick? what if I got cancer? what if I'm kidnapped? what if, what if, and the list continue so my reaction is always trying to deny it or convince me that's not gonna happen but this is the first time I have confronted it, what if I got sick? yeah and?, what if I got cancer? aha, what if I'm kidnapped? sure men, I just stopped trying to resist and accept it all, now guess who's dizzy again? that's right me, and what does that have to do with tinnitus, it was caused by my inner voice always conflicting in my mind, right now I don't hear it but no idea if it will return, in any case this is something that has caused me way more troubles than the heart's fear, yeah it was overthinking or suppositions getting wild, now I'm dizzy but I no longer care if something as that happens to me, I wish for my mind and ears to have been eased at last.
Quick edit: I just realized my inner voice appears to be on the right side of my head (don't ask how I just feel it), then that just confirms it, why tinnitus is on the right side and why is that strong.
In the end I didn't leave OF, I have discovered new things though, what I fear most as a kid was the verbal abuse from my grandfather always snapping at me for whatever stupid reason, now the old man is unable to do a thing but the fear remained and my ear is still mad, curiously the right ear is the one that perceives voices better and guess what, tinnitus is not longer the main issue, I noticed a few days ago my hearing is getting worse on the right ear and I'm unable to sleep properly when using the subliminal at that time, if it's not my mind feeling depressed or with fear it's a muscle cramp on my foot (that doesn't happen in days off), now I'm very pissed off with all the people who bad mouthed me, but seeing the old man condition makes me think he's suffering enough already.
I hope UH can help with my ear getting worse in case it gets even worse.
For some reason my subconscious is fearful of getting sick that it caused symptoms as a flu was happening and right now my throat feels like throwing out just a little.
I recall I mentioned something about my right ear behaving weird, something about getting hypersensitive (hearing a whistle pretty high while my hearing diminished for a few seconds), now it happens on my left ear and today tinnitus was more loud, I wonder what my brain is doing with the ears.
Today is a living hell, woke up with tinnitus on both ears pretty loud triggering fear, causing my head to hurt including my left ear, my mind got obsessed with the left ear and it's annoying, I swear I will use UH once is released, I just can't take it anymore.
In the end tinnitus faded as if it was upset or something, except the one of the right.
Today fear played me a good one, I was terrified from getting covid even when I knew the odds for that to happen were most likely 0%, it tricked me into thinking I couldn't breathe or my throat closing off and for a few second I could feel that way, but in fact I was breathing just fine and my throat wasn't that bad (it started to ache after fear got triggered), so I used OF because my body was already trembling, after 2 hours the symptoms faded and now I feel just fine, but now left tinnitus is greeting me again as saying: you used OF again motherf*****, just when I thought I could have some rest from the noisy nights, but if that's the case then my subconscious is getting annoyed? but for what? using hybrid 3 times a day? it was pretty hellish today and for making it worse couldn't sleep yesterday now I'm asking myself if I should buy UH or keep with OF until something better is release, this makes 6 months with OFv1, 4 with OFv2 and 7 with OFv3 and fear just won't end.
Today the fear that leads me to making assumptions seems to be weaker, before I was in my mind like "something is happening with my ear, I'm getting deaf" and today it was "I'm not getting deaf" and that's all, no reply or something of the sort, also noticed one phase of the ear's symptoms is getting the feel of hearing less or going deaf but after some time it's restored, it had happened with my right ear two times and now it's happening with the left ear, the only difference is I'm caring much less than last times, before my mind was thinking the worst and my hearing got worse but now it's like I don't care, of course I still feel my hearing is less than usual but is not getting worse, maybe I'm getting to the bottom of fear and this sh*t can finally end because it has lasted too long and I'm getting tired of dealing with it, in fact I'm already tired, that's why I don't give a damn.
I just remembered when I started using subliminals especifically ultrasonic, because of high volume and being careful about it for some reason I was always wary if my hearing was fine, this was way before OF and for that reason I don't use ultrasonic, but now that I think about it the fear that is messing with my ears maybe is the same which made use hybrid in the first place, and what's the result from that? nothing, my hearing never got any worse for using ultrasonic (when I used it), well there's another reason and that's my obsession about playing subliminals with the perfect sound, I did buy expensive sound cards, expensive headphones, expensive earphones, and even worrying about drivers, software and stuff like that, now I wonder if that's another fear.
In the end my hearing on the left ear got recovered after feeling extremely dizzy for a few seconds (I swear it felt as losing balance when stood up) and now tinnitus is getting noisy again and so the getting-deaf-fear, I just don't understand why is so obsessed with that.
I finally undestand, the one who is keeping those fears from leaving is myself, and here I thought the job was mostly done but I forgot something even more important, for making it short in my childhood I got afraid of what people said of me especially because I'm fat (I don't know when this started because my family told me I was slender in kindergarten I think, and it's kind of weird how no matter what diet or exercise I do my belly just keep being bloated, nothing hormonal also) so since that moment I got obsessed with hidding it you know tightening the belly and it became normal to me so didn't realize until now I kept doing it and stopped, then this thinking crossed my mind: "what people will say about me if they see me like this" fear included so I just thought this is kind of similar to denying fears to leave and also strains my body so from now on even if it hurts as hell I will stop doing that and give a damn about what people say, I think this is the last phase so I will give it my all and overcome it.
This is the 4th day since I stopped using OF and it's quite comfortable if I have to say, maybe I was truly overloading my subconscious, my body doesn't feel anxious or strained anymore, symptoms have been triggered but they're very smooth, even tinnitus soothed a bit (if it fades completely I will feel like an idiot), a symptom that rarely appears is pain in my right testicle, it's not common and most of the times only last a couple of minutes but this time lasted hours (right now is fine), never got a clue why this happen apart from the time when it was hurting pretty bad, enough to trigger fear (this only happen with OFv3).
Even my dizziness felt like a walk, I guess it's time to say goodbye to hybrid.
Hi User_000,
did you try the meditation exercise for tinnitus? I think it could help you.
Tried but it's like ignoring it then comes back later, kind of weird, some days is stronger and some quiet, I don't know if the main cause is related to the body, something emotional or whatever but at least I can live with it.
Also this is the last post because I switched to E5 (pretty amazing, my body doesn't feel anger, still frustated though, today I started to watch psychological and neurological videos and having some dreams about my highschool), before doing it I could feel my negativity arising or maybe it was depression so on that note it's time to overcome emotional sh*t.