Subliminal Talk

Day 149

I don't know exactly how long it has been going on, but I find lately that I'm able to detect plot twists early in in TV shows, movies, etc. My wife has always had this impressive ability, but I lacked it. Not any more. My theory is that my mind used to filter out information that it didn't want me to consciously see because of fear. I'm not sure what that fear was, but it has apparently been dealt with. The same phenomenon extends to other things outside of entertainment, but I won't go into all that.

The lens I'm looking at the world through is much clearer than it has ever been. The result is that I'm gaining wisdom and enhancing my intuition. I'm eager to see how this carries over and is further developed in the financial direction with UMSv3 in the not too distant future.

Day 159

Lately, I've been feeling like an exposed nerve. I feel like my protective armor has been stripped away. That's probably why my antisocial tendencies and irritability are at an all time high.

OFv3 has dissolved quite a bit of who I thought I was. It has done a really good job of dismantling the "old guard" so that the foundation feels close to bare. I'm eager to see what UMSv2 (and other subs) are capable of building there.

Day 159 (cont'd)

The entry above is the first entry in a very long time where I started the post with one mindset (angry) and ended on a positive note.  The two mini-paragraphs took ~45min to type because the act of expressing myself in written word helped me to gain insights. Those insights, in turn, helped me to release some of my inner turmoil.

I need to get back to regular journaling. I used to do this daily offline. I had forgotten how helpful it can be.

Day 168

After reading a post by @Kol, I realized that the fierce underlying anger I've experienced for months has pretty much disappeared. It had become so normal to me that I had forgotten that it was there. I can't pinpoint any time or day that it disappeared. It's possible that it was gradual. In any case, I didn't recognize it being overcome.

Kol mentioned sovereignty autonomy, boundaries, etc. His experience mirrors mine. OFv3 has shown me that not only have I been driven by fear, but the vast majority of people I encounter daily are driven by it as well. It has also shown me that fear is used to manipulate people into submission. It seems that a large portion of the people I encounter would rather give up their individual wants, desires, goals, etc. to be part of a herd that couldn't care less about them. As this becomes clearer to me with each passing day, I find myself appreciating the depths of my own individuality. The result is that I'm taking back the power I gave to the herd (and its 'leaders') to begin with.

Having established that background, I can only imagine what AM7 (6G) could build in place of the fear that OFv3 has dismantled. I believe it would be the perfect compliment to an OFv3 run.

As a side note, my boss used me as an example in a meeting. The example was of someone whose actions back their words versus someone talking a good game but being full of shit. The specific example he gave was a direct result of OFv3 allowing me to become rooted in myself.

As another side note, I had a gentleman (term used loosely) who physically deferred to me regarding space multiple times a few days ago. This guy is a gym rat, larger in me in both height, shoulder width, arm measurements, etc. He's also a bit of a dick. When I say he physically deferred to me, I mean that he made space for me multiple times when we were in close proximity. While doing this, he also called me by name and invited me to partake in the events that were taking place although I was already a part of them. It's like he wanted me to know that he wasn't standing in my way. These were pheromone-like responses (although I wasn't wearing pheromones) and it was almost comical considering who this guy is. This is an example of someone being respectful of (and possibly somewhat intimidated by inner groundedness). I've noted in other posts that I often see this with my boss. They see that I don't need, or even want, their approval.

Day 174

I'm closing in on the end if my run. I'll probably type up a brief summary on day 180 or soon after. For now  I'm feeling very raw. Fear helped me to present a faux polished appearance to the world. That's gone. Only rawness is left. That doesn't work well in a politically correct,  manipulative, corporate environment where lies, incompetence, and general subservience is the norm (and is often rewarded). I'm eager to start UMSv2 very soon. In the meantime,  I'm doing my best to not get myself fired. My tolerance for this bullshit has never been lower.

Day 176

This will be the last post of my OFv3 run.

Summary

At the time of this post, I've run OFv3 for the prescribed 6 months minus five days (no loops tonight). As a precursor to OFv3, I ran OFv2 for 2 months. By comparison, OFv3 was vastly superior to OFv2 in terms of smoothness and results. OFv3's tech is the first generation of tech that led me to believe that resistance can truly be overcome with enough exposure.

I've been consistently anti-social and a bit moody while running OFv3. I'm the type of person that has never required much social interaction. Throughout my life, social interactions have been a result of a sense of obligation toward making those around me feel comfortable. The sense of obligation must've been tied to some fear, possibly that of how I'm perceived. Now, it's gone. I'm extremely comfortable with silence. I don't offer the obligatory smile when someone speaks. I just respond naturally. Interestingly, it seems to garner more respect. I suppose that's because it comes from a genuine place. I really don't care what most people think. I just am.

I've had to exercise a lot of discipline lately. Without fear having me walk a thin line, I have a strong tendency to speak my mind when I open my mouth. Fortunately, it hasn't gotten me in any trouble at work...yet.

OFv3 has managed to  unwind and dissolve much of the fear I've built my life on. Fear has been so interwoven into the fabric of my life that without it, a significant portion of my identity is gone. It's an odd feeling. I don't feel any real restraint, but I also don't feel driven. Again, I just am. That's the best that I can explain it. 

I've become more honest with what I don't want. I feel like I need to make some drastic changes although I'm not exactly sure what direction to take. I believe that some of the issues can at least partially be addressed through monetary success, so I'm happy that I'm about to start that adventure.

The UMS-series subs had never appealed to me prior to running OFv3. Looking back at my journal, I can see that I became interested as far back as Day 11. OFv3 has revealed to me just how stuck I've felt in my career and just how badly I despise it on multiple levels. It currently is (and has been for some time now) the biggest source of frustration for me in my life. Prior to OFv3, I felt like I was chained up in a dark room. Now I feel like the chains have been removed and I simply need to find to door. As I stated above, UMSv2 will be my next sub and I'm eager to see where it will lead me.

I'll journal my UMSv2 experience but it will be offline. As Shannon has stated, silence is golden. That has come very naturally to me lately. Even them journaling is important. It provides a snapshot of where we are at a particular point in time. I've read through some of the earlier posts in this journal and it amazes me how different I currently am than I was then. My words, my sentence structure, my tone, the mindset it all reflected...it's completely different now. I'm not scared. I'm not hopeful. I'm not pessimistic. I'm not optimistic. I just am.

Although I won't have an online journal, I'll be regularly checking in on the forum. I followed the forum long before I joined and I'm not going anywhere. I enjoy seeing each of you make progress. I don't always post, but I'm always pulling for you guys. Keep at it. I didn't always have my inbox set to receive private messages, but I changed that recently. If any of you need anything from me, give me a holler.

A big thank you goes to @Shannon  for the blood, sweat, and tears that went into developing OFv3 (and @CatMan for lobbying for its release). The tech in OFv3 was a huge leap forward. Although I'm glad my run is coming to an end, OFv3 has done one hell of a job in preparing me for the next phase of my personal development journey. I look forward to the release of 6G titles. I fully intend to support you long into the future.

That's a fantastic post, man. I really deeply enjoyed reading it. I'm so happy for you!

Thanks for the shout out, I was positive OF V2 and OF V3 would benefit many lives. This is awesome to see!

All the best going forward man.

Great journal. Been reading as I'm 5 weeks into OFv3 myself, and like you I suddenly want to run UMS after never having been focused on money prior. Crazy stuff. I never would have agreed I had fear-related blocks relating to money/success, but it looks like I was wrong.